


Five Stages

by So_Ginelle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Acceptance, Anger, Angst, Ask before reading, Bargaining, But I also love OiSuga, But so do all of the other stages, Character Death, Comfort, Crescendo, Denial, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional pain, Five Stages of Grief, Funeral, Healing, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am so sorry, I don't think I blame him really, I really had to do this, It had been planned out for a couple of years now, M/M, Major Character Injury, Moping around, Multi, Other, Pain, Read at Your Own Risk, Sex, Smut, The depression gets bad, Triggers, angsty, five stages, i love daisuga, i love iwaoi, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-08-06 20:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 141,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16394303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/So_Ginelle/pseuds/So_Ginelle
Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa were starting to drift apart in their relationship, but Iwa realizes that the reason is because Oikawa needsmore. When Iwa finds his lover more in the form of a man named Sugawara Koushi, things become a little more complicated than necessary, but it feels like it might just all work out. After a tragic accident that leaves all the parties broken and devastated, Suga has to take care of Oikawa and get him through the next part of his life. Things get crazy, but Suga deals with it the best way he can and Oikawa realizes that he never really needed more, he just needed to be loved more thoroughly.





	1. Stage Zero - Crescendo (Part A)

**Author's Note:**

> For all of my dedicated readers for this fic, and to the new followers that I will potentially gain, I want to give you all a shout out. You stuck by me through thick and thin with this one and I can never thank you enough. Personal things happened in my life with this fic, and there is absolutely a reason that I am resubmitting this fic once more. But you all have been incredible for even stopping by this fic and giving me confidence to continue.
> 
> To all of my new readers, I want to thank you for stopping by and I can promise you, this is not going to be only fourteen chapters long and I will not leave it where it is. I just have yet to write the rest, but I plan on putting it back into my bi-weekly writing schedule.
> 
> I want to thank some people for sticking by me with this. For one, I want to thank Dakato and Electra. You two have listened to me rant about this more than once (maybe not you, Electra, but definitely Dakato) and I know I have come to you both about this fic. It's been a roller coaster.
> 
> I also want to thank Tiffany, AKA my lovely and personal Oikawa, who has filled in for me and has convinced me that I don't need to think about the struggles I'm having. You've been more than enough and even though you much prefer IwaOi, I appreciate that you tolerated me through this OiSuga.
> 
> Finally, I want to thank my lovely child and friend, Ash. You've been a help and I know I've cried with you over the personal things with this fic, and we've had ranting sessions over this so many times. I want you to know how much I appreciate you and I love you, child. xx
> 
> Anyway, this was reposted from the original that I had been posting. It's not a new fic, not at all. Hell, I started posting it back last November, if that tells you anything. Anyway, please enjoy this. I'm sure I will have this finished in a couple more months, tops.

A crescendo is generally a musical term, which by definition means to increase in volume or sound within a musical piece. That being said, it could also apply to non-musical things, such as voices that are talking and the voices begin to increase in strength and loudness. With this knowledge, though, it could also apply to non-musical things and non-human items, such as an object that just happens to make sound and the sound grows in volume.

While it is not a dictionary definition, there is something to be said about emotional crescendos. Emotions change all the time and one may think that an emotion is getting stronger or weaker. With an emotion growing, though, changes over time and could possibly become a ‘louder’ or a heavier emotion. Whatever the case may be, a crescendo applies to music and it applies to non-musical items, whether it be something with a physical form, or a human emotion. Emotions could be compared to music, in a sense. Music does produce emotions, after all.  
\----------  
_How great is music? Personally, I think music is just great! I can sing along as loud and as out of tune as I want, I can dance as much as possible as if no one is watching, and music can tell a story, even without words! To be honest, my boyfriend is not as much of a music fanatic as I am, but I wish he loved it more. There are times that I have to bite my tongue though when I catch him dancing along to a catchy song and there are times I pretend not to be listening when he is singing to a song in the shower. But Iwa, don’t pretend not to love music just for my sake. Music is love, just like that one guy we see in the halls at school and have to share in one different class each!_  
\----------  
This was more than just unexpected. It was a term that some may enjoy, but others find absolutely and utterly repulsive. It was a surprise and Suga did not exactly enjoy things of the sort. Sure, he could enjoy a surprise if he was expecting it. For example, if it was his birthday or a holiday, that was when he could enjoy a surprise. Maybe he could enjoy a surprise if he had a feeling one was coming, like an unexpected guest or a spice in a food he wasn’t expecting. Those weren’t exactly surprises, but that was when Suga could enjoy them. Unexpected or unapproved though? Those were not things that Suga could like or even pretend to enjoy.

This surprise came so fast that Suga could not put a finger on when exactly it had happened. It had to happen in the most current semester of school, right? Suga was the type of person to keep to himself for the most part in college. He had friends and his personality was the type of personality that everyone wanted a part of in their life. It sure wasn’t easy being Suga. But the boy didn’t consider everyone he was friendly and nice to as a friend. But the current guys he was involved with, they just would not take no for an answer. That was something they would have to learn, or they would have to cut Suga completely out of their life.

The thing was, when Suga tried his hardest to remember his life without the pair of boys he was currently involved with, he had trouble pinpointing an exact moment or a time when he was not friends with them. The silvery-haired blonde wasn’t sure if it could have been just a simple and delightful conversation in class with the spike-haired one with the dark hair in their English class, or if it was the arguments and heated debates in his debate class with the brown and slightly wavy haired one. This was a mystery and it was stumping Suga, but he still had to solve it, even if it got him killed.

Debate class had been an eventful one today, but Suga had taken a few steps out of the classroom after the class had ended and began rubbing his temple because he was beginning to get a headache. It wasn’t just because of the class where he led the debates on one side, though. The headache was forming because of the mess he realized he was getting himself far too invested in.

Sugawara had continued to walk, but he was quickly caught off guard and someone had caught up to him in a very speedy manner. This person had stopped abruptly in front of Suga and made him stop walking, which was more than just an inconvenience to him. People had to walk around them and Suga was not one that liked to be in the way. It was honestly quite the commotion, but the male had reached out to take Suga’s elbow and he pulled Suga to the wall of the hallway, where they were less in the way. At least people could stop making faces at them and could stop cursing them for standing in the middle of the walkway.

“So tell me, what exactly do you want? I mean, you could probably try your hardest to humiliate me outside of the classroom, but that probably won’t go the way you want it to go either. But you did put on quite a show today.” This was Suga’s way of flirting and teasing. He also gave a smile, which was full of teasing and the same attitude he had given in class that day. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but Suga leaned up against the wall the Oikawa was leaning against in order to support his weight. He was holding himself up against the wall, but he wasn’t leaned like Suga was currently.

Suga waited for Oikawa – the brown-haired male from his debate class – to respond or to answer him back. But instead of giving him a verbal answer, he let out a musical laugh that ended up confusing Suga more and he even smiled, which honestly threw Suga for a loop. What was Oikawa up to? Oikawa Tooru was a catch and he wanted to embarrass Suga in the classroom, but that was it.

“While I want to humiliate you very badly in class like you have done to me a number of times, I have absolutely no intention of humiliating you out of the classroom. Well, unless you want me to embarrass you out of class, in which case I have to wonder what kind of boy you are, Suga,” Oikawa said. In all truthfulness, Oikawa could probably humiliate Suga in class tomorrow if he wanted to. Not that Oikawa knew that, but Suga was not exactly prepared for the debate in class the following day.

Suga changed his tone and let his smile drop. “Okay, so what else do you want?” Suga was much softer this time around, which he figured he needed to be at a time like this. If it wasn’t about class, what exactly could it be about?

Now was the time to be playful, apparently. Oikawa tapped his chin rapidly with his pointer finger as if he was deep in thought, but Suga was not buying into the act for one fraction of a second. “Oh! That’s right, how could I forget? That was beyond silly of me. Anyway, I have a question for you and I would like an answer. I would like to invite you to a party. The party is tonight and there will be alcohol and such if you feel like bringing any. The other thing is, my boyfriend will be there, but I think you might already know him,” Oikawa said and Suga felt as if his world had come to a halting stop. Oikawa smiled a bit more and tilted his head. “He also wanted me to invite you because he thought it was a good idea, but he wasn’t sure how to ask you.”

So this was what it was about. Suga wasn’t sure what to think at that point and he hummed quietly, trying his best to collect his thoughts and put them in some sort of order. Wasn’t Oikawa standing just a little close to Suga and being far too friendly to Suga if he had a boyfriend? There was something that just wasn’t adding up or making any sense to Suga and he had too much of a headache to try to figure it out at the moment. “You have a boyfriend. That’s fine, honestly, but I do have a follow up question. Could I ask who your boyfriend is?” Suga quieted down his voice and tried not to look at Oikawa, but it was just a bit hard when he was having a conversation with the boy.

There was a dramatic pause and Suga could feel it. The pause wasn’t short, nor was it an accidental pause, but Oikawa had used this exact moment to stare into Suga’s eyes and check out his facial expression. Letting out a sigh that was a bit louder than intended, Oikawa took a deep breath and looked away from Suga’s face as he pointed across the hall.

It wasn’t as if Suga was expecting to know the person, but it was more than a shock to discover that he did know who Oikawa was dating. The male that was standing there was Iwaizumi – the spiky-haired male – from his English class and Suga was stunned. Iwaizumi waved just barely and gave a half-hearted smile that Suga knew he could put more feeling behind if he tried. So Oikawa was dating Iwaizumi, huh? Well, this wasn’t fun anymore, nor was it very innocent. Suga felt absolutely horrible and he wanted to hide his face, but he knew better. This was troublesome and Suga was going to be in a world of hurt. “So, are you in Koushi?”

Here was a prime example of how the two would not take no for an answer. Usually, Suga only had to deal with one of the two and they would tease or fight in a playful manner until Suga agreed to do what the other wanted. But now, he was dealing with both of them and he was feeling a bit trapped and cornered. Suga sighed and he actually had to think, unlike Oikawa who was only pretending to be thinking when he initially asked Suga his question.

This was giving Suga even more of a headache than he already had, but he blinked a few times and finally gave an answer. “I have a ton of homework to catch up on and only have tonight and tomorrow left to do it still. But if this party doesn’t interfere with my schoolwork and I can still walk in the morning, well… sure. I will go to the party if it will make the two of you happy to have me there,” Suga said. There was no telling at the moment what the two of them had planned, but Suga did not have a very good feeling about this.

Once Suga gave his answer, Oikawa seemed to be more than thrilled and far too excited to have such an answer. It frightened Suga a little and he was honestly not used to being treated in such a way. The taller male reached out to give Suga a hug and he held on tightly, but Suga was not expecting such a thing and he was a little scared about what Iwaizumi might think. Giving into the sensation, Suga finally hugged Tooru back. He wanted to let go and he tried, but Oikawa dragged the hug out far too long and Suga was even more concerned about what his boyfriend could possibly do in a situation like this. He could become jealous and Suga might never hear the end of it, or Suga could end up dead. Either way, this situation would not turn out well.

Rushing across the hall, Oikawa had finally let go of Suga who had let himself fill up with relief before he realized that Tooru had gone to tell Iwaizumi the news. It was good news for Oikawa, but it was giving Suga more reason to be at a loss.

There was one thing for certain though, and that was if Suga was feeling uneasy about Iwaizumi becoming jealous, he would find out in the next class if he angry or not. Suga hoped to anything listening or any spiritual powers out there that we was not jealous like Suga had a feeling he would be. If Suga thought that Iwaizumi was something to stress over and worry about at first, he wondered what a jealous and angry Iwaizumi was like to deal with. It was the last thing that Suga wanted, but he would find out soon enough.

When Suga walked into the English classroom, he saw only a few students were in there and he wanted to walk out to wait for Iwaizumi to get there so Suga could avoid sitting next to him if at all possible, but he knew for a fact he was being too much of a wimp and just decided to go in. While Suga usually had a preferred seat – in the middle of the class and in perfect range for the professor to call on – he changed it up and sat in the back this time so he couldn’t be as noticed and was likely to be sitting next to the students that just wanted to pass this class.

More students started to come in and Iwaizumi was just chatting it up with another fellow classmate before he looked up and realized that Suga wasn’t sitting in his usual seat. He was sitting in the back and nearly all of the seats around Suga were taken, but Iwaizumi found a way to sit right next to Suga. This was when the silvery-blonde one began cursing himself because he wanted Iwaizumi to find another seat. He wanted to be left alone for this class, but Suga just couldn’t win.

Iwaizumi gave a charming smile to Suga as he glanced in his direction and Suga sighed to himself as he looked back and gave the same half-hearted smile that Iwaizumi had given him in the hall. This was exactly what Suga had been referring too. Iwaizumi was giving more effort into the smile now than he had given when Oikawa was around and this was just far too puzzling. That was when Iwaizumi made a face of confusion and Suga was praying that the professor would show up shortly. “Is something wrong?” Iwaizumi asked quietly and that prompted a sigh from Suga. He had a feeling that this was coming and it wasn’t exactly a surprise, but he wished it could have waited.

The thing was, Suga did not exactly want to look up at that moment, but Iwaizumi was doing a good job of forcing Suga to look upwards and at Iwaizumi. Once Iwaizumi had placed his hand on Suga’s neck and guided him to look at him, it got a recoiling flinch out of Suga. This was a very good time for Suga to freak the fuck out, because class had yet to start. “If you must know, yes. There is something wrong, but I’d honestly rather not do this here. Can it wait until after class?” Suga asked in a hushed, but harsh whisper. Iwaizumi had nodded and pulled his hand away, still curious about what was wrong.

The professor had ended up being late and had apologized to the students, but this was the very first time she had been late, unlike a few of Suga’s other teachers. When she had finally gotten settled and the homework due for that class was handed in, the professor began to explain what they would be doing in class that day. It required to everyone to partner up first and it just seemed like Suga was not having a lucky day, or so it seemed. The exercise was to act out just a small portion of the book they were reading in class and she had given separate portions to everyone.

Once Suga realized there was absolutely no use in finding another partner, he looked up to Iwaizumi who had been looking at him and gave him a nod. Iwaizumi gave him a look of relief because neither of them could have found another partner if they tried, so this was the best option out there. Suga was willing to work with Iwaizumi, but it would be just a little bit awkward now.

It wasn’t that Iwaizumi or Suga wanted to disobey orders, but the two of them would rather be talking about other things at a time like this. But Suga knew better and he had convinced Iwaizumi to work on the little assignment at hand for just a bit. At least, Suga wanted to work on this little acting thing until the teacher had finished going around checking up on the students. He was hoping that it would last until the end of class, but there seemed to be no luck there. The thing was though, she wasn’t too terribly worried about either Iwaizumi or Sugawara, since they had the best grades in the class, but she did come to check on them as they worked. She had absolutely no advice and she was just there to tell them to keep up the good work.

Once the teacher had gone back to her desk and she had begun to grade essays, both of the boys had decided it was a safe time to talk about what Suga had been so bothered about. It was a safe time, but Suga decided to wait until the class volume had picked up before he would speak because he didn’t want any of their classmates to pick up on what they were talking about. Once Suga had looked at Iwaizumi and had given him a little nod, Iwaizumi sighed. “So are we actually going to do this?”

Now was the time for Suga to nod and close his eyes. He took a breath before he opened them and continued. “Yes. You asked me what was wrong, or if there really was something wrong, and I think I should give you an honest answer. So yes, there is something wrong and I will explain.” To be completely fair, Suga had no idea what was wrong or how to give an explanation to Iwaizumi, but he knew that it was something with the way Sugawara was being treated by Oikawa and Iwaizumi. “To start things off, I am more than flattered that the two of you wanted to invite me along to the party. I am also very thankful that Oikawa had asked because I am doing nothing tonight other than homework. Also, I am more than grateful to have met the two of you because my parents were getting on my case about making more friends and they will be thrilled to hear that I have made a few. But…”

There was a dramatic sigh that left Iwaizumi’s lips and he bowed his head, closing his eyes as he shook his head. “I knew it. I told him this wouldn’t work and I knew it would end up this way,” Iwaizumi said under his breath and Suga made a face.  
“I’m sorry, but what wouldn’t work? What am I missing?” Suga asked and Iwa let out faked and forced laugh that anyone would have recognized at this point.

This was more than confusing by now, and anyone would have been lost, but Suga wasn’t just anybody. “You’re not missing anything, Koushi. It was just my stupidity, along with Oikawa’s. Don’t tell him I said that though,” Iwa had said which got more of a face out of Suga.

That last statement had left Sugawara even more confused than before and his head had begun pounding at that point. It didn’t take much longer, but the professor had rose to her feet and began to pass back essays she had been grading. Once again, Suga’s was a perfect score and Iwa’s paper had very minor mistakes. The entire class began to talk about their grades before the teacher had wandered back up to the front of the class and began to speak.

“To be honest, I was very impressed by those essay grades. That being said though, your next paper will be to find an important quote from the book we are reading and to interpret it in a way as you see fit. But along with that, it needs to be a quote that can be used in today’s society and I am expecting examples of how the quote can be used today. The paper should be ten pages in length and I am giving you two weeks to do it.” That produced a few groans, but Suga just sniggered under his breath and turned his attention back to the teacher.

She was not finished speaking, which was a surprise to some students. “Along with the essay assignment I just gave you, the papers I just gave back were amongst some of the best I have seen. But with that in mind, I am going to assign all of you to make revisions to the paper and prepare a speech for next week. That is all I have for the class today. You are all dismissed and I will see everyone tomorrow,” she said and everyone in the class had started to move, except for a few. There were a few females in the class that had gone up to the teacher and had asked her about the next essay assignment, but Suga and Iwaizumi were waiting their turn, which was a common occurrence for the two of them.

Iwaizumi decided to go first, since he thought it wouldn’t be wise to keep Oikawa hanging around for too long. All he really wanted to know was how he could make adjustments to his essay. The professor had given him a few hints and suggestions and that had gotten the gears turning in Iwaizumi’s brain before he thanked her and went back to collect his things. Suga had gotten up next and the professor was already expecting him to come up. “Hello Sugawara, how can I assist you?” He had already put his essay away, but he had taken out a private essay he had been working on and the teacher was rather impressed that he had finished it so quickly. She had only assigned it to him a few days ago, since he wanted to improve his essay writing skills.

“Also, there is something else I want you to know. I know this is completely unlike me and I don’t like it one bit, but there is a chance that I might not be in class tomorrow. Is there anything I will be missing as far as notes or assignments go?” Suga asked and the teacher was a little bit in shock.

The thing was, Suga might be perfectly okay to attend class the next day. But he was just being on the cautious side, just in case he was not in class. He had no idea how much he would be drinking tonight and he had no clue if he would feel well enough to attend any of his classes after anything that had been discussed. “Well, I am only assigning more reading for tomorrow, which will be due the beginning of next week. As far as other assignments go, you have nothing to worry about because I wouldn’t want to pile on even more work.” That was a relief, but the teacher smiled to Suga gently. “I would tell you where to read to, but I am sure you are already ahead anyway.”

The professor had gotten a laugh out of Sugawara and he scratched the back of his head because she wasn’t wrong. He was ahead, technically speaking. “Well, I am reading with the class this time, but since you’ve assigned the book, I have read it about three full times? This is my fourth time reading the book through,” Suga had said and now it was the professor’s time to let out a bit of a laugh and touch Suga’s elbow in an encouraging way. Before leaving, the professor had given Suga another separate assignment to work on, which he was more than grateful for and he thanked her before he left.

Once Suga had realized that Iwaizumi had left, Suga was actually surprised and feeling just a little hurt. But he was thankful to have his lunch hour alone and he went outside for some fresh air. He figured that if he cleared his head and if he could take in some fresh air, he could probably find a way to clear himself of this headache. This was becoming concerning, so he made a very quick decision to stop into his next two classes to see his teachers and tell him he wasn’t feeling well enough to go in that day. They gave him a pass and he produced his homework for each of the classes before he went on his way.

It wasn’t very often that Sugawara had spotted Iwaizumi or Oikawa on his lunch hour, but he had spotted them and did just about everything to avoid them. It was no use though because the pair of boys had nearly run over to try and catch up to him. “Hey! We’re going off campus for lunch. Want to join us?” Oikawa asked and Suga shook his head, getting them to both frown. “Why not? You’re such a downer lately and I for one do not like it.”

“Tooru, don’t. He just isn’t feeling well and we should give him space,” Iwaizumi said and Oikawa whined. He actually started to pout and stomp his feet, but that was not the issue for Suga.

The thing that was bothering Suga was the fact that the pair of them were being far too nice to him. Sure, it would be one thing if they wanted to be friends, but Suga had a feeling that they wanted something more and he just couldn’t place a finger on it. “I haven’t told either of you two this before, but I sometimes get bad migraines. I have migraine medicine at home and just need to rest. I will text either of you if I don’t feel well enough to come to the party, but I plan on being there. Deal?” Suga wasn’t lying about the migraine medication because he did get very bad headaches and that was what the doctor thought it was.

Iwaizumi nodded but Oikawa was still pouting. “Well, we don’t have to go to the party. I don’t want your migraine to get worse, Suga,” Tooru said and Suga sighed gently. “Maybe Iwa and I could take care of you? If you would let us and show us were you live, we could definitely take care of you!” Suga wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea, but he was a bit worried to see them in a place he trusted and called his home while he was at school. He was also worried about what might happen in his apartment and he really just wanted to get some rest.

The puppy dog look and pout was definitely something that Tooru had down and Iwaizumi hated it, but for this purpose, he was kind of loving it. If they could see where Suga lived, things would be much better off in the long run. Suga let out another sigh and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, you two can see where I live. But I don’t want you two missing class just to take care of me.” The thing was, Suga probably could have used someone to take care of him, but he was more worried about the habits that they could form.

Oikawa gasped and smiled and Iwaizumi nodded, just allowing Suga to take them to see where he lived. “Actually Suga, we don’t have any further classes for the day. We are all done after lunch. Isn’t that right, Tooru?” Iwaizumi said in a very mature voice and he was the one that Suga was more likely to believe anyway. There wasn’t a doubt in Suga’s mind that they had homework to do, though, and Suga was far too worried about them getting their class assignments done to let them worry about taking care of him.

“We don’t have any more classes! That’s right, Iwa. I love you, thank you for reminding me and my forgetful mind.” This was a game that Oikawa loved to play, but Suga honestly was not enjoying the game.

It took about ten minutes for the pair to walk there and Suga was honestly just a little freaked out for them to see the inside of his apartment. It wasn’t that it was messy, it was that he didn’t want them to judge him for anything he had. It was just him in the apartment so he had no roommates to worry about at the time being, but he was looking for one, which was why he had mail in his mailbox. He shoved it back into the mailbox so neither of them could see it before unlocking the door and allowing the pair to walk in.

Suga followed them in and he watched as they looked around, analyzing Suga’s very personal and private life. They went over to the table by the couch and looked at the pictures he had there, which made him sigh before going to his medicine cabinet and pulling out a bottle of his migraine pills. He took one with a glass of water that he had poured himself and Tooru and Hajime had sounded as if they were having an argument. “Suga, come clear something up for us please. Were you dating someone in highschool?” Iwa had asked and Oikawa smiled gently as Suga came over.

“I am not sure if I am comfortable answering that question. Near the very end, I was dating someone and he and I are still friends to this day. Actually, he is one of the few best friends I have, but we decided to just stay as friends because he was kind of afraid to be gay. His parents are strict, that’s why,” Suga said. He was talking about Sawamura Daichi, whom Suga would probably call up if the pair ever left him alone, but they had no idea who he was talking about.

Oikawa sighed and Iwaizumi laughed, sticking out his tongue just a little. “Okay, so how can we take care of you? Have you eaten anything? I watched you take a pill, but was it the migraine one?” Tooru asked and Suga had nodded. “Okay, so if you had your migraine pill, we should get you ready for bed and we should maybe get you to eat something,” Oikawa had said and Iwaizumi sighed. Oikawa really had no clue about how to take care of someone when they were sick, because it was Iwaizumi who was always taking care of Oikawa.

“Suga, please tell us what you need, if anything, and we can do that for you. If you don’t need anything, we just want to be here incase things take a turn for the worse.” Iwaizumi knew how to take care of people and Oikawa had crossed his arms, letting out just a little huff because Iwa had honestly been more of a help than Suga was anticipating.

There was just a minor pause before Suga nodded and let out a breath. “Actually, the two of you could probably go into my bedroom and pull the comforter back? It’s heavy and I’m feeling rather warm right now. All I need is a sheet to sleep under. Also, Oikawa, could you maybe… carry the glass of water I poured myself into my room and put it on the nightstand I have in there?” That was how the two of them could help and he wanted the pair of them to feel useful, but he didn’t want to push his luck too much. The pair of them went into a room, which turned out to be the bedroom before they decided to check out the other room, which was in fact the bedroom they were looking for.

Suga could have done all of this himself, but it was a game and he was playing the game. He wasn’t sure if he liked the game, but he was part of it at the moment and he wanted to see it through until the end, whether he won or loss. Oikawa had come back out in that time and he had taken the glass of water from Suga, but he let Suga go ahead of him to check out the bedroom the pair of them had prepared.

Suga wasn’t expecting anything more than the comforter to be removed, which was fully pulled off the bed and folded next to it, but the surprise was that Iwaizumi was laying down in bed and Suga backed up into Oikawa, who nearly spilled the water at that point. “Hajime, I know I asked you two to care for me, but… I don’t need someone to lay down with me. I’ll be okay,” Suga said quietly, but Iwaizumi let out a bit of a laugh.

“Come here, you’ll understand what we have planned for you a little bit better,” Iwaizumi said. Suga was frozen on the spot, but he turned his head back to look at Oikawa and that was when he got a nod out of him and a bit of a smile. This was what Suga was worried about and he honestly didn’t want to be caught up in any drama. “We just want to take care of you, Koushi. We can’t take care of you properly if you keep standing there,” Iwa said and Oikawa made a few steps into the room to set the water down.

By the time Tooru had set the water down, Suga could have booked it out of the apartment and decided to leave, never looking back. But Suga sighed gently as he was drawn in and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “I hope neither of you mind, but I only sleep with boxers on. I’m sure it won’t offend either of you, but I just wanted to warn you first,” Sugawara said as he started to take off his shirt. Oikawa took the shirt from Suga, who instructed him to put it in the clothes hamper that Suga had, and he then stripped off his jeans.

Suga was finally undressed and he pulled his legs up, deciding it was time to actually get some rest to try to beat this headache, which was not at all forgiving. Suga was going to pull the sheet up, but Tooru had beaten him to it and had pulled it up to cover him. “Has anyone told you that you have absolutely beautiful skin, Koushi?” Suga was asked and Tooru brought the sheet up to cover the silvery-blonde’s nipples, where he knew Tooru had been staring.

Letting out a yawn, because Suga actually was rather tired after not sleeping so well the night before and the migraine medicine he had just taken, he shook his head. “Maybe my highschool boyfriend did, but that was years ago. I hardly remember our relationship,” he said as he closed his eyes and pulled the sheet up a little. The last thing Suga felt was an arm around him and a kiss to his temple, which should have scared him awake, but he decided to just let it go and he finally went to sleep.

It wasn’t a mistake to get the much needed sleep he was getting, but it was a mistake to fall asleep while Iwaizumi and Oikawa were still in his apartment. It wasn’t that Suga didn’t trust them or didn’t want them to be there, but he was starting to realize the error of his decision by the time he started to wake up. He didn’t realize how long he had slept until he checked the clock on his nightstand and he had taken nearly a four hour nap. His headache was gone and he was back to being a normal temperature. All of that was fine until he realized that his bed was empty and there was noise coming from the living room that Suga was beginning to stress over. Sitting up slowly, Suga reached for the glass of water that Oikawa had brought into his bedroom before taking a few sips and humming gently.

It did not take him long to stand up and come out to the living room to see Iwaizumi discussing something. But they fell silent when Iwaizumi realized that they had company. “Oh hey, how are you feeling, Koushi?” Iwaizumi asked and Oikawa turned his head to look at Suga. Suga didn’t want to interrupt anything, but he noticed that Oikawa seemed to have red-rimmed eyes and he was tearing up a bit. Suga had a sense about these kinds of things and it seemed like they were having an argument.

“I’m feeling better, thank you. My migraine medicine kicked in. Do you two want some privacy? I could go out and get some fresh air or-” Suga was cut off by Oikawa standing and shaking his head, which Suga was used to by now.

It didn’t take long for Oikawa to cross the room and put a finger against Suga’s parted lips. Koushi closed his mouth quickly and swallowed, not sure of how to take this action. “Iwa and I are finished. We don’t need you to do anything, okay? We just want to be sure that you are okay.” It seemed that they were done, but Suga wasn’t sure that Oikawa had been telling the truth. Suga caught onto the glance and the eye roll that he had given and Suga sighed gently as he pulled his head away. Oikawa pulled his finger back and dropped his hand, giving a smile to Suga before he turned back.

“So, Suga, what can we get you or make you to eat? Anything, as long as it can be picked up or as long as we can cook it for you,” Oikawa said and he winked to Suga, who was uncomfortable that he had done such a thing. Apparently Oikawa didn’t have any boundaries and he wished that he did have boundaries, but it clearly didn’t faze him any, neither did it bother him that his boyfriend was literally sitting behind him.

It seemed to be a day for playing games. There was definitely no telling what would happen next, but things seemed to be moving in slow motion at the moment. Suga took another step back and he sighed, looking towards the fridge. “I can cook. It is my apartment, after all. I know the two of you can cook as well, or I assume that you can, but I know where all of the materials are and I know how my kitchen appliances work. I could teach the two of you, but there seems to be a trick to all of them.” That wasn’t exactly a lie, but they were definitely not difficult to get the hang of.

There was a bit of a tension in the air and Oikawa sighed as he went to go sit back down next to Iwaizumi, who had sat up straight and stood up moments after he had sit down. “I’m going to go get some fresh air. I like just about everything, Suga, so please cook anything you feel like. I’m not very hungry, anyway,” Iwaizumi said and Oikawa rolled his eyes in return when Hajime had been looking away. This was a mess and Oikawa was definitely curious, but he wasn’t going to pry into their business if they didn’t want him to.

Watching Iwaizumi leave, Suga let out a little bit of a sigh and he looked to Tooru. Oikawa had shook his head and he rubbed his eyes again. “I am only going to ask you this question once. If you don’t want me to ask again or if you don’t want to tell me, that is fine. But I do want to know why you were crying. I care about you because I consider you to be a friend and I would hope you think of me the same way. So do you want to tell me why you were crying?”

There was a silence tension in the air and Suga turned back around in the kitchen as he started to look through his refrigerator. It was a bit of a scare to feel a pair of arms around his middle though and a head against his shoulder. He didn’t know Oikawa was even capable of putting his head on his shoulder, as Tooru was nearly five inches taller than him. “I do w-want to tell you, but… You may not like it…” He was nearly sobbing at this point, but Suga slowly turned around in his arms and gave the brunette a proper hug. He didn’t want Oikawa to cry, but he had a feeling that the brunette needed this more than he was letting on.

“Listen, Tooru, I don’t care if I don’t like it. All I really care about is that you are okay and you are back to your happy self that we all know.” Suga let Tooru lean into him and the boy was heavy, but Suga was strong and he could hold him up as long as he needed. Oikawa started to cry much harder and Suga had a feeling that this was not going to go so well, but he knew that emotions were not easy to control.

Suga had convinced Oikawa to take a few steps over to the couch and put the cooking on hold for the time being, more concerned about where this crying was going. Oikawa didn’t want to sit, but he finally did and he laid his head down on Suga’s lap. The smaller boy took the opportunity to push his hands through Oikawa’s hair and tried his best to soothe him. “Is it something with Iwa?” Suga asked gently and Tooru nodded, clenching his eyes shut tighter. Suga had hit a nerve and he was a little afraid to find out what it was, but Oikawa clearly was falling apart and Suga was going to be there for him.

“He l-likes you, Suga, but… H-he doesn’t want to do what I want to do…” Oikawa said and this conversation was confusing Suga more and more. He had no idea where this was even going, but he definitely was going to find out. “I didn’t want to tell you this, but… I n-need more and Hajime just… he doesn’t understand. I love him, I do! I love him and I want to stay with him, but I just need more.” Suga took a deep breath and he licked his lips, continuing to rub the top of Oikawa’s head in a very gentle way that was hopefully helping.

This was not Suga’s expertise and he had no idea how to deal with a crumbling relationship like this, but Oikawa needed him and Suga wanted to be there for him. “He’s not enough, is he?” Suga asked and Oikawa shook his head, dripping tears off of his nose and letting them hit Suga’s leg. “Well, if he’s not enough, then maybe you could take a break for a while and see how things go while being apart? I know that it doesn’t seem to work for a lot of people, but maybe you two could beat the odds?” Suga had a feeling that Oikawa wouldn’t like this advice, but Suga had absolutely no idea how to handle a failed relationship.

“No, you d-don’t understand. Suga, I don’t want t-to break up with him, I want…” Oikawa began to sob even more and Suga continued to play with the soft hair in his lap. There was something that Suga wasn’t understanding and he could tell, just by the look on Oikawa’s face and how he was reacting. “We don’t need a break… w-we need… I’m polysexual…” Oikawa said in a whisper and Suga blinked, trying to recall what exactly that term meant. He had heard it in science class and he had heard it in seminars before. He had also heard it used at a pride festival before, but he was not completely sure what it meant.

Oikawa began to cry harder and Suga continued to play with his hair, but he moved one of his hands down to Oikawa’s chest to give the boy something to hold onto. This was what Suga was dealing with and it gave him a bit of a scare. What did it mean for their relationship? “Being polysexual is completely valid and I am sure that Iwa can accept you for who you are. But I am not exactly familiar with that term, so do you think you could inform me on exactly what it is?” Suga asked and that was when Oikawa had lifted his head and had gone to sit up. Slowly, he was in a position so he could look Suga more in the eyes.

“First, do you think you could tell me what you think it means?” Tooru asked quietly as he went back to holding Suga’s hand against his chest, which Suga was honestly was not bothered over. He moved a little closer so he could sit in a more comfortable position and Tooru could continue to hold onto him.

While Suga was generally good at figuring things out, he would rather just be told about this one. He didn’t want to be wrong about a sexuality and get the wrong idea about it, but he did want to make Tooru happy and that was the one thing he was actually concerned about at the moment. “Well, poly means many, and sexual, well, I think we both know what that one means.” That last comment had made Oikawa crack a smile and that made Suga smile in return. “So polysexual could mean many interests in sex or… maybe it means having many partners?”

Oikawa let out a bit of a giggle, but his tears were still falling and that was not what Suga wanted. Reaching up, Koushi brushed a tear off of Tooru’s cheek and he smiled to him. “The multiple partner things is correct. But actually I am not polysexual. I am polyamorous, or at least I believe I am. I have never found somebody who I want to try this with, until now,” Suga was told and that caused Suga to tilt his head in question. Oikawa finally let go of his hand and Suga brought it down to touch Oikawa’s knee.

This was actually becoming a bit too confusing for Suga and he wanted to try to figure it out, but if he had a change, he wanted to get Oikawa to talk about it more. “Polyamorous sounds like multiple lovers, or multiple life partners. Is that how you feel?” Suga asked and he let Oikawa groan and bring his hand down to touch Suga’s hand on his knee. Nodding, that was when Koushi had gotten an answer. He had finally understood what all of the niceness had been about and what all of the games had been for. Unless it had been for someone else or Oikawa had wanted to invite another person into his and Iwaizumi’s relationship, this had to be what everything was about.

“But Iwaizumi doesn’t understand exactly. I will always love him and he will always be the person I go to when I need something, but he just doesn’t get why I need more than him. I just need someone else to love and give my attention to and to understand me,” Tooru said and Suga let out a hum, nodding as he leaned back against the couch. This may have been confusing to Suga, but he was going to be there for him whether or not he understood where all of this was coming from.

Iwaizumi was outside, which was very good for Sugawara and more than okay as far as Oikawa was concerned, but Oikawa had started to lean his head back down on Suga’s lap and Suga began to massage the top of his head once more, which Oikawa was very grateful for. “Does all of this have anything to do with why the two of you were being so nice to me?” Suga asked quietly and Oikawa stilled, going rather rigid and Suga wanted to know, but he honestly did not want Oikawa to have to stress over this.

Suga leaned his head down and kissed Oikawa’s cheek, getting a bit of a look out of Oikawa and he turned his head up, rolling onto his back and eyeing Suga. “Yes, it does. This is the part that you might not like so much,” he said and Suga had a feeling this was where the conversation was going to go, but he wasn’t entirely sure until Oikawa had actually said that last part.

Slipping his hand onto Oikawa’s cheek was a bad idea apparently and Oikawa pulled his head away from Suga’s touch, which made Suga frown. He thought that this was what Tooru had wanted, but apparently not. He had sat back up and kept his back to Suga. “I’m glad you are feeling better, but I think I should go find Hajime,” the brown haired boy said as he stood back up and Suga sighed gently, nodding to Oikawa. “But the part that you may or may not like is that I wanted to include you into our relationship. That is why we were being so nice to you. Iwa was willing to try, but he was only willing to go so far.”

This was becoming even more of a mess and Suga wasn’t sure he wanted to be involved in this anymore. Suga stood up and went back to cooking. “Just tell me whether or not the two of you will be back up to eat. If not, I will see you in class,” Suga said quietly and Oikawa had shut the door, leaving Suga all alone.


	2. Stage Zero - Crescendo (Part B)

After a minute or so of being alone, Suga let out a laugh and he held onto the counter. How could he let this happen? How could he just let two friends he had made go because he wasn’t willing to try things the way they wanted to try them? Suga wasn’t even sure what his sexuality was. He knew what his gender identity was, that was for certain, but he honestly had no clue about his sexual identity. He liked both boys and girls, he just had a preference for males. He also didn’t care what race they were, nor did he care if they were originally one gender and transitioned into another. He knew that he was pansexual or something close to it, but Suga wasn’t so sure if he could divide his love into two or three partners, or possibly even more than that.

He felt like he was going crazy in this moment, until he heard a knock on the door. Suga thought it would be wise if he put on a pair of shorts and a shirt on rather than just walking around in his boxers. “Just a minute,” Suga called to the door before going to do the things he said he was going to do.

He pulled on a shirt and a pair of shorts, going back to the door before pulling it open to see that he didn’t actually need to put his clothes back on to cover himself up. It was Iwaizumi and Suga stepped back, allowing him to come in. “What did you say to Tooru?” Iwa asked a little more forcefully than he intended to do, but Suga sighed and he went back to cooking. “Suga, I just need to know what happened to I can try to comfort him. He’s very upset and he won’t talk to me.”

This was becoming more of a headache than Suga was even anticipating and he took a breath before he blinked a bit. “I let him tell me that he was polyamorous and that he wanted to try adding me into your relationship. I didn’t tell him I wasn’t willing to try or anything, I also didn’t tell him that it was wrong, but… he told me that you weren’t nearly as willing? Or you didn’t want the same things from me that he wanted?” Suga tried to explain and Iwaizumi sighed a bit dramatically, leaning back against the wall.

“He finally told you, huh? Well that’s a bit of a shock, but did he tell you that I was the one that told him that he was poly to begin with?” Iwaizumi asked and Suga was shocked to hear that news. He shook his head and he tried to look at Iwa, but he was more concerned about the food he was cooking at the moment. He started to add in other ingredients and began to cook. “He didn’t know why he needed more and he didn’t know that he needed someone else to go to when I wasn’t around. The thing was, I wasn’t comfortable trying it out at first, but I wanted the best for him. So if this was what he needed, then I was willing to try it out.”

This was a complete shock to hear Iwaizumi say that he was more than willing to try. Had Oikawa lied? Or did Suga just not understand him? “I think I might have pushed it too far though. I kissed his cheek and I put my hand on his cheek after, but he freaked out at that point and that was when he left,” Suga said quietly and Hajime let out a bit of a laugh then.

Honestly, Suga wasn’t sure what could possibly be funny about this situation, but he would probably find out in a few seconds. “That’s just like him, that’s why I’m laughing. He gave up on the last guy when it was getting too serious because he thought it would hurt my feelings. Well, it did hurt my feelings, but only because he had been doing things with the guy when I wasn’t around and they were getting too close. I thought that Tooru was done with me at that point, but apparently he wasn’t done. He just didn’t understand why I was so jealous,” Iwaizumi said and Suga was starting to understand. It wasn’t exactly funny, but it was a pattern.

Suga sighed and he turned off the stovetop as he leaned his elbows on the counter. “So what am I doing wrong? What is it about me that makes him want to call it off?” Suga asked quietly.

Iwaizumi came over and touched Suga on the arm, giving him a smile. It was all friendly until Iwaizumi leaned in, pressing a kiss to Suga’s cheek, which was dangerously close to Suga’s lips. Suga didn’t say anything about it and he just sighed in return, but Iwaizumi lifted Suga’s chin and he got Suga to look up. “Like I told you before. You’re not missing anything and you are not doing anything wrong. This is my fault, okay? I will handle it,” Iwaizumi said.

The next thing that shocked Sugawara was how Iwa held onto his chin and he continued to look into his eyes. This was a completely unexpected moment and Suga wasn’t sure how he felt about it, but Iwaizumi had leaned in and pressed a kiss to Suga’s lips. So this was more than awkward, but Suga didn’t want to pull away and deny the man. Suga closed his eyes and kissed him back. The kiss wasn’t smooth, nor did it seem to go too well, but once Iwaizumi pulled away, he dropped his hand and winked to Suga. “Don’t change, okay?”

Those were the last words Suga heard from Hajime before he had walked out, leaving Suga alone and even more confused. Suga licked his lips and sighed, looking back to his dinner. It wasn’t that Suga wanted to eat with someone, but he had prepared enough for three people and he didn’t want any of it to go to waste. Letting out a sigh, he went to go grab his phone to call one of the only friends he had that were in the area, but he had a feeling that Daichi wouldn’t be available. He called though, hoping that he could at least talk to his friend to get out some of his emotions.

Suga was surprised to hear Daichi on the other end of the line and he knew that he had called, but he wasn’t expecting him to answer. “Hey, Daichi. I am assuming that you are busy or have to work, but I have a lot of extra food and was hoping that maybe you could take some of it off of my hands?” That wasn’t what Suga wanted, but if he got Daichi to come over, he could explain it then.

They spoke on the phone for about a minute before Suga ended the call and was more relieved than he had been in a while. Daichi was actually coming over and Suga could rant and complain about what he had gotten himself into. It took about twenty minutes for there to be a knock on the door, but when Suga answered it, he threw himself around Daichi and he took in a deep breath. This was what he needed in the moment and Daichi had a feeling that Suga wanted more than just to unload his extra food onto him.

They hugged for a solid minute without either of them saying a word before Suga realized that they weren’t even in the apartment yet. Taking a few steps back after releasing his hold around Daichi, Suga went right back to serving the food and he turned around to Daichi, who had already gone to a kitchen cabinet to pull out some glasses. They didn’t say a single word until Daichi had gone to sit down at Suga’s small kitchen table and Suga had joined him. “I’m glad you don’t have to work tonight. Thank you for coming over. I hope you are hungry,” Suga said with a bit of a smile, but it was forced and Daichi, of all people, could tell.

Their conversation was stale for the first few minutes, but Suga was just trying to be nice to Daichi and not unload on him all of the current drama he was having. Suga got Daichi to talk about work just a little and he laughed about the struggles of being an ambulance driver. “It’s not the easiest job, I will tell you that. I don’t know what happens to the people and I just feel bad for driving them to the hospital when I don’t know what is wrong. I mean, I obviously know that something is wrong with them like when they are bleeding or they have a broken bone. But I have no idea how to help them and I am just the driver to get them the help they need.” Daichi said, but Suga nodded as they continued to eat.

They weren’t eating quickly and Suga tried to give Daichi advice, but Daichi was more interested in helping Suga. “So why else did you call me over here?” Daichi asked.

Suga let out a sigh as he set down his set of chopsticks and he looked up to Daichi, trying his hardest not to get emotional. “I never would have had this problem if I would have just found a partner like my parents wanted me to. But… I do have a problem. You don’t have to listen, I just want to know that you are here for me,” Suga said quietly and Daichi reached across the table to touch Suga’s wrist, rubbing it gently.

“Of course I am here for you Suga, no question. I will always be here for you when you need someone to be here. You can always count on me,” Daichi said, which Suga was beyond thankful for.

Suga nodded and he took a breath before he started to speak, not sure what or where the conversation would lead, but he did want to know what Daichi thought about the whole situation. “The weirdest thing happened just an hour ago, though. That guy? He one with the spiky hair?”

Daichi nodded. “Iwaizumi I think you called him?”

“Yeah. Anyway, he kissed me and it was so weird! I am out of practice, definitely. But it just didn’t seem right. It was almost as if it was forced or if he was trying to prove that it wouldn’t work out. I don’t know what to do or where I went wrong,” Suga said and Daichi slowly stood up. He was done eating and he noticed that Suga was not eating anymore, so he took Suga’s plate and took it to the kitchen. It was definitely a long and complicated story, but Daichi didn’t mind being there for Suga.

Once he was done taking care of the food, Daichi looked back over to see Suga crying into his hands and Daichi sighed. “Suga, listen. Do you like them?” Daichi asked as he came back over and sat down.

Suga nodded, but it was not a verbal response like Daichi was looking for. “So what if the kiss wasn’t right? I mean, I don’t exactly want to know about your romantic life because it brings up too many memories for me, but you said it yourself. You are out of practice and you will just have to ask him if that kiss was a test or if it meant anything.” Daichi was trying his best to not be judgmental, but he wasn’t too fond of any type or relationship that involved more than one person, whether it be romantic or sexual.

Once he uncovered his face, Suga looked up to Daichi and Daichi gave him a smile. “I don’t know if I can be in a relationship like that though,” Suga said. He was upset and crying, but he was speaking as clear as ever.

“You won’t know until you try, right? If you try it out and it doesn’t work the way you want it to, then it’s clearly not for you or maybe you had a false conception of what the relationship was going to be like. But if it works and you end up happy? That is all that really matters. At least, you ending up happy is all that matters too me,” Daichi said and he let Suga stand up slowly and come over to sit on his lap. It was a little confusing in the moment, but Suga just reached for a hug and he leaned his head down on Daichi’s shoulder.

Suga began to cry more, but he understood exactly what Daichi was saying and he nodded. “I w-want to be happy, I do, but… what if I-I can’t?” Suga sobbed and Daichi wrapped his arms around the boy tighter, shaking his head and closing his eyes.

“You want to know something? I never thought I could be happy after we broke up. But because you are still in my life, I have found my happiness with Yui and I understand that happiness isn’t just a person. It is experience and knowing that whatever comes at you, things will always get better if you want them to.” Those were the words of advice that Daichi had to offer and those were the things that made Suga feel better. This was all he needed to hear to know that he had to at least try to find happiness with Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

Suga allowed Daichi to leave and he started to clean up the things he had made a mess of by cooking the meal. There were not nearly as many leftovers, but there were still enough for Suga to have lunch the following day. Suga went back to his phone and started to look through his class assignments before he got a text message. It was from Tooru and it made Suga wince a little when he saw the name, but he read the message and sighed. “We’re still going to the party if you want to come. If you’re not in the front of your building in twenty minutes, we will just assume you don’t want to go.”

Those were the words in the text message and things seemed okay on the surface, but they were not okay at all. Letting out a groan, Suga went back to his room and started to change and throw an outfit together. It wasn’t a formal party, he assumed, so he just put on a maroon long-sleeved shirt and a pair of black jeans before going back to his living room. He wanted to clean more, but with only five minutes left, Suga had to get down to the front of his building. It was clean enough and Suga decided to leave his building, closing and locking the door behind him.

It was a bit of a mystery to Suga to see Oikawa and Iwaizumi standing out in front of his building in the same clothing they were wearing earlier, but they did have some bags with them. He was assuming it was alcohol, but Suga wasn’t coming prepared for this party by bringing alcohol. “I don’t have anything unopened in my apartment and I want to provide alcohol, but I also want to bring something that others will like and I have no idea who else is going to be there,” Suga said.

Oikawa gave Iwaizumi the bag he had in his hand and he reached out to wrap his arms around Koushi. He gave him a tight hug that made it difficult for Suga to breathe, but Suga began to hug him back, feeling just how much he needed this hug. “I’m s-sorry I walked out on you, okay? I’m sorry I pushed you away and I made you think that I didn’t want this, but I do. I want to be part of this and keep you around for as long as you will have me…”

Suga sighed gently and he pressed a kiss to Oikawa’s cheek again, smiling as sweetly as ever. “Tooru, I want you in my life and I am also willing to try… being in a relationship with you and Iwaizumi. Would you like that if I tried that?” Suga asked Oikawa, who had pulled back and smiled a small, but full of life smile. He nodded and he seemed to be more excited than he was when Suga said he would come to the party originally,

Hajime smiled and reached out to give Oikawa a hug, but Suga was in the middle of the hug and he wanted to escape, but he pressed his cheek against Oikawa’s chest and he let out a bit of a hum, feeling like this was right. “Tooru, do you want to do what we discussed?” Iwaizumi asked and they all pulled away from the hug.

It wasn’t as if Oikawa was ignoring the black-haired boy and it also was not like he didn’t want to do what Iwa had suggested for him to do, but he shook his head and he looked towards the road. “Maybe at the party I can, but I just want to get there. I do want to go and see everyone,” Tooru said and he started to walk. Hajime sighed but motioned for Suga to go first.

This kind of shocked Iwaizumi, but Suga reached out for one of his hands and Hajime took it. It was a little awkward at first, but Suga smiled as he lifted up their hands and he adjusted it so their fingers were intertwined. That was much better and Iwa began to rub the pad of his thumb over the back of Suga’s hand, feeling the smooth skin that was there. “Suga, do you really want this?” Iwaizumi asked quietly as they followed Oikawa.

“I won’t know if I want this until I try. If I want this after I try, then I will let you guys know. If it doesn’t work out, I will also let you two know.”

Suga was feeling a lot better after he had talked to Daichi, who he once thought was the end for him and where he would end up spending most of his time and energy. But Daichi had given Suga more than just advice. He had given him courage to do things and go places that Suga never thought about before. Hajime and Suga watched as Tooru walked into a house, but Iwaizumi stopped just outside of the door and he turned to face Suga. “The thing we discussed doing was kissing, and I suggested that he tries to kiss you. He wasn’t sure until I told him that I kissed you. The kiss earlier, it probably seemed off, right?”

This wasn’t what anyone wanted, but Iwaizumi let out a breath. “He doesn’t trust himself and he doesn’t think that I want to stay with him through this, but if he hears that you will stick around through all of this, he will start believing in himself and he will want more than I can provide for him. So please, don’t do this if you don’t want to and please let me know if you are starting to have doubts or second thoughts about this. Deal?”

Suga nodded gently before he looked into Hajime’s eyes and started to lean in a little closer. “Are you okay with all of this? Do you actually want to do this?” Suga asked as he let go of Hajime’s hand and he let his hand settle on the taller male’s side. Hajime bit at his lip just a little but he nodded slowly, giving a smile to Suga. He was about to speak until Suga had leaned in and gave him a kiss that was unexpected.

It lasted for about thirty seconds and Iwaizumi had pushed Suga up against the side of the building before he released him and he looked down at him. “Suga, I do want this and I want you to want this too. That kiss was better than the first one, so what changed?”

Suga smiled as he adjusted his shirt and he reached for Iwaizumi’s hand once more. “I just have more confidence and finally realize that I really do want this. I also had a talk with someone I trust and they gave me some advice that I wanted to honor. But don’t worry, I trust him.”

Iwaizumi hummed and he stepped back, smiling to Suga. “Was he the man that you dated in highschool?”

Letting out a bit of a laugh, Suga nodded and he walked with Iwaizumi into the building. There were about fifteen people in the house other than the two of them and there were snacks and a ton of bottles of alcohol. The room was dark with only one lamp in the room. Iwaizumi and Suga very quickly found Oikawa, who was already drinking a bottle of alcohol that had been something flavored. There wasn’t enough room for the both of them to sit down by Oikawa, but the two of them decided that Hajime would sit on the floor and Koushi would sit next to him.

“Why’re you sitting there, babe? You can sit in my lap!” Oikawa said. Neither Suga nor Iwa knew which one he was referring to, so Suga sighed as he moved to sit in Oikawa’s lap and Iwaizumi stood to sit on the couch next to him. “Now I’m happy,” Oikawa said with a little giggle. Suga rolled his eyes as he took the bottle of vodka out of Oikawa’s hands and the taller male gasped. “No, that’s my drink! I’m so thirsty.”

Suga let out a bit of a laugh as he took a swig of the vodka. It was sweet, but it was strong and Suga wondered just how much of the drink Oikawa had taken in. But it wasn’t long to realize that he had to have drank a lot before the other two had gotten there. Suga passed the bottle to Iwa, who just held onto it and guarded the bottle. “Iwa, can I have it back please?”

Hajime sighed and he shook his head. “Pace yourself and you can have it back in a bit. Okay?”

There was a groan let out by Oikawa, but he nodded and he wrapped his arms around Suga. “Fine. Can we dance then?” Tooru asked and Suga looked to Hajime who had sighed.

“Sure, babe. We can dance,” Suga said as he stood up and he offered a hand to help Oikawa up. Iwaizumi smiled and nodded to Suga, who slowly stood up himself and actually took a sip from the vodka bottle before he set it down on the couch. The room was much more crowded by now and people were moving to the music, but they weren’t really dancing.

“Let me see your moves, Tooru,” Suga said in a teasing voice and he started to walk backwards, guiding and beckoning the taller male to follow him. Suga smirked when Oikawa started to dance, allowing himself to start dancing as well. It apparently wasn’t too difficult for Suga to fall into rhythm with Tooru and he put his hands on Tooru’s chest, starting to dance in a more strategic way. Iwaizumi also started to move too and he put his hands on Oikawa’s waist, which made Oikawa groan and push his ass back onto Hajime’s groin.

They all seemed to become the center of attention and people were trying their hardest to get any of the three to come over and join them, but no one in the group seemed to be interested and they just wanted to have a good time. Suga went back over to the bottle of vodka and Oikawa ripped it out of his hands and started to drink in large gulps. “I feel so good tonight,” the tall one said and Hajime took the bottle out of Tooru’s hand before he could drink more. “Babe, I’m so thirsty, please let me drink.”

Suga had a feeling where Oikawa wanted this to go, but he just let the other two handle this. Oikawa had turned and looked to Suga before he smiled and he leaned in close. “Show me your moves, baby. Let me see how you work.” Oikawa was not talking about dancing and Suga smiled in return as he leaned in and kissed Oikawa, pushing his tongue into his mouth and letting his tongue tangle up with Oikawa’s.

They pulled away when someone seemed to be giving attitude to Iwaizumi and they were not going to take that shit, but Iwaizumi had decided to walk out of the house and the other two boys decided to follow. Iwaizumi was leaned up against a tree and he sighed before Suga reached out for him. “This party is stupid anyway. Maybe we can go home?” Suga said as he pulled Iwa against his chest. Oikawa was going to do something similar, but he seemed to be a little too preoccupied with the wind blowing around a leaf.

“Don’t let me ruin it for the two of you, I’m just kind of fed up with this place,” Hajime murmured and Suga frowned, shaking his head.

“If you’re not having fun, I don’t want to be there. That would be kind of ruin the moment,” Suga said quietly and Tooru turned around with a goofy grin on his face and leaned against the pair that were standing against the tree.

“Let’s all go home! We can go back to…” Tooru was going to say Suga’s place, but Iwaizumi had started to put his hands on Oikawa’s leg and he gave him instructions on how to climb onto his back. Suga had to help him get up onto Hajime’s back, but once he was settled, he seemed to be dozing off.

Suga walked next to the two boys and he felt a little useless at the moment, but when Oikawa started to whine, Suga grabbed for his hand and Oikawa was finally happy once more. “We probably should have followed him into the party. Who knows how much he drank before we got in there,” Koushi said quietly and Hajime sighed, shaking his head.

“He would have done this anyway. He’s kind of a handful, but he’s my handful. You both are my handful,” Hajime said and Suga smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Hajime smiled to the kiss and he wanted to kiss his cheek in return, but he was a little too busy at the moment to even think about returning the action. “Our place is just around the corner,” Iwaizumi said and Suga nodded.

Once they got there, Suga realized it was a much bigger place than his own, but then again, there were two people living there. “Want me to help you put him to bed?” Suga asked and Iwaizumi shook his head.

It didn’t take long for Iwaizumi to set Oikawa down on the couch and for the brown-haired male to curl up onto the couch. He was definitely asleep at that point. “Suga, I need to ask you to make me a promise.”

What could the promise possibly be? This was beyond puzzling and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that it wasn’t going to be a good promise. But Suga took a breath and he nodded, agreeing to make the promise. “I don’t think anything is going to happen to me, but I need you to promise me something very important. Oikawa is the light of my life and he means the world to me. You would probably cry if you knew half of what we had been through together, but we can tell you later once things start to get a little more serious. I need you to promise that if anything happens to me, you will take care of him. I could be dead tomorrow, I could have to move away, or Oikawa and I could break up. He is and always has been a lot to deal with, but I would hate myself more knowing that there was nobody there to take care of him. So Suga, would you please take care of him?”

Those words made Koushi shiver and want to change his mind. He actually wanted to run away and not be a part of this relationship. Did Hajime know something that he didn’t know? “When I started this… I knew that it was going to be a lot and I knew that I would never get away with just loving one of you. I would have to love the both of you, whether or not I wanted to. I knew what I was getting into and I knew that it would take a toll on me. Anyway, you probably didn’t need that explanation for me to give you an answer. If anything happens to you, I will take care of Oikawa and promise to be there for him.” Suga nodded and he licked his lips, which Hajime could not pass up a chance to go for those lips when they were nice and moist like they were.

They kissed and Suga actually started to get a little aroused, but it wasn’t exactly an appropriate time to have sex and both of them knew it. Once they pulled away, Iwaizumi looked behind him to the couch the Oikawa was curled up on and sighed. “You should probably get headed home. I would walk you there, but he’s going to need me soon,” Hajime said before he turned his head back to Suga. “Want me to call for a ride? I don’t want you to walk home with alcohol in your system,” he said and Suga shook his head, giving a smile to his new boyfriend.

“I’ll be okay and I will call you if something happens. See you later, babe,” Suga said as he opened the door, the words of the promise stuck in Suga’s head. He took a breath as he closed the door behind him and he leaned back against the door, still feeling a little tipsy. But he pulled himself away from the door and took two steps away before he heard yelling from inside the apartment, which started to worry Suga.

Iwaizumi was the one yelling, but Oikawa was yelling back and this was definitely not a conversation that Suga wanted to be a part of. In fact, Suga wanted to run away, but that was until he heard his name come up in the conversation and he took a step back, listening in. “…could you have tried to hold back your alcohol problems a little? He kissed you, but you’re not even going to remember that!” Suga heard Iwaizumi say and Oikawa groaned.

“Yes I will! But it’s not like he won’t kiss me a thousand more times! Who knows what will happen. But you are the one that didn’t want me to do this in the first place!” Suga closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, trying to determine if it was worth it to stay involved in this mess or not.

Suga didn’t want to stick around for more of the fight, but he honestly couldn’t imagine his life without these two and he didn’t want to miss out on a fight that involved him. “I didn’t want you to do things out telling me about them! I wanted you to have this, but it felt like you were done with me after being with other people! If you would tell me about these things, then fine. But if you are done with me, just tell me so and I will leave and Suga can take over.”

That was when there was a bit of silence and Suga took it as his cue to leave. He made very gentle steps and tried not to make any noise while he was walking away. It didn’t take him long to get away and he was feeling a little sick after hearing that conversation, but Suga rubbed his head and walked home as fast as he could. He thought enough to text Iwaizumi when he got home, who thanked him in response, but Suga was beyond upset right now and wanted to know what exactly had happened before Suga came into the picture.

Suga went to bed and it was late, but he woke up with his alarm the next morning and he let out a sigh, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Was this a mistake that Suga would regret? Was this something he would hate himself for in the long run? Letting out a bit of a sigh, Suga decided to get up and start his day. He went to class that day and he was surprised that he didn’t see Oikawa or Iwaizumi in either of his classes. Maybe Oikawa was a little too drunk the night before or maybe neither of them wanted to see Suga. Whatever the case was, Suga went about his business and caught up on all of the work he missed out on in his other two classes.

The following day, Suga had gone to class to see both Oikawa and Iwaizumi, but they seemed to be avoiding him and Suga didn’t want to push the limits or bother them, so he kept to himself and he went about his day, pretending like there was nothing wrong. The thing was though, there was something wrong. Suga was a bit nervous to admit that there was something wrong, but he had admitted to himself that there was a problem and he would probably tell the other two boys when they started talking to him.

Once the college classes had ended, Suga had kept his distance and he had a ton of things to do at home, but he was followed by none other than Iwaizumi and Oikawa and they were knocking on his door about a minute after he had stepped in. Calling out through the door, though, Suga had told them to go home and leave him be. This was not such a great situation for anyone to be in, but Suga was feeling the worst about all of it. It didn’t take long for the other two to get the picture and leave Suga alone, but they started to text him and Suga rolled his eyes.

For the next three hours, Suga was texting them and explaining everything that he had heard and all the things that had happened. He didn’t want a part of this if it was going to cause them to fight, but Suga had realized that he was too far in at this moment and he couldn’t pull himself away. Oh, what a mess this was. Suga had gone to bed and he had told the both of them to just let it rest for the night and things were just becoming far too complicated.

A phone call had woken Suga up and he groaned, not even bothering to look at the name before he answered. “You woke me up! I hope you’re happy,” he yelled into the phone assuming it was Iwaizumi or Oikawa on the other line.

“Suga… I am not happy to wake you, nor am I thrilled to be making this phone call. But I really think you need to come down to the hospital,” a deep voice said and the voice had sounded upset, as if he had been crying or something. Suga sat up and rubbed his eyes, checking his caller ID and trying to figure out who it was.

It was Daichi and Suga quickly got changed and dressed. “Dai? Why, what’s wrong?” Suga asked and he threw on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, going towards the front door and not bothering to lock it on his way out. It was unimportant in the moment.

Sniffling into the line, Daichi made a bit of a distressed sound before he started to speak again. “That guy you told me about? Oikawa? He a-asked me to call you,” Daichi said softly and Suga swallowed thickly. This did not sound good at all, especially if Oikawa had asked Daichi to call Suga and Daichi was asking him to come to the hospital.

“Is Tooru okay? Is he hurt?” Suga asked as he walked outside and he hailed a driver down to take him to the hospital.

“H-he is, but Iwaizumi isn’t. He was in a terrible accident Koushi… please get here as fast as you can.”

Those were the last words that Suga heard before his vision started to blackout. His world came to a halting stop and Suga wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue living. Hajime could be okay, but if he wasn’t, Suga would blame himself because he did not let them into his apartment and he would continue to put the blame on himself for the rest of his life. What was Suga going to do?


	3. Stage One - Denial (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who has stuck by me through this move of my fic. You've all been patient and incredible, and I will promise to update this fic within two weeks of today, October 24th.

There are many definitions for the word denial, but those definitions all mean roughly the same thing. While denial could mean that someone was denied getting the job they really wanted or they were denied to get into an event, those are not the types of denial that is in question here. The type of denial that is being referred to is actually the denial that is more internal. This type of denial is when someone says that something is not true, but it is actually the reality of the situation.

Saying that you got the job when you really didn’t is personal denial, as well as saying you got into the event you wanted to while you actually did not get to go. When it’s something even more personal than just a job or an event and when it involves an actual human being, no one can be blamed for wanting to believe it’s not true. When the denial is involving a loved one though, that is when it gets more than just tough. If a loved one goes through a tragedy, what person actually wants it to be true? Isn’t it easier to say that things are fine and nothing is wrong? That is the type of denial in question here and that is what the first stage of grief is all about.  
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 _What? No, I’m not crying! I am laughing because the air is really dirty here and something got in my eye! How silly of you to just assume that I am crying. Maybe if this place wasn’t so dirty, I wouldn’t be getting things in my eyes that make you think I’m crying. Also, ask Iwa! I never cry. Suga doesn’t know me very well yet, but I really never cry unless something is actually wrong. But there is nothing wrong, so I’m not crying. That is such an awful thing to assume, so how bad do you feel now? Were you giving me pity because you thought that something was wrong? Well, there is nothing wrong! Nothing could even possibly be wrong except for this damned dust in the air!_  
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This was such a hard and terrible situation to be in. On the one hand, there could be nothing wrong and the accident was just a warning for what could have happened. There could be something wrong, but it could be not nearly as bad as what was described and it was just a misconception. But on the other hand, there could actually be something wrong and a loved one could die tonight.

These were all the things going through Suga’s mind as he waited not so patiently to get to the hospital. His new boyfriend, his brand new partner in life couldn’t be hurt. Suga had just met Iwaizumi and had decided that he wanted to try to be in a relationship with both him and Tooru. But what was he going to do if Hajime wasn’t there anymore? What was he going to do if one of his life partners died tonight?

It took a while for Suga to get to the hospital because the person driving didn’t realize the severity of the situation, but Suga gave her enough money and a generous tip before getting out of the car and nearly sprinting towards the hospital doors. Suga was losing his mind at this point and he was so frustrated that he possibly wasn’t going to get a chance to spend more time with Iwaizumi. He went to the front desk and had a hard time getting the attention of the nurse before he looked up and asked Suga what was wrong.

“H-Hajime Iwaizumi? I need to see him,” Suga said quickly as he rubbed his eyes, where tears were forming and threatening to fall down his cheeks. While the nurse checked the screen and the chart, Suga was going even more insane and he tried to keep his emotions inside, but there was no hope for him at the moment. He let his tears fall and he decided that whatever happened, he would take it and he would be there for anything Tooru needed. He did make that promise, after all.

The nurse looked up and he stood, giving Suga instructions about where to go. It wasn’t a long walk, but Suga could do without the walk and he wished for a second that teleportation was possible. Pushing passed a few people that were laughing in the hallway and were just talking, Suga was not in the mood to apologize to anyone that got in his way at the moment. He needed to see Iwaizumi and he needed to see him sooner rather than later.

For about a minute, the door was closed and there were a few people in the room that were doing things to his lover that made Suga gasp. He couldn’t see Hajime, but he could see Tooru and he was so still and seemed to be emotionless. There was something wrong with this picture and Suga wanted to rush in, but the door was closed and he had to wait for someone to see him and let him in.

It took a few moments for anyone to realize that someone was outside the room and one of the doctors had gone to the door to go check on this stranger. Suga was preparing himself in that time to go in, but the doctor had walked out the door and had shut it behind himself. “Can I assist you with something?” The doctor asked and Suga nodded, wiping his cheeks from the wetness that had been falling from his eyes.

“Th-that guy in there, I need to s-see him… Please let me in?” Suga said and the doctor sighed, getting a bit of a confused look out of Suga. “What? Is Hajime okay?” Suga asked.

The doctor didn’t give any indication through his facial expression or his voice, but he kept a straight face and he said things that Suga was not prepared to hear. “He doesn’t have long. An hour or maybe two and he has hardly said anything. If you want to say anything to him, make it fast. He is really hanging on by just a thread. He’s a fighter though.”

Hanging on by a thread? Maybe only an hour or two? He’s a fighter? Those were not words that Suga wanted to hear and they were definitely not reassuring phrases. Hearing that Iwaizumi was a fighter was not what Suga needed to know because Suga already knew that Iwaizumi was a fighter. He needed to hear that his lover was going to pull through this and he was going to live.

Once the doctor had opened the door, Suga stepped in slowly and looked at the mess that had to be Hajime. He was all scratched up and he was all pale. His eyes were looking upward and he was still blinking, which was a relief to Suga, but this was really bad. Suga knew it was bad and it didn’t take long for Oikawa to excuse himself into the hall. All of this was probably harder for Oikawa than Suga realized and he wanted to go after the taller boy, but Suga couldn’t bring himself to go after him. Iwaizumi was breathing slowly and he closed his eyes for a second too long that Suga got concerned. But hearing the heart monitor still going was what convinced Suga that he was still okay for the time being.

“Koushi…” Hajime whispered before he opened his eyes and Suga came closer, reaching for his lover’s hand as he let the male turn his head just slightly to look at him. This was not going to be an easy conversation, but it was his lover’s dying words and Suga wanted to listen to it. “Remember our promise,” Suga was told and he nodded quickly, leaning down just a little so he could hear the male just a little better. “I-I’m not going to be here…” Hajime said and he looked towards the door. Suga wasn’t sure why he had looked at the door, but he had a feeling it was something to do with Oikawa.

There was a staleness to the room that Suga couldn’t shake off, but Suga knew there wasn’t much time left. “I promise I will take care of him. I love both of you,” Suga said quietly and Hajime wasn’t exactly sure if he believed the whole love comment, but Suga knew it was a true comment, even if he didn’t know where the feeling came from. Suga blamed himself more than he realized and he continued to let the tears fall, but he kept the noises inside himself so Iwa wouldn’t worry even more.

Iwa squeezed his hand and he looked at Suga. “Kiss me?” he asked quietly and Suga wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to kiss his dying lover, but it was Iwaizumi’s dying wish and he would do anything for his lover if it sent him off in peace. Thinking for about three seconds, Suga slowly leaned down and put his other hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek, letting his hand brush away the tears that were also gathering on his cheek.

They finally kissed. They kissed slowly and they let their tongues swirl around, but Suga pulled back to allow his lover to breathe. Iwaizumi actually looked happy in that moment and Suga did not want to take any of that happiness away. “If I had just let you two into my apartment…”

“It wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t have changed a single thing. D-don’t blame yourself, Koushi. I love y-you too much to let you blame yourself…” Hajime said and he tried to move, but Suga wouldn’t let him. He leaned back down to kiss him one more time before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

It was Oikawa and he was smiling, which Suga thought was more than strange and he stood up straight. “Let me kiss him, okay?” Tooru said and Suga nodded, stepping back, but still holding onto Hajime’s hand. This was probably the last moment and time that either of them would get to spend with Hajime. Since Tooru had known him first, it was common sense to let him get the last kiss in. Oikawa gave him a kiss and he pulled back. “You’re going to be just fine babe, don’t worry about a thing,” Oikawa said.

This had to be why the taller male was smiling and Suga had a sinking suspicion that Oikawa was not listening to what the doctors had said. He had a bad feeling that Oikawa was lying to himself, whether or not he realized he was doing so. He didn’t want to bring it up in the moment, but it was not like Suga to be wrong about something he had a feeling about. Iwa looked towards Suga and Suga gave him a nod to tell him that there was absolutely nothing for the boy to worry about. Suga just wished he had been there longer to feel a deeper connection.

Iwaizumi’s heart monitor started to beep slower and his breathing was getting painfully slow, but Iwaizumi was still smiling. “I’ve already signed a DNR. I think this… is it,” he said as he took another breath. Neither Suga, nor Oikawa, had looked away from him in that moment and the doctors had started to prepare themselves for the worst. Suga was still tearing up and he was trying his hardest to hold his wails and sobbing, but the heart monitor was barely beating more than three beats a minute and this was definitely the end.

It only took about two more minutes for the beeping to stop and for the monitor to flat line. Suga had reached down slowly to try to close Iwaizumi’s eyes for him, but Oikawa had slapped his hand away and Suga looked up and gave him a confused look, which was beyond just harsh. “Don’t touch him, we should just go and wait,” Oikawa said and he started to walk out of the room. Suga was still holding onto Hajime’s hand and he gave it a little squeeze before he set it down on the mattress and he looked towards the door. If he stepped out of the room, it was really completely over. Taking a breath, he looked down at Iwaizumi and he knew he had made a promise to him, so that was why he had to leave.

“I love you so much, babe…” Suga whispered and he started to cry a little harder before he turned on his heel and started to walk out of the room. Oikawa wasn’t very far and he had stopped to hold onto the wall, so Suga started to walk towards him and he wrapped his arms around Oikawa, pressing his face in between his lover’s shoulder blades.

Tooru didn’t stop leaning against the wall, but he started to laugh gently and he rubbed Suga’s arms, which was beyond confusing to hear and feel. “It’s all okay, Koushi! Everything is just fine, don’t you see it? We are all okay and we get to keep doing things as we normally would!”

That sentence made Suga pull his arms away and he shivered. It was just the two of them now and Oikawa had turned around, giving Suga the creeps just slightly. “Tooru, I don’t think you understand what just happened. Iwa is-”

Suga was cut off by a hand on his lips and he had to stop talking at that point so Oikawa wouldn’t get even angrier. “Iwa? He is fine and I will prove it to you when we leave this place,” Oikawa said and Suga turned his head, getting Oikawa to drop his hand and reach for Suga’s. There was no telling what would happen next with all the things going on at the moment, but Suga had absolutely no idea what Oikawa would do next and usually, he was very perceptive and he could tell what was going to happen. But in that moment, he had absolutely no idea what Oikawa was going to do or what he was even capable of.

It took a minute or so for them to step outside, but Suga told Oikawa to wait so he could go back and talk to the doctors. If they needed contact information or they needed to get ahold of them for any reason, Suga wanted to make sure that they had his number. Oikawa groaned and went out to the front of the hospital, but Suga was done within a few minutes. Suga had given them his contact information and he had then taken the personal belongings of Iwaizumi’s that they had put in a bag for him. He thanked the staff before he walked back out to see Oikawa leaning against a hospital building post while looking out into the street.

“Okay, we can go now. Do you want to come back to my house, or do you want to go back to yours?” Suga asked and Oikawa shrugged, letting out a little snort.

“It doesn’t matter, we can sleep at either,” Oikawa said and he laughed afterwards, going to walk towards the sidewalk. Suga reached for his hand and Oikawa didn’t seem to want to hold hands at first, but he had tightened his grip and that was the thing that had surprised Suga. He actually thought that Oikawa was going to pull his hand away, but that was not the case.

When they started to walk away, Oikawa was still smiling and he didn’t give any indication of being upset at the time, but Suga knew better. He didn’t know a lot about Oikawa, but he did care and he knew that he had to be upset and let out his emotions sooner or later. Suga was honestly hoping for sooner so he could help, but whenever Tooru fell apart, Suga would be there for him.

Suga wasn’t too comfortable going back to Oikawa’s place, but that seemed to be where they were headed. This was such a big mess and there was no telling what the next move had to be in order to fix the mess. It was rather stupid, if you asked Suga, but he wasn’t in the right mind frame at the time. “Can I make a suggestion?” Suga asked as they walked in the dark, only illuminated by dim street lamp lights. Having to choke back a bit of a cry, Suga finally let out what he was thinking. “It might be too hard for you to see all of the stuff in your apartment, since a lot of it is Hajime’s, so maybe we can go back to my place?”

Oikawa let out a laugh and he shook his head. “What is wrong with seeing his stuff? It’s fine if we see his stuff, because nothing is wrong!” Oikawa said sweetly in a manner that made Suga let out a less than satisfied sigh. “It’s just stuff, it has no real meaning or connection to Hajime!” Oikawa said in a voice that indicated that he thought there was something funny about this situation. But really, there was absolutely nothing funny about what was going on. Iwaizumi was dead and Suga wondered if there was something wrong with himself, rather than Oikawa.

“You have pictures of him though, right? Of the two of you in your apartment?” Suga said softly and Oikawa nodded, smiling sweetly and turning to him. Suga wanted to stop holding Oikawa’s hand at that point and he wanted to leave him alone to all of his delusions, but he had made a promise to Iwaizumi and he knew he couldn’t just leave him.

“Okay, so that is where I have to draw the line. I cannot handle seeing pictures of him right now and I would expect you to feel the same way, after what just happened. He is dead but you are pretending like everything is more than okay!” This was Suga’s breaking point and it wasn’t until he felt Oikawa pull his hand away that he felt bad for yelling the way that he had.

Oikawa put his hands up and he let out another laugh, which got Suga to roll his eyes and he wanted to walk away at how stupid this entire thing was, but he didn’t dare. He made a promise to Iwaizumi to take care of Tooru and he was going to keep that promise, whether or not Oikawa wanted him to. “But it is okay! Do you want me to break down? Do you want me to get sad or angry? Well you are going to be waiting for a long time to see those things from me.”

That was something Suga could believe and he sighed, shaking his head. “Can we go get some sleep, please?” Suga was more than exhausted at this point and he was trying to hold himself together in order to help Oikawa get through whatever this was. “I don’t want to leave you alone right now, so please. Let’s just go.”

Oikawa let out a sigh and he nodded, but he was still smiling and seemed to be full of energy at a time when no one would have energy. Suga waved down a driver to take them back to his home and he wasn’t sure if he would have enough money to get them all the way there, but he didn’t want to risk walking home at a time like this.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and Suga turned around, seeing a figure that was not Tooru, but Suga let out a wail and reached out to him, holding onto him so tightly. “Daichi… Th-thank you for calling m-me,” Suga said in a mess of tears and cries. Daichi shushed him gently and Suga shook his head, not sure how else to thank him for getting Iwaizumi to the hospital. Sure, it didn’t go the way that he wanted it to. It also didn’t turn out well for anyone involved, but Suga was still thankful for his best friend.

Oikawa was reaching out to Suga in that moment and Daichi had to let go because it was very clear that Suga was needed elsewhere in that moment. “Tell me if you need anything, okay? I am so sorry that this happened, but you are strong and you will get through it. I believe in you.” Daichi wasn’t the best when it came to comforting words, but knowing that Suga had somewhere else to go during such a terrible time for anyone gave Daichi some form of relief. Suga would probably take advantage of the offer, but it depended on Oikawa.

Finally, the pair separated and Suga got into the car, right next to Oikawa. Daichi leaned into the passenger window of the front and spoke to the driver, handing him something that Suga couldn’t be sure of what it was, but the driver nodded and Daichi pulled away. He was finally driving away and Suga tried to get Oikawa to lean against him, but he just wasn’t interested. There was one thing for certain, it was going to be a long night.

While watching Oikawa, Suga wanted to try to comfort him, but there was no way Oikawa could be comforted if he didn’t break down first. Suga’s apartment wasn’t far away, but Oikawa was more interested in looking out the window at the time and Suga was starting to get even more worried about him. “Oikawa?” Suga said in a questioning tone. Oikawa could have just ignored him, but he chose to turn his head and look at Suga. “Are you really okay? I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine, just tired,” Oikawa said before he turned back to looking out the window. Suga sighed internally and he just kept on watching Oikawa before Suga recognized his neighborhood and he went back to looking out the other window.

The driver stopped the car once they arrived and smiled gently to the pair in the back. “No money necessary. Your friend gave me more than enough and to get you here. You’ve got a good friend there,” he said and Suga was in tears. To think that Daichi would go that far for him was incredible, so he would have to thank him some time later.

Oikawa got out of the vehicle and hummed, looking at Suga’s apartment building. It looked different at night than it did in the day, but it was still the same place and Oikawa would have to learn that eventually. It was where Suga lived and Oikawa wasn’t sure he really wanted to be there at the moment. It meant that he was admitting defeat. To Oikawa, it meant that it was really over and he didn’t want it to be over. Sure, he was lying to himself by saying that everything was okay and he was holding onto someone that was already gone, but what exactly was wrong with pretending that everything was okay? What was wrong with having faith that it would eventually get better and pretending it was all good in the moment until it was actually all okay?

Suga had gotten out of the vehicle as well and he pulled out his set of keys, taking Oikawa’s hand and pulling him towards the door. It wasn’t exactly a surprise at this point that Oikawa had pulled his hand away and stopped walking, but Suga turned his head to look at him and he lifted his chin so he could get a better view of the male, as good of a view as he could get in the dark anyway. “You said we could come here, so what’s wrong now?”

There it was again, a laugh that was laced with something that no one in their right mind would try to understand. It sounded like annoyance or pain mixed with anger, but it didn’t really matter. “I don’t want to be here. I changed my mind. I’ll walk home, so you can stay here if you want. I don’t care,” Oikawa said and he turned his back to Suga so he could start walking away.

There was a tension in the air. It was so thick that it couldn’t be cut with just soft words or a dull knife. It would take time to get through this and Suga was starting to understand that little by little. Why was he such a good and trustworthy person? Hajime was dead now, but Suga wasn’t going to break the promise just because he was gone. He made a promise to the man and he would keep that promise.

Slowly but surely, Suga followed after Oikawa. The thing was, Oikawa hadn’t turned his head to see that Suga was following, but Suga had a feeling that the other knew he was being followed. It had to be similar to the feeling of knowing that someone was watching or having a feeling that something was going to happen. Suga was taking light steps though, so maybe Oikawa hadn’t been aware that he was being followed.

Once the taller male had stopped walking and Suga had recognized that they had gotten to the building, things were beginning to get tense. Oikawa clenched his fists and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a keyring and twirling it around his finger. “So you decided to follow me, huh? I know you made him a promise. Was it to keep an eye on me? Was it to make sure I don’t do anything stupid?” Tooru asked quietly and Suga sighed. He knew that Tooru couldn’t see him at the moment, but he shook his head.

“He asked me to take care of you. I didn’t ask for this either, you know. I don’t want to be here just as much as you don’t want to be at my house, but I’m not one that breaks promises and I would hate to start, knowing that the only promise I have currently is a promise between myself and Iwaizumi, who is-” Suga felt a hand on his face again and he stepped back. That was beyond surprising and Suga probably should have figured it would happen, but he didn’t know that Oikawa had turned around at that point, because Suga wasn’t exactly watching.

There was only the sound of Oikawa clicking his tongue and finally letting out a laugh. “Everything is fine, Koushi. I don’t need a babysitter either, so you are free to go back home. That was one stupid promise that Hajime had you make. I love him, sure, but he is not always the smartest,” Oikawa said and there was something about the way Oikawa said those words that threw Suga off even harder than before.

It wasn’t just the way he said them, such as the inflection and tone in his voice, but it was the words themselves. The words at the end, the ‘but he is not always the smartest’ that Oikawa had said was the thing throwing him off the most. Trying his hardest to pull himself together by shaking his head and ridding himself of the negative energy he had currently, he looked up to Oikawa. Suga was desperate in the moment, because he wanted Oikawa to actually understand that Iwaizumi was dead. There was nothing they could do about it. “No, that’s wrong. If you want me to take you back to the hospital and show you that he is gone, I can do that. But you said it wrong. It should have been ‘he was,’ not a current tense.”

Oikawa scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning around and walking up closer to the house. “I know that, I’m not an idiot. I don’t need you to tell me anything, Sugawara. You’re dumb if you think I need to be taught anything by the likes of you.” Suga watched Oikawa stand in front of the door and mess with his key for a while before he leaned against it and his shoulders started to shake. For a moment, Suga thought this was Oikawa’s breaking point, but then he heard the laughter.

Seeing that Tooru was struggling made Suga come closer and pull out a set of keys that Suga had. They were given to Suga at the hospital when he went back inside, as they were Iwaizumi’s personal items that the hospital had no use for. Suga didn’t want to use them, but he wanted to be more useful to Tooru in the moment and he settled his hand against Oikawa’s.

“Let me get it, yeah?” he said gently and he saw Oikawa shake his head as he let out another laugh.

“I’m not helpless,” he said in another laugh. “I can get it, but if it will make you feel better, sure.” At that point, Oikawa had backed off and threw his hands up to show that he was giving up. “I was just thinking that I was telling Hajime the other day that we needed to get that door handle changed. That’s why I was laughing. I told him it needed to happen, but he told me it was fine. Well look what is causing me problems now.”

That was about the last thing that should have been on either of their minds at the moment, but Suga had a feeling that Oikawa was doing all of this as a distraction. He couldn’t show the sad emotions or the emotions that made him feel something real, but in that moment, maybe that was what he needed. Maybe Oikawa needed to distract himself from what was really going on, so it didn’t hurt as much. Suga was not in Oikawa’s shoes exactly. Who knows how long the two actually knew each other before Iwaizumi died?

Suga made a mental note to himself to go look for doorknobs when he went to do his grocery shopping. That being said, he would probably have to do all of the grocery shopping for Oikawa too if he knew how these things usually went. Honestly, he didn’t know how these things went in general from personal experience, but he did know how they could go through the research he has put into topics like this.

Suga had finally gotten the door unlocked and he let Oikawa in first. The taller lad had started moving faster and went in to go throw himself on the couch. “Finally. I’m home and I can sleep on the couch,” Oikawa said and Suga sighed, shutting and locking the door behind himself. They probably shouldn’t sleep on the couch, but that was something that Suga wouldn’t argue over.

Once the house got quiet again, Suga went and sat down in a chair. The house was cleaner than Suga was expecting, but he had only been inside the apartment for a few moments when he had helped get Oikawa and Iwaizumi home the other night. That felt like ages ago, but it was really only a few days before the mess had happened. “Should we sleep out here? Or would you rather go sleep in your bed?” Suga asked.

There were things all around the house that reminded Suga of Iwaizumi. Right on the little side table, there was a picture of him holding Oikawa and smiling so wide. It was a surprise because Suga was unaware that Iwaizumi could produce a smile like that and he wished he had gotten to be around the pair longer so he could’ve experienced it for himself. Suga wanted to choke out a cry and let his emotions run wild, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do so when Oikawa was awake. “I want to sleep out here. I don’t care where you sleep. This apartment is your apartment now too,” Tooru said gently and Suga wanted to smile, but the moment didn’t exactly feel right.

“I don’t know where the bedroom is, so I will sleep out here if that’s okay with you,” Suga said gently and Oikawa let out a bit of a laugh. It sounded much more pained and Suga thought it was time for Tooru to start letting out his feelings, but Oikawa sat up and shook his head a bit, while smiling.

Suga was very wrong about Oikawa apparently. If he thought that Oikawa would get emotional or he would want to be away from his apartment, Suga was mistaken and he had a lot to wonder about when it came to Oikawa. This was certainly going to be a long night, just like Suga thought, but it wasn’t going to be long for the reasons he thought it was going to be long for. “How rude of me, I should give you a tour since you are going to be living here eventually,” Oikawa said.

It didn’t take long, but Oikawa was up on his feet and Suga was standing up as well, but it was to help Oikawa. When the brunet had gone to stand, he had moved too quickly and Suga was holding onto Tooru’s arms to help him stand. “I can find it on my own, but I would rather stay out here with you. I’m worried about you,” Suga said quietly and he helped Oikawa sit back down.

Oikawa let out a sigh and he shook his head, but Suga wasn’t going to let him get back up for anything. Whatever this was, Suga had to take care of Tooru. Suga had to make sure that Oikawa wasn’t going to kill himself on accident. “I’m fine, but I do feel a little bit dizzy. That hallway back there… there’s a bathroom on the right and it opens up to the kitchen. There’s a fridge in there and… I have bottles of water in there. Would you mind grabbing me one?”

That was something that Suga could do easily. He pressed a very chaste kiss to Oikawa’s cheek before he went to stand up and go grab the bottle of water. “Grab something for yourself too, if you want anything,” Suga was told and he shrugged to himself as he went to the black refrigerator and opened up the door to find a bottle of water in there. Suga didn’t want to snoop, but he noticed that there were hardly any groceries to make food, just a lot of containers that Suga assumed to be take out containers of some sort.

By the time he had grabbed the bottle of water, Suga went back out to the living room to find that the couch was empty and Oikawa had gone somewhere. “Tooru?” Suga called out and he heard a sound coming from the other hallway. The sound wasn’t a pleasant sound, which made Suga worry more and he went towards the sound to go figure out what was going on.

There was hardly any light coming from where the sound had been produced, but Suga followed the sound and he found a figure. The sound had led Suga to a side door that led outside. Suga had taken a bit of a step off of the landing and he approached the sound, until he found a dark shape in the grass that was making the sound. The figure was curled up and clenching his abdomen. “Tooru?” Suga asked quietly as he crouched down, pushing the hair out of his face. “What’s going on?”

Apparently, that was a dumb question because Oikawa had rolled his eyes and motioned down in front of him. There was a pile of something gross and after a second or two, Suga gasped and reached his hand out to rub Oikawa’s back. “It’s okay. Do you want to rinse your mouth out? Do you want to stay here just in case?” Suga asked gently. There was a bit of a pause before Oikawa reached out for the bottle of water in Suga’s other hand. Suga pulled his hand off of the taller male’s back and he opened the bottle of water for Oikawa to take a sip of.

He took a large quantity of water in his mouth before sloshing it around and spitting it out. Suga had to stand, but that was only because the smell was getting to him and he needed to breathe some air that didn’t smell like vomit. Oikawa repeated the action before taking an actual gulp of water to let the liquid go down his throat. “I told him that sushi didn’t agree with me,” Oikawa murmured and Suga sighed, continuing to rub the boy’s back to try to soothe him. He wasn’t sure if the action was helping or not, but it was helping Suga feel like he was useful.

For a minute, they just stayed there in the grass and Oikawa kept drinking the water to wash away the taste in his mouth. But finally, he moved to try to stand and Suga was right next to him, just in the case the boy stumbled over. He hadn’t, but Suga still put his arm around Oikawa’s waist and guided him back towards the door. That was when Oikawa stopped and sighed. “You were right, you know. I didn’t know I didn’t want to be here until I actually got here, but after I got here, I decided it wasn’t such a good idea. But if it’s okay with you, I’m exhausted and would rather sleep here than do more walking.”

Suga knew that he had been right all along and he had a feeling that Oikawa was trying to protect himself from the pain. That was why Suga agreed with Oikawa’s wish and decided that walking back to his own apartment wasn’t such a good idea. Suga kept his arm around Oikawa as he stepped up to the apartment, waiting for Oikawa to join him. It took a few moments, but Suga had let Oikawa take all the time he needed to get there. “So, in the morning, we can go back to my apartment?” Suga asked gently and Oikawa shrugged, which Suga took as a yes.


	4. Stage One - Denial (Part B)

“Bedroom or couch?” Suga asked quietly and Oikawa also shrugged to that, but Suga didn’t want to push him too far. “Let me try that another way… Is the bedroom too hard for you to get up to at the moment?” Suga asked and Oikawa sighed as he shook his head.

It wasn’t that Suga didn’t trust Oikawa to get to the bedroom, but it was that he didn’t want Oikawa to get hurt when his stomach was feeling as off as it was. He had decided that squeezing the both of them onto the couch wouldn’t be the best option, so that was why he wanted to try the bedroom, just so Oikawa could spread out as far as he wanted or needed to. Once they went back inside and Suga locked up the door behind them, he helped Oikawa get inside further and Suga watched carefully as the male went to the stairs.

He didn’t know where the bedroom was, so Oikawa would have to lead the way. But Suga would help him get there, regardless of where it was. He had a feeling that Oikawa would need a lot more than just help up to the bedroom in the next few days, so Suga would have to keep up his end of the promise he made to Iwa and take care of the lad. When Oikawa put his foot on the stairs, he looked down and he tapped it a few times before Suga held onto his arm and tried to help him up. “My shoes don’t go up the stairs. I leave them down here.”

Suga looked down at his feet and he hummed, crouching down to take the shoes off for Oikawa. “Hey, Tooru? Lift up your foot for me so I can take your shoe off?” he asked as he looked up and Oikawa nodded. Suga untied the sneaker and Oikawa let him take it off. It was the least Suga could do after Oikawa had gotten sick the way he had. Once the shoe was off, Suga was going to take it to the door when he realized Tooru had lifted his other foot. Suga quickly took the other shoe and stood up slowly. “Stay here for me. Where do your shoes go?”

Oikawa had motioned to the door at that moment and Suga had rushed his way to the door so he could quickly put the shoes away and he could come back to help the hurting boy. He wanted to help as much as he could, or at least as much as Oikawa would allow him to help. It didn’t take long for Suga to put the shoes by the front door and come back to help Oikawa. “Anything else before we head up the stairs?” Sugawara asked and Oikawa shook his head. Suga had slowly taken the bottle of water from Oikawa’s hands before he helped Oikawa walk up the steps. The brunet was actually a bit steadier than Suga was anticipating, but he would still be there to catch the boy if he had fallen.

“Our bathroom is in that room,” Oikawa said once they reached the top of the stairs and he had pointed to a door directly across from the stairs. “The bedroom is this way and we have storage that way,” Oikawa murmured as he took a right and Suga nodded, taking a mental note of where everything was. It wouldn’t be difficult if Suga was here for more than twenty four hours, but now it’s just a game of memory for Suga. It didn’t take long for Suga to realize that Oikawa was walking towards the bedroom and Suga followed after him.

Oikawa stood for about thirty seconds in front of the bedroom door and he leaned his head against it. “Suga, I can’t do this alone…” he whispered and Suga reached out to touch his back, trying his hardest to soothe Oikawa and help him step into the room so they could get some sleep. “I know he’s gone, I know that nothing is okay, but I wanted to pretend it was all okay so I didn’t have to feel all of this pain.” There it was. It was the honest truth and Suga could hear it nearly bleeding from Oikawa’s mouth. He was struggling with this and he had a feeling that a breakdown was coming, but he wasn’t sure if Oikawa was ready for it. He wasn’t sure if he was even ready for this.

“It’s okay, Tooru. It’s all okay. I’m here for you and nothing will hurt you again. You can trust me,” Suga whispered and he pressed his face into Oikawa’s shoulder blade before pulling back. He knew that Oikawa was going to be emotional. He knew that he was going to get upset and that Suga would have to be there for him, but what he didn’t know was when it was all going to happen. He would wait however long it took though and he would be there for Oikawa whenever he decided to have his emotional breakdown.

Oikawa reached his hand down and he wanted to open the door. He wanted to go in and prove to Suga that he was okay, but his hand was shaking and he just couldn’t control himself. “Suga, could you…”

This was very surprising for Suga to witness and hear, but Suga knew that Oikawa needed help and this was his way of asking for help. Sugawara reached down and twisted the door handle, pushing the door for Oikawa and resting a hand on Oikawa’s back. “I’m right behind you, okay? We can go in and get some sleep. We both need it, yeah?” Suga knew that he needed sleep, though he wasn’t sure that Oikawa was going to be able to sleep. Suga would have to set his alarm for every couple of hours just to check on the boy. He knew that Tooru was capable of taking care of himself, but Suga really didn’t want him to hurt himself or get sick.

Suga kept his hand on Oikawa’s back and he let Oikawa lead the way into the room. It was a little bit cluttered and there was a pile of laundry in the corner of the room, which was both Oikawa’s clothing and Iwaizumi’s clothing mixed together. He made a note to himself to sort through it. Sure, Suga would want to get all the clothing washed, but he didn’t want to mix it together and give Oikawa another reason to get upset. But Suga could worry about that another time. There were also two cups of water on the night side table and Suga made a note to take them down to the sink to get them washed.

“Do you want to change first? Maybe even just get more comfortable? I know I don’t like sleeping in jeans,” Suga said as he motioned down to Oikawa’s black pair of skinny jeans. Oikawa then went to go unbutton his pants and strip them off to wear just his boxers, but Suga had to help him get them off so he wouldn’t trip or fall over. “That’s better. I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable. Do you want to wear a different shirt too?” Suga was only asking and he wasn’t sure if Oikawa wanted to, but he figured he would ask and try to get him as comfortable as he could.

Oikawa looked forward to the closet and he took a step to the bed, nodding gently. “I want to wear something, but you might not like it,” he said softly and Suga furrowed his brow, walking towards the closet to go get anything that Oikawa wanted him to get.

“Don’t worry about me. I just want you to be comfortable and get a good night of sleep, okay?” Suga was more worried about Oikawa at the moment than protecting his own feelings. Sure, he wanted to protect his feelings by going back to his apartment, but now that they were in Oikawa’s home, Suga wasn’t so worried. Oikawa looked up after sitting down on the bed and he hummed a little, motioning towards the closet.

Oikawa sighed as he motioned to the closet. “The right side is Iwa’s side and… there’s a big black sweater in there that’s his… I really want to wear it,” he said softly and Suga could have done without knowing it was Hajime’s sweater, but Suga opened the door and began to look. He found the black sweater that Oikawa was referring to and Suga pulled it out of the closet, closing the door before he took it over to set on the bed. “That’s the one. Thank you, Suga,” Oikawa said softly before he started to strip off his shirt.

Before too long, the sweater was on and Oikawa was tossing his other shirt towards the corner where the rest of the clothing was. “Do you want me to stay here and lay in bed with you? Or would you rather I went back downstairs?” Suga asked, reaching up to push the hair out of Oikawa’s face.

The brunet shrugged his shoulders and started to move around to get situated. “I don’t really…” Oikawa trailed off and he looked back to Suga, letting out a sigh and he gave a look that told Suga that he really was hurting. “Actually, can you stay here? I know I don’t have the right to ask this question, but…”

It was actually surprising for Suga to hear that Oikawa actually wanted him to stay, but if this was Oikawa’s way of asking for help, Suga could take it and would gladly stay, even if he had to lay on Iwaizumi’s side of the bed. “I’ll stay. Don’t worry about me. I’m just here to help you,” Suga murmured as he licked his lips. Suga was already in sweatpants and a comfortable shirt, but it was a bit warm in the room and Suga bit his lip. “Would you mind if I took my shirt off to sleep? It’s okay if you don’t want me to,” Suga said.

Oikawa laughed gently and he shrugged his shoulders. “If you want to. It will get cold in about an hour though. The heat kicks off at night and comes back on around three in the afternoon,” Oikawa said and Suga understood why Oikawa wanted to put on a warm sweater now. Suga decided against taking his shirt off and he went to move into the bed. Suga laid down and he rolled onto his side to face Oikawa, just in case the boy needed him. “Iwa kisses me before I sleep. I’m not expecting you to be him, but…”

Suga smiled gently and he started to move in, giving Oikawa time to change his mind if he wanted to. “I can kiss you if you want me to,” he said and Oikawa nodded, making Suga move just a little faster. Oikawa had closed his eyes and Suga connected their lips for about four seconds before pulling away. “He a-also… he… never mind,” Oikawa said and he rolled away from Suga, which got Koushi to pout.

“He also what, darling?” Suga asked, propping himself up on his elbow so he could get a better look at Oikawa and see his face. Suga really didn’t want to disappoint the boy and he didn’t want Oikawa to hold things back if he felt like sharing. Suga wouldn’t want to prevent him from talking, especially after the accident.

There was a long sigh from Oikawa and he turned his head just a little. “Whenever I was in a bad mood or upset, he would rub my back and shoulders. But you don’t have to,” he said. The thought of that really upset Suga and he put his head back down on the pillow. He wanted to, he definitely wanted to make Oikawa feel better if he could. He knew that Oikawa was trying to replace Iwaizumi in a way and he figured that he this was his way of not really dealing with the accident and pretending that everything was okay, but things were definitely not good at the moment and Suga really didn’t want to just replace Iwaizumi.

But then, the thought of Iwaizumi popped into Suga’s head and he closed his eyes, trying to imagine what the boy would say. He had a feeling that Suga would want him to do this for Oikawa and Suga slowly reached his hands out to touch Oikawa’s back. “I don’t want to replace him, but I’m here for whatever you need. Okay?” Suga put his hands on Oikawa’s back and he started to massage the boy in front of him. He wasn’t exactly the most skilled at doing this, but whenever Daichi’s back hurt, Suga would rub his back and he would get him feeling better. That happened before they were even dating, so Suga had to wonder how they even got away with not dating for as long as they did.

Oikawa seemed to relax even further and Suga was glad that he could help Oikawa out in some way. Sure, he had helped him with the stomach issue and he helped him up the stairs, but Suga wanted to keep on helping him out. He wanted to keep his promise to Iwaizumi and he really wanted to be absolutely sure that Oikawa was okay after this whole incident. Suga still wanted to know how it happened, but he didn’t want to ask Oikawa to talk about it and risk upsetting him further.

Things seemed to be settling down and Oikawa’s breathing was evening out, so Suga started to hum gently to send him to sleep in peace and hopefully in a calm way. Oikawa had finally fallen asleep and Suga was getting sleepy too, but he wanted to be sure that his love was actually asleep. So he continued to rub his back gently and he continued to hum.

After about two minutes, Suga decided that Oikawa was asleep and he pulled his hands away, but Oikawa made a sound when Suga did pull his hands away. So Suga sighed gently and he put his hands back, only for Oikawa to squirm and reach back with his own hand. Suga put his arm around Oikawa at that moment and he stopped squirming. “Are you asleep…?” Suga asked gently and quietly, because he wanted to know if he could go to sleep himself. But when he didn’t get an answer from Oikawa, he assumed that Oikawa was asleep and that meant that Suga was going to try to sleep himself.

The boys did eventually both get to sleep and Suga planned on being up before Oikawa. He wanted to make sure that he was there for the brunet and not still asleep so he didn’t risk missing something.

For a moment, Suga thought it was morning and Oikawa had beat him awake. He heard mumbling and sounds while in his slumber and Suga was sure that Oikawa was awake at that time. But that was not the case. What he was hearing had been Oikawa talking in his sleep and saying things that began to frighten Suga just a bit. He heard words like ‘kill’ and ‘blood’ for starters, so that caused Suga to sit up and start to rub Oikawa’s back once again. His right arm was taken hostage by Oikawa and he had been curled around the limb as if he had nothing else to hold onto. Suga was flattered that Oikawa wanted to hold onto him like that, but he really wanted to comfort the boy.

Suga started to hum and he tried to pull his arm away, but Oikawa let out something that sounded like a cross between a wail and a scream, so Suga decided to let Oikawa keep his arm. He didn’t want to cause the boy any more pain than he had already been in. “Oikawa, baby,” Suga murmured as he leaned down and he pressed a kiss to his temple, just doing his best to soothe the hurting man. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

The talking went on for about ten more minutes before Oikawa went quiet and loosened his hold on Suga’s arm. Suga only took it away so he could give Oikawa a better back rub than what he was currently giving him. “I care about you so much, you know that?” Suga murmured and he looked down over Oikawa. He seemed to be peaceful, but only the dim light from the window was shown on Oikawa’s face. The moonlight captured the boy and showed Suga that Oikawa was in tears. It caused Suga to worry further and it made him reach a hand to touch Oikawa’s cheek and rub those tears away.

Suga did eventually get to sleep again, but he wanted to make sure that Oikawa was okay before he went to sleep once more. He was asleep for much longer than he wanted to be, but he did wake up before Oikawa and he woke up to the boy pressing his face against Suga’s chest. That was when Suga needed to adjust to get more comfortable, but Suga didn’t want to risk waking his lover, so he very slowly moved onto his back and he allowed Oikawa to adjust to Suga’s movement.

Suga pressed a kiss to Oikawa’s head and he started to run his fingers through the brunet’s hair, but that was when Oikawa started to stir and Suga kept a smile on his face. “Hi, love. Did you get some rest?” Suga asked quietly and he continued to run his fingers through the wavy brown hair. “Do you want to get some breakfast?” Suga asked.

There was a bit of a pause, but Oikawa shook his head and pressed his face further into Suga’s chest. “I want to stay here,” Oikawa murmured and he started to play with Suga’s shirt, which made Suga smile even further. He then lifted his head and put his chin down on the chest beneath him. “Suga, thanks for sleeping with me. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here for me,” Oikawa said and Suga gave him a sad sort of smile. He knew that Oikawa was in need and he knew that the boy really needed someone to be there, but he probably could have gotten use out of anyone that was there. All they would have had to do was make sure Oikawa was safe, and listen to him when he wanted to talk.

“I know you want to stay here, but we do have to eat eventually. Do you know what time it is?” Suga wanted to eat and he also wanted to be sure that Oikawa had food in his stomach. He didn’t want the boy to make any unhealthy decisions. Suga sighed as Oikawa shook his head and made a pouting face, so Suga reached for the phone that was on the nightstand and he pulled it to him. It was only nine AM and Suga would have worried had it not been Saturday, but it was and they could sleep in and do anything that needed to be done.

Suga desperately wanted to get more sleep, because they hadn’t gotten back to Oikawa’s home until about two in the morning and they weren’t asleep until closer to three, but Suga could hold off on more sleep if Oikawa wanted to get up and do other things with his day. “Maybe some rice and soy beans would be good. I don’t want anything too complicated though.” Suga didn’t want Oikawa worrying about things being too complicated. He really didn’t want Oikawa worrying about anything at the moment if it put too much strain on him, but Suga would gladly fix up some rice and soy beans for the boy if that was what he truly wanted to eat.

It took a few moments, but Suga had finally convinced Oikawa to move off of him so Suga could actually get out of bed and go start breakfast for him. But he waited at the door for a moment and he contemplated leaving Oikawa up here so he could get more rest. That was when his better judgment got to him and he shook his head. “Tooru, I really care about you and I know you probably just want to sleep, but do you think you can come downstairs with me while I cook breakfast?” Suga’s inner voice was telling him that leaving Oikawa alone at a time like this was not a very wise decision. If Oikawa was anything like Suga, he would wallow in the agony of all of this and he would stay up here until he was actually desperate enough to eat. Suga wouldn’t allow that, but Suga also wasn’t too terribly comfortable with leaving Oikawa up in a room that had who knows what inside it.

Oikawa sighed and rolled his eyes, sitting up from the bed. Suga could sense that Oikawa was annoyed with being asked to come along, but Suga just wanted to be sure that Oikawa was okay. He Oikawa stood up and stripped the black sweater off and he stretched his arms. “I’ll come with you,” he said in a defeated voice. He then went back to the dresser that Suga didn’t notice was in the room earlier, but Suga hadn’t really been paying attention when he got into the room. Now he knew that there was a dresser and he would keep that information locked away for when he was doing the laundry.

Suga waited for Oikawa to throw a shirt on and he stretched before he decided to follow after Suga. This felt much more comfortable to Suga, so he turned around and started to walk out when he felt a hand in his own hand. When Oikawa had taken his hand, Suga turned his head just to give Tooru a smile and then he went back to focusing on walking. He had only gotten there the night previously and although he was pretty sure he knew how to get around, he wanted to be sure he knew exactly how to do so. Suga then felt Oikawa leaning against him as they walked and it was just one more step towards Oikawa admitting that something was wrong. “I’m actually hungry, so thank you for making me do this,” Oikawa murmured.

When Suga reached the stairs, he let out a bit of a chuckle and he nodded. “No problem, Tooru. I’m hungry too, so if you don’t mind, I think I’ll cook for both of us.” Suga was hoping that Oikawa wouldn’t mind or think that Suga was trying to replace Iwaizumi in anyway. He wasn’t trying to do anything of the sort. All he wanted was for Tooru to heal and move on from all of the pain and suffering. Suga took a few steps down the staircase and he felt Tooru’s arm stretch. He wasn’t walking down the stairs and that worried Suga. He stopped and turned slowly on the stairs, looking up to the taller boy. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Oikawa made an odd face that looked like a cross between confusion and contemplation. Suga wondered briefly if Oikawa had started to move beyond the phase of things where he thought everything was okay, but that was only a brief moment. “I’m forgetting something. I just… I don’t know what it is that I’m forgetting,” Tooru said quietly and he pulled his hand away from Suga. “I think I need to stay up here for something, but I don’t know what it is…” This was starting to puzzle Suga and he then started to walk back up the stairs. What was it that Oikawa was forgetting?

It meant that the two of them had to go back into the bedroom so Oikawa could think more clearly. “It’s Saturday. Maybe walking through a typical weekend will help you?” Suga suggested, just hoping that he might be able to help Oikawa remember things.

When Oikawa took a seat back on the bed, Suga took a seat next to him and he hummed, nodding gently to Suga. “So usually I’d wake up and Iwaizumi is already awake. I’m more of the night owl and he’s more of an early riser.” Suga would have mentioned the tense and tried to correct him again, but he didn’t want to upset Oikawa even more. “But then he comes back upstairs and he would kiss me and… we would start getting ready. Clothes, sometimes we would… never mind,” Oikawa said. Suga noticed that his cheeks began to flush and that was when Suga realized that he was probably talking about something sexual between the two of them.

“What happens after that?” Suga asked quietly and he reached for Oikawa’s hand, holding it and rubbing it on his own thigh.  
“After that, we would go brush our teeth and… Oh! I know what it is now,” Oikawa said and he stood up, walking at a very fast pace towards the bathroom. Since Oikawa was still holding onto Suga’s hand, he had no choice but to follow after him. He would have followed the boy anyway, but it just caught Sugawara by surprise when he was suddenly being pulled towards the upstairs restroom.

Oikawa then started to laugh and he shook his head, as if he were laughing at how stupid he was being at the time. “What were you forgetting, dear?” Suga asked as they got to the bathroom and Oikawa started to put toothpaste on his toothbrush. He then pointed to the mirror and he pulled it open for Suga to see inside.

There were a number of things inside their medicine cabinet, but Oikawa pulled three bottles down from the shelf. “I forgot about my meds. Iwa usually brought them to me so I didn’t have to remember them, I just had to take them.” Suga smiled at the thought of Oikawa remembering to take his medication all by himself, but now he was actually glad that they hadn’t stayed the night at his apartment and they decided to stay here, just so Oikawa could take his medications.

Suga wanted to brush his own teeth, but he would just rinse his mouth out and he would brush his teeth when he either stopped at his own apartment or he would pick up a toothbrush when he went grocery shopping. “So, can I ask what meds you take? You don’t have to tell me, I’m just curious.” This wasn’t Suga’s curiosity talking, it was Suga’s cautious side taking over. He really wanted to be sure that Suga wasn’t giving Oikawa any type of medication that would mix poorly with alcohol or anything else he gave Oikawa.

“I take a daily vitamin, I take an allergy pill, and… well, I take something to help me with my emotions. I’ve needed help with my emotions for years and this is the only med that helps me,” Oikawa said. He then started to brush his teeth and Suga looked at all of the bottles. He would have to get to know more about Oikawa so he could help him out. Maybe this is why Oikawa was in such a harsh denial about what had really happened to Iwaizumi, but Suga really didn’t want to push this. He really just wanted to help Oikawa through the pain and he would be there no matter what happened. Regardless of if Oikawa wanted Suga to help, he was going to help to make sure that Oikawa didn’t hurt himself.

It took a minute for Oikawa to be finished brushing his teeth, but Suga had opened all of the bottles at that time and he had pulled out a pill from each. He then closed the bottles and he returned them to the cabinet above the sink. Suga then started to fill the glass by the sink and he waited patiently for Oikawa to finish. He handed the glass to Oikawa once he was finished, but Oikawa used that water to rinse his mouth and he smiled back to Sugawara. “Can we get milk or orange juice? I prefer that to take these with,” Oikawa asked and Suga nodded as he stepped back.

Once the pills were in Oikawa’s possession, Suga then began to walk out of the bathroom and he took Oikawa’s other hand that weren’t holding the pills. “So, are we doing soybeans and rice still? Or is there something else you want?” Suga asked as he started walking down the stairs. He was kind of anticipating Oikawa to stop again, but it didn’t happen and they continued to walk down the stairs.

“Maybe some eggs or something too. I don’t know, I just want something easy so you don’t have to worry too much about me.” Suga was still worried about Oikawa, but cooking for Oikawa wasn’t what was worrying him. “Oh, Iwa has some food in the fridge still. They are just leftovers. He worked for a restaurant and he brought home food a lot. Maybe we could look at those and see if anything is still good from there?” Oikawa suggested and Suga nodded as he took Oikawa to the couch.

Oikawa took a seat and reached for the television remote. They had a small one in their apartment, which Suga had noticed the first time they were there. Suga didn’t have such a thing in his apartment, since he was hardly ever there. He wondered why he even bothered with food sometimes, but it was so he didn’t have to eat out as often. “I’ll go check to see what’s in there, yeah?” Oikawa had cleared up a few questions Suga had last night about the takeout containers. They were all the same, so that explained a lot of what Suga was curious about.

Maybe it was the way that Suga was moving, maybe it was just the way Oikawa was feeling, but Suga had leaned down to give Oikawa a kiss on the cheek, but Oikawa had turned his head slightly so their lips were touching. It frightened Suga, but he just went with the motion and he didn’t put too much thought into it. They were trying to date before the accident, after all. Suga had also kissed Oikawa before they went to bed, but that was just a kiss for comfort, at least that was how Suga saw the kiss. But that was when Suga really started to think and he sighed gently to himself once he reached the kitchen. He knew that Oikawa was still trying to protect himself, but Suga had a feeling that Oikawa was still trying to replace Iwaizumi and fit Suga into that image. Suga wasn’t Iwa and he never would be, so Oikawa would have to learn to live with that.

It only took a few minutes for Suga to look through the fridge. A lot of the food that Iwaizumi had brought back to the apartment still looked decent, but Suga had to throw out a few that had started to grow mold and just started to smell weird. That was when Suga had decided to cook up one of the rice dishes. There were soybeans in the mixture too, but it looked to have some form of meat and vegetables with it, so Suga was less worried about the things Oikawa was eating. Even if Suga could only get the lad to eat once today, it would be better than nothing and Suga could rest knowing that he got a few of the essential nutrients in Oikawa.

Suga heard the television running and he smiled to think that Oikawa was at least doing something that would take his mind away from everything going on. He knew that Oikawa would have to deal with this eventually, but being distracted for a while would do him some good. If this was the only way he knew how to handle tragic things, Suga wasn’t going to take that away from Oikawa.

It took a few minutes, but Suga had gotten the food heated up and he dished the food into two separate bowls for the two of them. It was more than enough for breakfast for the two of them, so Suga had found a few eating utensils and took the food out to the living room. Oikawa had been laughing at something on the screen at that time and Suga smiled at the thought of his lovely boy laughing at anything. That was when he had to retract his own thought about Oikawa, though. He wasn’t too sure how Oikawa would feel about Suga calling Oikawa ‘his’. He wasn’t even sure where they stood as far as a relationship went. He wasn’t even sure if they were even considered friends at this point.

“So I found a rice dish in there that had soybeans in it already. I hope that was okay. I know I didn’t ask before I cooked it, so I hope it’s okay,” Suga said as he took a seat next to Oikawa and handed him a bowl to eat. Oikawa had taken the bowl and he reached for the remote control, turning the volume to just about mute before he started to eat.

Oikawa was eating slowly and he looked up to Suga after a few bites. “I’m sorry for kissing you earlier if you didn’t want me to. I was just feeling kind of weird about things and I figured a kiss would help me feel better. It did, by the way,” Oikawa said softly. Suga really wasn’t too terribly worried about the kiss earlier and he also wasn’t too worried about what he himself wanted. He was worried about what Oikawa wanted and what was good for the brunet.

“If you were feeling weird and you needed a kiss, I’m glad the kiss helped and I’m glad that you thought enough to take care of yourself,” Suga said softly. “I don’t mind kissing you, not at all. I’m just a bit worried about how you perceive the kissing and… well, where we stand,” Suga said and he turned his head down to the food, waiting for a response.

There was a silence between them for a few moments, but Oikawa made a little sound and Suga looked up. “I don’t really know where we stand. I mean… I don’t want to push this on you, but I’m still willing to try if you are,” Oikawa said quietly and Suga really had to do some thinking about that. “But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

Suga wasn’t so sure if Oikawa really would be able to understand. He also wasn’t sure if Oikawa was ready for a relationship again or continuing the one they were trying to have when one of their partners had died. Suga wasn’t opposed to trying to continue the relationship, he just wasn’t so sure they would make it or they would stay together. “I’m okay with continuing what we were trying to have, but I don’t know if you are okay enough to keep trying this. I also don’t want to keep this up if you think I am going to be a replacement for Haji-” Suga was cut off by a hand on his face and over his mouth. Apparently, Oikawa didn’t want him to say that name, which was actually a good sign.

Oikawa pulled his hand away and sighed. “Sorry, I just don’t want to ruin the mood I’m in by bringing up things that I’m not ready to talk about. I know I have to face reality eventually but I’m not ready to face it yet,” Oikawa said quietly and Suga had a feeling that Oikawa was going to push this aside for a while, but there really wasn’t anything that Suga could do about it. There was also no point in Suga forcing Oikawa to talk about Iwaizumi’s death when Suga wasn’t even sure if he was ready to talk about it. Suga wasn’t entirely positive this was real at the moment, but he knew that he had to push past this and keep living life.

Suga nodded gently and he looked back down to his food, going to take a bite. But that was when Oikawa had leaned his head against Suga’s shoulder. Suga wasn’t even sure when they had gotten closer, but he smiled as he went to take a bite of his food. “We don’t have to talk about that, I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” Suga said before he took a bite of his rice and Oikawa sat up, going for another bite.


	5. Stage One - Denial (Part C)

They both finished up their food and Oikawa reached for Suga’s plate, moving to stand up in a slow manner. “Do you want anything else or are you done for now?” Oikawa asked as he stacked the plates and he scratched at his arm. “I’m getting water because I’m thirsty.”

This hadn’t been anticipated in the slightest and Suga looked up to Oikawa, with a curious look on his face. “I could use some water too, as long as you are okay with getting it,” Suga said with a small smile. He wasn’t so sure that he trusted Oikawa in the kitchen with the sharp objects and the potentially warm surfaces, but he would have to trust the boy if he was going to leave him alone at some point.

Oikawa had left at that moment to go get water and take care of the dishes, and Suga had leaned back into the couch. This was actually going much smoother than he thought it would be going. Oikawa made a noise from the kitchen and he came back out with a bottle of water and a cup. “We only have one bottle of water left. We can share, or I can pour you some water,” he said as he held up the two options. He was still standing in the doorway and Suga smiled, shaking his head.

“I don’t mind sharing with you as long as you don’t mind getting my cooties.” Suga made a little bit of a joke to see if he could get the taller lad to smile. Oikawa had smiled, but he had only smiled for a moment and he shook his head in return. That was when he had turned back and he went into the kitchen once more before coming back out with just the bottle of water. He must have put the cup back.

After a few more moments, Oikawa sat back down on the couch and he opened the bottle of water, taking a long sip from the bottle. He then passed the bottle to Suga and Suga took a sip, reaching for the cap in Suga’s hand. Oikawa took the cap and held it up in the air, making Suga reach for it. Oikawa was playing keep away with it and Suga grinned a little, enjoying this playful side that Oikawa was showing.

Suga set the bottle down on the coffee table so he would have less of a chance at spilling it and he could use both hands on Oikawa. Suga reached for the cap, but Oikawa’s arms were considerably longer than Suga’s and Oikawa was taller, so he had an advantage. That was when the silvery-blonde boy moved closer and climbed onto Oikawa’s lap, reaching for the cap, but Oikawa had pushed his cap out horizontally at that point and Suga started to laugh. “You really don’t want me to have that cap, do you?” Suga asked and Oikawa was smiling. He shook his head and leaned his head back against the couch cushioning.

This was just a game and Oikawa was being playful. Honest, Suga was loving Oikawa’s playful side and he could get used to this, he just wasn’t sure about how long it was going to last. He knew it couldn’t last forever and Suga had a feeling that this was just more distracting from the reality of everything, but there was nothing wrong with having a bit of fun. Iwa would want them to be having fun right now. “Come on, Suga. I know you can get that cap,” Oikawa said with a bit of a wink.

Suga tried reaching for it and pinning Oikawa’s arm down, but he had still pulled his arm away. This was getting a bit too serious and really shouldn’t have gone this far, but both of them were enjoying themselves and laughing about this whole thing, so Suga saw no harm in letting it continue. It only went too far when Suga had started to tickle Oikawa and he had kicked the coffee table, which knocked over the water bottle. It would have been fine, had Oikawa’s school books been somewhere else at the time. Unfortunately, that was not the case and Suga started to get up to stop the water from spilling and he pulled the books and papers off of the table.

Oikawa sighed and his face turned into a frown. “It’s okay, Suga. That was my fault.” Suga had taken the books and he started to dry them with his own shirt. They weren’t too bad. It would have been worse had the bottle of water been closer to the books, but luckily they were at opposite ends of the table and they were hard covered books, not paperbacks. There were only two wet books and Suga had gotten them all dry.

“At the very least, I can share this one with you, since I have it for the same class,” Suga said sweetly and he smiled a very small smile before he watched Oikawa stand up. He started to walk to the kitchen and Suga had a feeling that Oikawa was going to go find a towel or something else to clean the water up with. The books weren’t ruined and Suga shook his head, thinking he had ruined the book and the entire mood. He wouldn’t have tickled Oikawa if he had known Oikawa would react like that. Suga just thought that he could get a smile out of the boy. It worked, but it ended abruptly.

Suga waited for Oikawa to come back and he wanted the smile to stay on his face, but he had ruined that entire thing. There was no longer a smile on his face and Suga was beginning to feel rather bad about this whole situation. “We can go back to your apartment now if you want, I just want to clean this water up before it starts to soak into the table and seep onto the carpet,” Oikawa said softly. Suga wondered if this action had set him off of whatever mood this was, but Suga would figure that out within the next hour.

That was the moment that Suga had reached for Oikawa’s arm and he had gently pulled the towel out of his hand, going to clean the water himself. “If you want to go back to my apartment, can you go pack up a bag and your school things? We can always come back here, but it would make it easier if we didn’t have to come back here for anything,” Suga had suggested sweetly.

Oikawa nodded and he took a breath before he had gone to the stairs and he started to walk. Suga was going to check to see if Oikawa grabbed his meds when he got back down, but that could wait for the mess to be cleaned. Suga then thought about what Oikawa was wearing and if it had been a normal day and a normal thing they were doing, Oikawa would have probably thought about his clothing. But Suga sighed gently and he stood up. “Oikawa? Do you maybe want to get changed too? You don’t have to, just put on some pants?” Suga knew that Oikawa wasn’t stupid, but nothing about this was normal and had Suga been in Oikawa’s shoes, he probably wouldn’t have remembered to put on pants and just gone outside in his boxers.

There was a bit of a silence, but Oikawa called back. Suga had no idea what he had said, but he figured it was a kind of confirmation call back down the stairs. Suga went back to cleaning up the coffee table, but that was when he started to think that he could clean up the kitchen since he had been cooking in there and he hadn’t actually cleaned any of it up. Suga had gone out to the kitchen and he had tossed the takeout container away. He then started to run the water so it was warm and he cleaned the bowls and the chopsticks, as well as the other few dishes in the sink.

The kitchen was actually fairly clean, surprisingly. He didn’t feel too bad about leaving the kitchen the way it was at the moment. He also wondered briefly if they would be back anytime soon to make it a mess again. He hoped it wouldn’t be in the next couple of days, but if it was, Suga would have to handle that and he could clean the kitchen if it became a mess.

It was only a few minutes, but Suga had started to clean up the living room which was also not so bad. Suga would have to check out the bathrooms and he would have to make sure that everything was cleaned up in the next few days anyway, just so Oikawa could come back and feel good about how the house was. Maybe Oikawa didn’t care if the apartment was actually clean, but Suga cared that Oikawa would possibly be living in a dump. He didn’t want that at all. Suga had cleaned up most of everything he wanted to clean up by the time Oikawa had come back down with a bag over his shoulder. “Okay, we can go now.”

Suga was actually a bit surprised that Oikawa was willing to go back to his apartment, but Suga wasn’t going to question it and he was also not going to be upset if Oikawa had changed his mind again. But he was willingly going back to Suga’s apartment and things were starting to look up. Oikawa was likely going to lose himself in Suga’s apartment and Suga was going to have to comfort the boy there, but that was actually a bit better for Suga. He knew where things were, he also knew where close shops were if he had to go out and buy anything. “Okay, dear. Do you have a few outfits to wear? Something you’d wear to class and comfortable clothing?” Suga asked.

That was when Oikawa had rolled his eyes and nodded. “I packed for about a week,” Oikawa murmured and he adjusted the bag on his shoulder.

Suga crossed the room and looked down to where the shoes were on the floor. “Did you pack your meds?” Suga asked quietly as he knelt down to reach for his own shoes that he had kicked off last night before he had gone up the stairs with Oikawa. “I can go get them if you didn’t.”

Oikawa nodded and he started to put his own shoes on. “Yeah, I packed those too. Should we take the food from here so it doesn’t go bad?” Oikawa asked, dropping the attitude he had and looking towards the kitchen.

The thoughtfulness Oikawa had at the moment was actually quite surprising and Suga nodded. “Yeah, actually. I didn’t even think of that. I can go grab those meals,” Suga said as he leaned up and kissed Oikawa’s cheek. The brunet had started to put his shoes on and Suga went back out to the kitchen after he pulled his own shoes on to grab the meals that were in the refrigerator.

Suga had to grab a bag that he found out in the kitchen to put the meals in so he could carry them easier, but Suga came back to find Oikawa out on the stairs, sitting down and holding his head. It seemed to be that all of the pretending was done for the moment and the tragedy of the accident was really hitting him now. Suga kind of wished that Oikawa had hit this stage a little later that day, but emotions really couldn’t wait. Suga didn’t want these emotions to wait and he didn’t want Oikawa to have to hold back anything. “Are you ready? Do you want to take anything else with us? Maybe some shampoo from the bathroom?” Suga asked.

Oikawa shook his head and he sighed. It was a bit insane to think that so much had happened in the last twelve hours. Twelve hours ago, they were fighting over something that seemed so trivial now. It was pointless right now and Suga wished he hadn’t gotten into the fight with them. He wondered if it would have changed anything if he had let the two of them into his apartment. He knew that Iwaizumi told him it wouldn’t have changed anything, but he wasn’t too convinced at this point.

“Let’s just go,” Oikawa said softly and he stood up, reaching for Suga’s hand. Suga knew that it was quite a walk back to his place, but Suga wouldn’t mind doing so with the amount of sleep they had gotten. “If we get back soon, we can spend thirteen hours sleeping the rest of the day away,” Oikawa said with an eye roll. This attitude of Oikawa’s was a bit concerning in Suga’s eyes and he wondered what was next. He had clearly gotten passed the denial phase at this point, but Suga wasn’t too sure what the next phase was and he would have to look up to see how he could help this situation.

Suga didn’t want to force Oikawa to go back to his place if Oikawa wasn’t ready to do so, but he really didn’t want to spend more time in a place that reminded him of Hajime if he didn’t have to. He was a little more worried about Oikawa in the moment though, so he looked to his lovely boy and he thought for a moment. “We can sleep here though if you’d rather. It doesn’t really matter where we spend our time I’m realizing. It’s still going to be hard to handle no matter what is going on or where we are,” Suga said softly.

Oikawa sighed and looked towards the door. “I don’t think I want to be here anymore. You were right about that part. Like I said, I didn’t realize I didn’t want to be here until I actually got here.” Suga was glad that Oikawa was starting to acknowledge his feelings, although he wished there was something that he could do about them.

This was when Suga had nodded and reached to take Oikawa’s bag so they could start their walk. Oikawa stood up when Suga pulled the messenger bag over his shoulder and he reached for Oikawa’s hand while holding the food bag in his other arm. Oikawa went back to appearing as if he didn’t want to hold Suga’s hand or he really didn’t care if it actually happened or not, but he held onto Suga’s hand regardless.

Oikawa opened the front door and Suga locked and shut the door behind them. He made sure that he had a set of keys on him before doing so, so they could get back in if needed. Suga was probably going to let himself in when he trusted Oikawa to be on his own just so he could get some laundry done and he could clean up a bit more. Once Suga had shut the door, he nodded to Oikawa to tell him silently that he could start walking. Suga didn’t mind walking now that he had rested for more than a couple hours and he had gotten something to eat. He was worried that Oikawa wouldn’t want to walk as far as they had to, but he was hoping that they could just get back to his apartment and relax.

Suga definitely had to lead the way because Oikawa didn’t quite know where he was going. Sure, Iwaizumi and Oikawa had been there before, but Suga wasn’t sure that Oikawa had memorized the way to get there. It wasn’t difficult, but Suga was a bit worried that with everything going on, Oikawa didn’t care to remember where Suga lived. “It’s a sunny day. I wish I had my sun glasses with me,” Suga said as he kept on walking. Oikawa shrugged as he looked down to the sidewalk that they were walking along.

“I have a pair of sunglasses in my bag if you want them,” Oikawa murmured and Suga smiled, looking over to Oikawa. “They’re Iwa’s though. He left them in my bag and well… he’s not using them now,” Oikawa said and Suga felt a little bit bad for mentioning the sunglasses.

Suga had shook his head and continued walking. “I’ll be fine. It is a bright day though, don’t you think?” Suga asked and Oikawa nodded, looking forward instead of looking down at the sidewalk at that moment.

They walked in silence for several minutes. Suga tried to start a conversation a few times, but Oikawa just continued to give gestures rather than actual verbal answers. He didn’t want to push Oikawa to talk unless there was something important to talk about, so he simply stopped trying and focused on their walk. Once they reached Suga’s apartment building, Suga looked towards the stairs that he usually took, since his apartment was only on the third floor. But he then looked to Oikawa who seemed to be dragging his feet at the moment.

Suga was going to ask if Oikawa wanted to take the elevator, but he didn’t have a chance because Oikawa started to walk towards the stairs and ignored the elevator completely. “Are you okay to take the stairs, babe?” Suga asked as he followed Oikawa up and that was when the brunet nodded his head, just taking a few more steps before stopping.

This was odd in Suga’s eyes, but Suga nearly ran into Oikawa and he didn’t want to knock him over. “Don’t call me that. Iwa called me that and it’s his nickname for me,” Oikawa said softly. Suga didn’t want to upset him.

“Sorry, Oikawa. It won’t happen again.” Was the denial finally over? Suga was hoping so, although he wanted more time to look into what was going to happen next. There was no telling and any amount of preparation wouldn’t get Suga ready for what could possibly happen, but at least he could start looking into ways to help.

Oikawa let Suga pass to get into his apartment and Suga unlocked the door, allowing Oikawa inside his small home. “I think I’m going to nap. Should I go to the bedroom or stay on the couch?” the taller boy asked and Suga hummed in thought.

It would be better for Oikawa to sleep on a mattress because Suga’s couch wasn’t all that comfortable, but Suga would feel better if Oikawa slept on the couch so Suga could keep an eye on him. Suga took a breath and smiled to Oikawa, reaching for his face. “You can sleep anywhere you’d like, okay? I don’t mind either way.” Suga let Oikawa go and the boy sighed, going towards the bedroom. Suga watched as Oikawa just crashed on the bed and didn’t touch the door. That did make Suga feel a little better, since Suga didn’t want the door to be closed incase Oikawa decided he could get away with doing something dangerous.

Suga waited for about twenty minutes before going in to check on Oikawa and rubbing his arm. Oikawa opened his eyes and gave Suga an indifferent look. “Want to lay down with me? I kind of want you to stay.”

That was a bit unexpected, but Suga smiled as he nodded, going to the other side of the bed. “I want to be with you always. I just needed you to invite me first,” Suga said and he looked up to Oikawa, who was rolling his eyes at the comment. “Are you sure you’re okay being here? I don’t want to force-”

Suga was cut off by a hand on his face and he stopped speaking immediately. “I’m fine. We can stay here, we can go back to my apartment… it doesn’t matter. I just want to sleep. Can I sleep?” Oikawa asked and Suga nodded. That was when Oikawa had taken his hand away and rolled closer to Suga, closing his eyes. “Thank you. If you don’t want to stay, could you just stay until I fall asleep?”

It wasn’t that Suga wanted to leave him, but Suga did want to do just a bit more research to see what he was going to be  
encountering soon. The denial phase couldn’t last forever. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep. I might nap with you,” Suga said, putting a little bit of emphasis on the word ‘might’ so Oikawa knew that there might be a chance that he could wake up without Suga there. “Get some rest, lovely.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes and stared at each other before Suga felt Oikawa shift and move to place his head on Suga’s chest. Suga knew that he wasn’t leaving at that point, but he had to find a way to get away for just a little bit.

He waited until Oikawa’s breathing started to slow down and even out before he reached into his back pocket and he went to his online text book for psychology. He knew that there was a section about loss in his book and he just had to find it.

He started to look and he heard Oikawa make a noise in his sleep, which made Suga stop looking and just put his phone down before moving closer to his lover and holding onto him closely. He really wanted to be there for his boy and whatever was coming, Suga would have to take it when it came. He was hoping to get more time before the next stage started, but there was no telling when the next stage would happen. Suga knew he had to look up this whole loss or death of someone important to someone else and the impact on that person’s life, but that could wait until after they slept.

It hadn’t even been twenty four hours yet and they really just needed to relax and keep themselves healthy. At least, that was what Suga was going to focus on. His breathing started to slow and he finally crashed, but he was woken by a wailing noise. Suga woke up to Oikawa crying. “Oh, love, it’s okay…” Suga said in his tired state.

But Suga then realized that Oikawa was asleep still. He was crying in his sleep and Suga sat up slowly and he carefully moved Oikawa’s hair out of his face. His body was definitely aware of the loss of Iwaizumi, but was Oikawa ever going to admit that to himself? Suga wouldn’t know anytime soon, he had a feeling.

It took a lot of humming and a lot of reassuring, but Oikawa had finally calmed down and went back to sleep peacefully. Suga then decided it was okay to try to fall back asleep himself.

The sleeping didn’t last long, though, since Oikawa had woken up and he had nudged Suga, who was still sleeping, to wake up. “We shouldn’t sleep all day. It will ruin our sleep schedules,” Oikawa said in a yawn and Suga nodded, slowly sitting up. “Should we watch a movie or something? I don’t want to sit and do nothing.” There was a tone to Oikawa’s voice that Suga couldn’t put a finger on, but it didn’t sound like a good tone in all honesty.

“We can watch a movie. I’ve got Netflix and Hulu, so we can do any movies on there. I don’t have a ton of DVD’s, but if you want, you can look through those.” Suga rubbed his head and he cleared his throat before he pushed himself to get out of bed. Oikawa had followed him and he groaned, rubbing his own eyes. The tone of Oikawa’s groan made Suga worry a bit. It sounded a bit like an angry groan, which was why Suga was wondering if Oikawa suggested the movie just so they weren’t sleeping anymore. Maybe it was Oikawa’s way of taking his mind off of Iwaizumi’s death, but Suga knew that Oikawa would have to deal with it eventually. It didn’t have to happen today, but Suga knew that Oikawa would have to deal with it sooner rather than later.

When the pair of them finally walked out of Suga’s bedroom, Oikawa went straight for the couch and he took a seat down with a bit of a huff. “Let’s just start a movie. I don’t care what it is, I just want to watch something to keep me awake,” Oikawa said and Suga nodded, going for the remote and taking a seat down on the couch. He didn’t sit too close to Oikawa, so it gave Oikawa an option to either move closer or just stay where he was.

Suga flipped on a random movie. He figured that something with comedy would be best, so he picked a random comedy before setting the remote down. Suga glanced over at Oikawa, who was trying to move a bit further away from Suga at the time, so Suga moved against the other side of the couch to give Oikawa a bit more room. When Suga had looked back at Oikawa again, he was rolling his eyes and adjusting to get a little more comfortable Suga assumed. “Just another comedy, huh? Yeah, sure, let’s laugh our asses off and pretend it’s all okay.”

That was going just a little too far for Suga and now he was more than just a little concerned for Oikawa at that point. “Do you want to watch something other than a comedy?” Suga asked, pausing the movie and Oikawa let out a groan.

“No! I don’t care what we watch, okay? Just let it keep playing,” Oikawa said as he curled up tighter and leaned his head onto his knees. Suga nodded and he sighed internally, trying not to react too much to give away that he was as concerned as he was.

Once the movie had started up again, Oikawa relaxed and went back to being semi-normal, even reacting to the funny parts of the movie and giving Suga a bit of relief. He was just glad that Oikawa was slowly getting back to what he considered to be normal. He knew it wouldn’t last, but it was a good feeling for the time being.

Once the movie ended, Suga realized that Oikawa had moved a bit closer to him and his body language had changed from closed off to being a bit more approachable. “So, what do you think? Should we do another one? Are you done with movies right now?” Suga asked, trying to figure out what Oikawa was in the mood for. He likely wasn’t going to want to leave the apartment, so movies were a good choice. Suga didn’t have much else to do in his apartment other than cleaning, which he had a feeling Oikawa wouldn’t be in the mood for. Honestly, Suga didn’t want to push Oikawa into cleaning his apartment.

Oikawa shrugged and he moved even closer, putting his head on Suga’s shoulder. “Do you think… do you think someone will contact us about stuff to deal with last night? You know, to deal with all of the… you know?” Oikawa asked.

When asked, Suga was a bit lost, but with the look on Oikawa’s face, he knew it had something to do with Iwaizumi and Suga was praising any God out there that Oikawa was truly dealing with this. He was finally trying to handle his emotions about this. “Well, they could, but they will probably contact his parents first.” Suga thought that Oikawa was talking about arranging the funeral and he knew the hospital wouldn’t call them, but they would try to contact his parents first.

There was another sad look on Oikawa’s face and Suga got another wave of confusion. Did he want to deal with the funeral arrangements? “That’s the thing… I don’t want his parents to deal with it. They’re good people, but they don’t like me very much and they might not invite me. I want to be there for this…”

This day was just dragging on and it kept taking dramatic turns. Suga wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take, but he would have to handle it if he was still determined to be there for Oikawa. “If they are involved, I will talk to them myself and I won’t even mention you if you don’t want me to. I’ll figure out when they are holding the funeral and I’ll make sure you are there.”

Oikawa sighed, but he eventually nodded and he started to lay down, his head going onto Suga’s lap and Suga was not complaining in the slightest. “Thank you, Suga.” Oikawa’s voice was a little softer, making Suga question what Oikawa had said. But Suga figured it out before he asked and he smiled, leaning down to Oikawa and pressing a kiss to his temple.

After sitting back, Suga had to fight his urge to turn on something or get up to go do something. He reached his hand down to play with Oikawa’s soft hair, gently threading his hand through the brunet locks. “So what are we going to do? Should we watch another movie? Or can we get up and do something? It’s up to you,” Suga said. He had wanted to get up, but he also didn’t want to force Oikawa to move and do things. He knew that laying around was typical after losing someone, but he didn’t exactly want to stew in his own juices. He wanted to get up and get his mind off of all of this. Suga was actually wondering if he was processing Iwaizumi’s death properly. He wasn’t sure if he should get more upset, but he was also doing his best to hold himself together for Oikawa’s sake. He didn’t want to further upset Oikawa.

Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. “I really should shower probably. I should also go out and run because I haven’t jogged in days and I really need to,” Oikawa said and Suga gave a sad smile down to his love. “Do you want to run with me? You don’t have to, it’s just something that Iwa always did with me. I understand if you’d rather stay here though.”

It wasn’t that Suga didn’t want to go with Oikawa, he was just worried that he might hold Oikawa back. Suga wasn’t super out of shape or anything, he just didn’t exercise frequently like he should. He used to exercise all the time, but it was too hectic and time consuming most days while he was in school. “I’d love to, but don’t let me hold you back if you want to run longer or further, okay?” Suga would have let Oikawa run on his own, but he wasn’t so sure that he could just let the boy run on his own just yet. He wasn’t too confident that Oikawa wouldn’t run away or hurt himself in some way.

Oikawa slowly sat up and he scratched at his stomach, yawning a bit. “Okay. We should probably stretch before we go out for a big run,” Oikawa said and Suga nodded, standing up after Oikawa had sat up. “You also may want to change.” Suga knew that he needed to change, but he smiled and nodded to Oikawa anyway, as if it was his idea.

It took about two minutes for Suga to get changed into appropriate workout attire. When he came back into the living room though, he was greeted by an Oikawa doing stretches on his floor. Suga took a seat next to him and started to stretch too, proving to Oikawa just how flexible he was. “Wow, you really are flexible. So you’re not new to working out I’m guessing?” Oikawa asked and Suga laughed as he sat up and stretched his arms out.

“Not at all. I used to be addicted to staying healthy and I became a bit of a fanatic about working out. I was then told that it was actually unhealthy working out the way I was, so I pushed it back. That was about a year ago and now I just… I don’t work out often at all. But if you want to keep it going, I could definitely run with you,” Suga said as he went back to stretching out his legs.

Oikawa stood back up and went to go get his sneakers on, but Suga continued stretching for another minute before he stood back up and he went to go get his own sneakers on. Suga slipped his shoes on and he turned around, only to get embraced by Oikawa and a head on his shoulder. “Thank you for going running with me. I know this was something Iwa used to do with me and you think I’m trying to replace him, but I think I just need this.”

Suga wrapped his arms around the bigger male and he pressed his face into Oikawa’s neck before pulling back a little. “It’s going to take time. It didn’t happen that long ago, so it’s natural to want to replace him. I just want you to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about all of this, okay?” Suga said and Oikawa nodded, pulling his arms away as he stood up straight. “Now how about we go for a run, yeah? I usually set a time limit or a marker for how long I’m going to run. What do you usually do?”

Oikawa thought for a few moments. “Well, I usually set the distance and I know how far the place is, so I… yeah, I set a marker too. But since I don’t know the area, maybe we should just run until one of us starts to get tired?” Suga listened to Oikawa and he hummed, nodding gently. He had a feeling that he would get tired much quicker than Oikawa, but he would just take a small break and start running again.

“That sounds perfect. I’m ready when you are,” Suga said as he pulled open the door and he put his keys in his pocket. He was wearing shorts with pockets now, he just hoped he wouldn’t need his wallet for anything while they were out. “Oh! Water… Should we bring water bottles with us?”

The brunet sighed and shrugged. “I usually go without until I get back home. But you can bring one if you want to or if you’re worried.” The tone to his voice had changed and Suga was hoping that it wasn’t a mood change or anything too serious, he just wanted to go out and run and hopefully get their minds off of Iwaizumi.

Once they got outside of the apartment, Suga had to tell Oikawa about the area so Oikawa could get a feel of where they were headed. They started and Suga felt odd running without music in his ears, so he decided to try to chat with Oikawa as they jogged. “Do you know… how long you jog for usually?” Suga asked, trying to control his breathing.

Oikawa hummed and he glanced quickly at Oikawa. “It changes. Depends on how we feel,” Oikawa said and he seemed to be breathing just fine through this. They had just started, so it was a bit concerning that Suga was beginning to lose his breath.

They continued their run and they talked about commonplace things, such as what they wanted to eat for dinner and their assignments for class. The assignments for class had hit a nerve for Oikawa, but he shook it off. Suga had a feeling that talking about school reminded Oikawa of Iwaizumi, but he didn’t want to push the topic just to find out.

They were nearly done with their run, when Oikawa picked up the pace. Suga realized why he picked up the pace a second too late though, as he ran into a girl on the street. The girl was carrying groceries and Suga had knocked a few things out of her hands. It caused Suga to stop and look around for a moment. “Oh, I am so sorry! Here, let me help!” Suga said. He realized that Oikawa had kept on running, but Suga had to stop to help the girl he had nearly knocked over.

The girl smiled awkwardly and she went to pick things up. Suga reached for a bottle he had knocked out of her hand, and then went to reach for the other small box he had knocked away the moment she reached for it. Their fingers touched for a moment and the girl squeaked. Suga pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry, again. I didn’t see you because I was just distracted, but that’s no excuse. I hope you don’t have a terrible ending to your day,” Suga said as he stood back up and reached to help her stand once more. She took his hand and smiled.

“It’s okay, really. I should have watched the sidewalk before trying to go into my house anyway. I hope you enjoy the rest of your run though!” The girl smiled to him, looked him over for another moment, and then continued to walk towards her house. Suga hummed and he smiled once more before he went back into running mode. It really didn’t take him long to catch up to Oikawa, as he had been just jogging in place at the last intersection.

“Sorry, Oikawa. I felt bad for running into that girl and I had to help her up,” Suga said and Oikawa rolled his eyes before continuing to run. Suga had caught onto the eye roll and he had started to worry once more. “Something wrong…?” Suga asked and Oikawa picked up his pace again. Suga knew that it had nothing to do with avoiding running into someone that time, although Suga figured he was avoiding talking to Suga at that moment.

Eventually, they made it back to Suga’s apartment and they went to get inside. Suga had to unlock the door before they got inside and they did eventually go get water. Oikawa was quiet, but Suga didn’t want to push it. “That was a good run, huh? I wasn’t expecting to run all the way back too,” Suga said and Oikawa sighed as he went into the bathroom and shut the door. Then Suga heard the shower turn on and he figured that now was not the best time for talking. He did want to be sure that Oikawa was okay, but now was clearly not the time for that.

Suga was going to leave Oikawa alone and he went to go start making dinner, but that was when he heard yelling from in the bathroom. It was really just loud groaning and there were really no words involved, but Suga went to go stand by the bathroom door and he put his hand on the wood. “Tooru…? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just wonderful! Lost one of the loves of my life and now I’m going to lose everything else. I’m peachy, thanks for asking, Suga!” Oikawa had shouted through the door. Suga frowned and he listened as Oikawa stepped into the shower. Suga didn’t want to go in without permission, so he just stood there. “I knew there was a chance that I could lose everything, but I just thought it would be for a better reason than this.” Oikawa seemed to be collapsing with his new tone and Suga was getting more than worried, but he stayed outside the door and didn’t walk in.

That was when the water turned off and Suga heard the shower curtain move. “Bring me my bag. It’s in your room.” Suga wasn’t used to being told what to do, but Oikawa seemed to be angry and Suga didn’t want to further the anger in any way. So that was what Suga did. He went to grab the bag and he figured that Oikawa had clothes in the bag, since those things were kind of essential. He brought the bag back and he took a breath.

“Do you want me to open the door? I have your bag,” Suga said. Oikawa had pulled the door open and stuck his hand through it. Suga reacted quickly and put the bag in his hand before he watched the bag disappear into the bathroom and the door was then shut in his face again. “Okay… if you need anything else, I’ll be in the kitchen preparing dinner.”

Whatever this new phase was, Suga wasn’t excited for it in the slightest and he hoped that it wouldn’t last long. But if it did, Suga would handle it in any way he knew how. He just hoped that Oikawa would make it through.


	6. Stage Two - Anger (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crow... Such an angry boy.

Intensity comes in different concentrations and can be used to describe multiple things. For example, intensity can be used to describe the strength of a storm. It can be used to explain how highly spicy a food item is. Really, intensity can be used to describe so many things. Intensity is used to say how intense, or vivid an image is, or how complicated a day or portion of time can be. It can also be used to describe human related things, such as pain or sensations.

While at a doctor’s office, a doctor may ask a patient how intense their pain is on a scale from one to ten. Someone could also say they were being tickled intensely, or in a very strong manner. Intensity isn’t used to just describe physical sensations, though. It can be used to describe a human emotion as well. Someone could be extremely happy or very sad.

With a different emotion though, the intensity is like no other. Anger has an intensity that cannot be matched. Anger can be said to have different levels, but when someone is truly angry, it just cannot be matched in intensity. Anger can be vicious and it leaves no hostages when someone gets in the way. Anger is not fun, nor is it something good when it is said to be intense.

\----------  
 _Uh, excuse me? What the hell do you think you’re doing? I don’t want to see you or your stupid face around here anymore! Just go away and leave me the fuck alone! I don’t need to be fed, I don’t need to be taken care of, and I definitely don’t need any kind of pity. And what in the world is wrong with this picture anyway? What sort of dumbass life did I wake up in where Iwaizumi is dead? Yeah, he’s gone, but do you think I’m going to stop living fucking life because of Iwa? He abandoned me and I don’t think he deserves any damned time to be wasted on him anymore! Oh, what is this shit Suga has that he calls hair product and puts in his hair? It’s making my hair all dry and it is burning my scalp! Fuck this shit, maybe I’ll just shave my head…_  
\----------

Suga had gone back out to the kitchen to start making dinner, but he honestly wasn’t sure what to make. Would Oikawa want something specific? Would he be frustrated when Suga just made something without asking him? Either way, Suga was getting hungry and he wanted to eat. He didn’t particularly care if Oikawa wanted something specific. If he did, Suga would make it if he had the correct ingredients. On the other hand, if he didn’t, Oikawa would have to deal with what Suga did have.

He didn’t take too long to make up his mind, as he had to use up certain ingredients before they expired. He just hoped that Oikawa didn’t care and that Suga would get a pass on this part. Suga went to go get a few pots and he started the process of cooking, hearing the water still running in the bathroom. Suga wasn’t so sure how he felt about Oikawa showering all on his own, but there wasn’t even a razor in there for Suga to fret over. He really didn’t have facial hair to worry about. If he ever did start growing facial hair, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

There was a different sound from the living room that Suga went to go check quickly, as it had been his cell phone and it wasn’t just a text message. Someone was calling him and that was a rather bizarre thing to be happening. He rarely got a phone call unless it was an emergency.

When Suga answered the phone, he had realized it was Daichi and he really didn’t want to hold on the call. He had a feeling that Daichi didn’t necessarily need anything, but it may have been just a call to check on Suga and how he was doing. He had such a good friend in Daichi and he was kind of regretting that it didn’t work out between them at the moment. “Hello?” Suga said after a moment and he could hear that Daichi was clearly outside. It was a little windy, as he had learned through being outside in the wind.

“Hey Suga, I was just calling to check on you. How are you handling things right now?” Daichi asked. Suga was waiting for some sort rambling to happen on Daichi’s end, so he stayed quiet for a few seconds before he cleared his throat.

Suga wasn’t so sure that he wanted to chat about all of this right now, but he knew that Daichi was just looking out for him and he wanted to be sure Suga was okay. He would have done the same for Daichi. “I’m doing the best I can. It’s a mess and Oikawa isn’t handling it so well, but I’m just trying to help him through this. By the way, something I didn’t ask the hospital was how Iwaizumi died. Was it a car accident or something?”

This wasn’t a question that Suga was anticipating Daichi to answer, nor did he know if he could handle the answer. But he definitely wanted to know just so he could ease his mind. He wanted the information so it could stop bothering him. “Oh, well… Are you sure you want to know? I know he was important to you and I just… are you sure you can handle it?”

If Daichi was trying to protect Suga, he was doing a very good job. But Suga really wanted to know. “Dai… Please tell me? I don’t know if I really want to know, but it’s been driving me insane ever since you called me last night.”

There was a yawn and a strangled sound on the other end of the line, as if Daichi wasn’t sure about giving Suga the information he wanted. But he knew that Suga could find out in other ways, so he decided it was better if he had told Suga himself. “He had… Well, I don’t know the entire story, but they were by that construction area by the school, and… Apparently, they had gotten into some sort of scuffle with another group and there were knives involved… I’m so sorry, Suga,” Daichi said.

What a way to go. If he had just let Iwaizumi and Oikawa in yesterday and those damned bastards that got Iwaizumi killed hadn’t run into the two of them, maybe things would be different. But Suga remembered what Iwaizumi said that night and he wondered what he had meant by that. “Oh… maybe I should talk to Oikawa about it. He uh… He might remember what happened…” Suga felt the tears start to come into his eyes. Was this his fault? Could he have prevented this from happening? He remembered Iwaizumi’s words in the hospital and maybe Iwaizumi was just trying to protect Suga, but something about this didn’t feel right.

“Suga, don’t blame yourself over this, okay? Also, maybe wait a while to ask Oikawa what happened? I know the police questioned him before I got there, but it could still be hard on him.” Daichi brought up a good point and Suga didn’t want to push Oikawa to crumble when he was already breaking as it was. It wasn’t fair of Suga to ask Oikawa questions about all of this right now. “Please, if you need anything at all, I can be there. Even if it’s something simple like a hug or someone to be there, or if you’d like me to go grocery shopping? I can do those things. Don’t hesitate like you always do.”

It was a common thing for Suga to hesitate on asking for help. He didn’t like to be needy or pushy about things, but he did like thinking that he could handle things and he was stronger than people gave him credit for. He supposed that at a time like this, though, it wasn’t necessarily a good thing to be hesitant on asking for help. “Okay, Daichi. I promise I’ll call you when I need something. I’m sure I will in the next few days, so expect a call from me.”

Suga heard a door open and he looked towards his bathroom. He knew that Oikawa was probably done, but he didn’t see or hear him coming out. “Thank you, Suga. I just want you to be as good as you can be in such a difficult situation. I am still so sorry that this happened. It must be miserable.” Daichi didn’t know that half of it, but it really was miserable. He didn’t know how long the grieving would take, but he just wanted to skip the next few days and see how things were then.

“By the way, how are you handling all of this? Not Oikawa, but have you taken the time to sit down and process this yet?” Daichi asked.

That question hit Suga in a way that he wasn’t ready for and he froze, hardly breathing at the moment. “I uh… I haven’t really had the time as of yet… I mean, it did just happen last night… It wasn’t that long ago, Daichi.” Suga sighed as he sat down on the couch, feeling emotions start to work their way through his system.

There was a moment of silence between the two boys, but it didn’t last too long. “I know, Suga. Just promise me that in the next day or two, you’ll sit down and really think about all of this. You have to deal with it at some point and I don’t want you to be dealing with it in say… two weeks when you have school break,” Daichi said. He had a good point, although Suga wasn’t so sure how he could possibly deal with it right now. Iwaizumi was someone he had started to fall for and he was someone that had made an impression on his life. “Maybe I can come over sometime this week and we can talk through all of this? Assuming Oikawa isn’t taking up all of your time?”

Oikawa was taking up all of Suga’s time and he didn’t know if he would really have a chance to sit down and process all of this like Daichi wanted him to. He knew he had to, just so he could let go and move on with his life. But Oikawa was genuinely taking up so much of his time. “Yeah, that might be good. Although I don’t know if Oikawa will be okay with visitors. I’ll ask him how he feels about it,” Suga said. He really was trying his best to cater around Oikawa at the moment, as Iwaizumi had been an important person in Oikawa’s life for much longer than he had been in Suga’s. He didn’t want to aggravate Oikawa more than necessary, but Suga really did want Daichi to come over. Maybe they could invite some of Oikawa’s friends over too?

“Just let me know, okay? I have to work tonight, but then I’m off for the next two days. I should let you go because I don’t want to keep you thinking about things and get you upset.” Daichi really was such a thoughtful person and Suga loved that about him.

“Upset me? You could never, you doof. You love me too much to upset me anyway,” Suga joked and he let out a laugh. It was true and Daichi knew it. He was wrapped around Suga’s finger and Daichi was kind of regretful that he had such conservative parents that cared who he dated. Had they stayed together, things would have been so much different in Suga’s world right now.

Daichi laughed in return and he smiled, although he knew Suga couldn’t see the smile. “I know, you’re right. I do love you too much to upset you. Even if I wanted to, I’d feel so bad about it that I’d back off and apologize for having the thought. I’m weak for you. You know that.”

It got Suga to laugh even more and he heard the bathroom door close a little too roughly and steps that did not sound too pleasant coming towards the living room. “I do. But hey, I have to go. I love you, have a good night at work,” Suga said softly before he took the phone and hung up on Daichi. That was when Suga turned his head a bit and he looked towards Oikawa, who had wet hair and fresh clothing on. That was a relief to Suga and he was going to take care of this boy, even if Oikawa didn’t want him to. “Well hey, you look refreshed,” Suga said with a smile.

“Yeah, whatever. Your shampoo is shit, by the way,” Oikawa said as he plopped himself down on the couch. Suga slowly went to stand and he shrugged to Oikawa’s comment, not letting it bother him. It was stuff his parents bought for him and he knew he needed new shampoo, but he forgot almost every time he went shopping. The few times he didn’t forget, he needed things more than the shampoo and he wasn’t stable enough financially to spend even three dollars on a new bottle of hair product.

Suga decided that he would be best to go continue cooking, until he heard Oikawa clear his throat to try and get his attention. It worked, but he really wasn’t sure how he felt about that approach. “Yes?” Suga asked as he slowly turned around, looking over to a now glaring Oikawa.

“I heard you on the phone. So what, are we done? Should I just go home? What’s the deal?” Oikawa asked. Suga blinked for a moment and he didn’t realize that Oikawa was talking about what Suga had said. Apparently, the ‘I love you’ Suga gave to Daichi must have gotten to him. “Go on, talk your way into an apology that I probably won’t take.”

This was beginning to get a bit confusing and Suga wasn’t sure how to approach Oikawa about this situation anymore. “What… I mean, yes, I was talking on the phone. But what exactly did you hear?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Maybe you should just tell me all of the romantic and lovey-dovey things you were saying to your new man.” This was getting to be a headache that Suga really didn’t want to handle anymore. “So who was it? Or maybe you are into girls now, since you seemed to be beyond flirtatious with the girl back on our run that you ran into,” Oikawa said and he crossed his arms over his chest.

It took Suga another moment to realize what Oikawa was talking about, but he realized that Oikawa must have watched him run into the girl on the street and he took Suga helping as being flirtatious. “I was just trying to help the girl. I knocked stuff out of her hand when I ran into her, so I was being helpful. The person I was talking to on the phone is only a friend. His name is Daichi. He’s… well, he’s the one that took you and Iwa to the hospital last night and he’s the one that I tried to date before but it didn’t work because of his parents. So whatever you were thinking before you came out here is clearly false,” Suga said as he stared at the brunet and he put a hand on his hip.

Oikawa went to open his mouth to speak, but all he managed was a groan. He through his head back against the couch and put his hands over his eyes. “Whatever, Suga! Just go do what you were going to do in the kitchen. Maybe send Daichi some flirty texts. I mean, you do love him, after all.”

There was such a tension in the air at the moment that it felt like nothing would break through it. Suga was suffocating in it and he needed some fresh air that he wasn’t going to get. Maybe he could open a window in the kitchen, but that wasn’t likely to happen. He would probably just focus on cooking. He realized at that moment that he hadn’t asked Oikawa what he wanted to eat, but he also realized that it didn’t matter and he didn’t particularly care. That was a little insensitive of Suga, but when his boyfriend had accused him of cheating less than a minute ago, he felt that not caring about things at the moment was justified. It didn’t take long for Suga to remember what meal he was trying to make before he got on the phone with Daichi and he picked up where he left off. Suga then pulled the phone out of his pocket and turned on some music so he could focus on that rather than his thoughts.

“So, Suga, are you going to play crap music for the rest of the night, or can I play my own music?” Oikawa called from the living room. Suga groaned and sighed, shaking his head.

He really didn’t want to tell Oikawa no, but Suga was in a mood and he needed his own music to try to calm him down. That was the truth and Suga wasn’t about to let Oikawa tell him that his music was really shit. He listened to a lot of pop music and he had some alternative and contemporary stuff thrown into the mix. So what was really crap about his music tastes? Maybe Oikawa just didn’t like this particular song, but Suga did, since he obviously had the song. He wasn’t going to change it just because of something that Oikawa had said.

Suga just went back to listening to his music and he didn’t realize he hadn’t answered Oikawa until he heard different music from the living room. It was another pop song that Suga liked and he wasn’t getting frustrated about the song choice, but Oikawa had been playing the music loudly and it was interfering with Suga’s music. “Yes Oikawa, I am going to play crap music the rest of the night. Can you turn your music down please? I need my music to concentrate,” he said as he went back to cooking dinner. He was contemplating walking out to get some air, but he didn’t want Oikawa to think that he had gone out to ‘cheat’ on him or something of that nature.

That was when Oikawa had turned his music off, or low enough that Suga couldn’t hear it. Suga had decided that maybe Oikawa hadn’t liked the song and he started looking for something that he figured that Oikawa would like. He had heard the song that Oikawa was playing and he went to look for something by the same artist in his phone. He put that on and he went back to cooking.

The song finished and it went to another song. It went through maybe five more songs before Suga was done cooking and he went to serve up plates of the meal. “I’ve got food for you. If you don’t want to eat it, that’s fine. I’ll just save it for later. Do you want it?”

Suga was waiting for an answer, just holding the two plates of food. He waited for a few seconds to hear a response, but he never got one. So Suga just went out to the living room with the food and he found Oikawa just looking down at his phone, scrolling through and looking at something that he really wanted to know what it was. “Did you hear me?” Suga asked.

“Food. Yeah. Just leave it on the table,” Oikawa said as he pointed to Suga’s coffee table.

That caused a sigh from Suga, but he listened to Oikawa and he went to put it on the table. Once he had gotten settled himself, he had started to eat, glancing at Oikawa every so often. “What are you doing?” Suga asked, feeling a bit nosier than he really should have been.

Oikawa finally dropped his phone and he groaned. It sounded like an angry groan, which concerned Suga for the right reasons. But he then looked over at the silver-haired male and he gave him a look. “I was going through and saving some of the messages from Iwa. Happy? I just want stuff to remember him by,” Oikawa said as he went to pick up the plate and he looked at the meal before he started to eat. Clearly, the meal was good enough for him to even consider digesting it, so Suga took that as a win.

That was something that Suga hadn’t thought about, though. Oikawa must have had a lot of message from Iwaizumi in his phone, so it was possible that even opening his phone was difficult. He was also guessing that there were a lot of pictures of the two of them on his phone and Suga couldn’t imagine how that might feel. “Sorry, I was just curious. I’ll stop being nosy, okay?”

Oikawa nodded and he continued to eat. Suga wasn’t completely comfortable with the silence, so he went to go turn on a television show. There really wasn’t too much on at the moment that Suga was even remotely interested in watching, so he decided to just turn on a gameshow. He figured he could use a laugh anyway. He had gone to turn on the television first, but Oikawa reached for Suga’s hand and tried to pull the remote away. “I don’t want to watch anything. Leave it off.”

Oikawa’s actions had frustrated Suga, so he pulled the controller back, but he put it down on the table so neither of them would be tempted. “I would kind of like to do something while I eat. So turn on your music again,” Suga had said. He had turned his music off in the kitchen and he didn’t want to risk upsetting Oikawa by playing another song that would just simply upset him.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say to Oikawa because he put his plate down on the table rather roughly and he went to throw his hands up. “So do you control me now? You know, I don’t have to answer to you. I want to sit quietly and eat my damned food. Thank you for cooking, but you’ve done enough. I’m going to go lay down.” Oikawa had gotten up and he had started to walk towards the bedroom. Suga felt bad, saying that it was his mood that had upset Oikawa to this extent. But he also was relieved that Oikawa was going to leave him alone for a while.

It didn’t take long for Suga to finish eating, so he finished up and he took Oikawa’s plate to save the left overs for later before he came back out to the living room and he flipped on a television program. He really just needed something to block out the noise in his head, so he went to flip on a gameshow like he was going to do originally.

The program ran for approximately an hour and ten minutes when he heard a buzzing that sounded like a phone, but it wasn’t his own. The buzzing was on the couch though, so he looked to see that Oikawa had left his phone laying there. It wasn’t like Suga and he normally would have never thought to do something this insane, but it was his boyfriend he was talking about and hopefully Oikawa would understand that he was just looking out for him.

Suga realized that it wasn’t just a text, but someone was trying to call Oikawa. Suga answered the phone call and he cleared his throat. “Oikawa’s phone. Suga speaking,” Suga said quietly and he blinked a bit.

“Oh, I was looking for Oikawa. Is here there? Why is his phone there?” a voice asked.

This wasn’t exactly something that Suga was comfortable with, but he really just wanted to know more about Oikawa and his friends. “He’s here, he’s just trying to sleep at the moment. Who is this exactly? I’m Oikawa’s boyfriend.”

There was a noise on the other end of the phone that made it sound like the man was struggling. It also kind of sounded like the person had an issue with what Suga has just said. “His boyfriend? I don’t know if you know this, but his boyfriend just died in a miserable accident. So whomever you are pretending to be, just stop.”

It became apparent that Oikawa hadn’t told all of his friends about the poly relationship, so Suga was a little uneasy about all of this. “I know Iwaizumi just passed… I was there for Oikawa when it happened. If you didn’t know this, Oikawa is polysexual and he needs the love of just more than one partner at a time. Hajime was trying to give that to him, so they asked me to be a part of their relationship. I don’t know if Oikawa wanted you to know that, but I’m trying to explain who I am and that’s the best way I can say it. I am Oikawa’s boyfriend, whether you like it or not.” Suga felt himself getting frustrated and mad at all of this, so maybe he really needed to step back.

The person on the other end of the line stayed silent for a moment before he sighed. “I didn’t know officially, but Oikawa seemed a bit too uncomfortable with Iwa all the time. I’m sorry for accusing you of imposing and such, but Oikawa is just a dear friend and I’m worried about him. Hajime was my friend too and I really do just want to be sure that Oikawa is okay.”

Whomever was on the phone had changed their tone dramatically and Suga had felt himself slowly calm down. “He’s managing. I’m managing too. I haven’t known him long enough to really judge what’s going to happen next, nor had I known Hajime long before he got into the accident, but we’ll figure it out. So can I ask again… who are you? What’s your name?”

There was some murmuring from the other line that Suga was trying to make out, but he really couldn’t tell what was being said. “I’m Yahaba. I know Oikawa because… well, we went to the same highschool together and he and I grew up together. Hajime also went to the same highschool, so it was really a shock when we discovered he had passed. He was a good man. By the way, I’m sorry for being so insensitive. This must be really hard on you to, since you were dating him,” Yahaba said and he sounded much gentler than he had before. That was something that Suga was thankful for.

Suga wasn’t too sure what to say, but at least he had figured out who the man was. “I’d love to get to meet you. Also, sorry about just answering Oikawa’s phone. Usually, I’d never do something like this, but I just want to look out for him as best as I can. I hope you understand.” Suga was a little more worried about Oikawa exploding on him later, but that was something he would deal with in the future. He would have to, anyway, as Oikawa was bound to figure out that he had missed a phone call from Yahaba.

“Oh, no, I get it. You’re being a good and protective boyfriend. So I do want to talk to Oikawa, but since he’s trying to sleep, I’ll call him later. Or maybe my boyfriend and I could just come over soon so we can talk,” Yahaba said. His voice began to get a bit more sheepish right then, but Suga let out a bit of a laugh at the suggestion.

“Sure. It can happen Tuesday maybe, as I don’t have class and I am fairly certain Oikawa only has the one class in the morning. Are you free Tuesday?” Suga asked.

There was another sound of murmuring and he figured that Yahaba was asking his boyfriend if they were free. It took nearly a minute, but Suga waited patiently for Yahaba to have an answer for him. “Yeah, looks like Tuesday will work. Could I possibly have your number so you can text me the details of where you live?”

That was something that Suga hadn’t thought about. They wanted to meet up, so they would surely have to have a place to meet up in. He just didn’t realize that Yahaba wanted to meet up at Suga’s place. Sure, Oikawa knew these boys. He trusted them. But Suga wasn’t so sure just yet. He bit his lip before he made a decision.

“Sure. Or maybe you can just give me your number and I’ll text you the details?” Suga asked as Yahaba laughed a bit.  
This was becoming an awkward, uncomfortable situation that Suga wasn’t sure how he was going to get himself out of. He knew that he needed to get out of it though, since it was getting late and he had class in the morning. He was sure that Oikawa wasn’t going to want to go to class, but he needed to go himself. He just hoped that Oikawa would keep himself together while Suga went to class. If not, he might have to contact Yahaba to keep an eye on him.

Once Suga had Yahaba’s number, he sent him a text so Yahaba would have his number too. “Oh, and just a question before I let you go. I’m not sure if Oikawa is going to be okay going to go to class tomorrow, even though I’d like to think he will manage. If he can’t manage, or he doesn’t want to go to class, can I trust you or your boyfriend to come over here and keep him going? That is, if I think he won’t be okay to stay by himself.”

Suga knew that he could trust one of his other friends to come check on Oikawa, but they wouldn’t know how to handle Oikawa on a normal day, let alone when he has gone through the tragedy of losing someone he was close to. Suga had a feeling that some of Oikawa’s friends would handle him just a little better than any of Suga’s friends would. “I have to work and my boyfriend is meeting up with someone in the morning, so as long as it’s after noon, it should be okay.”

That was something that Suga was worried about that had been taken care of and it took weight off of his shoulders. He was able to not worry as much about Oikawa and although he was still going to worry in the morning, the afternoon was filled with much less dread now.

“Thank you. I would ask one of my friends, but they don’t know him very well and the one friend I have that knows him… well, I don’t really want him anywhere near Oikawa at the moment.”

“Why would that be? Is he unstable or something?” Yahaba asked.

Suga sighed as he thought about Daichi. “No… He’s not unstable. He’s just… Well, he’s actually the man that was driving the ambulance the night that Iwa got into the accident and he and I were just on the phone. Oikawa heard me tell my friend that I love him and Oikawa took it the wrong way, so I’d just rather that they keep separated for the time being.” Suga wasn’t sure if Yahaba had wanted to know all of that, but he had asked, so Suga had told him. Maybe he had shared a little too much, but it was the least of his worries at the moment.

There was more murmuring on the other end of the phone and Suga was starting to get a little annoyed with the conversation. “Hey, maybe put me on speaker so you don’t have to tell your boyfriend everything I’m saying? For next time, anyway. I’m going to go get cleaned up and ready for bed. I’ve got class early tomorrow,” Suga said, his voice showing that he was a tad annoyed with Yahaba at the moment.

“Oh, I’m sorry Suga. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about being on speaker. I should have asked. My boyfriend just wants to know what’s going on. His name is Kyoutani, by the way. But I’ll let you go so you can get cleaned up and get to bed. I wouldn’t want to keep you from being well rested,” Yahaba said softly.

Suga could feel how the emotions were hitting him at the moment and he really didn’t know how to handle said emotions, but he knew that being on the phone with people he hardly knew couldn’t be helping. “Thanks. Get some rest yourself. I snapped, sorry for that. I guess I’m taking this a little harder than I thought I was,” Suga said.

“That’s okay. I’m keeping a brave face, but I’m really not handling this all that well. So I feel you, Suga. Have a goodnight,” Yahaba said.  
That made Suga feel a little bad for snapping, but he felt like he probably had a right to snap a little, saying that one of his boyfriends had died not too recently. “You do, Yahaba.”

Once the pair of boys had hung up the phone, Suga leaned back into the couch to do a little thinking. He really wasn’t doing so well, which he needed to hold it together a little better for Oikawa. “Breathe, Suga. You’re doing as well as you can,” he said to himself, taking a deep breath. He sat on the couch for probably close to a half hour longer before he stood himself up and he went to go get cleaned up. First things first, he had to clean the kitchen. It wasn’t like he had made that much of a mess, but he didn’t want to come back home from school tomorrow to a messy kitchen. That was when he got a thought and he stopped himself in the walkway.

Suga hadn’t sent a text to Yahaba yet to tell him where he lived. That was what he had stopped to do and he sent the message before he went to cleaning the kitchen. Suga sighed a bit as he worked and he knew it wasn’t completely necessary, but he had decided that it would be best to do a deep clean of the kitchen. That would probably take him more than an hour to do, but it was already started now. He started bleaching all of the counters and he was ready to go through all of the cabinets now. He wanted to check on all of the dry foods to see if he needed to throw any of it away. He would then go through his fridge and clean that out, even though he rarely held onto things.

The deep cleaning was meant to distract him, but Suga was busy crying while doing so. He needed this, though, so he really didn’t mind. He would work and cry at the same time so he could be productive and get his emotions under control. Not that he had faith in himself about his emotions, but he knew that working like this would tire him out so he could get himself showered and go to bed.

It took him the hour he thought it would take to deep clean the kitchen, which included sweeping and wiping the floor. That was when Suga wiped his own face and he decided to go take a shower. The reason that cleaning the kitchen had to happen first was so he could get the grime off himself afterwards. He would work up a sweat and then rinse it all off in the shower.

Suga came out from the kitchen and he went to the bathroom, walking by the bedroom and listening to the door for a minute. Suga took a breath and he went to push open the door. He really just wanted to see if Oikawa was okay laying alone. When Suga had looked in the room, Oikawa hadn’t moved or said anything. There were soft breathing sounds, far too slow to be breath sounds of someone that was awake. Suga went to the bathroom at that point and he had decided that Oikawa was obviously okay if he was asleep.

Suga had decided that showering would last as long as he needed it to. He didn’t care about the bill, because he really needed a long shower to try to drown out his emotions. He couldn’t sing like he wanted to, as Oikawa was asleep and he didn’t want to wake him up. He also couldn’t risk taking a bath, as he was far too tired to trust himself to stay awake and not fall asleep. But he took probably an hour long shower, letting the water run cold by the time he was done. That wasn’t a normal thing, as Suga really didn’t like taking long showers normally. But this wasn’t a normal day. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet.

He could only hope that once they got through the first day that it would get better. He wasn’t banking on it, but he was still hopeful.


	7. Stage Two - Anger (Part B)

Once Suga had finished drying off in the bathroom, he had decided that he would just have to risk waking Oikawa in order to get dressed again. It wasn’t that he wanted to wake Oikawa up, but he wasn’t comfortable enough to sleep naked alone, let alone with Oikawa in bed with him. Suga didn’t have to turn on the light though, which was a bonus to the situation. He knew where everything was and as long as Oikawa didn’t make dramatic changes to the room, he was more than okay with changing in the dark.

Suga had dropped the towel onto the ground in the corner and he went to go get changed, doing so quickly so he could get into bed and stop making noise. Once finished changing, Suga slowly crawled into the other side of the bed. Oikawa had no clue, but he was actually laying in Suga’s side of the bed. It was a cute thing to witness, but Oikawa would have to tell him about which side of the bed he liked. It was far too big for himself, so Suga had claimed a side of the bed for himself.

There was no telling if Suga was going to be able to sleep. It had been such a miserably long day and even though he had already slept since the event, it still hadn’t been a full day since everything had happened. He really wasn’t sure why today was still happening and he wasn’t sure that he would make through the next few days if they were anything like today had been. But he had to make it. He had to push through for Oikawa, so the boy could see that there was still hope out there. There really wasn’t much hope left, but Suga was holding on to the small amount there was.

Once Suga had curled up in bed and he had decided that sleep was definitely needed, he slowly rolled onto his side and he then tried to push himself against Oikawa. He was far too sleepy to realize he was doing this, but he was doing it nonetheless. Oikawa didn’t seem to mind at the moment, although Suga was worried that he would irritate the boy in the next hour or before he woke up.

The odd thing was, Oikawa had put an arm around Suga and held him close. He didn’t seem to want to even touch Suga or be in the same room as him earlier, but his subconscious was clearly telling him otherwise. His body knew he needed to be near someone, to be taken care of. His mind also knew it on a subconscious level.

Being conscious was different though, so after a few hours of sleep, Oikawa needed to use the restroom. He gasped when he felt Suga all snuggled up to him and he pulled away so quickly. Probably quick enough to startle Suga awake, but Oikawa didn’t wait to find out if he had woken Suga up. Suga had stirred and he sighed, just doing his best to move over on the bed so he could give Oikawa some space when he came back.

The thing was, though, Suga started to hear grumbling from the bathroom and he sighed, slowly sitting up and finally going to check out why Oikawa was making so much noise in the bathroom. “Oikawa? Are you okay?” Suga asked quietly, hoping Oikawa would hear him.

“Yeah, I’m completely fine, Suga! I guess I’ll just have to rearrange your entire medicine cabinet because it is a disaster and you clearly don’t know how to organize things!” That definitely did not sound pleasant to Suga and he slowly pushed the bathroom door open to see what the boy was doing.

Suga was met with a surprise of a towel being thrown in his face and he let it fall to the floor, slowly looking at Oikawa. “Darling, what is so important about the medicine cabinet right now?” Suga asked, trying to understand what the boy was doing. He was really just trying to understand and Oikawa was clearly not giving him any attention now.

“Everything is important about it right now! Don’t you get it? I needed something! I guess I just have to do everything around here. Don’t bother trying now. I felt you trying to curl up and make things up to me earlier. You really thought that was going to work? You thought that things would just magically be fixed with a little cuddling? You’re… disgusting,” Oikawa said and Suga frowned at the response.

That was when Suga ran a hand over his face to try to wake up. They were both thoroughly exhausted and needed sleep, but this part of Oikawa’s grief wasn’t going to allow them to sleep, clearly. “Okay, so can you tell me what you need so I can find it and you don’t have to go through the struggle of reorganizing the medicine cabinet?” Suga tried.

Oikawa groaned and threw his hands up in the air with defeat written on his face, but his body language didn’t look ready to give up yet. “So apparently I was struggling! Sure, yeah. I was struggling. Just tell me how to live my life now, Suga! You know everything apparently!” That was when Oikawa turned around and leaned his body weight onto the sink and he was clearly doing his best not to throw punches at the mirror. “I have a headache, so I was looking for pain medicine.”

If Suga had known that and Oikawa had just asked him, he could have told Oikawa that it was already in his room but it was on his night stand, the one on his side of the bed now, because that was just where he kept it. “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, dear. I’m just simply trying to understand things better. You know… Hajime’s death was hard on me, too. I lost him just like you did. I know that you’ve known him longer and I was just a new addition to the relationship, but I was in a relationship with both of you and I still lost him. This hasn’t been easy for me…” Suga said, trying to break Oikawa’s walls down a little so he could break down his defenses just a little bit.

It took a bit for Oikawa to stand up, but when he did so, Suga had noticed a bit of tension and anger out of his shoulders. “Yeah, I know. You didn’t know him as long, but you still knew him and I haven’t been fair.” Those words from Oikawa had been a relief for Suga to hear and he felt the tension raise off of his shoulders completely. “I’m just going to go get some water and take those pain killers. You can give them to me so you feel better if you want,” Oikawa said as he slowly left the bathroom.

He had apparently excused himself to the kitchen to grab some water, which Suga was thankful for because he needed to use the bathroom too and he was planning on doing so quickly so he could get to Oikawa quickly. There was something that Oikawa was correct about and it was the fact that Suga didn’t trust Oikawa with an entire bottle of pain killers at the moment. He just wanted to protect him as many ways as he could and that meant that Oikawa couldn’t be trusted with simple tasks at the moment.

Suga really did want to trust Oikawa with basic tasks like this, but he didn’t exactly trust him in that moment in time. It would eventually happen, so Suga wasn’t too terribly worried about it. It would just take time, is all. But doing something, like taking a generally helpful and usually harmless painkillers that taking too many could possibly kill someone by overdose, was not an action that Suga was willing to take a chance on at the moment. Suga knew that Oikawa was not in a very good frame of mind and he had no idea about Oikawa’s past or his mental health before this all happened. He didn’t want to find out the hard way.

Oikawa had come back just as Suga had finished up in the bathroom and was back in the bedroom, opening the bottle of pain killers. “Sorry, dear. I had to use the bathroom myself. But here we go. How many do you normally take? Are you okay with two? Will just one work?” Suga asked as he shook out two pills and looked back to his lover. The boy was holding a glass of water and he sighed, shaking his head.

“Give me two? If that’s okay with you,” Oikawa said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. It was just the way he said it that threw Suga off, but he really didn’t want to upset Oikawa any further. That was when the boy handed over two pills to Oikawa and the brunet took the two in his hand before swallowing them and setting the glass down on the nightstand next to him. “Thanks. Now I’m going to go back to sleep. Goodnight,” Oikawa said as he crawled back into bed.

When Oikawa had gotten back into bed, Suga had done the same, doing his best to keep his distance from Oikawa so he could just give him space and not freak him out again. There was no telling what Suga would do in his sleep, but he was doing his best to not cause more anger from Oikawa.

Whatever it was that Suga had done did the job, because Suga woke up a few hours later to an alarm on his phone. That was a normal thing for Suga, because he did have to go to classes early. Suga wasn’t cuddled up next to Oikawa when he woke, so that was a relief as Suga slowly crawled out of bed.

Suga had a thought as he started to get dressed, though. Oikawa was meant to go to the same morning class as he was, so was Suga meant to wake him? Was Oikawa even ready to go back to class? Suga wasn’t even entirely sure that he was ready to go back, but he wanted to try. He had decided that setting up a meeting with a grief counselor might be a good way to spend his lunch. He did have to talk through all of this at some point, so he figured it would be better to do so sooner rather than wait for later.

But he did want to figure out if Oikawa was ready to go back today. It had been longer than twenty four hours now, but that still wasn’t a long time. Suga wouldn’t blame Oikawa if he wasn’t ready to go back. This wasn’t an easy experience for either of them, but Suga at least wanted to go visit his teachers and let them know what had happened. Had the hospital called the school? Had they called Iwaizumi’s parents?

Things were beginning to crowd themselves in Suga’s mind and he just wanted to scream and yell to the heavens about all of it right now. He wanted to tell everyone that he was just not in the mood right now and he wanted to bury himself under the covers. But he was an adult now and he couldn’t just decide not to go back to class or do things because he went through a bad experience.

Once he was dressed for class, he slowly went to go check on his love and he sat on the side of the bed. Oikawa had apparently rolled on his stomach and covered his head with pillows. Suga just hoped that he could still breathe well, but he wasn’t too terribly worried because he heard Oikawa groan. “Love… Oikawa… It’s seven in the morning. Do you want to come to class? Or would you rather stay here?” Suga asked as he started to rub Oikawa’s back.

The groaning continued and he slowly rolled onto his side to face Suga, stretching his arms and shaking his head a bit. “You can go to class. I’ll write an email to my professors and let them know what happened… Do you think they know already?” Oikawa asked.

“I was actually just wondering the same thing. I have no idea, though. I’m going to go talk to my teachers, set up a meeting with the counselor on campus and probably come back. Will you be okay on your own?” Suga asked with a yawn.

Oikawa had echoed the yawn himself and he sat up. “I don’t know, do you think I’ll be okay?” Oikawa asked, the sarcasm back in his voice very loud and clear. It received a quiet sigh out of Suga and he slowly moved to stand back up. He really did want to think that Oikawa would be okay, but it would just take time. Suga wasn’t comfortable leaving Oikawa on his own, but he wasn’t particularly sure how Oikawa would feel about knowing that Suga had talked to his friends without being aware. That was who Suga was going to contact to come over and care of his boy while he went to do some errands at the school.

He made a mental note to himself to stop by all of Oikawa’s classes too, just to give the teachers a fair warning about why Oikawa hadn’t been attending class. “Oh, so while you were sleeping and what not, I… might have answered a phone call for you. It was Yahaba, and I wasn’t going to answer it, but it’s just been a weird couple of days and I just decided to do so. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me answering the phone,” Suga said, ducking his head down and doing his best to just breathe, because there really wasn’t any excuse for what Suga had done. But he really was sorry. “Although, I gave Yahaba my number and in case anything happens, he’s the one I’ll get in contact with so you can be comfortable with the people I bring over to care for you,” Suga said with a sheepish smile.

“Yahaba... Shigeru is a good friend. He and Kyoutani are good friends, but I really don’t appreciate you answering my phone,” Oikawa said with a bit of a scowl. He stood up himself and he went to go grab his bag to go change. At least, that was what Suga was assuming he was doing with his bag. That reminded Suga of the daily vitamin that Oikawa was meant to take and Suga licked his lips.

He went over to Oikawa, who was groaning as he pulled the clothes out of his bag. He recognized a black, long sleeved shirt that was definitely Hajime’s, but Suga didn’t say anything. “Oikawa, you know… you can wear my clothes too if you don’t like anything of yours right now. I also just want to remind you to take your pill this morning. You did pack them… right?” Suga asked softly as he pulled on his shoes.

There was a scowl coming out of Oikawa’s mouth. “Yes, I packed my pills. I’m not an idiot like you think.” Suga wasn’t too thrilled with Oikawa’s tone of voice, or the way he just assumed that Suga thought he was an idiot. That wasn’t at all what Suga had thought about Oikawa. He was actually very smart, or at the very least, Suga thought he was very smart.

But there was definitely no way that Suga was going to change this attitude right now. So if Oikawa wanted to think that Suga thought he was an idiot, he would let that happen. It was just another way of coping. Or at least, Suga was telling himself that it was.

“We should probably go have something for breakfast, too. I can cook or we can go out. What would you like, Oikawa?” Suga asked and he hummed a bit as he watched Oikawa take his shirt off. His boy was really just that attractive, so who could blame him for reacting like that?

Oikawa then sighed, shaking his head. There was obviously something wrong with what Suga had said or offered. Either way, Oikawa was shaking his head. This was going to be quite a chore and Suga could tell. Whatever state Oikawa was in right now was probably going to be the most annoying for Suga to manage. He still hadn’t looked up what the next stage was going to be, or even what this stage was currently. But he would manage it either way.

He would have to, if he wanted to keep Oikawa around. He definitely didn’t want to abandon the boy, either way. So he would manage it as best as he could.

“I don’t want to leave the apartment, so whatever you can cook up is fine I guess. Oh, and yeah, how about you clear some space in your closet for me to put my clothes in. That way, I don’t have to wear wrinkly clothing that’s been sitting in a bag,” Oikawa said in a matter-of-fact voice. “I don’t think I’d even fit in your clothes, so that was a dumb thing to suggest, don’t you think?”

There was only so much of this that Suga could take. He was likely going to scream if he had to be around Oikawa for another minute, so he got up and sighed, shook his head, and walked out of the bedroom.

Eventually, Suga would break down and go back to clear some space out of his closet so Oikawa could put some clothes in there, but that time was not right now. He wasn’t even sure if he could stand to be in the same room with Oikawa at the moment. It was becoming so damn tense in the room right then. At least, that was the way Oikawa had perceived it all. “You can get through this. You are strong enough to handle Oikawa…” Suga said quietly to himself.

There was a side of Suga that Oikawa wasn’t aware of. Suga hadn’t told many people, but he was actually quite the mental case. He was supposed to be on medication for being as mentally unstable as he was. His doctor had prescribed the meds for him and he had the meds still, but he didn’t like how he felt on the medication. So he just decided not to take it. But with the way Oikawa was talking to him and treating him at the moment, Suga wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. He was likely to snap, in all honesty.

Suga went to the kitchen and he was met with a wafting smell of bleach and cleaners. He remembered right then that he had cleaned last night and at the moment, he was actually thankful that he had cleaned. There was no telling what kind of anger or emotions would boil up in him if he hadn’t cleaned and had found a crumb, or a stain of some sort. Regardless, he had gone to the kitchen and found some things to cook up. It wasn’t much, but he hoped it would satisfy his brunet lover.

“I hope this is good enough, Oikawa…” Suga murmured to himself. He sighed as he started to cook, trying his best to keep his mind elsewhere. That was when his phone had started to buzz and he was thrown off by his phone ringing until he saw who it was.  
It was Yahaba and although Suga wasn’t anticipating a call from him, it was definitely a welcomed change of pace. “Hello?” Suga said as he continued his cooking, pressing the phone between his shoulder and his cheek.

“Hey Suga, so apparently my boyfriend, Kyoutani, he had a change of plans and he doesn’t have to meet anyone this morning anymore. So if you need him to come over for Tooru, just let me know, okay? I should have just text you, but I figured a phone call would be answered faster anyway.” Yahaba sounded exhausted and Suga was a bit worried about that, but he wasn’t going to get into that with him. Suga didn’t need to worry about more at the moment.

After a long, needed exhale of breath, Suga hummed a bit. “I’m actually rather glad you called me. I really don’t think Oikawa will be okay to attend class today. He’s just too shaken up after everything and he’s in this… weird, angry stage at the moment. So could you have Kyoutani come over after all? You can always come over after work if you want. I’m not really going to class, but I’m just going to go talk to all of my professors and then Oikawa’s... he said he would email them, but I’m still going to go visit all of them. He doesn’t sound too thrilled to have to leave the apartment though, so I will need someone to watch him…”

Suga really sounded like a parent. Oikawa wasn’t his child and he didn’t want to have to treat him like a child, but with everything going on and the tantrum that Oikawa seemed to be throwing, Suga would have to treat him with kid gloves for a while. There was just a part of Suga that told him he really couldn’t leave him alone. He desperately wanted to trust Oikawa, but there was a part of Suga telling him to be more cautious than he would normally have to be.

“That’s not a problem. Kyoutani will be over and they can hang out together. I don’t trust Oikawa to unlock the door though, so could you leave the door unlocked or just wait for him to get there?” Yahaba asked. It sounded like a boyfriend looking out for a boyfriend and that was such a sweet thing to hear right now, with everything happening that was just so wrong.

“How long will it take him? I normally would trust Oikawa with my stuff, but I really don’t at this moment. He’s really just in a mood,” Suga said with a sad voice. He had continued cooking and pushed the food around in the pan, turning the burner off at that moment.

Yahaba hummed and it took him a moment. “It really won’t take him long. Maybe fifteen minutes?” It really sounded like a guess and Suga really only had twenty minutes before he had to go. He would have to eat quickly as it was. But he just hoped Kyoutani would be there within fifteen minutes. It wasn’t like it was that urgent for Suga to get to class on time anyway. But if figured it would be better to go in early enough to catch all of the teachers before the classes started. If not, he would just go schedule a meeting with the counselor on campus and he would just wait for time to go by.

“Okay. Thank you so much, Yahaba. This really is a life saver. I will still probably be a few hours though. I hope that’s okay. You two can stay as long as you want, too. Eat anything in my fridge… I’m just glad I’ll have someone looking after Oikawa, honestly,” Suga said in a huff as he started to take plates out of his cupboard.

This was definitely a relief to Suga. It was also good to hear that Suga could get away from Oikawa. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Oikawa, but Suga definitely needed space. If he didn’t get space, he would likely snap and make Oikawa leave him for good. “No problem. I have to go, my break is nearly done. Maybe I’ll see you later? I still don’t know how long I’ll be at work, but I’ll probably pop over after, unless you send Kyoutani home early.”

If Kyoutani was willing to stay, that was probably a godsend for Suga. He could lock himself away in his room and either sleep or just get a breath away from Oikawa. This was clearly too much for Suga to handle right now and all he could think about was getting away.

“Thanks again, Yahaba. I’ll chat with you later,” Suga said. He heard Yahaba say his byes before he hung up, then Suga went back to serving up the breakfast. It really wasn’t a healthy breakfast, but Suga honestly didn’t care at the moment. It was good enough for now.

When Suga had heard Oikawa coming out into the kitchen, Suga slowly turned with the plate of food and he looked up to his boyfriend. “Here you go, Oikawa. Kyoutani is coming over, by the way. He’ll be here in fifteen to twenty minutes,” Suga said as he went back to serve himself up a plate of food. Oikawa took the plate to Suga’s table and sat down, yawning a bit.

The yawn got Suga a bit curious. Had Oikawa gotten back to sleep after they had gone through their little spat in the bathroom last night? He was hoping Oikawa had, but that was just a pipe dream at the moment. He was on pain killers after that. Was his headache gone? “Hey, do you still have a headache? I can give you more pain killers if you want,” Suga said.

Why was Suga still trying? He clearly wasn’t getting anywhere with the way Oikawa had looked at him and groaned. “My headache is gone! I’m just tired still. I didn’t really get much sleep last night. I had a problem getting back to sleep. You know, I think I need someone to hold me when I sleep,” Oikawa said with a grumble and he went to eat. “But I honestly don’t want you=” Suga put his hand up and Oikawa clearly saw it.

“You know, I’ve been trying. I really have been. But I’ve just had enough. I’m kind of glad I can get away from you and my apartment today. I don’t think I can take much more of you, to be honest. This is just way too much for me right now.” Suga wasn’t holding anything back. He was letting it all out. It wasn’t fair to Oikawa, but Suga had just had enough. He was holding back far too much and he was trying to protect his lover, but that was also super unhealthy.

Suga knew it, and it was particularly unhealthy for him to hold things back like this. So Suga sighed and he rolled his eyes, taking his plate of food out to the living room and doing his best to keep composed in the living room. It wasn’t exactly like him to blow up like that. It wasn’t like him at all. But Oikawa had just pushed Suga beyond his limits and he was breaking.

Suga sat on his couch and he ate right there, trying his best not to think about Oikawa at that moment. He really needed a distraction, but there were tears welling up in his eyes. He knew they were angry tears at the moment, but he just didn’t care. He wanted all of this to be over. He wanted Oikawa to feel bad. That was a toxic way to think about this, but Suga really just wanted to get away from his apartment and spend time away from his apartment.

How was it possible that it hadn’t been more than two days yet? There was absolutely no way that was correct. It was accurate, but Suga felt stress inside him that was equal to two weeks at this point. He really just wanted today to be over with already. It wasn’t going to happen quickly, but he was waiting for the hours to pass until he could go to sleep. Maybe he would sleep on the couch that night. Maybe he would ask Yahaba to stay the night so he could go sleep on Daichi’s couch. It wasn’t ideal, but it was something that would just have to happen.

Suga finished his breakfast relatively fast, but he sat on the couch for a little while longer, just holding his breath and exhaling, doing his best to rid himself of all of the toxic emotions in him right now. Eventually, he got up and went back to the kitchen, setting his plate in the sink and doing the dumb thing of looking over at Oikawa at that moment.

He was pushing his food around, not eating anything from the looks of things. Suga wasn’t even sure Oikawa had even taken a single bite yet. Was he just that angry? Suga was getting even angrier at that point and he was rethinking the idea of just skipping his classes. Maybe it would be better for him to attend classes if Oikawa was going to be like this. Suga wanted to be rather far away from him right then. What was it about Oikawa that was driving Suga so crazy?

There was the sound of knocking at the door and that was Sugawara’s saving grace, preventing him from strangling Oikawa right then. Suga went to the door and opened it, greeted by a head of blonde hair. That wasn’t exactly expected, but Suga hadn’t seen Oikawa’s friends before, other than the ones he had saw at the party he had gone to. The party felt like ages ago, which was a rather sad thing in all honesty. It wasn’t too long ago, but Suga had realized how slow time was moving without Iwaizumi around.

“I’m guessing you are Kyoutani, huh? I’m Sugawara, by the way,” Suga said as he held his hand out. Kyoutani looked at the hand and then he looked back up at Suga, giving Suga the impression that he wasn’t there to make a new friend. He really just wanted to see Oikawa from the looks of things. “I’m going to leave shortly, but I’ll show you around quickly. I’m sure…”

Suga was cut off when Kyoutani had decided to weave himself around Suga and walked inside. He clearly wasn’t paying much attention to Suga. Kyoutani had put his bag down by the couch and he cleared his throat. “Oikawa, get out here!” Kyoutani shouted. That was the first time Suga had heard his voices and he cringed a bit. That was rather unexpected and Suga was going to have to try to forget about that moment. Yahaba didn’t mention Kyoutani being as brazen as he was.

What was such a sweet boy doing with such a bold character? Suga was very curious, but he really didn’t have time to think about that at the moment. He just wanted to get out of the apartment. “If you need me… You can get my number from Oikawa or Yahaba, okay?” Suga said as he closed the door and went for his bag. Kyoutani waved his hand and Oikawa came out of the kitchen, sighing.

“I have to deal with your ass today now too? Wow, how lucky of me,” Oikawa said as he came out of the kitchen. He rolled his eyes and Kyoutani made a face, one of a wild dog or crazy bear of some sort. “Don’t you dare give me that look,” Oikawa said and Suga blinked, watching the scene unfolding in front of him. He was kind of afraid to leave them alone together now that he had watched this.

Kyoutani reached out and hit Oikawa across the head, and Oikawa just took it, as if he was expecting it. It didn’t look too terribly hard or violent, so maybe this was just the nature of their relationship. Right after that had happened, though, Suga watched Kyoutani pull Oikawa into a bear hug and it looked tight enough to cut off the oxygen flow. That was also concerning, but it seemed to be doing the trick in all honesty. Maybe this was what Oikawa needed. Maybe Suga just needed to let Oikawa’s friends step in for a while and get him through this.

After a moment, Oikawa had pulled back and wiped his eyes, taking a shaky breath. “You can go, Suga. I’ll be fine,” he said in his matter-of-fact voice once more. That voice was grating to Suga’s ears and he honestly didn’t want to stick around to hear more. It was just a bit too much stress for him to handle. That was when Suga put his hand up and he stopped at the door for a moment.

Did he want to try to kiss Oikawa goodbye? Did he want to try to mess with the mess that was standing there? Suga was at a loss at the moment. How was this supposed to go? He knew that he was supposed to want to give Oikawa a kiss goodbye, but with everything that had been happening, he was just lucky to be standing in the same room as the brunet right now without throwing things at him.

That was when Suga had decided that he would just leave well enough alone. “I’ll see you later then,” Suga murmured and he went to go leave.

Oikawa scoffed and he had his hips jutted out to one side with his hand on that hip. “So you’re not even going to kiss me? Good, I didn’t want a kiss anyway,” Oikawa said and Suga closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. This was definitely not good for their relationship and maybe Suga needed to be back on his psych meds for a while. “See if I kiss you again,” he said with a laugh that had gotten Suga a bit too frustrated.

This was it. This was the moment that was going to make them fall apart and Suga could just feel it. It was definitely important for Suga to talk to a counselor today, if not talk to someone to scream about Oikawa. Maybe Daichi was free today. He could only hope, at the very least. Suga sighed gently and he walked out of the apartment. He went to the stairs and he let himself out of the building.

When Suga was outside, he had decided that there wasn’t anyone close enough to him at the moment, so he just let out a scream. He let out a wail of desperation and it let out all of his pent up frustrations. How was he going to survive today? How was he going to manage? This was just a depressing situation? He had grabbed his bag and even though he wasn’t intending on attending classes today, he still wanted to hand in the work he had completed before the accident. He was very punctual about his homework and he wanted his teachers to have faith that he would still maintain his averages even through this tragedy. He knew that all of them would likely understand, but he still wanted to impress them and keep up with the class work. He didn’t want to have to repeat the classes. How would Iwaizumi feel in the afterlife if he knew that Suga had to retake classes because of him? He had a feeling that Iwaizumi wouldn’t feel too good.

Once Suga was done with his wailing, he leaned over and held onto his knees for a moment and tried to get a handle on his breathing. This was turning out to be such a stressful situation and Suga wasn’t sure how to handle it. It wasn’t like he had lost someone before. It wasn’t like he had really been through something so tragic before. So wasn’t it to be expected for this process to take longer to go through? Wasn’t Suga meant to take all the time he needed?

That wasn’t how Suga saw it. He wanted to rush through the healing process and he wanted to get on with his life, whether Oikawa was in it or not. Sighing, Suga started to walk towards the campus. It wasn’t too far away and he would still be early, but he wasn’t sure he would have enough time to visit all of his teachers and Oikawa’s teachers in the amount of time he had. So it was probably best to visit the ones that Oikawa had first and if need be, he would stay in class that day and talk to his professors at that time.

Suga was trying to figure out what he was going to tell Oikawa’s professors. Why was he the one telling them why Oikawa wasn’t in class? He would have to come up with something because he had a feeling they wouldn’t like the whole polyamorous explanation. But he didn’t want to lie either, so that was going to be a task in itself. When he reached the campus and went inside to go see one of Oikawa’s professors, he had gone to the front where the teacher was and he was given an odd look.

“Can I help you?” The man asked, tilting his head a bit. Suga hadn’t met this professor before and he wasn’t sure how to approach him.  
This was going to be a very awkward experience for Sugawara and he wasn’t sure how well he would handle it.

Suga took a deep breath and he went to scratch the back of his head. “Hi there, so uh… I’m Sugawara Koushi, by the way. I’m uh… I’m here on Oikawa’s behalf. He and I have experienced a very traumatizing thing. We both lost someone this weekend and he won’t be well enough to attend class today. Is it possible for you to email the class notes and such to Oikawa?” Suga said softly, hoping that the professor was buying this whole thing. It was true, but the teacher wasn’t too sure about everything he had heard.

The professor took a breath and he gave Suga a look, leaning back in his chair. “I can email Tooru. He’s a good student anyway, but have him email me. I’m sorry for the loss. Thank you for letting me know,” the professor said as the man went to his computer. Suga was hoping he would send Oikawa a letter right then, just so Sugawara didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Suga bowed his head and thanked him before excusing himself. Suga was in such a mood from everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through today. Getting drunk actually sounded like the best option, but he knew that it wasn’t the healthy thing to do. He went to another class of Oikawa’s and it was apparently one that Oikawa had with Iwaizumi as well.

“Oh! The school sent out an email to Iwaizumi’s teachers, that’s how I know about this already. Tell Oikawa to take as much time as he needs, okay?” The lady had said and she frowned to Suga. “I’m also sorry that it’s such a loss to yourself, as well. That’s really a tragic thing to happen. I wish they would have emailed all of your professors and Oikawa’s professors, because there’s no way we can expect the two of you to be here today,” she said. That was such a relief to hear. He knew it wasn’t going to change the stress level on him, but it was nice to know that someone was on his side in this situation.

Suga took a breath and he wanted to vent to her. She had seemed so nice and Suga wondered if he could take a class with her just to see how her classes worked. But that was something to ask about for another day. Suga couldn’t worry about another class right now. He had enough to worry about without stressing about next semester. “Thank you for understanding. I’ll still have Oikawa email you though, just so he can catch up on everything he missed.”

There was something that looked like pride and thankfulness in her eyes. “I hope things get easier for the two of you. You should take as much time as you need, too,” the professor said as she smiled to him sadly.

After excusing himself, Suga had gone to another class that was just Oikawa’s. Once he had gotten through the explaining phase of the whole thing, the professor shrugged and sighed a bit, handing a packet to Suga. It looked like a work book, so he figured that it was probably something the teacher had intended on handing out in class that day. “Just make sure Oikawa gets this, okay? Tell him that he can have extra time to do his work. He’ll know what I’m talking about,” the professor said and he went on to read his computer. Students were starting to pile into his classroom and Suga had a feeling that he would at least have to stick around until the first classes were done for the day.

After he had gone to his and Oikawa’s debate class, where he explained himself, he started to go to his other classes, but he was just starting to break down completely. Suga went to the campus common room and he sat down, wiping his eyes slowly and bowing his head to hide his face. He was crying because this was all just too wrong. He knew he probably needed to talk to someone about all of this, but he wasn’t entirely sure on what he was meant to say. He loved Iwaizumi, he adored the man and it was such a tragic event to experience honestly. It would be tragic to anyone, but Suga started to think. Wasn’t he rather lucky that he was going through this with someone?

“I have no right to complain…” Suga murmured, shaking his head. This was problematic thinking too, because Suga absolutely had a right to complain and get upset about all of this. Hajime was an important person to both Suga and Oikawa. So he could get as upset as he wanted and needed to in order to get through this. But Suga wasn’t seeing it like that right now for some reason. All he could see was how messed up this entire process and event had been.

This was beyond tragic for Suga and he felt like he was going through this alone. He knew he wasn’t, but his emotional state was just far too different from Oikawa’s. Nothing about this situation was a good time, but it was something he still had to go through. It wouldn’t be easy and Suga knew it, but he had to make it through, if only for Oikawa


	8. Stage Two - Anger (Part C)

It took Suga probably fifteen minutes to calm himself down before he stood up. Classes were already started and he wasn’t in his first one, which was rather problematic. So he decided to just go talk to his counselor. He wondered if the counselor already knew about the situation. It would have been a good thing for her to know, saying that any of the students on campus could come to her about the situation.

When Suga got to the office, he knocked and bit his lip, waiting for a response. A rather petite woman had answered the door and smiled to Suga. “Well hi there. How can I help you?” she asked as she backed up. “Come on in, I don’t have any appointments today, so I’m here to talk if you need to talk.”

Wow, that was quite the greeting and Suga was thrilled to know that this lady was willing to take him in. “You are a student here, right? Could I see your school ID?” she asked and Suga licked his lips, nodding slowly as he reached for his wallet and pulled out the school card with his face on it. “Okay, good. So what brings you to my office, dear? You can take a seat if you want to,” she said as she took a seat herself.

Suga slowly took a seat on the small sofa in her office, sighing a bit. “So… I was actually going to come ask to schedule an appointment, but I suppose that now would be a good enough time to talk to you…” Suga said as he slowly looked up. She frowned to him a bit and she had tilted her head, going to reach for a notebook. “So I’m struggling with something… It is very fresh, but I’m still struggling…” Suga said.

The counselor looked him up and down and she hummed, going to take a few notes. “I want you to keep going, but I have a few questions for you first. What’s your full name? I just have to take this all down for school records. Oh, and what are you majoring in?” she asked, tapping her pen down on the notebook.

Suga took a breath and nodded. “I am Sugawara Koushi. I’m not really sure about what I want to major in at the moment, but I am taking quite a few communication courses. I guess the major I’m signed up for at the moment is English,” Suga said. He wondered what she thought about that, but she probably heard the same thing or things like Suga had said all the time.

Once she had finished writing, she looked back up to Suga and smiled gently. “Are you currently on medication? This is just in case you need a referral from me,” she said and Suga cringed. He thought about the ones he was meant to be on and he licked his lips.  
The counselor could tell that there was something up with Sugawara and she smiled. “Just be honest with me, okay? I don’t want you to try to hide things.”

“I’m… supposed to be on one for the condition I have… I struggle with having bipolar depression. And I have tried a couple different medications, but none of them have really helped me, in all honesty. The one I have currently manages my symptoms, but I don’t care for how it makes me feel,” Suga said softly and he looked down, feeling rather terrible about the situation. He knew that he needed to be on some kind of medication, but none of them really did the job.

Sighing gently, Suga looked up to see the look on the counselor’s face. She wanted to see just how disappointed she was. Really, Suga was disappointed in himself. None of the other medications worked, but he hated how this one made him feel. It was just unsettling how he really didn't feel like himself. When he was off of them, he felt more like himself. He would snap easily sometimes, and other times he was just happy-go-lucky. But he really just wanted to feel like himself. He really didn't think any medications could help.

The therapist was writing things down in her notebook and she looked up to Suga. "That's okay. Those meds aren't for everyone, I understand. Anyway... That's all I have as far as questions go for my records. But maybe you could tell me why you're here?" she asked and Suga sighed, nodding his head. "Oh, I'm Miss Yoshino by the way. I'm the school therapist. One of three, anyway. I haven't had appointments for this week though, just because students aren't aware that I came back from my trip. I just don't want you to think that I'm not good at my job."

Suga hummed and nodded. He didn't think that at all, he just figured he was lucky enough to get to talk to her on today of all days. "I'm... Sugawara Koushi... Suga is just fine, by the way, if you didn't read it on my student card," Suga said and she nodded, looking back down at her papers.

This was taking up more than enough time for Suga and he was glad that she had other things to attend to before actually talking to him. "So what brings you in today, Suga?" she asked, getting more comfortable in her chair. Or at the very least, that was what it looked like to Suga.

After tapping his knee, Suga took a deep breath. "So the reason I came in... is because I am struggling with the death of my b-..." Suga wondered just how careful he had to be with her. Would it be safe to tell her that Suga, Iwaizumi, and Tooru were all in a polyamorous relationship together? Or would he get judged by the person that was meant to be helping him. Suga had to make a choice. "...of my boyfriend, Iwaizumi. He passed away less than two days ago and it is so fresh... I know that getting over a death like this really isn't easy, but I just feel like it should be a little bit easier by now..."

The therapist nodded and she went to write in a notebook, taking notes once again. "I am so sorry for your loss, Suga. It's not easy to lose anyone. Especially a boyfriend. Have you tried reaching out to his family or friends to help with the coping process?" she asked, lifting her head once more to look at him with a look of pure sadness in her eyes.

It was encouraging for Suga to know that it was normal to be struggling with this, but Suga still wasn't sure that he wanted to struggle. He just wanted to skip this whole part. What was so wrong with that? Iwaizumi wouldn't care, would he? As long as he was remembered, Suga assumed. Once he had taken a breath, Suga nodded and he wiped his eyes of the tears. "I... well, please don't judge me for this, but... Iwaizumi and I were also... we were dating another boy, named Oikawa Tooru. And actually, I was the newest addition to their relationship... I'm the only other person they are dating, or... were dating... but Tooru just... he is not taking this well at all..."

The therapist hummed and she wrote down in her notes once more. "Death and loss isn't easy one bit Suga, but it does sound like Iwaizumi was closer to Tooru, it he's the one not handling it as well. I'm not saying that this is any easier for you, but all people handle death in different ways." Miss Yoshino had took a breath and Suga was glad he had told her about all of this. It was still a struggle, but it was good to know that she wasn't going to judge him for being in a poly relationship.

When she stretched a bit, Suga started to think about Oikawa more than he should have been and he really should have been focused on the session here. What was wrong with him? "It takes time, Suga. It will likely take a long time for you to completely heal from this loss. Unfortunately, I can't really give you a time frame on how long to expect. It's a very fresh loss and it sounds like Iwaizumi really did mean a lot to you. But you know what? It's perfectly fine to take as much time as you need. Have you talked to your professors about this? "

Suga sighed again and he shrugged. "That was actually what I was meant to be doing here today. Oikawa wasn't well enough to come to class today and he is super emotional about this still, so I had to stop by his classes first. My first class already started though, so... I really didn't have time go by all of them. I did stop in the one that Oikawa and I share to tell them just exactly why we weren't coming to class, but... I still have three other classes to attend..."

After saying that, the therapist hummed and she rolled her chair to her desk, typing something on her laptop. "You know what? I will email all of your professors and Oikawa's to let them know that you won't be attending class today. I can't do this for next week, but I will have them excuse you from this week’s classes and let you have extra time to make up the work."

The shocked look came across Suga's face and he tilted his head. She would really do that for him? She was going to give him a pass on his classes? Wow, this was incredible. "You-you'll really do this for me...?" Suga asked in a bit of a whining voice. He was just impressed that the counselors were so understanding and they actually went out of their way to help the students. It wasn't very often that Suga felt relief like this and felt the support that he actually needed.

The smile came across the counselor's face and she looked up to Suga. "Absolutely. When you seek out help, you will usually get it, dear," She said as Suga smiled and wiped his eyes again. There were tears there again and he wasn't sure if they were tears of sadness or just utter shock. Maybe they were tears of happiness. Suga really didn't know.

"So just know that you will have to go to class at the beginning of next week and... Oikawa Tooru was it? I can excuse him from the classes this week too, but he'll be expected in class the beginning of next week too."

It rarely happened like this for Suga. Good things really didn't show themselves around Suga but he really wasn't going to get used to it.  
Once the therapist had finished typing, she had looked back to Suga and started to wheel her chair back to where it had been before. "So you know, you can talk to me about Iwaizumi if you want to. I don't want to push you and I want you to use this time for anything you want. But sometimes it helps to talk about someone you lose."

Suga nodded as he leaned back into the couch and he felt himself getting more comfortable. "I really... I don't know exactly what to say about him, really. He was an amazing man and he took care of me. But... I don't know, it's just hard to deal with things when he's not here."

Miss. Yoshino hummed as she took notes. "How so? When you weren't dating him and Oikawa, couldn't you handle things?" she asked, looking back up. That was a very valid point and Suga wondered why he hadn't thought of something so clever. Yes, he was handling things on his own before they had started dating. Yes, he was still capable of doing things. But the thing was, he wasn't sure how much longer her could really do this.

"I was... But I just got used to how things were with him being there... And as much as I love Oikawa, he seems so different than he was before the accident..." Suga had wiped his eyes and he covered his face for a moment, trying to stop the tears from falling, as if willing them away would do the trick. That wasn't the case, but Suga would try anything to stop crying now. His eyes were so sore and he was just so done with crying at the moment. It made him feel weak and unattractive. He knew that was anything but true, but that was just how he felt.

It took a moment for the therapist to look up to Oikawa again, as she was writing notes. But when she had, she hummed gently. "Grief and loss affect people in all different ways. Oikawa is definitely handling this differently than you are, very clearly, but that really doesn't mean you should stop living your life. You should keep on living it and you should find other ways to make yourself smile. Have you considered making yourself a journal or keeping track of events in the day?"

That was honestly something Suga hadn't considered. He wasn't much of a writer, but maybe just writing down his feelings and reading them back would help him? Suga wasn't too terribly sure how that would work, but it was definitely something to consider trying. He knew that he definitely had extra notebooks to use in the house, so why not at least try it? "I haven't... but now that you've said something, I will definitely give it a shot," Suga said and he took a breath.

Right then, the phone had rang and Suga looked towards her phone. "You'll have to excuse me, Suga. I'll be right back with you," she said before she stood and went to answer the phone. This was definitely a good idea. At least Suga was given a week pardon for his classes so he could take time to cope with all of this. He wasn't sure how he would even begin to cope, even though he already was. But he would definitely find a way. After a few moments, Suga heard the therapist hang up the phone and she bit her lip as she looked back and him. "I am going to have to cut this entire meeting short, Suga. I am so sorry. Another student is struggling right now and desperately needs help.”

"That's okay, really. I wasn't sure what else to say, anyway. But... if I find myself struggling again, can I come to you for help?" Suga asked as he slowly stood.

Miss Yoshino nodded and she smiled to Suga. "Thank you for understanding, Suga. I appreciate it. I will send an email to you through your school email and you can email me if you want to set up another appointment at some point," she said and Suga walked towards the door.

After the goodbye, Suga had stepped out of her office and she had shut the door. Suga wondered what was so urgent that a student needed her right away, but he couldn't worry about that right now because he just had far too much to be worried about at the moment. Although, it felt like a ten pound weight was taken off of his shoulders, knowing that he was getting pardoned for all of his classes for the next week.

There really wasn't much else for Suga to do right then, but did he really want to go back to Oikawa right then? He wasn't sure and he really didn't want to find out if he was up for handling him either. That was when Suga had decided to call Daichi and he took a seat on a bench outside. He wasn't sure if Daichi had worked the night before and he really didn't want to wake him, but he really just needed a distraction right now. After everything this morning and last night, he was kind of just done with everything.

When Daichi had answered the phone, he had sounded more than just tired. Suga had felt so bad and he sighed. "Suga? Are you okay? What's up?" Daichi had asked with a yawn and he made the silver-haired boy feel even worse.

"Daichi, I am so sorry for waking you... You know what? I can find something else to do. Go back to sleep, please," Suga said and he felt the tears well up in his eyes again. He wanted Daichi to sleep, but he didn't want him to leave right then either. This was a mess and Suga needed his best friend right then, but Suga didn't want to inconvenience the boy.

Daichi sighed and Suga could just imagine him shaking his head right then. "You know Suga, when you cry, your voice goes up a couple notes and it sets me on edge. We might not be dating anymore, but I still care about you. I don't think you could pay me enough to stop me from caring about you. It goes against everything I believe in," Daichi said and Suga squeaked out a bit of a cry. He was very uncomfortable crying in public, but he was already doing it and he really just didn't care at the moment. He needed this more than he realized. "So what do you need? Can I come get you? Can I get anything for you? Maybe just a hug?"

It was when Daichi was cute like this that Suga had been super saddened by the way they had to break up, or the reason they had to, anyway. It was really a sad reason, but Suga had to get over it now. He really just had to calm himself down and he had to stop thinking about why they broke up. He had too much to think about and worry about right then anyway. "I... I wouldn't say no to a famous Daichi hug..." Suga said quietly.

When Daichi had started to laugh, Suga echoed the sound and he knew that he was giving relief to Daichi too. "I know my hugs are good, but they aren't famous," Daichi said. Suga heard the sounds of rustling in the background, meaning that Daichi was obviously moving to come to Suga.

"Wait, they are legendary. That's right. Famous is t-too little for your hugs..." Suga said, getting another laugh out of Daichi. His laughter was so soothing for Suga to hear and he really just wanted to hear it for as long as he possibly could.

It took Daichi a moment to say anything else, but the silence between them had always been a comfortable silence. It was just a silence that they both had learned to sit in with peace. It wasn't at all awkward and even after they had broken up, at the very least, that was still the same with them. They really couldn't afford to lose something like that, anyway. "Where are you? At your apartment?"

That was when Suga's tone of voice had changed and he sighed, getting Daichi to worry just a little bit more. "No. I'm at the school, actually... I uh... I came to talk to my teachers... Oikawa's too..."

Daichi hummed. "How is he holding up?" Daichi asked and Suga rubbed his face again. It had to be blotchy and look strange by now with all of the crying he was doing. It was just gross, the act of crying. There was absolutely nothing good about crying in Suga's opinion. Sure, if could be helpful for some people. But really? It just wasn't helpful right now.

What could Suga say about Oikawa? What could he say to get Daichi to understand the position he was in right now? "Well... I mean, he's not dead yet. If he keeps going the way he is though, he might end up getting killed..." Suga said, sounding very dark.

That had to concern Daichi, and it actually made him pick up his pace. "Okay, so... I'm on my way. Don't hang up, though. I'll be there soon. Oikawa's not dead... Are you struggling with him? Is that what you mean by Oikawa might end up getting killed?" Daichi asked. Suga heard his door close. That meant that Suga had roughly five minutes before Daichi was by his side.

"I am definitely struggling with him... He is starting to push me to limits that I didn't know I had. It's just a pain to have to keep up with him right now. It's so frustrating to me, honestly. Daichi... I don't know how I can handle him. But I'd be a bad person if I left him in this time of need..." Suga said and he started to cry a little harder. It was really just a pain for Suga to have to go through all of this right now.

It sounded like Daichi was jogging, so it would take him less than the five minutes he thought it might take him. "Well, for one, you're not a bad person. You are a great person and I know that for a fact. But also, you are just doing the best you can, Suga. If you can't handle him while going through something like this and you need space, you need to take that space and get away from him."

Well, that would have been absolutely wonderful, if Suga didn't force Oikawa out of his home and push him into staying with him yesterday. "I don't know how I can get away from him, though... I had him come stay in my apartment and... if I tell him he has to leave, I'm the bad guy. Daichi, I can't be the bad guy..." Suga was ugly crying by now. He was sobbing, tears running down his cheeks and landing on parts of the ground or his lap when they fell. "I c-can't tell him to leave after I forced h-him to come stay with me..."

Feeling a headache coming on, Suga pinched the bridge of his nose to try to release some of that tension. "Suga, listen... If he doesn't want to leave your apartment or even if you don't want to try asking him to, I can either be the bad guy or you can come stay with me for a couple of nights."

That was where things were beginning to get interesting and Suga let out a bit of a laugh. "I would come stay with you, but you know... he thinks that I'm cheating on him with you already. He heard me say that I loved you on the phone the other day and I tried to explain to him that it really wasn't like that, but I don't know how much he believes me..." Suga rubbed harshly against his eyes and he could feel the people walking by him start to give him looks of pity and start to question what was wrong, or why he was crying in public at the very least.

He heard Daichi sigh and it was one of the sighs that told Suga that Daichi was getting very frustrated. It was probably because of everything Suga had told him about Oikawa, but that really couldn't be helped. "Do you think that if I talked to him, it would help at all?" Daichi asked.

Suga took those words in and digested them playing the scenarios through his head. "Uh.. well, maybe? But it likely won't with his emotional state right now. Last night... he got up to go to the bathroom and he started throwing a fit because he couldn't find the pain killers... They weren't even in the medicine cabinet... I could have just told him where they were," Suga said and he put his head in the palm of his hand.

That was when Daichi had sighed and Suga heard the line disconnect. Suga didn't even realize that his eyes were closed until he had to open them to check that Daichi had been the one to disconnect the call. He was, and Suga sighed gently, looking up to see a dark figure standing in front of him. "I can try. It's going to take him time, but he needs to understand that it's going to take you time, too," Daichi said as he reached out for Suga.

That was when Suga had moved to stand, he had nearly lunged himself at Daichi. He felt those strong arms wrap themselves around Suga and this was when Suga knew he was home. It was very encouraging and he sometimes wished he didn't have to lose Daichi like he had to. He was such a terrific boyfriend. "Hey now, hey... You're okay..." Daichi whispered quietly, his arm beginning to move on Suga's back, just trying to rub his back and soothe him as best as he could. He really didn't know how he could soothe him, as Daichi really hadn't been through something like this before. He had never watched a boyfriend die before and it was heartbreaking that Suga had to go through something like this. It was really terrible to think that anyone would have to go through this.

Suga buried his face into Daichi's neck, shaking his head and he was nearly wheezing right then. "D-Daichi... I can't..." he whispered and Daichi sighed, cooing to him.

It had been quite a while and Suga wasn't sure how long they had been standing there, but somehow, Daichi had managed to move them to sitting without Suga realizing it. "You can do this, Suga. You can get through this... I know you can. You are so strong and you can make it through just about anything. Even this," Daichi said softly and Suga shook his head again, keeping his face pressed against Daichi's neck. It was such a comfortable place for him and Suga never wanted to leave at times, especially times like this. Suga knew he would have to move eventually, but now was not that time.

When Daichi had finally pulled back, it was only because Suga's breathing had finally settled and he had actually calmed down enough to breathe again at a normal pace. "I don't know if I want to do this, though. I can... but I don't want to..." Suga said and Daichi let out a laugh that sounded sad more than anything. He knew that Daichi had pitied him, but he also knew that it was only because Daichi felt bad for Suga. "I just want this to all be over. I don't care how it happens, honestly..."

Those words were really concerning to Daichi and he frowned, looking Suga over and he put his hand against Suga's cheek. "You can't give up though. Promise that you will keep pushing through this. I don't know when, but it will get easier at some point. You are strong enough to handle this," Daichi said and Suga groaned, wiping his face.

At least he wasn't crying anymore. He had cried all of the tears he possibly could he thought, but he wouldn't bank on that just yet. He really didn't think this could be over any time soon and he didn't want it to get any worse. So if this was what he had to deal with, this was what he was going to deal with until it got better. "I won't give up, Daichi. I won't..." Suga said and he pressed his cheek against Daichi's hand for a moment before he pulled his face away. "You know, I should probably get back to Oikawa now... I know he's with a friend, but I don't know how much I trust that friend right now..."

It took Daichi a moment to process what Suga was saying. It really confused him and seemed odd that Suga didn't trust him with one of his friends, but maybe he really didn't know everything. "Is that friend... okay?" Daichi questioned and Suga sighed.

"The first thing he did when he saw Oikawa... was hit Oikawa on the side of the head... Oikawa took it though, and he hugged him right after doing that, but I still don't know if I trust him with Oikawa right now. Especially with how Oikawa had been since yesterday..." Suga sighed as he stood up and he reached his hand out to help Daichi stand. Not that Daichi needed it, but he took the hand anyway and he was thankful to the hand. "It has already been three hours since I've been home. I don't want to know the state that they left the apartment in..." Suga said.

Daichi smiled as he started walking with Suga, thinking about what kind of friends Oikawa had if they were hitting him like that. It sounded like an abusive friendship, if anything. That really wasn't a promising thing to be hearing. But Daichi wasn't going to question it. "Although, his boyfriend might be there by now, so... I might be worried about nothing. This boy's boyfriend seems so much nicer, at least over the phone..." Suga said quietly.

The pair crossed the street and started to walk to Suga's apartment. It was an apartment that Daichi knew so well and had been saddened that he hadn't lived there anymore. But things had to happen, clearly. "I wonder what such a nice boy is doing with someone as... bold as this boy sounds," Daichi said with a pondering and inquisitive look on his face.

When Suga had stopped, Daichi got more than concerned. "I literally thought the same thing this morning. Daichi, get out of my brain," Suga said with a smile and he let out a laugh. The sound of Suga's laughter was music to Daichi's ears and he didn't want to go another moment without it, in all honesty. He really just wanted to hear it for as long as he possibly could. This was a beautiful thing. The thing was, though, Daichi had to be careful about getting to comfortable with Suga. He would fall in love with him all over again and he would want him back. But he knew that he couldn't have him, especially with Suga being in a relationship again.

"I can't help it Suga. We just think too similarly, I guess," Daichi said with a chuckle and he smiled to Suga, pulling him against his side and letting his arm stay around Suga's waist. That was a dangerous action in so many ways. For one, if Oikawa had saw it, things would get so much worse. It was also dangerous because Suga and Daichi still had underlying feelings for one another and they didn't need to push those feelings any further.

But the thing was, Suga didn't push Daichi away and Daichi didn't want to pull away. They were just too comfortable like that. Had Suga been in a better state of mind, he might have pushed Daichi away and asked for space. But unfortunately for all parties involved, he wasn't in a better state and he really did need the comfort like this. Either way, he was just pushing through all of this right now. He needed as much comfort as he could get and Daichi was being the comforting arm he needed right now.

It didn't take the pair long to walk back to the apartment. They were walking slowly, but it still wasn't a far walk, no matter the pace. It was probably a mile and both boys could run that distance in less than seven minutes easy. Their walking pace at the moment though had been more than double that time, but neither of them cared. Suga sighed gently as he stopped at the entrance to his apartment building. "So, do you want to come up?" Suga asked and Daichi pulled his arm away, turning to face Suga.

"If you don't want me to, I won't. I'm sure I'm not Oikawa's favorite person in the world right now," Daichi said and Suga sighed, shaking his head.

The thing was, Suga didn't want any drama to happen between his best friend and his boyfriend. He wanted them to be friends, but he wasn't sure that it was even possible at this point. Suga was trying his best to push through all of this, trying to tell himself that they would eventually get to a point that they could potentially be friends, but that day was not today. It probably wouldn't be tomorrow or the day after that either, but there was just a little hope inside of Suga that was telling him it would happen sooner, rather than later.

"It's not that I don't want you to... I do, I really want you with me right now. But the thing is... Oikawa, well... He heard me on the phone with you and he thinks that I'm cheating on him with you. I told him that I never would, but I don't think he believes that. It's just because I told you that I loved you, but he thought I was serious about it..." Suga said with a sigh. Daichi shrugged his shoulders and he turned his head to the door.

If there was one person to be trusted with about anything in the world and it could be trusted it would be kept a secret, it was Daichi. Suga didn't have to worry about spilling the secrets he had and he really trusted him with about anything, even if it wasn't a secret. The dark-haired man looked back and smiled. "This is where I'll leave you then. I don't want to upset him any further than I already have, okay? If you want me to come back at any time and I'm not working, tell me. At least, if Oikawa is okay with me being there," Daichi said as he leaned closer to Suga. He reached his arms around the boy and gave him another one of his so-called legendary hugs. He didn't see what was so good about them, but really, he'd do anything to make this sweet, caring boy feel better.

"I'll call or text if I need you," Suga said sweetly and he gave Daichi a kiss to the cheek. That was quite the dangerous move, but it was one that had to happen to just tell Daichi that he still meant something to Suga. It was uncalled for, but they had kissed each other's cheeks before and nobody thought anything of it. It was just a friendly motion, really. It was harmless and Daichi knew that it meant no harm, so what was the issue with it?

There would have been issues if Oikawa had witnessed it, but he was inside and he couldn't see the two of them standing around right then. "Oikawa's not around, so I love you, Suga," Daichi said and he smiled, returning the kiss to Suga's cheek. "Now go back to your man, okay? Go take care of him," Daichi said sweetly before he pulled away and stood back from the door.

They parted ways and it was rather sad, but this moment was still one that needed to happen. The fact that Suga couldn't bring Daichi inside because of the reaction Oikawa might have to him gave him such heart pains. It was tragic to think that he had to pretend not to be as close to Daichi as he was. Daichi was his best friend and he was his boyfriend at one point. Sure, Suga could see how that might be a problem to some people, but not all breakups had to end on bad terms. They were best friends before they were in a relationship and they went back to being best friends after the fact.

Once inside, the platinum blond boy had gone to his apartment and he listened to the sounds of struggling inside the room. That didn't sound too pleasant and there was no telling what Suga was wailing into at the moment, but he would find out soon enough. Suga reached quickly to the door handle and he was greeted with the sight of Kyoutani and Oikawa wrestling on the ground, just pushing each other around and getting a bit rambunctious at that moment. There was a third person in the room though, and Suga was assuming it was Yahaba.

Suga walked around the mess of limbs and hands flying on the ground and was still looking at all of the mess very cautiously. "So... What's happening...?" Suga asked as he took a seat next to the man he assumed was Yahaba. He had light brown hair and he had a kind face. It was all to be expected with what Suga had heard on the phone earlier. "Are they okay...?"

The other boy looked up to the person sitting next to him and he let out a bit of an awkward laugh. "Well... I couldn't get them apart when I found them. I've really only been here for ten minutes. It's really just another form of exercise for them. They like to wrestle and push each other around," he said. "But hi. I'm Yahaba Shigeru, the one from the other end of the phone," he said as he held out a hand to Suga.

He took the hand and he shook it, just nodding to the man. "Nice to meet you. I'm Suga," he said with a bit of a chuckle. "Today has been such an interesting day... I'm exhausted and might go take a nap, but I'm interested in what is going on out here and I want to make sure they are both okay first... They're also making too much noise for me to nap," he said.

That was when Yahaba nodded and he sighed at the pair rolling into the coffee table. "Kyou, you know, you don't have to make a mess everywhere you go. You're not actually a dog," Yahaba said.

There was no answer and the two kept rolling around on the ground. At least there was the sound of laughter coming from the middle of the two of them and it didn't sound like either of them were really hurting. Although, when Suga picked up on Oikawa's laugh, it still sounded angry and that was very discouraging for Suga right then.

Yahaba had thrown a pillow into the mix and it got the two of them to stop for a minute. "Oikawa, your boyfriend is here. Don't you think it'd be nice of you to give him a hug and a kiss?" Yahaba suggested and Oikawa scowled, sitting up and adjusting his shirt that was all types of disarranged at the moment. The two boys had a bit of a stare off right then, and it was a very uncomfortable for Suga to even watch. Yahaba wasn't standing down though and Oikawa sighed as he looked away.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. You win. Whatever," he said in a sarcastic voice as he stood up and walked over to the couch. He took a seat right next to Suga and he looked him over. "You know, I can smell him all over you," Oikawa said with a look on his face and Suga gave Oikawa a look. He was clearly talking about Daichi, but Suga just wasn't in the mood. Oikawa pulled Suga in for a hug and they stayed like that for quite some time before the brunet pulled back and he licked his lips for a moment. "Since we didn't get this earlier, hello Suga," he said softly.

This was beyond unexpected and Oikawa cleared his throat before he leaned in and gave his lover a kiss. It was unexpected because everyone thought that he didn't want to be kissed or even touched. It was unexpected because of the way things had happened that morning or even just last night. Not that Yahaba or Kyoutani knew about what had happened that night, but it just felt so odd at the moment. The two boys pulled back from the kiss and they both took a breath. "I saw Daichi today. Today has just been hard, but I promise that nothing happened."

When the brunet nodded and rolled his eyes, Suga could tell that he wasn't believing what he had to say. That was discouraging nevertheless and it was something that he wasn't sure he could handle for the rest of the way. "He kissed my cheek and I kissed his back. But I don't have feeling for him anymore, okay?" Suga said as he stood up from the couch. His voice was raising and he was getting angrier than necessary. There was really no reason for him to be angry like this right now, but his emotions were just beyond the point of being controlled. He wasn't even sure he wanted to control them.

"Whoa, hey, all I said was that I could smell him on you. His cologne or whatever he wears is strong, okay? I remembered it from the ambulance ride and I could smell it on you. So why don't you just calm down," Oikawa said and he put his hands up in defense. He wasn't really trying to defend himself, but Suga was just done with all of this.

"How about you keep the volume down so I can take a nap. I'll be calm again when I wake up," Suga said in a quiet voice and he walked back towards the bedroom. He clearly just wasn't in the mood. Oikawa's mood was brightening up a little, but Suga couldn't tell if it was for the better or for the worse.

"Yeah, you go do that and I'll keep my voice down," Oikawa said with an eye roll once again. Suga hadn't seen it, but if he had, he would have lunged at the boy. He would have attacked him and he would have wished that he was just wrestling as a game like he had been with Kyoutani. It was a good thing Suga didn't see it though.

He needed time away without dealing with Oikawa, and Oikawa needed time with his friends without anyone interrupting the playfulness.


	9. Stage Two - Anger (Part D)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally reached the end of the anger stage. Poor, poor Oikawa and Suga. That's all I have to say...

Suga had stomped off to the bedroom and he sighed as he settled down into the comfort and relaxation that was the bed. He really wasn't too fond of all of this napping lately, but it was something that needed to happen and the silvery-blond boy knew it. Sighing as he got comfortable, Suga replayed what had just happened.

The play fighting that was happening had thrown Suga off completely and he probably really should have met Oikawa's friends before even starting a relationship with the boy. But now that he knew that Kyoutani was like this and they had a relationship of this sort, he was not going to forget it anytime soon and he would just try to deal with it at some other time. He was also thrown off about how Yahaba didn't seem to be reacting properly to their wrestling. But that was just Suga's opinion. Maybe if he saw it before all of this happened, before the accident, Suga would have thought differently.

Next, Suga thought about how Oikawa had made accusations about himself and Daichi. Although they weren't exactly accusations, the way everything had been said was so judgmental and was not going to be soon forgotten. There were things that couldn't be forgiven, and the fact that his best friend was getting judged by his boyfriend of all people, when he had friends like the ones that were in the living room right now told Suga that this particular instance was not likely to be forgotten anytime soon.

But after the judging was done, Suga replayed what he had said and just how emotional he had gotten about all of this. He knew for a fact that he was getting far too emotional and his actions and mood seemed to mock and imitate Oikawa's current state. That was something that caught Suga off guard so quickly and he just wasn't ready for what he had learned. It was honestly such a pain and Suga frowned in the thought that he was going to Oikawa's lengths. While thinking about this, the boy had pulled his phone out and decided to look up exactly what was going on with his emotions.

He didn't need to seek counseling, as he had a counselor to go to on campus. He also didn't need to set up funeral arrangements or anything of the like. But that was when he had finally gotten into what he needed to read and he started to look through the website that was giving him the knowledge he needed. He looked through it and he decided that he really should have looked this up before now. It would have been so useful to know that yesterday, Oikawa was going through denial. Suga had to read through it again because he wanted to be sure that he had also gone through the denial phase. Something told Suga that he wasn't even done with the denial stage, but he had to keep looking through it all.

It definitely made sense now that Suga knew what to look for. Oikawa was definitely in the anger stage right now and Suga thought that he could possibly be in that anger stage too.

If Suga had been smarter about these things at the moment, he might have gone through and look up what to expect next from Oikawa. But he was just far too exhausted for something of the sort, so Suga decided that he was going just close things down and look this all up later. He was just consumed about the fact that he had acted like Oikawa had and he couldn't believe he had actually stooped down to his level. Sure, Iwa's death was difficult on Suga too, but he couldn't believe that he had actually gotten mad. Though, now that he knew that it was normal to be angry like this and an emotion like rage and fury was common, he was feeling better about all of this.

He was feeling so much more relaxed about it that he had fallen asleep and he was asleep for much longer than he was anticipating. It was a good thing, though, since he was interrupted last night while sleeping. Suga needed as much sleep as he could get. He was also rather relaxed about leaving his boyfriend alone while he slept. He might not have particularly cared for Kyoutani's attitude and he was questioning some of Yahaba's actions, but he could at least trust that they wouldn't let anything bad happen to Oikawa.

Once the boy had gotten himself out of bed and stretched, he checked the time on his phone. It was already six and Suga had realized he had slept for five hours just about. He had skipped a meal and that was very uncommon for Suga to do. Sure, he would do it intentionally when he was busy, but he really hadn't been busy. He was just sleeping. But with his emotional state at the time, he wasn't sure if he really could eat and keep it down. He wasn't going to worry, though. The silvery-blond would just eat dinner soon.

After going out into the living room, Suga was going to apologize to Oikawa the first moment he could. But then, the boy started to listen into the conversation happening in the living room. All of the boys' backs were to him. He really should have told the boys he was there, but things were already so weird lately. They were just talking and Suga didn't want to interrupt them. It couldn't be that private if they were talking about it with him in the apartment, right?

"He insisted on walking, the idiot! I can't believe that he wouldn't just pay for a cab. I didn't have my wallet with me, or I would have paid for one..." Oikawa said, shaking his head. Suga had a feeling they were chatting about the accident and Suga definitely didn't want to stop them now. He wanted to hear this. "Hajime said that it was better for us to walk. Well, see how walking turned out, dear?" the brunet said as he looked up towards the ceiling, as if he were talking to Iwa up in the sky.

It was so sad to witness and Suga frowned, shaking his head. He was blaming himself now and he really should have just let them into his apartment two nights ago. He was mad at himself for not letting the boys into his apartment just because of something that seemed to trivial. "Why were you guys even out to begin with?" Kyoutani asked and Suga cringed. He really didn't need to blame himself more for this, but that was what was going to happen now that the conversation had turned this way.

There was a giant sigh from the brunet and the boy turned his head on Yahaba's lap. The fact that Oikawa was getting frustrated with Suga smelling like Daichi, when the boy was comfortable with his friends like this had really confused the boy, but that was something that could be addressed at another time. He hadn't even properly met the ambulance driver, so hopefully things could get better for the pair of boys. Hopefully they could get to a place where they could at least be in the same room as one another without Oikawa getting mad or jealous. Suga didn't know how Daichi honestly felt about Oikawa at the moment, since he was being rather secretive about the entire thing. But he was just being nice due to their loss.

"We had gone to go cool down at our favorite coffee shop... We were only there because Suga wouldn't let us into his apartment. I can't blame him though, because we were being rather uninviting at that point. We went and did other things in town and we went to the cheaper grocery store at the end of town. It's further away, but we... well, we went there anyway and we like it. By the time we were done, it was late and Iwa and I were arguing about getting a cab. That's why we were outside..." Oikawa said and those were things Suga really hadn't known. He was glad he had known them now, but he hadn't known about it until now.

It really was Suga's fault that this had happened, he thought. That was when Suga had let out a noise and the three heads in the room had turned towards the hall to see what had made the sound. It was a sound of being uncomfortable and it really was just a squeak. Suga had started to cry and he held onto his head, turning to go back towards the bedroom.

The very surprising thing was that Oikawa had actually gotten out of his comfortable position on the couch and went to go to Suga, reaching out for him. It didn't seem like Oikawa would take no for an answer, but Suga was far too emotional to even try fighting the boy. "Suga, did you hear me? I don't blame you..." Oikawa had murmured.

Suga's face buried itself into Oikawa's chest and he was holding onto the brunet so tightly at that point. He was actually afraid that he could be hurting the boy, but Oikawa had no complaints. He was actually holding Suga nearly as tight, too, so that took some of the stress off of Suga's mind. "If I had just l-let you two in..." Suga whispered. Oikawa shook his head and he leaned down, his cheek going onto the top of Suga's head.

"This might have still happened, you know. If we had come in, we would have left in a few hours... gone shopping... a-and that guy might have been th-there still..." The sound of Oikawa's voice was no longer strong. He was shaking and Suga could feel how this was having an effect on the taller boy.

The two boys shared their moment in the hall and they stood there, just crying and shaking their heads lightly before pulling away. Both boys wiped away tears from their eyes and cheeks. Suga had managed to dampen Oikawa's shirt, but he was honestly just glad that he had gotten those emotions out. He might have been numb right then, but it was better to get the emotions out than just try to hold them all in. They might have morphed into something new.

Neither of them realized that they had stood in the hall for nearly ten minutes, just holding each other and murmuring encouraging words to one another. Kyoutani and Yahaba had been getting their shoes and jackets on at the time, though, and that was what had signaled both of the sniffling boys to check their phones. It had surprised them, but they were well enough at the moment to just let the other couple go home.

"Hey, Suga?" Yahaba signaled Suga to come closer while Kyoutani and Oikawa were chatting about other possible meet ups. It didn't take more than a few moments for the boy to meet the other and give him a curious look. "I know that Oikawa wasn't very comfortable with you talking to us on his phone or even answering his phone, but he probably wouldn't have thought to give you our numbers. I just wanted you to know that if you are in a pinch and need someone to be there for you, I have most of the numbers of Oikawa's other friends."

Hearing Yahaba say something of the sort really relieved Suga in ways that he didn't know he even needed to be soothed. It wasn't that he wouldn't call one of them up again if he needed to go somewhere or just needed time away from the brunet, but if he had needed time away and the pair was busy, Suga was glad to know that he had other options to turn to if Yahaba or Kyou were busy. "You can just text me the information, right? Thank you for even offering the information up in the first place. You have no clue how much better I'm feeling about this. If you two are busy and can't be here for him... I don't really have other options..."

"No problem, Suga. You deserve to have time to mourn and grieve about this too, so it's not fair that you are stuck with him all the time. I know he can be unbearable at times and he doesn't mean to be like that, but you both just need time to handle this on your own and in your own ways. I should probably fill you in on some other things, too, but that can wait," Yahaba said.

It threw Suga off and made him worry a bit, but he just hoped that he wouldn't learn something about Oikawa that was too troublesome. "Oh, don't worry. I just know that you haven't been in this relationship with Oikawa for long and I just wanted to fill you in on his relationship with Iwa, as best as I could. I know most of what has happened in their relationship and I wanted to give you a bit of an in on all of that." When Yahaba had said that, it gave Suga some relief and he was glad to know that he was just going to learn about their relationship, or at least Oikawa's and Iwaizumi's relationship.

Yahaba had slowly reached out to Suga and gave him a bit of a hug before pulling away. "I think we're to that part of our relationship that we can hug now," he said as he completely pulled away he smiled to Suga. Suga smiled back awkwardly to Yahaba, but it gave Suga a bit of a relief that he didn't realize he needed. He really just needed some kind of release at the moment and he was glad that he was going to get the relief he needed.

Once the pair had left, Suga sunk down and he decided to just sit down on the couch. He needed to eat and he needed to make sure his boyfriend ate too, but he really didn't have energy for cooking at the moment. Maybe he could ask Daichi to get him something? Or maybe he could place an order and have it delivered. That was probably the better of the two options, honestly. "Oikawa, do you want anything specific to eat?" Suga had asked.

Oikawa had looked up from where he was standing and leaning against the wall. He thought for a moment and he gasped. Maybe he just wanted something specific that he had just remembered? Suga was hoping so. Otherwise, things were about to get interesting. "Oh! So I was getting hungry earlier and Yahaba is actually an awesome cook. He worked with Iwa, actually. He cooked food and there's still some left. We put it in the plastic containers and there's some in the fridge. It's really good stuff. Don't worry, we didn't use everything you had in the fridge. Just a few things and Kyo went to buy the rest of the stuff."

It wasn't an issue of using the stuff in the fridge. It also wasn't an issue that they had cooked a meal without telling Suga about it. It was just that Suga wasn't exactly made aware of it that confused Suga for a moment. Although, he was asleep while they were cooking and he was glad that they hadn't thought to wake him up to ask him. He really did need his sleep and he was grateful that they cooked without asking him. "What did Yahaba make?" Suga asked as he slowly stood up and stretched himself out.

"Oh, I don't know. I know it has rice and some sort of super creamy sauce. It's a little spicy though. Do you like spicy things?" Oikawa asked, pushing himself off the wall and coming closer to Suga.

The thought of it being spicy actually got Suga very excited. He hadn't had something spicy in so long and he was craving it now. But he would see if it was spicy enough. Hopefully Yahaba cooked things to his level of spicy. He also hoped that Oikawa wasn't lying to him about it being spicy. That would be a disappointment if he had found out that it wasn't spicy enough. "I love spicy foods. I'll have to tell Yahaba thank you," Suga said as he went towards the kitchen to go get the food ready to eat.

"Do you want any?" Suga asked as he started to dish it up into a container to warm it up in.

"I'm good, but if you make extra I'll eat what's left," Oikawa called back into the kitchen. Suga nodded and he went to start eating it. The meal certainly smelled good and it actually smelled like it could be spicy. His mouth was watering by now. Suga was starving at this point.

He decided to just put it in the microwave and he hoped it wasn't something that needed to be heated in a pan. He knew that heating things in a pan was always a better option, but sometimes he was really just too lazy to heat things in a pan. He didn't need to do all of those dishes anyway. He really just wanted to relax now and sometimes he really just needed to not worry about doing house chores. Not that he really had an issue with doing them all the time, but on days like this, he really did have an issue with it.

The microwave was nearly done when he heard a wrangled yell from the living room and Suga turned to look towards where the sound was coming from. He just hoped that Oikawa was okay and he hadn't gotten himself into any more trouble. If he had, Suga would be there to help him fix it. But he really just wanted to go back to not needing to worry about things.

The microwave beeped and Suga was so excited to start eating, but there was more shouting and wrangled yelling coming from the living room that Suga really couldn't just turn his back on. "I'm coming back for you, deliciousness..." Suga said with a sigh as he went back out to the living room to go check on Oikawa. "I heard yelling. Is everything okay?"

Oikawa was holding his head and he was just trying to pull his hair out from the looks of things. Suga knew that Oikawa really wasn't okay at the moment, so he sighed as he went towards the boy. He loved Oikawa's hair and he wanted him to keep it, so Suga slowly settled a hand on Oikawa's arm and shushed him gently. "You're okay... You're okay. Want to tell me what's wrong, maybe?" Suga asked and Oikawa slowly let go of his hair, letting his arm drop. At least he wasn't pulling his hair out anymore.

Another defeated, strangled yell left Oikawa's lips as he went towards the couch. "Maybe if I can get to sleep early enough... I wonder what Mattsun is doing..." Oikawa said as he rubbed his faced. Things really didn't seem all that good at the moment and Suga was really getting rather concerned. "If I sleep early enough, I can go to this and hopefully Matsukawa can take me..." he said and he still sounded angry and upset, but it didn't seem like Suga was going to tell him what was going on.

The thing was, Suga really wanted to know what was going on and he wanted to know what Oikawa was planning on going to that he had gotten so upset about just a moment ago. "What are you talking about, dear?" Suga asked softly as he took a seat next to Oikawa, reaching for his arm to rub up and down it gently.

There was a bit of a sigh that left Oikawa's lips, but he shook his head. "So Iwa had entered into this contest a few weeks ago and he was supposed to show up. He is probably going to get a prize and he was meant to show up. I was invited but now he has two tickets that no one is going to use unless I go..." Oikawa said as he sighed a bit shaking his head.

Realization washed over Oikawa after a minute and he slowly looked at Suga. "I... was going to ask another friend of mine but if you want to go, you can," Oikawa said sheepishly. Things really had been odd between them the last few days and Suga really wasn't surprised that Oikawa hadn't asked him to go. He also wasn't offended that Oikawa was going to ask a friend instead of him, just because things had been beyond hectic at the moment. The brunet really needed to get things figured out, so maybe it would give Suga some time to spend time with his own friends and tell them about what had been going on. He knew that he had just seen Daichi, but he needed to actually hang out with Daichi and get lost in the things they had usually gotten lost in together.

"No, you know what? You really should take your friend. I don't want to keep you from your friends and I'm sure your friends don't want me to keep you away from them. Go with your friends, please," Suga said as he leaned himself against Oikawa and he slowly closed his eyes. "You're sweet for thinking about me, though. What kind of contest was it?" Suga asked and he felt a bit of a chuckle from Oikawa while laying against the boy.

It took a minute for Oikawa to answer, but he had pulled out his phone and he went to his pictures. "The contest was for a dessert recipe. I know that Yahaba really wanted to attend, but he's really too busy tomorrow to go. Matsukawa, another one of my friends, he had helped Iwa with it and he came over to sit through Iwa's bitching sessions about the dessert when I was too tired to deal with it. So he's who I want to bring. But if he can't come... do you want to come with me?" Oikawa asked. The picture on the phone was of what Suga assumed was Iwa's dessert creation. It looked delicious an it reminded Suga of his food in the microwave.

This was something that sounded very personal and Suga really wasn't too sure if he had wanted to interrupt or impose on this. But he was Oikawa's boyfriend and he was also Hajime's boyfriend. So imposing on things like this probably wasn't a bad thing. "Well, I'll come if you can't find another friend that wants to come. I do want to be there, but this just feels like a thing that you need to go to and be with a friend. I can't imagine just how important this really is," Suga said softly.

"It really is important to me and my friends... I don't want you to miss it, but they all knew how much Iwa's desserts meant to him. He would always make a dessert when there was a party or event for just our friends," Oikawa said and Suga slowly stood up. He definitely understood and he really just wanted Oikawa to know that he understood and wouldn't mind that Oikawa was going to go to this without him. He really did just want to make sure that Oikawa had a friend with him though. There was nothing worse than feeling alone at things like this, Suga was sure.

"You can tell me all about it when you get back. I also want to meet this other friend of yours. Matsukawa seems like a good friend, if he would let Iwa complain about the dessert in the middle of the night," Suga said and he was very curious to know what he had been majoring in now that he knew that he liked to bake. It would probably remain a mystery, though. Not that it was really a problem, but Suga really did want to know.

Suga decided that Oikawa too wrapped up in his phone at the moment that he would excuse himself to go get the food from the microwave. It hadn't sat long enough to need to be heated again, but Suga was just so hungry right now that he wouldn't have cared if it had gone cold.

His stomach growled as he brought the food back out to the couch, taking a seat next to his lover. He leaned against Oikawa as he started to eat.

The food really was spicy and Suga's eyes were watering. It was good, Suga adored it, but he was just glad that Oikawa hadn't lied to him about how spicy it actually was. They had something to look forward to in the future and Suga just smiled at the thought of all the spicy foods they could experiment with in the future. It was really an awesome thought and Suga was thrilled.

"I wonder if I bring the card that had the recipe on it if they'll believe me and let me in..." Oikawa said softly and that made Suga look up. It sounded far too sad at Suga had frowned, but he decided that he really needed to just focus on his food at the moment. That was really the only thing he needed to do and he couldn't get too worried about Oikawa right now. He didn't want to get Oikawa more upset than necessary, so he was just glad that he was eating and his love was trying to figure things out.

After a moment, Suga had nearly finished his food but he realized that he was getting full. "Do you want to rest of this?" Suga asked as he offered the plate over to Oikawa, but Oikawa just wasn't paying attention at the moment. "Oikawa? I know you're trying to figure this all out, and I'm glad you're making plans with your friends, but..."

"I don't know if they are going to let me in now! Apparently it needed to be Iwa that got into the place... he was allowed to bring a guest, but if he's not there... If I bring the card with the recipe on it, maybe they will let me in...”

Suga sighed as he slowly stood up. "Do you think you could give them a call and explain that he's died but you wanted to come anyway? I'm sure they will understand..." Suga said and he excused himself to go back into the kitchen. He realized that he had just cleaned the kitchen last night and he really wanted to keep up with the dishes, but he didn't have enough patience to even wash the few things he had dirtied. He would have to thank Yahaba for washing the dishes too, because he really just wasn't in the mood to do so that night.

He could have been more in the mood if things had gone differently this morning. But unfortunately, things really hadn't gone the way Suga had wanted. He really just wanted things to go differently today, but there really wasn't anything to be done about all of that. He couldn't change how things had happened in the past, no matter how much he wished he could or how hard he tried. But those things would forever be how they were.

Once Suga had put the dishes in the sink, he went back to the living room and he was listening in on Oikawa's phone conversation. Suga figured he had made a call to do with the event, but he really just wanted to make sure that Oikawa was handling this as well as he could. "Yes, I'm trying to contact someone that can tell me if I can still go even though the chef can't be there... Yes, I have the original tickets..."

When the brunet had stood up after Suga had taken a seat next to him, it was a bit discouraging for the silvery-blond to watch Oikawa get up. He had an angry look on his face still, which was concerning Suga, but he really didn't have the energy to handle an angry Oikawa at the moment. Sure, he had been dealing with his anger for a day now, but this was really just not a side of Oikawa that Suga liked or had patience to deal with. He couldn't put his focus on the angry Oikawa right now, not when he himself was angry and too tired to make himself understanding and a kind human being.

"What if I brought the original recipe card? Would that help any?" Oikawa had said into his phone. It was honestly unsettling to hear Oikawa speak in a kind voice and see his facial expressions at the same time. They really just didn't match up one bit. But that really wasn't an issue for Suga at the moment. As long as Oikawa was okay and he could get this all figured out, things would start to work out in their favor.

A large sigh had left Oikawa's lips and he turned to look at Suga. "They put me on hold. Can you believe that? I've been transferred twice already. This is the third time I've been transferred..." Suga really wanted to comfort the boy, but he figured it would be best to leave Oikawa alone to deal with this, rather than try to offer advice and words of wisdom. He seemed to be handling it as well as he could be, so that was good enough for Suga.

"Hi, yes. My name is Oikawa Tooru, and I..." The brunet gave an eye roll and he really looked ready to explode, but Suga was just hoping that he could handle this for another moment. "No, I know I'm not on the list of bakers! My boyfriend is on the list, but he can no longer come to the competition. I was wondering if I could come to the contest still, even though he can't be there." Suga really wanted to give these people a piece of his mind when he saw how his boy was being treated, but yelling on the phone at these people probably wouldn't get the job done any faster.

When the taller boy had made his way back to the couch, he took a seat and curled up, leaning his head against Suga's shoulder. "I can't get a verbal confirmation for you! I can't get a written confirmation either. But I know he would want me to go still," Oikawa said and there was a little bit of sadness in his voice at the moment. Suga really wanted to make him feel better, so he started to play with his hair and he began to press kisses to his lover's temple. It seemed to be working, until the person on the phone asked a question that neither of them were prepared for at that moment.

"Why can't he come? Oh, I don't know... because he's dead? He passed away on-" Oikawa had to cut himself off because the tears were starting to well up in his eyes and they had started to fall down his cheeks. He had started to cry and the sobs were leaving his lips.

Deciding to help the boy out, Suga took the phone from Oikawa. "Yes, hello? Oikawa really wants to come to the event, but Hajime no longer can attend because he died. It was definitely unfortunate, but it would be a blessing if Oikawa was still able to come to your event and see how his boyfriend's dessert turned out." Suga wasn't going to give these people the information about their relationship, since they were already being so difficult. "Yes, he has the recipe that no one else should have. I can give you copies of the death certificate if you want. Oikawa is also bringing a guest to this event, just for support so he doesn't have to be alone during all of this," Suga said into the phone. Oikawa had started to cry even harder and this was not going the way either of them had wished.

It would have been much easier if the people running the contest had just believed them or had some sympathy for what had happened, but they really just didn't seem to care. "Yes, they will have identification with them. Yes, Oikawa can bring the original recipe to confirm that he is Hajime's boyfriend. Oikawa can still bring a guest, right?" Suga rolled his eyes when they asked him to wait for a moment. He was starting to see why Oikawa was getting so frustrated with these people. But he really did just want this to be over with. All he cared about was that Oikawa could get into this event and he could get the chance to see if Hajime's hard nights had paid off.

Once Suga had gotten an answer he was pleased with, he hung up the phone and settled it into Oikawa's lap. He wanted to tell them off and yell at the event coordinator about how things were set up, but he didn't want to upset his boy more than necessary. "So you two can go to the event now. You just have to bring his recipe and show them that you still have it. I hope Hajime's dessert won something, but it's okay if it didn't," Suga said softly.

Oikawa had pressed his face against Suga's shoulder and nodded before he sat back up. "Thank you for dealing with them. I was losing my mind," Oikawa said and he rubbed his cheeks. Suga had caught a stray tear with his thumb and he smiled to Oikawa, going in to give him another kiss that he really did deserve. "I just thought that if I had the original recipe, it would make it easier. But apparently not..."

After a few more moments, Suga pressed a kiss to Oikawa's temple gently. "Yeah, I know babe. Let's get you to bed, okay?" Suga slowly stood up and tried to helped Oikawa stand, but Oikawa shook his head. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you not want to go to bed?"

"I have to call Mattsun to tell him that he's coming... Is it okay if he come over tonight and sleeps on the couch?" Oikawa asked as he started to look through his phone. That was something that set Suga off for a moment and he had to think about that. It was someone that Suga didn't know and he was going to be sleeping on Suga's couch. But technically, it was Oikawa's couch too, now that they were dating officially and they were living together. "If not, that's okay, but it will be easier. We have to leave by nine tomorrow to get there in time."

There really wasn't much that Suga could say, other than that it was okay for him to come over to spend the night. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was with all of this, but if he was a friend of Oikawa's, Suga would just have to learn to like him. "Yeah, he can come over and stay the night. That's fine. I would like to speak to him though, before we get settled in for bed. Is that okay?" Suga asked as he finally got Oikawa's attention, enough to get him to look up and react to what was being said.

There was just a nod before things went back to the way they were and Oikawa had decided that he could call Mattsun. He got back on the phone and it was definitely a quick conversation. "Hey, yeah. I'll text you the address, can you come over tonight and just... Yeah, you can sleep over That's fine. If you bring over the... Yeah, okay. That works just fine. I'll see you soon then."

Suga watched as Oikawa hung up the phone. He didn't want Oikawa to be waiting to go to bed, but he was waiting for his friend and Suga had to stay awake now too, just so he could be sure that Mattsun was safe to sleep in the same house with. Suga didn't think that Oikawa would bring a criminal into the house, but there was really just no telling what the boy would actually do. After another minute or so, Suga decided to sit back down on the couch.

He hoped the time would pass fast enough and that Mattsun was safe enough to sleep on the couch so they would be safe. He doubted that Oikawa would have any dangerous friends, but then he got thinking about Kyoutani.

It would be safer if Suga stayed awake. If he stayed awake, he could meet Oikawa's friend and then go to sleep. If he stayed awake, he would be safe to go to sleep after.

If he stayed awake, Oikawa could come back to bed with him. Yeah, things would be better if they just stayed awake.

Hopefully, Mattsun would get there soon and prove to be a good person. Hopefully, Suga could manage to stay awake until then. He just wanted to get the day over with already.


	10. Stage Three - Bargaining (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to start coming up with deals, huh, Oikawa and Suga?

While out at a store, or while trying to find an item to buy, things always have a price. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the price is set in stone, or something official that can't be changed. Prices have the chance to move and have the ability to change, generally. If the seller is feeling particularly generous, they could give the customer a bargain and charge them less than what the item is actually worth.

Unfortunately, those aren't the only bargains in the world. Not every deal or bargain is a good or happy one. Nor does the bargain have to include goods or money. Someone could want a task done in exchange for money or a good, sure, or someone could want an action completed in exchange for another action.

Now, these don't all have to be bad, so to speak, but the bargaining that needs to be focused on would be the negative side of things. If an agreement is made to make a bargain, but part of the party doesn't commit to their side of the deal, bad things can happen and generally, things can become rather dramatic.

If one part of the party doesn't know that an agreement is being made for something to happen though, can anyone really be at fault if the bargain doesn't go exactly the way another part of the party saw it?

But remember, everything does still come with a price, regardless of the intentions or the subject of said bargain. Even if someone didn't know that a bargain was being made and something was meant to happen, there is still a price, even if it's not monetary in nature. The price could be anything, whether it be money, an item, or even an emotion. Regardless of what the bargain was, there is always a price to pay.  
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 _Okay, so if I... If I just wait here, it will all get better, right? That's what Suga keeps trying to tell me. He says that time heals a broken heart. Well, I don't think he knows what he's talking about. How can time heal anything? I think that if I keep eating and if I keep sleeping, if I go to class and I just keep living my life, I might understand all of this a little better. Maybe Iwa will even come back to me, right? That's really only a hope, but I don't think I can really do this without him anymore. He has to come back if he knows how much I'm suffering, doesn't he? I just want him to come back, so maybe if I do something he likes, he will come back to me!_  
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It didn't take much longer for Matsukawa to get to them. Suga heard a knock at the door and he watched as Oikawa went to answer the door, saying they weren’t expecting anyone else. The man at the door was actually rather tall. Although, Oikawa had a few inches on him too. He felt short around all of Oikawa's friends and Oikawa as well. Mattsun was taller than Oikawa, but not by much. Suga just felt short and a bit inadequate at the moment. But he would probably get over that shortly.

"Hey, Oikawa," the tall man had said at the door and Suga had smiled to his tone of voice, which was light and inviting. They exchanged hugs and Mattsun had put his bag down on the floor near the door as he did so, holding onto Oikawa rather tightly. "He's really gone, huh...?" he choked out and Suga wasn't so sure he could stick around to hear this. It was just far too sad to hear and think about. He wanted to get away and get to a place where he was happy again. But he didn’t think he could just abandon Oikawa at the moment, even if he was with a friend.

Oikawa had nodded into his arms and he curled against the taller man, shaking his head for some reason. "I don't want to believe it, you know...?" If the two weren’t careful, Suga would break out in tears and have to go away regardless to compose himself. He just wasn’t sure he could handle hearing all of the talk about Iwaizumi’s death again. It really hadn’t been long since it happened, but so much had happened in the last couple of days that made it feel like much longer than it actually was.

“I know, Tooru… I don’t want to believe it either… but we have to, don’t we? It was something that happened…” Mattsun had said quietly and he continued to hold onto Oikawa tightly.

Suga bit his lips, trying to hold back his tears once more. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but it was something that had to happen. He wasn’t going to let himself cry again. “Oh, how rude of me… Mattsun, this is Suga. Suga, this is Mattsun…” Oikawa said as he pulled away from the taller male and he looked back to Suga, wiping his face of all of the uncomfortable mess that had been made on his face.

The taller of the two wiped his face too and looked over to Suga, smiling to him. “It’s nice to meet you, Suga. I hope it’s okay that I’m sleeping on your couch tonight. This was just really important for us, so thank you,” he said. Suga smiled and nodded, looking down towards the large bag that Mattsun had brought with his.

He looked back up and he yawned something fierce. “Of course. It’s Oikawa’s couch too, yeah? So he was the one that really said you could sleep on our couch,” Suga had said as the two reached out to shake hands. It was a little weird to Suga, but he just allowed it to happen and they exchanged smiles. “I think I might head to bed, dear. Do you need anything before I go to bed?” Suga had asked quietly.

"I don't think so, Suga. But if I come to bed in an hour or so, you won't be mad, right?" Oikawa asked. The question was a little concerning, just because Suga didn't know how he could possibly be mad at Oikawa for wanting to stay up later. He shook his head and smiled to Oikawa, coming towards him and reaching out for him.

The couple hugged and Suga pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Never, babe. Catch up with your friend and I'll be in bed when you're ready to come to bed. Goodnight," Suga said sweetly. Oikawa leaned in for a kiss, which was a little surprising. Regardless, Suga returned the kiss sweetly and pulled away, looking over to Matsukawa. "I'm sure I can trust you to take care of him, even though I'm going to be asleep. Goodnight to you too," Suga said with a smile and Suga walked back to the bedroom.

It really had been a long day already and Suga wasn't sure he was ready to face the end of the day yet. He wasn't sure that he was ready for the dreams and everything that came with loss like this. But he knew it was just something he would have to deal with sooner or later. He couldn't just not sleep. Regardless, he wasn't sure that he would dream about anything to do with Iwaizumi.

Suga slid into bed and he sighed, slowly getting himself to sleep. About an hour later, Oikawa did as he said and came to bed. Suga was used to Oikawa wanting space after this accident and the death, but he was surprised to find Oikawa's head on his chest when he woke up the following morning. Maybe Oikawa was realizing just how much he needed someone to hold onto. Suga wasn't going to push him away or try to get him to move, but he was going to comfort Oikawa in anyway he possibly could.

When the time came, Suga gently nudged Oikawa and kissed his head, trying to get him to wake up. "Oikawa... Baby, it's time to wake up. Come on, you have to get ready to go with Matsukawa," Suga had said gently, petting Oikawa's mess of brunet hair and running his fingers through it gently. "Dear, come on. I don't want to have to make an alarm go off," Suga said. Oikawa wasn't as dead as he was pretending to be, because Suga had felt him move and heard him groan gently, but he clearly didn't want to get out of bed.

If he didn't want to go to this event, he would have to tell Mattsun himself, because there was no way Suga was getting up to tell him. "I'm still tired... another hour?" Oikawa asked as he shifted, hugging Suga and getting him to let out a bit of a laugh. Suga wasn't going to let hat happen, and Suga had a feeling that neither was Mattsun. But it was cute that Oikawa was trying his hardest to stay in bed.

"No, Oikawa, you have to get yourself up and ready to go for today. Come on," Suga said as he slid his hand under Oikawa's cheek and lifted the boy's head. "You're going to have a good time. This event is important to you and I want you to go and have a good time so you can tell me all about it when you come back."

Oikawa sighed as he slowly rolled off of Suga and he sat up, rubbing his face. "Fine, I'll get up... But can you make me breakfast so Mattsun and I have time to talk about what we are going to do?" Oikawa asked and Suga nodded as he slowly sat up and began to stretch.

The boys parted ways. Suga went out to the living room to see that Matsukawa was sitting up and looking at his phone. Suga tried to put volume in his steps so Mattsun wouldn't be startled too bad. He still seemed to jump, but that couldn't be helped. "Hey, good morning, Suga," Mattsun said as he rubbed his face. "Is Oikawa getting ready? He and I should probably leave soon so we have time to go get breakfast. I want to take him out, just because we haven't done so in a while. I mean... is that okay?" Matsukawa asked as he slowly stood up.

Once against, Suga felt very inadequate standing next to this giant man. Suga had to hide how uncomfortable it made him that he was so short around everyone. Although, he knew he wasn't as short as a few of his old high school friends, and Daichi was hardly taller than him, so that was nice to know. "That's totally fine, Matsukawa... By the way, what's your first name?" Suga asked as he yawned again, heading into the kitchen. "Do you want coffee before you go?" Suga asked.

"Oh, sure! If you're offering, that would be awesome," Matsukawa said as he walked after Suga. "My first name is Issei. Matsukawa or Mattsun is fine though. Or whatever you feel comfortable with calling me. What about you? Oikawa hasn't really told me much about you, but I assume that he is comfortable with you because he sleeps next to you," the tall man said.

Suga started to brew the coffee and he looked back to Mattsun. "Koushi. Yes, I'd assume Oikawa is comfortable with me. You know, he and I really haven't been dating for that long. It's nice to get to know his friends. Or... well, yeah. He does have some questionable friends," Suga said with a shiver, thinking about Kyoutani briefly.

Issei let out a bit of a laugh and he nodded. "I take it you've met Kyoutani? He's a character, definitely. Yahaba controls him well, though, as I'm sure you've noticed. I mean, you did meet both of them, yes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. There wouldn't be anything wrong with only meeting Kyoutani, but Kyoutani was rather intimidating and he and Oikawa had a relationship that Suga wouldn't have understood if it weren't for Yahaba explaining things to him.

The sigh that left Suga's lips told Mattsun everything he needed to know. "Yeah, I'm glad they were both here. It was kind of... well, intimidating when I met Kyoutani. He and Oikawa definitely have an interesting relationship." Suga shivered again as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. He went to go grab a couple of coffee cups and he went to the fridge to pour milk into his glass, estimating just how much he was going to need before even pouring the coffee in. That was just how Suga was. "Do you take milk in your coffee? I don't have cream or half and half, sorry," Suga had said.

The coffee pot was nearly done brewing and Suga went back towards it, trying his best to be patient. "No, I usually just drink it black. Oikawa calls me a heathen for that, but it's just how I am," Mattsun said as he smiled and leaned against the counter a bit. Suga let out a laugh and he shook his head, wondering how Oikawa could call this sweet man a heathen or anything but a good person. Suga didn't know Issei as well as Oikawa had, but there was no way he was really that bad. Just because Oikawa liked his coffee with milk and sugar didn't mean that it was a bad thing that others didn't.

"You're not a heathen. Although, a friend of mine calls me weird for only putting milk in my coffee. Oikawa also gives me a strange look for only putting milk in my coffee, because as I'm sure you know, he pours about a half cup of sugar in his coffee," Suga said as he waited for the coffee to finish dripping.

It had finished. Suga was beyond thankful at that moment, just because he needed caffeine. He grabbed Matsukawa a coffee cup as well and poured him his cup first to offer it him out of politeness. The man took the cup and Suga proceeded to pour himself a cup. He was just so glad that he had this cup of warm liquid in his hands that would wake him up.

The pair stood there in silence for a few moments, just appreciating the taste and feel of their warm and caffeinated drinks at that moment. "Thank you for the coffee, Suga."

"Don't mention it. Thank you for taking Oikawa to this, by the way. I know it's important for him to be there and since you were a friend to Iwaizumi as well, it's good that you go to this too," Suga said and Issei nodded, taking another sip of his coffee.

"You really didn't have to sacrifice your seat for me, you know. As honored that I am that Oikawa asked me to go and the relationship I had with Iwaizumi and his cooking was really one that really can't be forgotten anytime soon, but I am sure that you probably wanted to go to this too," Issei had said and the boys exchanged looked. Suga sighed and shook his head, setting his cup of coffee down on the counter.

It was moments like this that Suga really wished people weren't as nice as they were and were a little more selfish. "Well, I did want to go at first, but Oikawa kind of sacrificed my seat before he asked me if it was okay if he asked you to go instead. But that's okay. Time apart will probably do us some good, and he needs time out of the apartment too," Suga said.

When Mattsun heard that, he frowned a bit. "He gave your seat to me?"

"Well... not exactly. He thought about asking you before asking me, though, and that was when I realized that you two needed to go to this and I needed to stay out of this," Suga said.

That was when the realization washed over Mattsun and he nodded, going for another sip of coffee.

They stood in silence for another few moments when Oikawa came into the room with a towel on his head and he was fully dressed already. "Wait, where's breakfast? I thought you were going to-" Oikawa was cut off by Suga kissing him sweetly.

They pulled away and Oikawa smiled a little, becoming bashful and it was beyond cute. "Mattsun wants to take you to breakfast, if you're okay with that. It told him I didn't mind, and he said you two hadn't gone to breakfast in a while, so I thought it was a good idea," Suga said as he went for another sip of his coffee.

Oikawa looked up to Matsukawa and smiled, nodding. "I think I'd like that. But if I go to breakfast, what are you going to do all day?" Oikawa asked as he looked back to Suga. He leaned against the shorter male and Suga wrapped his arms around Oikawa, hugging him. "Will you go out with Sawamura again?" Oikawa asked. There wasn't as much venom in his voice when he said his name, but there was still something that felt like tension and Suga just hoped that this wouldn't last.

With a sigh, Suga pulled back a little. "If you don't want me to, I'll call one of my other friends. But Daichi really is one of my best friends and I hope you two will eventually be okay to be around one another." That was the painful truth. Suga really didn't want the two of them to hate each other for the rest of Suga's life. He would probably have to pick between the two of them, and he really wasn't prepared to do that. Daichi had been his friend for years, but Oikawa was his boyfriend. There really did have to be something for him to do.

It took a moment, but Oikawa looked over and sighed. "I'll go with Mattsun, and you can call up Daichi if you want to. I know I can't stay mad at him forever," Oikawa said with a sigh and Suga knew that this was Oikawa's way of saying that he really wasn't okay. Suga would have to call one of his other friends. They probably thought he forgot about him, but he will just have to explain why he hadn't been around and all of the drama and problems going on in his life right now. "You two should go out and have fun. Or, at the very least, come back with stories for me," Suga said as Oikawa pulled the towel off his head and went for another coffee mug.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and went to go fill it with milk and sugar, just how he liked it. Suga wondered how he could stand his coffee like that, but he had just learned to accept Oikawa liking his coffee like that. The only reason he knew that Oikawa liked his coffee like that was because they had stood next to one another on more than one occasion where Oikawa had poured all of that sugar into his coffee. He didn't personally care if Oikawa put more than what he put in his own coffee for milk, but the sugar thing was what threw him off.

"What, are you trying to get me out of here?" Oikawa said as he finished preparing his coffee. Suga shook his head and went to take care of Oikawa's towel and he pecked him on the cheek as he reached for the towel, deciding that he and Matsukawa were okay alone in the kitchen for a little bit longer. He really didn't want to stand around for any longer when he really needed to figure out which friend he was going to call up and ask to spend time with him. Although, he would have to consider carefully, since many of his friends were still going to be in class.

As he went to the living room, he reached for his phone that he left sitting on the coffee table and he settled down, looking through all of his contacts to try and debate on a friend to try to call up. He knew that any of his friends would probably skip class if they knew what he had been through, but Suga didn't want them to do that for him. He would have to remember what each of his friends' school schedule was before contacting them to see if they wanted to hang out. He would just call Daichi, but honestly? He didn't want to upset Oikawa anymore and he just didn't need that kind of stress in his life right now.

Suga started scrolling through his contacts, considering each one of his friends carefully and he had it narrowed down before Oikawa and Mattsun came out of the kitchen. He looked up to the two of them and he was just going to wave them off when Oikawa came over and he took a seat. "Hey, I know I've been a pain lately, but thank you for putting up with me either way, yeah? You're a good partner. Have a good day today, I'll see you later." Oikawa kissed Suga swiftly before he stood up and nodded towards the door to say that he and Issei could leave.

It wasn't much longer before Suga was alone and he could finally relax and have a moment to himself. But the thing was, it was too quiet and he really didn't know if he could handle having time to himself. He didn't know that he could be alone right now, which kind of terrified him. But either way, he was alone and he knew it would have to deal with it one way or another. Suga let out a groan and he threw his head back into the couch before looking back at his phone.

He could call up Ennoshita and ask him what he was doing, but Enno would be too nice and lie about having class, even if Suga didn't need anything important. So he couldn't count call Enno and bug him. He was the same exact way and Suga knew it, but he didn't want anyone to skip class for him.

There was one person that Suga knew he could count on not having class at the moment and he knew that he could always call him up, but then there would be the fight later of why he called Daichi and hung out with him. Suga groaned again and looked back at his contacts. He continued to look and he cringed.

Iwa was still in his contacts and he really wished he would have taken the boy out before. He knew that he wouldn't be getting a call from him, so what was Hajime still doing in his phone? It was a mystery, and Suga wasn't sure he was ready to delete the number yet. "If I delete your number... won't you really be gone?" Suga asked with a choke of his voice and he felt the emotions start to well up inside him. He knew that Hajime was gone, and he knew that he really didn't need the number anymore. But was there a chance that Hajime wasn't dead? That he was still alive and Suga was just imagining the whole thing? It was such a sad thing to consider and the fact that Suga really had to think about it told him that really did need help.

"Why are you gone?" Suga asked as he did the one thing that he really didn't want to. He opened up Iwaizumi's contact and he opened up their messages by mistake, causing Suga to break down in tears. How was he supposed to go through this? How could he possibly handle all of this by himself? He knew that he wasn't going through this alone and he had people to talk about, but he didn't think he could handle this for much longer.

All he could see was Hajime's face when he died, and it was one of the worst things that he could have imagined in his mind. "What do I have to do to get you out of my mind?" Suga shouted as he looked back down at his phone. The last messages on his phone were such sad ones to read.

I care about you, Suga. I just want to know you're okay.

Can we come in? I know you don't want us to, but I think it's a good idea.

Okay, I get it. Just know I love you and you can talk to me whenever you're ready.

We're leaving now.

Suga knew those messages came into his phone the night that the accident happened, but he had completely forgotten about them. What was his problem? Why didn't he just let them in? This entire thing could have been avoided if he had just let the pair inside. He felt like such a jerk at the moment and he knew that Hajime told him not to blame himself, but how could he not? Suga shook his head and slowly went back into his contacts. "I h-have to let you go..." Suga whispered as he finally made himself delete the contact from his phone.

Finally, he had done so, and it was over. He wouldn't have to scroll through and see that name any longer. He wouldn't have to tell himself that Iwaizumi wasn't gone or he was okay because he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. Granted, he knew that Iwaizumi was gone and dead, but he didn't want to think about it more than he had to.

After a few moments of looking, he sighed as he went back to the top. The very first name made him smile. He knew for a fact that Asahi didn't have class today because he knew that the boy was taking a semester break to save up money to continue school. Asahi could potentially be working, but if he was, Suga would just have to wait for him to get out of work and do more house work or try his best to contact his professors to catch up work that he would be missing in the next few days.

Standing up, Suga dialed the number and started to pace, not sure why pacing was something he was doing at the moment. It wasn't exactly necessary to pace, but he just felt better doing so. It was a nervous habit he had. "Hey Suga, what's up?" the voice asked and Suga smiled, preparing himself for talking to the most caring, sweet person in the world.

"Hey Asahi! So I know that you might be working soon or might even have stuff going on today, but I was just wondering if we could go out and catch up? I just haven't seen you in a while." Suga tried to sound cheerful so Asahi wouldn't get suspicious or anything, but he really couldn't hide the emotion in his voice, saying he was all alone at the moment.

There was a pause and Asahi let out a sigh. "You're not doing good, are you?" Asahi asked and Suga tensed up, squeezing his eyes closed. He should have probably just told Asahi the truth from the beginning but he really didn't want to worry the lad. The tall man was anxious enough on his own, so adding in other's problems really wasn't necessary. At least, that was Suga thought.

"No... I don't know why I bothered trying to hide it. I knew you'd be able to tell," Suga said quietly as he went back to the couch to sit down. "I just need some friend, time. is that okay? I don't want to bother you if you have anything going on today, so you can tell me no if you have stuff going on. I can always call someone else up," Suga said as he stretched out on the couch and he leaned back, laying down and sighing in the process.

Suga's friends knew that whenever Suga said he needed friend time or called them up to see what they were doing, he needed at least emotional support, if not something else as well. That was why Asahi knew he couldn't turn the boy down. Or at the very least, it was a bad idea to turn him down. Suga would do the very same for him if anything came up. "I don't have anything going on, but I'm not exactly up for going out. Can I just meet you at your apartment?" Asahi asked

Hearing all of this was such a big relief to Suga that he really couldn't express just how thankful he was over the phone. "Of course. I still live in the same place. Come over whenever you want to, I'll explain everything that's been going on," Suga said as he felt relieved over the fact that he could count on Asahi being there for someone he could talk to and get all of this off of his chest. Sure, it was sad losing Hajime, but there was more going on his mind that he didn't feel comfortable talking to Oikawa about. "Thank you so much for this, Asahi. You don't know what this means to me," Suga said as he curled up on the couch.

"You would do the same thing for me. I'll be there soon, okay?" Asahi said in a sweet voice and Suga let out a noise of confirmation. "See you soon," the taller lad said and Suga hung up with him.

Things were starting to look up at the very least, but Suga wasn't sure how much longer they would really be looking up. This was miserable and Suga really didn't want to do this anymore. He knew he had to and that it was just part of everything that he had to deal with, but why did he have to go through it? Why him? Why couldn't he have just not fallen for boys that would inevitably cause a big mess? Suga wasn't sure, but he knew that dwelling on that fact wouldn't change anything for him.

After about fifteen minutes, Suga heard a knock at the door and he looked up. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised, because Asahi was always good on his word and when he said he would be there soon, Suga knew he could count on Asahi staying true to his promise. "Come in," Suga called out as he sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He had been dozing off, which was why he even needed to wake himself up.

The door opened up to reveal a tall, monster and broad-shouldered man with a scruffy face and he looked rather alarmed. "Why would you leave your door unlocked? Suga, are you mad?" the man known as Asahi had asked and Suga let out a laugh as he stood up.

"No, Asahi, I'm not insane. Although, I might go mad soon if you don't get over here and give me a hug," Suga said. The silvery blond stood up and he looked towards the taller man. They met each other in the middle of the living room and they hugged. Asahi was a bear and he gave out massive bear hugs. Suga felt like he could lose himself in the hug and he sniffled gently as he felt himself lose it in the embrace. His emotions had boiled over and there was no holding back anymore. The tears were there and all he could do was cry himself silly and let Asahi hold him there.

Honestly, there really wasn't much else that Suga could do and the pair stood there for probably five minutes. Asahi was whispering sweet and comforting words to Suga, and Suga nodded into the boy's embrace, knowing that he could get through this. But he really just needed love and support to go through it. The only person that knew about all of this and everything was Daichi, and he knew Daichi was good about holding onto secrets. He wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on in his head or with Suga’s personal and private life.

So they stood there until Suga felt well enough to pull away and he felt he was stable enough to handle everything emotionally. He knew he still needed help and that was part of the reason Asahi was there at the moment, but also didn't want to overload Asahi.

But that was the reason Asahi was there, wasn't it?

"Hey, sorry about that. I guess I really needed a cry," Suga said as he let out an awkward laugh and he started to go back to the couch. Asahi followed him and reached out to pat his shoulder, which both of them smiled halfheartedly about before they sat down and went back to looking at one another. "So how are you? And didn't you start a new job? How is that going?" Suga asked, trying to ask Asahi about himself and avoid talking about all of this. But he knew that it would happen and Asahi wouldn't let him change the subject. He would eventually have to talk about why he wasn't doing so well and Suga wasn't going to get away with it for much longer.

Just as he expected, Asahi was all over him and he shook his head. "No, you're not getting away with that. I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. Work is fine, I'll tell you about it later. Now tell me, why are you so down?" Asahi asked as he leaned back into the couch, looking Suga over and taking him in. Suga knew that Asahi wouldn't let him get away with avoiding the subject, simply because Suga wouldn't let Asahi avoid the subject if the roles were reversed.

After letting out a sigh, Suga leaned back into the couch as well, looking down to his hands and fidgeting with his fingers for a moment. "So uh... I haven't told you about my relationship in the last few months, right? I haven't told you about any of that?" Suga just wanted to make sure how much he had to tell Asahi about and he only wanted to say as much as he had to. Talking about all of this was very difficult and he didn't want to have to do it for any longer than he had to.

The giant shook his head and he kept his eyes on Suga. "You haven't. The last I knew, you and Daichi were figuring out how to stay friends and it seemed to be working out," Asahi had said. That statement made Suga feel so much worse about the whole thing. He really should have kept Asahi in the loop more, since Asahi was one of his good friends.

Taking a breath, Suga nodded. "Yeah, we're working out as friends. Well, I thought I needed a break after all of that, but I kind of let myself get whisked away into a new relationship... I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did, and well... that's kind of the reason you are here..." Suga said and he looked up to Asahi with sad eyes. "I kind of got stuck in a relationship where I just... well, it wasn't a normal relationship and it was still so difficult. I'll explain the relationship bit before I get into what happened..." Suga said, looking up to see Asahi's confused face.

"So uh... you can judge me if you want, but I let myself get pulled into a polyamory relationship and I wasn't sure about it at first, but I fell for both of the boys and like... Things just seemed kind of great. Yes, I know, you're judging me. But it worked for me for the first little while. Their names are Oikawa Tooru and... Iwaizumi Hajime," Suga had said and his voice cracked on saying Hajime's name. He really wasn't sure if he could handle this. He took a few deep breaths and Asahi frowned a bit.

"I'm not judging you, Suga, but this relationship clearly wasn't meant to happen if you're this heartbroken. What happened? Did Iwaizumi break it off with you two?" Asahi asked softly and Suga shook his head, trying his best to keep himself composed about all of this.

That would have been better than having to go through all of this. He would have felt better about Hajime breaking up with him and Oikawa, but that was sadly not what happened. It was worse. "That's not the reason I'm heartbroken. We uh... Well, things were going good, like I said. But after a little while, I overheard them fighting about me and I just needed time alone, so I kind of... cut them off? That was the worst thing I could have done, but I didn't know it then. I was just... thinking about myself. Selfish..." Suga said, biting his lip and Asahi shook his head, reaching out to rub Suga's arm to give him reassurance.

Suga wasn't doing so well and Asahi could clearly tell. But the thing was, Asahi wasn't exactly clear on what had happened yet, so he couldn't try to comfort Suga. "They made it so you had to pull away. That wasn't selfish, Suga. You have a right to focus on yourself and you don't owe anyone anything if they call you selfish over that." Asahi was right, Suga really didn't owe anyone anything and they were idiots if they thought he owed them something. But he really couldn't help himself from feeling bad about this whole thing still. He still couldn't help himself and would continue to blame himself for a while.

"I appreciate you saying that, but... I really was selfish. They wanted to come into my apartment one day and... I kind of told them no, and told them to leave me alone. Well... I went to bed, and Daichi woke me up..." Suga felt the tears well up in his eyes and he looked back down to his hands. "H-he called to tell me that... H-Hajime was in a serious accident... a-and I needed to get to the hospital."

There was a large gasp and Suga knew that Asahi was starting to understand now what had happened and why Suga was calling himself selfish. "Is he... okay? Suga..." Asahi whispered.

When Suga didn't look up and when he couldn't bring himself to answer, Asahi had a feeling he knew the answer and he reached over, pulling Suga into another bear hug. "Oh, Suga... I am so sorry..." Asahi murmured and he held onto Suga. This was something that Suga knew had to happen and he knew he had to get it all off of his chest. But it was still super upsetting and he knew he would have to find another way to put himself together again. Asahi started to rock, holding Suga against his chest and trying his best to be there for the boy.

Suga was very appreciative that Asahi was there. He had more to go over and he had more to discuss with Asahi, to vent and get all off of his chest. But he really just needed to cry it all out and try to get his emotions under control. There would be time to talk about what he needed to talk about, so he didn't have to rush.


	11. Stage Three - Bargaining (Part B)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so apparently when I wrote this chapter and posted it the first time, I apologized for it feeling out of place? I haven't read through it in a while, so I am going to assume that it does feel out of place.

Asahi was probably one of the most trustworthy men that Suga had known. Hell, he was one of the very few that Suga actually trusted completely. That list was short and anyone who knew him would understand completely, why he didn't trust easily. This whole mess was just adding to his reasons not to trust people, but he would eventually have to move passed this whole thing.

After they were done talking about what and why Suga was so far down in the dumps, Suga rubbed his eyes with a towel and he looked back over at Asahi, wondering just how much more he could possibly pile on the gentle man. He knew that he had to be careful piling things on Asahi like this, but he was just in that place where he was desperate and he needed to unload and vent.

The first part was unloading, and Suga was forever grateful to Asahi for sitting through all of that. But now Suga wanted to vent to Asahi and he really wanted to get all of this off his chest. Suga wasn't sure how much more he could possibly take if he had to deal with Oikawa's random mood changes or emotional mood swings for much longer. It wasn't like Suga to want Oikawa to rush through these emotions, or really anyone for that matter, but Suga was human too. Suga was just trying to survive this tragedy, just like Oikawa was.

"Can we still talk, or do you need a break from all of that?" Suga asked quietly as he leaned back into the couch and he bit his lip. "We can stop if you need, I don't mind. I'll be okay," Suga said.

Saying it like that made Asahi think that Suga really wouldn't be okay if he couldn't vent more and get more off of his chest. He smiled to Suga and he tilted his head. If Asahi had lost Noya, he knew that he could count on Suga to talk to about all of this. But Suga having to help someone else through the tragedy as well had to be more than tough, Asahi thought. "We can talk more, Suga. I want you to be okay and I want you to make it all the way through all of this. You're strong, but sometimes you're going to need to lean on someone. I can be that someone right now," Asahi said.

It didn't seem like Asahi to say those types of things and Suga was rather confused in the moment, but he was just grateful that he was getting the chance to vent. "Okay, if you're sure, I want to talk about how Oikawa has been handling all of this... Are you sure you can listen to me?"

Suga didn't know what it was, but he had to be sure Asahi could handle this. He also had to be completely sure that he could vent all of this out to him and not make him late to anything. He would hate if Asahi was missing something because he was listening to Suga, but that would be just like Asahi to do. "Suga, I'm sure. What else was there that you wanted to chat about?" he asked quietly.

After a few moments, Suga cleared his throat. "Okay, so like I said, Oikawa hasn't been handling all of this the best. I know that everyone handles loss differently and not everyone has to grieve in the same way, but at the same time... he's been going through these weird mood swings. Like at one moment, he's sad about all of it and doesn't want anyone near him. The other moment, it's like nothing has happened and Oikawa doesn't remember that Iwaizumi is dead... Am I crazy, or is there something wrong with that picture?" Suga asked.

He may have been exaggerating it a bit and making things up in his mind. Suga wasn't too terribly sure, but that was how it felt in his mind and it was going to drive him absolutely mad if he didn't do something about it. In a perfect world, Oikawa would be going through the stages of grief like any person normally would go through them. But he was just bouncing around all of the emotions and through all of the stages. At the very least, that was what it looked like to Suga. "Suga, you're the one studying this or you're taking classes that can tell you more about it, but isn't it normal to go through things like this? Can't people jump around the stages of grief and not actually experience all of them in the same way?"

What was wrong with Suga? Asahi absolutely had a point and Oikawa was handling the stages of grief as 'normally' as anyone else might be. There was nothing wrong with how he was going through all of this and handling Hajime's death. There was something wrong with Suga assuming that he had to be experiencing it in a certain way, though. "You're right... You're absolutely right. Asahi... what's wrong with me? Why did I think that he had to go through this a certain way...?" Suga felt the emotions welling up inside him and he was starting to get angry at himself.

Things were starting to boil up inside Suga and Asahi could tell, so he reached over to rub Suga's shoulder and try to relax him. All the action was doing was getting Suga to let out even more emotion. It was convincing him that he needed to cry for any of this to be okay. "Nothing's wrong with you. Things have just been hard. This is a new relationship, Suga. It's not going to be easy for a while, honestly. But you are going to make it through all of this. Just remember that you can always call me for anything, yeah? Even if you just need to vent about all of this again and you need someone to listen to you."

That offer was really nice and Suga was so glad that he had a friend like Asahi in his life. But things were just far to hectic in his life right now to bring Asahi in further. Suga would love for Oikawa to get the chance to meet Asahi, but Suga was kind of afraid that Oikawa would break Asahi if he met him right now. There was no telling what would happen, but he really didn't want to find out and learn that things were just going to go wrong the hard way. "Thanks, Asahi. You're a great friend. That's something else I want to talk to you about..." Suga said.

"What's that?" Asahi asked, giving a puzzling look.

After letting out a bit of a shaky laugh, Suga looked up to Asahi right then. "I think Tooru thinks he can control my friends... or who I have as friends, anyway," Suga said with a frown and he felt his shoulders slump. "Even though he won't say it, Oikawa is mad at Daichi even though Daichi was just doing his job that night..." Suga wasn't sure if he had told Asahi that whole part of the story, so he decided it was just a good idea to tell it again. "Asahi... Daichi was the one driving the ambulance that picked up Hajime... A-and I think Oikawa is connecting Daichi to the accident that way," Sugawara said as he rubbed his eyes again. The tears were welling up again as he thought about that night.

This was something that Suga needed, but it was still something that was hard to handle. "I can see why you contacted me, then," Asahi said.

That was the negative side of Asahi speaking right there and Suga sighed, shaking his head. "Asahi, I call you when Daichi is busy all the time. I know that it might not be easy to hear, but like... Daichi is my best friend. You're awesome and I appreciate you being here, but Daichi and I just have a c-"

"Suga! Suga, I didn't mean to get you all upset about this. Of course, I understand. You and Daichi have something special. I mean, you two did date in the past," Asahi said.

That was true, and that was something else Suga wanted to talk about. He just needed to get all of this off of his chest right now and he really wasn't going to rest until he had made sense of all of this and he was feeling less emotional.

The thing was, though, Suga started to feel bad after nearly an hour of talking about this. The two boys were chatting about Oikawa and the way he was behaving, as well as Daichi and then more about Hajime when Suga felt comfortable enough for so long that Suga had to get up to walk around for a moment. He needed to stretch and he just needed to get up and walk. Maybe he should go for a run on his own this time, but then he realized that Asahi was still there and it really wasn't a good idea for Suga to go out on a run on his own when he was this emotional.

"I'm sorry you're going through all of this, but just remember that you can always come talk to me. Noya has a week off too starting in a couple days, but hopefully you're feeling better before then. Although, Noya would love to hear from you, I'm sure," Asahi said as he stood again. "Are you going to be okay if I go? Or do you want me to stay until they get back?"  
That was an idea and Suga really was feeling a bit clingy at the moment, but he also wasn't sure when they were going to get back. Nor did he know when the actual competition was scheduled to be over by. "I'll be okay," Suga said. He didn't want the boys to come home and surprise him, nor did he want Oikawa to get mad at him for having another guy in the apartment that he didn't know. He would wait to introduce them at a different time, when Oikawa was feeling better about all of this and when he was starting to accept the death a little more easily.

"Okay, Suga. I'm going to go home to Noya, then. I'll call you later, though, if you want. Just remember that I'm always here," the taller man said as he reached over to give Suga a hug.

Asahi left after that and it gave Suga some freedom to do what he wanted to do for a while. But that was the thing, though. What was Suga meant to do right now? There was no telling what Suga was supposed to be doing and he felt rather alone at the moment. He was alone, but he wasn't going to just sit around, being helpless and pathetic. He was going to do something, he was going to make sure that things were clean and in order for when the other two returned. He needed a distraction, that was for sure.

It was probably two or three hours into cleaning that Suga had heard a sound at the front door. If he had to guess, Matsukawa and Oikawa had made their return. Oikawa shouted through the apartment and Suga flinched a bit at the noise, but Suga just decided to go check it out and not shout back. He couldn't make out what Oikawa had said, anyway, so Suga had to go see what was going on. "Hey, welcome back, you two. How did it go?" Suga asked as he walked a bit closer to Oikawa.

Mattsun seemed to be shaking his head a bit to Suga when he tried to come closer to Oikawa, so Suga made sure he didn't make any more sudden moves towards the boy. Oikawa's back was still to Suga and he was leaning against one of the chairs in the living room. "It was awful. The person that they got to make his recipe did it so wrong!" Oikawa said as he turned around, throwing his hands up into the air. "I could have done it better and I wasn't half as good as Hajime was! I'm going to contact the board and tell them off, because Hajime's dessert should have won," Oikawa said as he threw himself back down on the couch.

It sounded as though it wasn't exactly worth it to go to this event after all. "But at least the judges found no flaws in his actual recipe. His recipe was one of the three that the judges gave three stars to," Oikawa said, rolling onto his side. Suga wanted to go sit next to him and he really wanted to try to comfort him, since Suga was absolutely feeling better after venting to Asahi, but Oikawa didn't seem to want to be touched at the moment. "I even tried to talk to the judges about it and talk them into giving it a better score. I tried to tell them that the man who made the dessert clearly didn't know what they were doing."

Suga sighed as he walked closer to Oikawa and crouched down by his head. "We know that his dessert should have won. These contests aren't really fair," Suga said as he reached up to run his hand through Oikawa's hair. He wasn't really sure what had happened, since he wasn't there. "His dessert will still be the best to us, yeah?" Suga said with a smile.

"Why couldn't they just see that his dessert was the best? I even offered to make it again myself so they could try it for themselves," Oikawa said. Suga sighed and pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing up to turn to Mattsun.

The taller male shrugged and he sighed. "The man that made his dessert really didn't do it right. I've seen Hajime make these desserts before and they really do take certain skills to master. But the guy following the recipe seemed to just not care," Issei said and Suga nodded, wondering what that was all about. "I can stick around for a little longer, but I do have a boyfriend to get home to. Makki is going to be worried about me, Oikawa," Matsukawa had said. It was a little bit upsetting to know that one of Oikawa's good friends had to go home. Sure, Yahaba seemed to be like a good friend, but it was the other friend that send chills down Suga's spine.

"I want to go see him," Oikawa said with a frown. "How is that hoe anyway?" Oikawa asked. Suga sighed, wondering just why Oikawa was treating his friends that way? But it was probably just something that Suga wouldn't understand anytime soon anyway. He would have had to see Oikawa with his friends before the accident. But that really didn't happen, other than the small bit of interactions he saw at the party. He would understand in time, he was sure of that, but Suga was going to remain puzzled about this for quite some time now.

Mattsun rolled his eyes. "The hoe is fine, Oikawa. We can get him on speaker phone if you want. Or I can just bring him over here," he said and Oikawa perked up quite a bit, sitting up and smiling. He nodded his head and Suga licked his lips, wondering what it was about these people that thew Suga off so much. Maybe it was just the fact that Suga didn't treat his friends like this and he really wasn't sure what kind of friendships they all had with one another.

After another moment, Suga excused himself to the kitchen once more to keep cleaning when he saw Oikawa nod at the question that Matsukawa had asked him about bringing Makki over. Was that really such a good idea, though? Was Oikawa really up for talking to more people? Was he really in the mood for more social interaction? Suga had to remind himself that everyone went through their grieves in a different way and there wasn't one right way for Oikawa to be going through this process.

Laughter ensued in the living room and Suga found himself getting annoyed, but he wasn't going to deprive Oikawa of having friends over when the friends were helping him through such a tragic event in the first place. Suga would have loved to get to meet all of Oikawa's friends under different circumstances, but it was too late for that now. Sure, if he and Oikawa survived through all of this, they would surely meed each other again, but it was too late for a first meeting once again. They couldn't just forget that they had met each other and pretend it hadn't happened.

Suga was done doing everything he possibly could in the kitchen and he went back to the living room, spotting a new figure in the space that was talking to Oikawa. "Yeah, well, you don't have to be wearing clothes from middle school, you bitch," the man said and Oikawa scoffed, reaching over to hit the man on the shoulder. Mattsun seemed to be laughing about the entire thing and really didn't seem to be helping the situation one bit, but at least it wasn't wrestling with Kyoutani like yesterday. At least that 'fun' was all over. It may have just been a distraction to Oikawa, but it was dangerous.

"I am not wearing clothes from middle school, hoe! My middle school clothes wouldn't fit. I've grown since middle school, unlike you. You've always been freakishly tall," Oikawa said with an eye roll.

Another gasp came, but this time it was more of a gasp of surprise and it was from Oikawa once again. "Oh, hey, babe! My hoe of a friend decided to actually grace us with his presence! Wasn't that nice of him?" Oikawa said as the man pushed him again.

"I am not a hoe. Hi there. I'm assuming you are Suga and you're stuck with this asshole. I am so sorry about that. I'm Takahiro Hanamaki, but everyone just calls me Makki." Matsukawa hummed and nodded, reaching an arm to sling around his back. It seemed like everyone Oikawa knew was gay, or in a homosexual relationship. That wasn't an issue, but it was something that should be evaluated. Suga knew quite a few gay individuals himself, but it wasn't all of his friends. Suga would have to ask Oikawa about that at some point.

Suga smiled and walked towards him, offering him a hand to shake. They shook hands and Suga took a seat next to Oikawa, looking to the brunet. "It's nice to meet you, Makki. I've heard... actually, I haven't heard great things about you. I'm sure Oikawa doesn't mean it, but he's called you a hoe on multiple occasions."

There was a scoffing noise that came from Makki and he rolled his eyes. "That's rich, coming from the hoe himself. He's more of a hoe than I am, did he tell you that?" Suga raised an eyebrow towards Oikawa and he was questioning just what Oikawa was such a hoe about? He would love to hear all of these stories at some point, so why not start now?

"I am not a hoe, you hoe!" Oikawa said as he hit Makki again, but Matsukawa seemed to pull Makki out of the way a bit so the blow wasn't as harsh. Mattsun seemed like a nice boyfriend and he was caring enough to pull his boyfriend out of the way of too much harm. It wasn't like Oikawa was actually going to hurt his friends, or at least that was what Suga had thought anyway. He didn't think Oikawa was cruel enough to actually hurt one of his friends. If he was, Suga would have to reevaluate the entire relationship.

After a minute or so, Oikawa gasped as he looked down at his phone. "Oh..." he murmured, shaking his head a bit and putting his phone in Suga's lap that told Suga that Oikawa wasn't okay and he wasn't able to handle something he had just saw on his phone. Question was, what was it?

Suga looked down to his lap and he looked at the thing on Oikawa's screen. It was logged into Oikawa's facebook and the post seemed to be coming from someone with the same last name as Hajime. It was a rather long message and Suga wasn't sure he could handle reading it through, but Suga was going to, just so he knew just what was going on and why Oikawa seemed to get upset all of a sudden.

That was when it hit him. It was a public announcement about Hajime's death, so now it made sense why Oikawa had freaked out like he had. But there was also a date listed for the calling hours and funeral. Suga made a mental note and he was going to write down the date and times for memory sake. He wanted to get Oikawa to that funeral and he wanted to make sure that they could attend, no matter what else happened. "I see, babe... We're going. We are going to make it to the calling hours and we will make it to the funeral too, okay?" Suga said as he looked over at Oikawa. "Babe, I promise you that we are going. I don't care what his parents have to say about this. I don't care that they didn't approve of the two of you or they didn't like you or whatever, but we are going to that funeral to wish him fair well," Suga had said.

It seemed as if Oikawa wasn't upset about all of the Iwaizumi announcement stuff, but there was something else on his mind. "Suga... Suga, this tells me that they don't like me. This tells me completely that they didn't approve of myself and Hajime, because I had to find out from facebook when the funeral is going to be..." Oikawa said softly and that was kind of a harsh truth to come to a realization about. But Oikawa did have a valid point and Suga knew it.

Makki licked his lips and he sighed a bit, looking back to Matsukawa, who had a frowning look on his face. "It doesn't matter that they didn't like you though, right? What matters is that you two loved each other," Mattsun had said and Oikawa sighed in return, nodding a bit.

"But they could have told me about the funeral, even if they didn't like me..." Oikawa said. Suga reached over to pull Oikawa closer to him and he really just wanted to comfort the boy. He wanted to do something to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.

Suga kissed Oikawa's head and he felt Oikawa start to lean against him, pulling himself up onto the couch once more. Eventually, he had shifted to laying his head on Suga's lap and he seemed to want to stay there. "You're okay, Tooru... You're really okay," Suga said softly.

It seemed as if Makki had picked up on the social cue that Suga was giving off and he slowly got to his feet, pulling Matsukawa up the same way. "We're going to leave you two alone. We will see you both again at the funeral, yeah?" Hanamaki had said, smiling towards Suga who gave him a sad smile in thanks.

Oikawa nodded his head against Suga's thigh and it seemed as if he was just done with all of the socializing. Although, that didn't stop him from turning his head up towards the two boys and smirking a bit. "Yeah, I'll see you later, hoe," Oikawa said as he put his head back down.

If it weren't because that was how the two of them seemed to always act around one another, Suga would have really been worried about all of this and he would have told Oikawa to knock it off. In return to Oikawa's comment, Makki rolled his eyes, huffed, then put his hands on his hips. "Whatever, bitch. You're lucky that we're not living together. You'd have no hair on your head and you'd be covered in sharpie marker when you woke up." Makki turned after he winked and Matsukawa sighed, mouthing the word 'sorry' in Suga's direction. He didn't care, as long as the two of them were like this all of the time and this wasn't a new thing for the two of them.

When the two boys had left the apartment, Suga looked down to Oikawa and continued with running a hand through his hair. "They seem nice. Nice enough, anyway, when you and Hanamaki aren't calling each other names..." Suga said, getting a bit of a laugh out of Oikawa. He found it funny, so it seemed to be a good thing. Or at the very least, it was something Oikawa wasn't worried about.

"That's just how we always are. He's my hoe, but if he were in trouble or if he needed help, I'd have his back and be there," Oikawa said as he adjusted on Suga's lap.

Apparently, it was just something that Suga would have to adjust to. He would have to get used to it because he didn't want to react in the wrong way when they were just messing around. He wanted to act in the proper way to be around Oikawa's friends. He did want Oikawa's friends to come over more often and he wanted Oikawa to feel comfortable enough to invite them over.

After a minute or two, Suga sighed and pulled his hand away slowly, realizing that Oikawa was asleep. What was he going to do? How was he going to fix this mess and get Oikawa to be okay to go to the funeral? He knew that Tooru would never forgive himself if he missed it, but he really seemed against it at the moment.

Digging out his own phone, he started to look through facebook, he found the post that was made about Hajime's funeral and he started to message the person that made the post, just so he could figure out if there was anything that he and Oikawa could bring to the lunch afterward. He wasn't entirely sure that Oikawa would want to stay for the lunch, but wouldn't all of Hajime's friends be there? Wouldn't Oikawa want to see them?

Regardless, Suga got a message back and he found out that they needed something sweet for a dessert. There were other people signed up for desserts, but not enough. So Suga hummed as he thought about a potential dessert, sent back a response to ask if it was okay, and got a confirmation message back.

Once the conversation was over, Suga looked back down to his lover and he leaned down, pressed a kiss to his cheek, then slowly adjusted to lay down. It wasn't quite six PM yet, so they still had time and they needed to eat dinner still, but right now, Suga didn't blame Oikawa for wanting a nap. He had gone through far too much in one day and Suga had gone through his share of emotions for one day, with all of the crying and venting he had done to Asahi earlier.

Looking down, he felt Oikawa start to shift up in his subconscious mind and start to lay on Suga a little more, letting Suga adjust to be comfortable himself. Oikawa was bigger than Suga, with his little frame and his skinnier self, but Suga wasn't too terribly concerned about it. He was comfortable enough, and he needed to feel Oikawa close to him right now. He needed to feel that Oikawa was still breathing. He needed his love to be okay and still breathing.

The pair napped until probably 7:30, when Oikawa woke up with a start. He jerked awake, and the action woke Suga up. "Hey, it's okay, Oikawa. You're okay..." Suga said softly when he saw the look on Oikawa's face.

The brunet buried his face against Suga's chest and started to shake his head, very clearly doing his best to conceal his tears still. "No... The funeral... If we bring something, do you think they'll let us go to the funeral? Or do you think they'll still be mad?" Oikawa asked as he pulled his head up. Suga reached up to push the bangs out of Oikawa's eyes and he frowned.

"I've already offered to bring cupcakes to the gathering after for lunch. As far as I'm concerned, they're going to let us come and they're not going to say a word about it, because we are bringing something," Suga said, running his hand through Oikawa's hair.

It was clear that Oikawa was still thinking about something. He sat up and he sighed, shaking his head a bit. "What was Hajime thinking... He's leaving me all alone with his family... What if I were to do that to him?" Oikawa asked, looking back at Suga. "I know you'll be there too, but you don't know them like I do. They are just... they are terrible. You know that they didn't even care that Hajime was gay? They just cared who he was dating. Apparently, I wasn't good enough!" Oikawa said.

If that wasn't a messed up thing, Suga wasn't sure what was. Oikawa was more than good enough. Oikawa was really too good for Suga, but that was just a self confidence glitch that Suga was suffering from. "That's just wrong... Oikawa, you were more than good enough for him. You two were perfect together. And to think... you two let me into your relationship... Did I deserve it...? Or do I deserve to be alone...?" Suga was getting down on himself right now and he wasn't sure why, or what was inspiring this sudden jump in emotion.

Oikawa gasped and reached over to Suga to pull him up, settling Suga into his lap. Even though Suga needed to be there for Oikawa, it was very clear that Suga needed Oikawa just as much as Oikawa needed Suga. They had to be each other's rocks. "No, you do not deserve to be alone. You wouldn't want me to be alone, would you?" Oikawa asked quietly and Suga shook his head.

Sniffling, Koushi shook his head and he pressed his face into Oikawa's shoulder. "No, but... You deserve someone better, I think. You don't deserve someone as... a-as controlling and unstable as me..." Suga said. He wasn't even entirely sure of what he was saying. All he knew was that he was upset and he really just wanted to cry out the emotions. He absolutely needed Oikawa, and the taller lad could see that.

Suga had hit the depression stage of the five stages faster than Oikawa had. That was very clear, but Oikawa wasn't quite at his depression stage yet. He wasn't ready to let it all go. He still had things to try. He still had to work up the courage to say goodbye. That was when he would be officially ready to enter the depression stage.

It took Suga another five minutes to calm down and Oikawa whispering sweet and encouraging words into his ear for him to calm down. Eventually, he had realized just what Suga had said. "No, Suga, you're not unstable or controlling. If anything, you're the most stable thing I have in my life right now. As for controlling, you're not really making decisions for me, you're just being a good boyfriend and doing things for me that I'm not doing for myself..." Oikawa had hit a realization right then and he shook his head a bit. "Things that Hajime used to do for me or help me do for myself..."

For a moment, it sounded like Oikawa was going to slip into a depression like Suga was getting into, but he pulled himself out quickly. "I bet if I did those things for myself, he would laugh from the afterlife and say that I didn't need him after all. I just know him" Oikawa said as he pulled back from Suga a bit, who was very slowly calming himself down with the help of Oikawa.

They sat there like that for a few moments before Suga got up and pulled Oikawa to his feet, taking him to the kitchen. "Can you help me pick dinner if I make it? Or you could help make it, too..." Suga was just trying to get Oikawa to help with things and make decisions. He was also trying to make Oikawa feel like he was part of all of this, just because Suga wanted to show that he wasn't as controlling as he really felt.

Honestly, it was only Suga who saw himself as controlling. No one else would make that assumption about Suga if they had watched him without knowing him. They might think that Oikawa was a bit dependent, so that was why Suga had to do things for him. But honestly, it was all in Suga's head. "I'll help pick dinner and we can make it together. I don't want you doing all of the work around here, silly. Since, you know, it's really not all up to you. I am capable." Tooru was trying to make himself seem like he was useful. "I also want to, by the way. You're not making me."

That was very reassuring for Suga to hear, since he was having an issue with feeling as if he were being too controlling at the moment. To know that Tooru was making up his own mind about wanting to help cook, it made him feel just that much better. "I love you, Oikawa," Suga said quietly as he went to the fridge and pulled it open.

What was a surprise to Oikawa had been the fact that Suga had said that he loved him. When Suga didn't hear a response from Oikawa, he turned back to see Oikawa rubbing his eyes gently and doing his best to get the tears out of his eyes. At least, that was what Suga thought Oikawa was doing. "I didn't know how much I needed to hear that... I love you too, Suga..."

Really, they hadn't been saying they loved each other, just because the two of them were in such an emotional state and were going through turmoil at the moment with Hajime's passing. They really couldn't handle more emotions. Oikawa made his way across the kitchen and he threw his arms around Suga, pulling him in close and hugging him in a tight embrace. It wasn't an uncomfortable hug. It was actually one that Suga needed from Oikawa, even though the taller was holding him just a few moments ago.

"He would be happy that we were surviving this," Suga said as he pulled back, getting the tears out of his own eyes. "Iwa would be happy to know that we were making it through all of this... Wouldn't he?" Suga asked as he watched Tooru adjust his hair.

They shared a look and Oikawa nodded slowly, getting Koushi to smile a little. "He would definitely be happy to know that we were making our way through this. He likes when people accomplish their goals. It's my goal to survive this... is it yours?"

Those words hit Suga a little harshly and he flinched a little bit. He hadn't really thought about it like that and his mind was going to a very dark place. Did he really want to survive this? Did he want to live his life without Hajime in it? Did he want to know that he could have had it all with Iwaizumi and now he was left with the mess he left?

That wasn't exactly fair for Suga to think, as Hajime wasn't leaving him all alone. He was leaving Suga with Oikawa, which Suga knew subconsciously was more than enough if Hajime wouldn't be there, but he wasn't exactly in the best place to be thinking and his mind was bogged down with thinking negative and bad things. "I mean... It would be a good thing, but..."

When Suga had hesitated, Oikawa took a step back. "Don't you start going suicidal on me. I wouldn't be able to handle living alone without you. If I lost you too..." Oikawa's face started to twist and contort into something that was very clearly an emotional face. It was a face that Suga really didn't want to see and he felt bad that he had caused the face. "I can't lose you too..." Oikawa whispered as he turned his back to Suga and he started to walk himself out of the kitchen.

"Wait... Oikawa..." Suga said, slowly going after him. Oikawa had stopped in the middle of the living room and he was hiding his face behind his elbow, letting out little gasps and sounds of emotion. He was clearly crying. "I'm not going to leave you, I just... Surviving this isn't going to be easy..." Suga was coming to the realization that saying it like that really didn't sound to good. "But maybe we can make it easier for each other?"

If Suga hadn't added little sentence on the end, Oikawa would have took it the wrong way. He would have wanted to run. He was contemplating it before Suga had said what he had, but thankfully, Suga was a step ahead. "M-maybe if we eat, he'll be happy and tell us what we should do about this..."

It wasn't like Suga to regard any kind of afterlife and he wasn't a believer. But if this made Oikawa any happier, it was worth a try, wasn't it? "Maybe he could guide us, yeah... We have a long road ahead of us, don't we?" Suga asked quietly as he approached Oikawa. It only took a second for Oikawa to realize that Suga was coming closer, so he very quickly tried to push the tears away and act as if he weren't crying.

Suga knew better, but it was a nice gesture for Oikawa to try to pretend that things were okay for Suga. At least, that was what Oikawa was trying to do. Suga didn't realize this, but it was still a nice gesture either way. "Should we go make dinner now?" Oikawa asked, taking a deep and steadying breath after he asked his question.

It was getting late, and Suga really wanted to stay on some sort of sleep schedule so he could go back to classes eventually. "Yeah, we should. I still want your help deciding what to make. We should probably go grocery shopping soon, too," Suga said with a smile as he poked Oikawa stomach.

Oikawa squeaked and he looked at Suga like he had two heads. "Don't start that poking thing," the taller lad had said with a whine behind his voice, walking towards the kitchen.

Normally, Suga would have tried to start a tickling, poking war with Oikawa to get him to laugh and have a fun time. It was just something he would have done. But right now? Suga hardly had the energy to make dinner. He really didn't want to waste his energy on something that wasn't necessary, when cooking was absolutely a necessary task to do.

Finally, the pair had gone into the kitchen and they picked out something to make. It was an easy meal to make, but it was made even easier as the two worked together to cook. "Will you pass me the butter if I-... Will you pass the butter?" Suga asked. He had slipped there, not realized that subconsciously he was still transitioning between the bargaining stage and the depression stage. He really didn't even realize he had been in the bargaining stage, although now that all of this emotional stuff was starting to hit him, he knew that he had been in the stage and he was approaching the depression stage of all of it.

Now, Suga really wasn't aware that he could be in any of the stages at any time, and the stages of grief weren't something completely set in stone. He knew that everyone experienced grief in a different way, but he just didn't realize that he could skip steps altogether, or it could present itself in a different way.

The boys had a long day ahead of them and once they made it through tomorrow, it would be time for the funeral. Were they really prepared to say goodbye to their lover? Were they ready to wish Hajime a fair well once and for all and never see him again?

Neither of them knew, but they were going to find out.


	12. Stage Three - Bargaining (Part C)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a warning~! This chapter contains smut, and it is very NSFW. So if you'd rather not see this kind of thing, please avoid this chapter. It's not the entire chapter, but more towards the end.

The following morning had both boys groaning and pulling at the pillows to shove them over their eyes so they could try to get more rest. But finally, the sun had done its job to get the two boys out of bed and on their way to a productive morning. Not that either of them were really ready to have a productive morning, but they were going to have to work through the morning regardless. The calling hours were that day, and the boys had to get themselves ready for the day they were about to embark on.

Once Suga had found Oikawa in the living room, he leaned over the back of the couch to kiss at the top of his head before going to disappear into the kitchen. He needed to remind himself that he wasn't alone during all of this, just so he could make it through all of this. He was already starting to feel the weight of Hajime's death and it was really hitting him hard. He had woken up with tears in his eyes. Unsure of what he was dreaming about, he knew that the dream had to be bad if he had woken up with tears in his eyes. Or, it was just a dream about Iwaizumi. Either way, the dream was bad enough to leave him in tears.

Standing in the kitchen, he knew that he probably should have eaten something, but he really just didn't care. What he wanted to do was to make the cupcakes he had promised someone that he was bringing to the after funeral gathering lunch, or whatever it was. Those things were always so awkward for Suga, really. For one, he wasn't sure who wanted to eat after such a terrible event. Two, he wasn't sure he would be able to talk with anyone at the lunch because he really didn't know anyone. Finally, who really wanted to catch up after such an event?

It didn't matter what Suga thought, though. To be honest, Suga really didn't know if Oikawa wanted to go to the lunch afterward, but Suga had to assume that he wanted to, which was why he was making the cupcakes. It was the entire reason that he had even offered to prepare something. As Suga stood in his kitchen and looked around, he wasn't even sure where to start. If Hajime was there, he would know exactly where to start, since he was really a master in the kitchen. He really should have been at this rather, just because he was a chef at a restaurant. Although, Suga really didn't know much about Iwaizumi's life outside of school.

As Suga reached for a bowl, he frowned a little as he thought about that fact. Did he really even know Hajime? Did they even know each other long enough to justify Suga getting upset about the death like he was getting? Did they know each other long enough to count as a good enough relationship that he could go to the funeral? The tears had stared to make their way into Suga's eyes and he was trying his best not to let them start to spill, but it was already happening, and he really didn't think he could stop all of this.

One he got the flour, baking powder, and sugar out, he wasn't even entirely sure how to make cupcakes, he realized, so he slowly turned with his phone and started to look up a recipe. Looking up, though, he jumped and nearly screamed in fright. "T-Tooru, I didn't know you were standing there," Suga said, looking to his boyfriend, who was rubbing his own eyes. But this rubbing wasn't due to tears. It was just Oikawa trying to wipe the exhaustion out of his eyes. Neither boy seemed to have slept very well, it seems. Suga composed himself from Oikawa sneaking into the kitchen. It might not have been sneaking, but Suga really just hadn't heard him or expect to see him.

Smiling to Suga, Oikawa came in closer and looked over what Suga was trying to look up on his phone. "I can... if you let me, I can go get a recipe from my apartment that Hajime has for cupcakes. They are the best, really. He was actually thinking of submitting the recipe to the baking contest, but then he decided against it because he said they were too simple." That really was an idea that Suga could let himself agree too, but he wasn't sure how he would feel about butchering a recipe that Hajime had put together. "They are super good, and I'll be here to help so I can show you how he used to do it," Oikawa had said, kind of reading Suga's mind about this whole thing.

It wasn't the worst idea in the world, but would Oikawa really be okay with going back to the apartment? Would he really be okay walking into that apartment and seeing everything of Hajime's and going in to find a recipe? "I think that's a decent idea, but I don't like the idea of you going into that apartment alone... I will come with you so you don't have to be alone." That was Suga's solution to the problem he had created in his own mind. He wasn't even entirely sure that Oikawa was going to have a problem with going into the apartment, although if Suga were going in alone, he would have had an issue. He just knew himself.

With a hum and a nod, Oikawa seemed to agree with the plan and thought that Suga was right about all of this. Suga didn't exactly want to be right. He wanted to think Oikawa would be able to handle this on his own, but Suga just wanted to be there in case Oikawa really wasn't okay with doing this on his own just yet. They were both in mourning and they were both struggling with all of this. It was really just something they had to struggle through together.

Sighing gently, Suga decided that leaving the ingredients out on the counter was probably okay for the time being, since he would probably need all of them when he got back. But he did push them back on the counter, just out of habit to try to keep the apartment semi-clean for the time being. Suga decided that he should probably go get shoes on, and Oikawa had the same thought.

"While I'm there, remind me to get some of my nicer clothes. I have to be semi-dressed up for the calling hours tonight and then the funeral tomorrow. I don't want to be a mess and come in any old outfit," Oikawa said glumly. He was sounding rather meek at the moment and Suga was really feeling for him. They could manage to get through this together, he was sure.

It really didn't take long for the pair of them to get around, but they were procrastinating on the leaving part of all of this, just because they both weren't too terribly sure about going to the apartment after all. Sure, they would have to soon enough, just because Oikawa had to pick up clothes for that night. Suga knew everything Oikawa had packed wasn't quite enough to prepare for a funeral, at the very least.

Finally, Oikawa looked at the door and he tried to psych himself up for leaving, reaching for Suga's hand. "We can do this... We can go to the apartment, find the recipe, and I can find clothes to wear for tonight and tomorrow," Oikawa said with a small sound of desperation in his voice. It really sounded like Oikawa just didn't want to do this, but Suga knew that Oikawa really did have to. He also knew that he had promised Oikawa that he would be there, too. So Suga wasn't going to be getting out of this.

Letting go of all of his hang ups about all of this, Suga had squeezed Oikawa's hand and he decided that it was now or never. "We can do this, you know that? We can make it through..." Suga said as the door opened, and the pair embarked out of the apartment and out to the sunny world. It felt unnatural for a day like today to be so sunny, simply because they were meant to be at calling hours before the day was over. But that didn't mean that it would stay sunny all day.

As they started to walk, Suga was genuinely contemplating getting a taxi to take them to the apartment. But really, it wasn't a terribly far walk. It was just something that Suga was thinking about to make this easier on them. Oikawa was still holding Suga's hand and it was a really nice feeling to Suga, knowing that Oikawa wanted to hold his hand in public. "You know, people can see us when we're holding hands," Suga had said quietly, squeezing Oikawa's hand gently. He wasn't too sure about how Oikawa felt about with revealing his sexuality to the world. It was something he would definitely have to figure out.

It seemed that Oikawa didn't really care, though. He had shrugged and continued to walk, still holding Suga's hand. He was actually swinging Oikawa's hand, and to anyone that was watching them, it would have seemed like they were just having a good time. They wouldn't know the situation though, and this was definitely not a good time.

They made a turn to go a certain way to the apartment that Oikawa knew would be faster, and they continued to walk in the silence that Suga had found uncomfortable at the moment. He wasn't one to interrupt the silence, particularly if Oikawa had felt like the silence was normal and comfortable. "So, uh... this recipe... are the cupcakes flavored a certain way? Or are they just white, vanilla cupcakes? Do we have to go out grocery shopping?" Suga had asked in a soft voice.

When Suga had continued to talk, Oikawa let out a bit of a sigh, as if Oikawa was really rather annoyed with Suga's talking. Maybe it would have been better if Suga hadn't tried to fill the silence between them. At least, Oikawa wouldn't be sighing and groaning about Suga talking and trying to make conversation. Was it really that bad? "Uh, well, if I can find the right recipe, they are just white cupcakes, yes. But he has all different kinds, too, but it uses the same base batter for the recipe," Oikawa had said and Suga nodded.

Maybe it was just in Suga's mind, but Oikawa seemed to be jumping back and forth between moods at the moment. The sigh screamed annoyed to Suga, but then when Oikawa spoke, it was lighthearted and friendly. Maybe it was still all of the grieving process, but Suga just wasn't too sure how to handle this at the moment. What was he supposed to do? "Ah, well hey, if you decide you want something more than just the vanilla cupcakes for the lunch, let me know? I just don't have a ton of baking supplies. We also might have to go shopping anyway because I don't know if I'll have enough to make enough cupcakes for everyone." Suga should have asked how many people to prepare cupcakes for, or how many were expected to be at the lunch. But no matter, he would make extras and more than enough. He would still contact Iwaizumi's relative to find out just how many people were to be expected, but he was going to make more than enough.

Finally, they had reached the apartment and Oikawa looked at the walkway to where he once lived. "It's kind of... Suga, it makes me kind of sad to think that I don't live here anymore..." Oikawa said and his face contorted into something that Suga was ready to jump in and help with. "Do you think that if I walk through the door, it will be like he never left...? Or is it still going to feel like he's gone...?" Oikawa asked. He really wasn't expecting Suga to have an answer for him. He really wasn't expecting Suga to clean up his mess and take care of him as he stood at the old apartment, but it really wasn't something he could do alone. He wasn't strong enough to handle this on his own at the moment.

Suga leaned against Oikawa and put an arm around him in support. "When you walk in, it's still going to feel like he left. His stuff is still there, but... He's still g-gone..." Suga choked out, trying his hardest to turn his face and not let Oikawa see his miserable face. He really didn't want Oikawa to see that he was suffering this much.

That very clearly wasn't how Oikawa saw it, though. He really wanted to see everything that Suga was going through and he wanted Suga to know that he was actually there for him. "Hey, Suga..." Oikawa whispered softly, getting Oikawa to glance at him briefly. "You still have me, right...? We still have each other? Even though he's gone, we still have each other and that's enough, isn't it...?"

Those were actually very mature words of Oikawa and Suga was kind of under the impression he was in a dream now. But as he tried to snap himself out of it, he realized that it was very real and Oikawa was looking for validation from Suga to saw that he was enough. "Y-you are absolutely enough... I'm sorry, maybe this was a really bad idea..." Suga whispered as he tried to focus his energy anywhere else at the moment. But then he realized, this was all Oikawa's idea, and it kind of made him feel bad. "Wait, no... I didn't mean your idea was bad, I just... I meant that it was a bad idea for me to come with you. I should have asked one of your friends to do this..." Suga had said.

It was a good enough response for Oikawa. He really didn't seem too offended when Suga had said all of that anyway, which was a relief. "Well, as much as I love my friends... I think I'd rather you'd be here, Suga," Oikawa said softly and he gave Suga a gentle kiss on the cheek to show his appreciation.

The pair had been standing outside the apartment for so long that there were people starting to point and question why they were out there. Oikawa hadn't known many of the people that he saw pointing at them, but if any of them were neighbors of his, they could have told the people pointing that he lived there. "Let's go before we have someone call the cops..." Oikawa said as he started to walk to the apartment, grabbing onto Suga's hand again. It was still a nice feeling for Suga to know that Oikawa really didn't care what anything had to think about his being gay. Suga didn't care about what others thought, either, which was nice.

As Oikawa and Suga got to the front door, Suga started to panic for a second. "Wait... did you grab the key?" he asked, knowing very well that he had forgotten to grab a key himself. But Suga was worried for nothing, simply because Oikawa was one step ahead of him, as it seemed.

The boy had pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and showed them to Suga, giving the boy a very cheeky and teasing smile. "You thought I would forget the keys to my own apartment? That's silly of you," Oikawa said with a little giggle. The feeling Suga was starting to get about all of this was not a very good one at the moment. It was good for Oikawa to be laughing, but Suga had a feeling that the boy was ignoring the problem in front of him.

Suga could have sworn that Oikawa was over the denial phase, but maybe it was just easier for him to process all of this when he pretended that everything was okay and nothing was broken? That was really the only explanation that Suga could come up with for the reason Oikawa was in a decent mood at the moment.

Once the door was open, Suga could feel the change in emotion immediately. At least, the emotion changed for him. It may not have hit Oikawa the same way, but it certainly hit Suga. He was already in a bad frame of mind, just being here, but he had to be support for Oikawa. Suga wasn't sure that this was what Oikawa needed. If anything, Oikawa would be too distracted with helping Oikawa to feel his own emotions about all of this. That was all Suga could offer right now. "Okay, so... How do you want to do this?" Suga asked.

The pair had finally stepped into the apartment and Oikawa took a breath. He seemed to be going between his emotions at the moment and Suga could see how the boy was jumping through rings at the moment, dancing around his feelings and trying to hold himself together. "Uh, well, since I know where the recipe box is, I guess I can start there. Maybe you should come with me though, so we can see if you need to buy anything else?" Oikawa asked as he started to walk towards the kitchen. Suga was following him right then and he nodded, agreeing that the idea was good.

Originally, Suga thought splitting up to get it done quickly was a good idea. But now that he was really thinking about it, splitting up was probably the worst idea in the world. He didn't want Oikawa to be alone and start to have a meltdown without him being there, nor did he want to start going through things and break without having someone there to lean on. So it was a good idea to stay together, so they could support each other.

Suga had a smart boyfriend.

Reaching up to the top of the refrigerator, Oikawa pulled down a box of something. It was a small box and Suga raised an eyebrow to what it could possibly be. But that was when he came to the realization that it was probably Iwaizumi's box of recipes, so the cupcake recipe was probably in that box. "Okay, so here's the recipe for the cupcakes and... oh..." Oikawa stopped, blinking a bit.

"Love? What's wrong?" Suga asked as Oikawa's face started to contort and change.

This whole idea was probably terrible, although it was Oikawa's idea and Suga wanted to do whatever Oikawa wanted to do, as long as it was safe. "The recipe he and I were working on together... it's right here... if only I hadn't been such a difficult student, we probably would have finished it..." Oikawa said as he pulled it out of the box.

Right now was partially what Suga had been worried about, which was why coming back to their apartment wasn't a good reason at all. Now, granted, they are still going to have to come back eventually and they will have to go through all of Hajime's things. But it was still so fresh. The death hadn't happened more than just a few days ago and they weren't even a week into all of this yet. They would have to handle all of this at some point though. "Oikawa, he probably wanted to finish it with you... he would have finished it with you, you know that," Suga said, trying to comfort Oikawa in any way possible.

"But now he can't... he won't get the chance now. Maybe if I had just tried to work with him and gave him a break... maybe if I had just been a more accepting and agreeable person..." Oikawa turned his face as he held onto the recipe. It was clear that this was such a difficult thing for Oikawa to be going through, and it was clear that Oikawa was struggling. Reaching out gently, Suga gave a sad smile and he hummed, shaking his head a bit.

There really wasn't much that Suga could do at the moment. The silvery-blond boy really couldn't think of anything to offer Oikawa in comfort. All he could do was hug him and hold him tight. "That's just... who the two of you were to each other, yeah? You're okay..."

It really didn't take long for Oikawa to get to the emotion, but sadness had overtook his entire body and he started to cave in towards Suga. Suga held the boy up, rubbing his back and hugging him tightly, pressing sweet kisses to his cheek and to Oikawa's temple, which was pressed against his shoulder at the moment. "Suga... Why can't he come back?" Oikawa asked, and that question hit Suga like a damned freight train. The pressure of that question was just beyond what Suga could handle at the moment.

When Oikawa had asked, it had brought tears to his eyes and he had been desperate enough get rid of them that he decided to let them all out. He knew that letting them out like this was the only way he could actually get rid of them. This wouldn't be the last time he cried, absolutely not. He knew that he would cry over Iwaizumi probably a dozen more times before he was finally at peace about all of this, but right now, it was the only way he knew to get rid of the tears. At least he could cry them out and bring the illusion that the tears were gone. "I... I really don't know, Tooru... He... He can't come back because this world is awful and won't let us have him back..." Suga said, sniffling as he held onto Oikawa.

That was when Suga cold feel the grasp of Oikawa's arms get stronger around Suga, and Suga could tell that this was Oikawa's way of trying to hold onto the boy a little stronger, to give Suga some support too. They really weren't doing so well at the moment. "I hate this world..." Oikawa said as he tried to let his emotions out completely.

Suga agreed with that statement, but there were definitely parts of the world he wanted to stick around for. There were definitely things that he wanted to be around to see, so he wasn't quite ready to leave this world just yet. The pair were busy crying their eyes out and everything just felt so cruel to them at the moment.

But unfortunately, they knew that they really couldn't stick around for much longer. They knew that they had to get moving. It was a good thing that the only thing that the pair had to do was get the recipe and clothes for Oikawa to change into so he could be more presentable, or something, for the funeral and the calling hours that night. It was a good thing to know that Suga had more than enough time to make the cupcakes. "Hey, Suga? Do you think... I can bring all of the recipe's with me to your apartment?"

It was an unusual question, Suga thought, but it if was something that Tooru had wanted, he really didn't see why not. "Uh, yeah, I suppose? I just don't want you to lose them, yeah? They were important to Hajime, so we don't want to lose them and get him all mad at us."

Letting out a bit of a laugh, Tooru smiled and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he'd be back to haunt our asses if we lost them. That's for sure." It was just that little statement that had gotten Suga a bit more on the upset side of things. He smiled, but it was a sad smile and he really wasn't sure that he could pull himself out of this emotional stump he was in right now.

As the pair left the kitchen, Oikawa stretched a bit and he held the box of recipes close to him. He then put the incomplete recipe back into the box before looking back at Suga, who was already headed to the stairs. "Oh, yeah, those are important, aren't they? I guess I need to go get clothes."

Suga wondered for a moment if they would have another breakdown in the bedroom. It was bound to happen, Suga figured, and he started up the stairs before Oikawa. He really wasn't super familiar with the layout as it was, since he had really only been in the apartment a few times. But he did his best to navigate around the place. "Oh, is there anything else you want to grab? Do you have enough clothes? Or should we grab more for you?" Suga asked softly.

Huffing a bit, Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Will you get sick of me wearing the same clothes over and over again?" Oikawa asked. Suga knew that Oikawa was teasing, he could hear it in his voice, but the look on Tooru's face was genuinely something that Suga wasn't sure he could handle for much longer. He needed to get away. He needed to get out of this place.

"Nah, I won't get sick of... seeing you in the same stuff, but just bring stuff if you want to have a change..." Suga said quietly.

Once the pair reached the bedroom, Oikawa looked around and sighed, slowly going over to the closet. "I wonder if he will haunt me for wearing one of his jackets to the funeral..." Oikawa said softly, as if he were actually pondering it. "He has a really nice black one, and my dress jackets are either... well, I have a white one, a navy one, and then... a light gray one. But he has a super nice one that actually fits me..." Oikawa said. At least he was smiling, thinking about it.

It was a statement that Suga was going to stay silent for, because he was a bit lost, walking around the room at the moment. This apartment was much nicer and bigger than Suga's apartment. It was a shame that Suga still had a lease for another three months and he was still paying on his place for a while, otherwise he would want to move in. Maybe he would want to move in anyway, if Oikawa wanted to come back here at any point. It was a thought.

Suga took a seat on the bed and he remembered what side was Oikawa's and what side was Hajime's from staying the one night after the accident. Oikawa was digging through the closet, and he was moving slower at this point, but that was probably just because he was trying not to get upset about the other things he was seeing. Iwaizumi's clothes were all still there and it must have been hard on Oikawa to see it all. "I'm going to have to talk to his parents eventually. I love him and I'm going to keep some of his stuff, but I don't have a lot of use for a lot of this anymore... I'm obviously going to keep some of his belongings. They can't make me give them all to them. Sure, he was their son. But he was my boyfriend too. I can't wait to see what kind of excuse they have for all of this now."

It seemed like Oikawa was reverting back through the stages. At first, it seemed like Oikawa was back to the denial phase, because he was making statements that made Suga think that Oikawa wasn't ready to let him go yet. Now it seems like Oikawa is going back to his angry phase. It wasn't an issue, and Suga had to keep reminding himself that everyone processes loss in different ways, but it was just such a different feeling than Suga was going through at the moment.

"If they give you any problems, I'll talk with them. They really can't force you to give them all of his stuff." Suga was just trying to come up with a way to relax Tooru, so he looked to the boy and reached for him. "Hey, come here for a minute," he said, watching as Oikawa had turned slowly.

This didn't take any convincing from Suga, which was good, and Oikawa was just agreeable at the moment. He came over slowly, no clothes in hand, even though he was making mental notes of what he wanted to bring with him. "Yeah?" Oikawa asked in a soft voice and he had took a seat next to Suga, reaching a hand to his thigh. It was something Oikawa needed. He just needed to be grounded at the moment.

Suga wasn't sure what had taken over him, but he really just needed some affection and love at the moment. So, with that being said, he reached up to Oikawa's cheeks and pulled him in for a loving kiss. It was something they hadn't done in a long while. Sure, they had kissed, but they hadn't shared a kiss like this in quite some time. After a few moments, Suga pulled back for air, but Oikawa had different ideas. When Suga had pulled back for air, Oikawa had started to chase after his lips.

If Suga were being honest, he wasn't sure where this kiss was going to take them. But all Suga had wanted was some attention, so affection, and to just feel loved by the man he was sitting with right now. Oikawa had succeeded in chasing Suga's lips, and they crashed together once again. They were needier this time, and Suga could just tell that Oikawa needed this at the moment.

The kissing had taken Oikawa to pushing Suga down gently and Oikawa was kissing him as Suga laid back against the mattress. They kissed like that for quite some time, and Suga had pulled Oikawa closer. Originally, Oikawa was hovering above him, only touching him where it was absolutely necessary. But now, Suga had pulled him down, so their bodies were touching too. It was definitely needed, and the feeling Suga had begun to get was just a grand feeling of love and appreciation. He could feel that Oikawa loved him, more than he could feel before they were doing this. He knew that Oikawa loved him before, but it was just a different feeling before. Now, he could see it more clearly.

Now, Suga hadn't really wanted this kiss to be much more than love and affection from Oikawa. If they had ended at the kiss, they ended at the kiss. But, the kissing seemed to bring Oikawa to the impression that Suga wanted something more. Maybe Suga did want something more, but he hadn't exactly realized that he wanted more at the time. It was a gentle action, but it certainly made Suga's heart jump, and he got excited at the thought of what they could possibly do. Oikawa's hand had slowly made its way to the front of Suga's pants and he started to rub the boy through his pants.

Suga had bucked up in response, trying to get even more of a feeling than what he had been getting before. The pair hadn't stopped kissing yet. They were actually sucking on one another's tongues. But Oikawa's action with his hand started to get stronger, and it made Suga pull back and throw his head back in response, letting out a bit of a groan. "O-oh, Tooru..." he murmured.

After a moment of Tooru palming the boy through his pants, Suga tried to return the favor by pushing his knee up against Oikawa's pants as well, slowly massaging the area and trying to get the blood flowing in that direction. "S-Suga, would this... be easier without pants, maybe?" Oikawa had asked

The question was rather comical to Suga, because of course this would be easier without pants. "Yes, Tooru..." he whispered.

"I'll... take yours off if you take mine off?" Oikawa had suggested as he slowly pulled away. The loss of the hand on his pants had made Suga pout, but he knew that they were going to be feeling much better things in just a few moments. Oikawa had reached up to the hem of Suga's pants, and he pulled on the pants quickly, getting them off of Suga quickly. It was really just a feeling they were experiencing, but Suga thought that at some point, the pair could potentially not even have their boxers on. It might be easier without anything on, anyway.

But for now, the boxers would stay on. Suga slowly sat up as Oikawa disposed of Suga's pants, and he had reached for Oikawa's, pulling them off. But those weren't the only things that had come off. It wasn't meant to happen, but Suga had pulled Oikawa's boxers off too.

That didn't seem to phase Oikawa, though, and Suga grinned a bit. "Want to take mine off, too?" Suga asked as he laid back down, tossing Oikawa's pants to the side. With a bit of a laugh, Oikawa nodded and he had pulled Suga's boxers off swiftly.

Each of the boys were only half hard, really. Oikawa was really just doing his best to keep himself composed. This was also the first time that each boy had seen the other naked, so it was a great pleasure for both of them to see each other.

Suga wasn't sure how Oikawa was accustomed to doing things, but Suga personally liked to think that Oikawa was more comfortable being on top. At least, that was what Suga wanted to think. It was just a preference, but Suga really preferred being on bottom. Although, maybe they weren't ready to take that step just yet. They did have to do some talking about all of it.

Either way, Suga had pulled Oikawa down onto the bed and switched positions, straddling the brunet's waist and sitting down. He wasn't going to impale himself on Oikawa's hard on while Oikawa was dry, but he did want to tease Oikawa a bit and he wanted Oikawa to know that Suga was willing to bottom. He was more than willing to, honestly.

"S-Suga?" Oikawa asked in a weak voice as Suga had reached and touched Oikawa's hard erection. He gave it a few gentle pumps and realized that Oikawa didn't need help getting any harder. He was fully turned on at this rate and he was as erect as he could possibly get. Suga was also there, but he wanted to make sure that Oikawa was there too. "Are you... Suga, oh..."

It was right then that Suga had slipped Oikawa's dick between his cheeks. He wasn't going to go all the way in, but he was doing this for both of them at the moment. "I love you," Suga murmured as he started to move back and forth, riding Oikawa's erection.

Each boy was groaning and moaning through this entire thing, and Suga had started to pump himself as he held Oikawa in place with his other hand. But Oikawa had different ideas. The surprise for Suga was that Oikawa had swatted Suga's hand away and started to pump Suga. "Y-you know, I can... I can get lube and..." Oikawa said. His hand was moving lazily against Suga, but it was still enough at the moment.

That was actually a good idea. Suga wasn't sure just how much more he could take of not feeling Oikawa inside him. "Yes... oh, yes, please... I'm not carrying anything, a-are you clean?" Suga asked and he was just met with a nod, which was enough. It was driving him a little insane to feel Oikawa's cock brush against his hole without it going all the way in. "If you like to bottom too, we can take turns..." Suga said. He had a feeling that Hajime had taken turns with the boy too, but maybe Oikawa was the primary bottom between the two of them.

The smile that crossed Oikawa's face had given Suga his answer, and that was when he took mental note to fuck Oikawa occasionally, rather than bottom all the time. As Oikawa reached to the nightstand, he pulled out a bottom of lube and let Suga squirt some onto his dick. He groaned a bit, because it was a bit chilly, but it was still a nice feeling. "I love you too," Oikawa said as he put his hands on Suga's hips.

Suga was holding onto Oikawa and lining himself up, ready to impale himself on Oikawa's dick and ready to get the boy inside him. The initial push took a moment, but Suga really didn't want to wait. He sunk down on Oikawa rather quickly, and both boys let out a bit of a groan.

It wasn't until Oikawa had started to pump Suga again that Suga had started to move against Oikawa and try his best to keep his composure. He knew that riding Oikawa, while it felt good, he wasn't likely to get his prostate, unless he tried new angles.

Starting slow, Suga had leaned forward and put his hands gently on Oikawa's chest. This was something he had wanted for quite some time, if he was being honest to himself. Now, it would have been an amazing feeling if Iwaizumi was there too, but he really didn't want to go there, and he just wanted to keep chasing his high. "O-oh, Oikawa... Please, baby..." he whispered as Oikawa had swiped his thumb over Suga's sensitive head, going back to pump him.

The movement had gotten a bit faster before Suga had leaned in to kiss Oikawa again, just desperate to feel the love he had felt when he had started this whole thing. They pulled back, and Oikawa had groaned as Suga had started to grind his hips, swiveling them in small circles. It was such an awesome feeling.

Really, neither boy was going to last much longer. They were both going to reach their highs soon. But Suga was starting to lose his cool, the feeling of the building orgasm was starting to take over, and it was driving him to start to fall out of rhythm and he was doing his best to keep himself together. "S-suga... Baby, please," Oikawa said in desperation, but he wasn't getting a response.

Suga leaned back and started to bounce on Oikawa just like that as Oikawa's hand kept moving on him. Oikawa's moves were losing a little bit of momentum, but he was just as desperate as Suga was to get to his orgasm and reach that delicious high.

So, what was the brunet to do? He pulled his hand off of Suga and Suga only had a second to make a sound of disappointment and question before Oikawa had pushed him over and he rolled on top of Suga. They never disconnected, and neither boy was going to pull away. But the very first thrust into Suga had felt like heaven reaching out and touching Suga. Oikawa hadn't hit his prostate, but it was still an amazing feeling. "Yes, Tooru, d-don't stop..."

After another few thrusts, Suga jumped and he squealed, not quite anticipating the feeling that Oikawa had been giving him. Oikawa had actually found his prostate and was thrusting directly into it at this point. "Th-there! Please, O-oh please!" Suga cried out and Oikawa smirked a bit as he reached between them and stared to pump Suga's member at the same time.

It was coming to a close, and Suga had to hold onto the bedding, clawing into the comforter. "T-Tooru... Please... So close..." Koushi said as he started to move into Oikawa too, who was making every single thrust hit his prostate at this point. He wasn't cruel enough to tease him right now. Any other day, he would have teased Suga, but today was just not that day. This was their first time together, and neither boy could handle waiting.

"So am I, Koushi... Just... a few more... Oh, oh! Koushi!" Tooru was apparently a little closer than he was anticipating, because he had started to shoot his load into Suga.

That was no problem, though, because Suga was still moving against Oikawa, who had just about stopped to let himself cum and let it all go. Suga had groaned and he thrust himself on Oikawa, which was more than enough, especially when Oikawa had continued to move his hand on Suga's erection.

Suga had cum all over his own chest and Oikawa's hand, but Oikawa really didn't seem to care. The brunet collapsed on top of the silvery blond, and the pair took their time to catch their breath.

After another moment, Oikawa had rolled off of Suga and laid next to him, reaching for Suga's hand. Thankfully, it wasn't the hand covered in sticky semen. "So... we did that, do you think he was happy watching us from wherever he is?" Oikawa asked in a soft, tired voice.

"I'm sure he's happy as long as we're happy," Suga had said. He wasn't ready to face reality yet, and he curled up next to Oikawa, who had put his arm around Suga. "We should probably... go get your clothes and go back so we can make the cupcakes..."

Oikawa knew that they had to, but he wasn't sure he was ready for this yet. "Thank you, Suga..." he whispered. Suga wasn't sure why Oikawa had thanked him, but now that it was there, Oikawa wasn't going to take it back.

"Anytime, love..." Suga said, curling up to Oikawa. "Let's go get ready for tonight."


	13. Stage Three - Bargaining (Part D)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord. I am so sorry for all the emotion in this chapter. I don't know what possessed me to write such a sad chapter, but.... it's here. I mean, it's a sad fic, so can you be surprised about this chapter being sad?

While the last hour or so had been fun, and the two boys were still happy from everything they had just experienced, it couldn't be fun for too long. They had wanted it to be fun, they had wished it would have continued being fun, but today was not the day to wish that things would be fun forever. It was a solemn day, it was a sad day to be a part of.

Sighing just a bit and getting himself redressed, Suga looked down to Oikawa, who was just laying in bed with a sad look on his face. It was rather sad to see the look on Oikawa's face at the moment, but it was a look that Suga was anticipating, not the look he had seen just a few minutes ago.

After Suga had stood himself up, the tension had started to grow in the air. It was as if Oikawa hadn't wanted Suga to pull away, to leave the bed. But they both know it had to happen. They both knew that they couldn't stay in bed forever on a day such as today. It wasn't meant to be a happy day, although the more they kept their spirits up, the better and easier the day would turn out being.

Although, if Oikawa didn't get out of bed on his own, things would start to get stressful in Suga's mind. "Babe, come on. We have to get going if we want to go back to make the cupcakes," Suga said softly. Unfortunately, Oikawa was grumbling and he was doing his best to stay in bed, it seemed. If Suga had really thought, he knew how much harder this was for Oikawa and why he was struggling to get out of bed. That was Iwaizumi's bed, too.

"Just a little longer. I want to feel Iwa... If I stay a little longer, I'll feel him..." Oikawa said. The look on his face told Suga that one, it wasn't going to be a small amount of time he spent in bed. Two, he was getting emotional about being back in the same bed that Iwaizumi used to lay in right beside him. This really had been a bad idea, Suga figured, but there was obviously no going back at this point. They just had to push through the misery of the next little while to make it through the thing that was going to be truly miserable to go through.

Settling down, Suga had picked up Oikawa's clothes and set them onto the bed next to his boy, reaching to rub his arm. "He used to lay there... H-he used to lay right there and he had the cutest little snore... One that he claimed not to have..."

More tears prickled into Oikawa's eyes, and Suga really did feel for him in that moment. The emotion had been high in the mood, and unfortunately, it wasn't a good or happy emotion either. The emotion was sad, dim, and gloomy. That was how Suga would explain it, anyway. He knew that Oikawa just trying to feel Iwaizumi in the room, but Suga knew that the boy wasn't there, which meant that Oikawa was just trying to hold onto something and someone that was already gone. "Baby... he's gone..." Suga had said, frowning a bit and reaching to touch Oikawa's leg.

If Oikawa wasn't going to do it, it was left to Suga to get him redressed. Letting out a bit of a sigh, Suga started to put Oikawa's boxers on for him, and slid his pants on as well. At least Oikawa wasn't fighting against Suga while he was helping him get dressed, which was the better than he was anticipating at the very least. It took Suga another few minutes to get Oikawa fully dressed, but it seemed as if the brunet just wasn't going to move at all, at least not out of the bed.

Finally, Suga had laid himself down in the bed and wrapped his arms around Oikawa, feeling his own tears well up in his eyes. It really was a sad thing to let Hajime go, and it was sad that the boy wasn't with them anymore. But they had been living with this knowledge now for a little while, and it was just something that they were going to have to get used to.

Only after another ten minutes or so, with Suga holding onto Oikawa and Suga crying softly into the back of his shirt did Oikawa finally start to shift. "I can't feel him... I want to, but I just... he's not here..." Oikawa said quietly as he turned in Suga's arms, moving into a hug with him.

Maybe their emotions were so high at the moment because of their highs not too long ago. That would make sense, but it was also due to the situation they were in. "That's okay... I'm here, okay? I know I'm n-not the same, but... I'm here..." Suga had said with a croaking voice.

All of Oikawa's tears had shifted from his face and they were all just gone, as if he was annoyed with the situation. Suga could tell that Oikawa was still upset, but at the same time, he was doing his best not to show it. On the other side of things, Suga really was upset and he knew the emotions could be seen on his face. Suga wasn't a very graceful crier, but who really could be considered a graceful crier these days?

No one could cry in an attractive, pretty way. Anyone who said that someone looked pretty when they cried was full of shit, and they had to know that too. Suga's cheeks were all blotchy and his bottom eyelid was red from all of the tears that he had spilled. "Are you ready to go shopping and make cupcakes now?" Suga had asked in barely more than a whisper. Oikawa was actually lucky to hear the boy.

It was only after a few more moments that the boys had decided to get up and out of the bed. Not that they had really wanted to do so, but they had figured it would be the best option. Suga had also figured that Oikawa hadn't pulled out enough clothing from the closet yet, so he knew that he had to go searching through Oikawa's old closet. The sight was rather upsetting, because there were articles of clothing in the closet that Suga remembered Iwaizumi wearing. It was such a sad moment, remembering Iwaizumi wearing these things. Suga didn't even know the boy that well when he had seen him in these things, really, but he could still remember them.

After a few shirts and pairs of pants, Suga had decided it was a bit of enough to be going through these clothes right now, simply because he was struggling with seeing all of the stuff on the other side of the closet that Hajime used to clad himself in. He hoped that it was enough, and he had pulled out the items and took them to the bed. Oikawa was currently going through the dresser on the other side of the room, probably trying to find other comfortable clothes to bring with him. "Do you have another bag or something to put these things in?" Suga asked. Oikawa nodded and pointed over to the one corner of the room, where there was a rather large collection of things.

Digging through the pile, Suga found a duffel bag to put all of his clothes in and Oikawa came over with a couple belts, and some other clothing he wanted to wear, Suga had assumed. "I think I'm done up here. I... know it might upset you, but I think I want to bring one of Hajime's sweaters, just so I can wear it when I'm missing him..." Oikawa said, shaking his head of the emotions that were starting to well up in his face.

It may not have been the best thing for Suga to go through, but he knew that Oikawa needed to be with Iwaizumi and his memory too, so Suga would have to let it slide. Oikawa had his own way of processing all of this, so Suga couldn't tell him no. He could, but then it would just turn into a fight he didn't want to have to be a part of. "That's okay. Go pick one, put it in the bag, and... we can get going, so we can go make the cupcakes," Suga said quietly.

Nodding, Oikawa went to the closet and pulled out one of Iwaizumi's comfortable, soft looking sweaters. Now that Oikawa had brought one over, Suga frowned a bit as he thought. Maybe he was wrong about being around Iwaizumi's stuff. Maybe he did want something to hold onto of him, just in case, like Oikawa had said, he was missing the boy. "I know... that I don't have much of a right to think like this, but... do you think I could take one of the sweaters just in case, too...?" Suga had asked as Oikawa had been putting the sweater in the bag.

With a shrug, Oikawa had nodded. "He was your boyfriend too. If you go grab a sweater, I'll go downstairs and we can get out of here, if you want." Oikawa seemed to understand that Suga really didn't want to be in this apartment anymore, so he was trying to appeal to what Suga had actually wanted to do since he got into the place.

Suga looked towards the closet and agreed that Oikawa could go, simply because he needed time to go through the closet and it might take a little while. Suga only knew a few of Iwaizumi's clothing items, so it would take him a while to think about which one he wanted. Oikawa had been with the boy longer, so it probably didn't take Oikawa long at all to pick something to take of Hajime's.

As Oikawa left Suga to go down the stairs, Suga opened up the closet once more and he focused on Iwaizumi's side of the closet, letting his emotions overwhelm him and get down to his core. It was devouring him at the moment, but he really probably really needed this. "Wh-why... Iwa, why did you l-leave us...?" Suga asked in a choked voice, falling to his knees and not knowing what to do at the moment. His emotions were so overwhelming that he felt sick, but he knew that he needed to try to pull himself together.

At the bottom of their closet, there was a box that was hidden amongst all of the shoes, and there was a picture of Oikawa on the top. Suga had been very curious and he would have called down to Oikawa to see if he knew what the box was, but his better judgement had left him a few minutes ago, so he reached for the black box and pulled it out onto his lap.

The box was decorated and it had lyrics and quotes all over it. When Suga had opened it up, there was a letter at the top and it was addressed to Oikawa, from Iwaizumi. Had Oikawa actually known about this? Suga didn't want to invade Oikawa's privacy, with a letter from Iwaizumi, but he did want to know what else was at the bottom of that box. Sniffling a bit and pulling the letter out, he started to look through the pictures that had been in the box, all of which made Suga laugh, but continue his crying. They were pictures of Iwaizumi with Oikawa in so many different places, different emotions on each of their faces, and there had to be so many different stories behind them.

As he continued to look through the box, he found a bow tie, he had found a dried out flower that was in a plastic bag, so Suga was very gentle with that, and there were other things he found. There was another letter, but this one wasn't in an envelop like the other one was, and it was open. Suga couldn't help himself, so he looked at the letter.

_Oikawa,_

_Hey, so I know I've been avoiding you for the last couple of days after you confessed to me, but I have just been trying to get myself through everything that you said. I was trying to understand just exactly how I felt because I didn't realize I could be attracted to guys, like I am to you. I have feeling for you too, and I would be honored to go on a date with you. So what do you say?_

_Iwaizumi Hajime_

_PS, you're still shit at drawing. :P_

That letter brought tears to Suga's eyes, more than what was already in his eyes. That must have been the letter that brought the two boys together, the letter where they had started to date. Suga was doing his best to imagine a time before they were dating, but it was so difficult for Suga to imagine any of that. He would have to ask Oikawa about those memories, but right now, he figured it would make him too sad.

The other things he found in the box had been other random items, like a shot glass, a set of earbuds, a random rock, and just some post cards and other pictures. Suga would have to ask Oikawa if he had known about any of this. He also wanted to know what was in that letter that was addressed to Oikawa. It wasn't opened, but Suga didn't want to invade Oikawa's privacy.

Gathering up all of the items and getting them all back in the box, he heard a voice clear behind him, so Suga jumped and turned around to see Oikawa, who was standing there. "What're you up to?" Oikawa asked as Suga latched the box closed once again. "I thought you were just finding a sweater?"

"I was, but... when I got upset and fell on my knees, I found this... Do you know about this?" Suga asked as he held up the box to show Oikawa. The brunet gave a puzzled look and he tilted his head.

It seemed as if Oikawa hadn't recognized the box, so he came closer. "What did you find...?" Oikawa had asked in a bit of a softer voice. He didn't seem as annoyed when he had come into the room now, but maybe it was because he knew that Suga had a reason to be in there now.

Giving the box a closer look, Oikawa shook his head. "No, I don't... Is it good stuff? Can we just take it to your place? I really don't want to stay here for much longer..." Oikawa had said as he reached to take the box. Suga stood up and looked back to the closet, reaching for a long-sleeved shirt that he knew was Iwaizumi's, before turning back to Oikawa and nodding to him, as if to signal that he was done with their apartment.

Apparently, Oikawa was just as done, because he had grabbed for Suga's hand and rushed them down the stairs to go outside and leave. "So, uh... Do you want to look at the recipe and see if you have enough stuff at home?" There was no mystery as to why Oikawa had wanted Suga to see about the cupcake ingredients, because the box that Suga had found was really bringing curiosity to Oikawa at the moment. He really just wanted to know what the hell was inside the box.

Shrugging, it didn't seem to be much of an issue to Suga and he had no problems with gathering ingredients and supplies for the cupcakes. It was a good thing, too, because Suga needed time to wrap his head around everything that had happened at the apartment, and he really just wasn't too sure that he could do so with Oikawa standing right next to him or hovering. He adored Oikawa, absolutely no doubt, but he sometimes just needed time to process things on his own without someone there to criticize him or distract him.

Once they got to the apartment, Suga went straight to making cupcakes, or at least deciding if he had enough to make Iwaizumi's cupcakes. Even the recipe was bringing along sad memories, simply because one, it was a recipe that Iwaizumi had put time into and Suga could imagine all of the work it had taken. Two, the recipe was in Iwaizumi's hand writing. He could remember the writing specifically from the letter that he had just read in the box.

It was unfortunate, but Suga had a feeling that he wasn't going to have enough of all the ingredients in order to make enough cupcakes for the lunch gathering for tomorrow. But now, he was in the grips of a dilemma. Did he go alone, or did he bother Oikawa while he was in the middle of going through the box?

Suga came out into the living room while Oikawa was sorting through everything in the box, and he realized that the boy hadn't opened the letter yet. But he really wasn't sure that he had wanted to bother Oikawa at the moment, while he was going through the box of things Iwaizumi had held onto. "Suga... S-Suga, this box you found... it's stuff that... I-Iwa had kept from our relationship... and... I remember all of it..." Oikawa said as he rubbed at his eyes. "He had really saved all of this... Y-you know how I had wanted to feel him at the apartment...? Well, I feel him now... a-and his presence is so strong..."

Hearing that made Suga start to tear up a bit, and he walked closer to Oikawa. "I figured as much... I don't know what came over me when I found it, but I kind of went through the box already. I'm sorry... I just didn't open that letter... the one that was sealed." Oikawa looked up to Suga and he sniffled again, reaching out for Suga to hold onto him.

Once Suga had wrapped his arms around Oikawa, he felt Oikawa unload everything into him. "I know h-he's gone, I know h-he won't come back, but Suga... I wanted to feel him, and h-he let me know that he loved me still..." Oikawa was crying and Suga was letting him, feeling the emotions from all of this as well and getting emotional himself.

This was something both boys needed, and Oikawa pulled away gently from Suga. "I haven't... read the letter yet, though, and is it weird that I'm... th-that I'm scared?" Oikawa asked, looking back to the sealed letter, that neither boy had reached for at the moment because they were both curious about the letter, but they were both too intimidated by the envelop to want to get it.

"No, I think it's natural... you were expecting whatever was in the box, just not... not the letter. Do you maybe want to come with me and we can go get more supplies for cupcake making?" Suga asked as he turned to look at Oikawa, who was currently trying to pull himself away from the rest of the box. He had nodded, so Suga knew that Oikawa wanted to come with him. Maybe they could look at the letter later, or they would forget about it until there was no time and they had to wait until after the funeral.

Either way, the two boys went off to go grocery shopping, but Oikawa stopped short as they were walking. "Can... can we go to the other grocery store? I can pay for a cab if you want, but... I don't want to go to the one on first street," Oikawa said as he bit his lip.

It dawned on Suga right then that Oikawa probably had a very good reason for not wanting to go to that grocery store. It was probably filled with bad memories for the boy. Or at the very least, the last memory was a bad one. "That was the grocery store you two went to when...?" Suga couldn't get himself to say the rest of it.

Fortunately enough, the rest of the sentence didn't have to be finished. Oikawa understood and nodded, looking down a bit. I just... it's already been such an odd day, and I really just... I want to stop having emotional breaks today, if that's okay," Oikawa said quietly.

That was a completely fair reason, and if Suga had thought, he would have either gone alone, or he would have went to the other grocery store. He didn't like the other grocery store nearly as much, but he would manage with it, because he wanted to protect Oikawa's memories just a little bit more. "Sure, babe. That's more than okay. I just wasn't thinking. Forgive me?" Suga asked quietly and Oikawa nodded, reaching for Suga's hand as they started walking in the other direction. "It's a further walk, but I don't mind walking there if you don't mind. Depending on how much we get, though, we may want to get a taxi for the ride back."

Neither boy cared just how much walking they had to do, which was good and a healthy way to live life, but Suga was still watching the time on his watch, just so he could see how much time he had left and how much time to budget for grocery shopping.

It only took twenty minutes or so for the boys to walk to the other grocery store, and they only spent a half hour there. The boys were back to the apartment within an hour and a half total time, from when they had left, to when they had gotten back to the apartment.

Both of the boys had decided to leave Iwaizumi's box of relationship stuff on the coffee table so they could focus on making cupcakes. They knew they had to spend time on the cupcakes and they would both rather those cupcakes were done before going to the calling hours that night. They would so much rather go to the calling hours, knowing that the cupcakes were done and they could just sleep, without having to worry about cooking something for the lunch.

They spent time on the cupcakes, and they took turns frosting the cupcakes after taking a batch out. After making more than enough, Suga looked at the time and he sighed. They still had time, so if Oikawa wanted to look at the letter, he could definitely do so. But Suga wasn't going to force it on him.

As Oikawa took a seat on the couch and opened the box back up, he gasped a bit. "Oh, did you know that he kept things in here from... f-from you, too?" Oikawa asked as he looked to Suga.

When the box was initially found, Suga was really just looking through it quickly, so no, he didn't know that Iwaizumi was keeping things in there from Suga as well. "I know that... if he had spend more time with you, I'm sure that... th-that he would have kept more, but he uh... There's a note card in there, one that you wrote your name on and I think you drew a dragon or something on it... and then he made a list of things you liked, and he uh... there's a picture in there of you, too, that I found buried in there... It was actually one that I took, but I was being a creep about it, so... I didn't tell you about it. But Iwa liked it so much that... I guess he saved it and printed it?"

All of this was a surprise. Suga remembered the note card that he drew the dragon on, and whilst working on a group project in class, he must have passed the note card to Iwaizumi and the boy just held onto it for that long. He wanted to see the list, just to see how accurate it had been, and he also wanted to see the picture. Suga reached for the box and Oikawa helped.

First was the note card that Suga had completely looked over the first time. The next thing was the list, and he looked through all of it. Suga smiled and let out a little bit of a laugh, shaking his head another little bit. "Yes, I like pineapple, I love going on walks... I do like long sleeved shirts and fuzzy socks... oh my god, he put down that I liked BTS... I was just joking in class one time, but he could tell I wasn't joking..." Suga said, covering his face.

The list made Oikawa laugh softly too, and the boys were leaning against one another, just supporting each other. Finally, Oikawa had pulled out the picture of Suga and handed it to the boy, getting him to smile a watery smile and press a kiss to Oikawa's cheek. Really, he didn't know what the kiss was for, but it was just nice to know that Oikawa wanted to take pictures of him, and that Iwaizumi wanted to keep said pictures.

Eventually, they were done with the contents of the box and Suga looked at his watch. "Well, we uh... you know what? Do you think we could save the letter until later? I just don't want to be late to the calling hours..." Suga had said softly, wiping the tears from his eyes. The day had been full of so many ups and downs at that point. Oikawa had shrugged, and he nodded as an after thought.

It was a good thing that they had decided to get ready right then, because if they had waited any longer, they would have been late to the calling hours. Suga forgot that they still had to package the cupcakes and make sure they didn't get dried up before tomorrow afternoon. But when they had boxed them all up, they headed out once again, going to head to the funeral home.

Both boys were dressed in black jackets, but Oikawa had on a white dress shirt and a black bow tie. Suga, on the other hand, had on a dark green shirt and he had on a black tie, just trying to be formal himself. He wasn't sure how formal he really had to be, but he was glad once he had gotten there. The only people that weren't in formal clothing had been people that were clearly there directly from work.

The funeral home was actually full. Iwaizumi had a fairly big family, and there were so many other people in there. They signed the guest book, stepping towards the rather large group of people who were all there. That was when Suga saw the line of people that had been slowly moving, chatting away gently. Once a couple had pulled away and they each had looks of remorse on their faces, Suga could see that there was a coffin in the room, and the casket was opened.

He knew that these were calling hours, and he knew that calling hours usually meant that the dead individual got one last look from everyone, before being buried. "B-babe... do you want... should we go see him?" Suga asked, tears already prickling in his eyes. He wasn't sure if Oikawa could handle it. Hell, he wasn't sure that he himself could manage to get through all of this. But that wasn't his call, if he was being honest.

It was Oikawa's call if he wanted to go up there. Suga would follow whatever the boy wanted to do, just because Suga wanted to be there to support Oikawa as much as he could. When Oikawa looked towards the coffin, he had gasped a bit and moved his hand to cover his mouth. Suga could see even more tears prick in the corner of his eyes, and that told Suga that Oikawa was having many problems with this.

"If... If I go to him, w-will his family get mad at me...? Will his mom tell me that I can't be here...?" Oikawa asked and he tore his eyes away from the coffin in order to look at Suga. The boy was really upset about all of this it seemed, which Suga really couldn't blame Oikawa for being bothered by it. But if he knew one thing, Suga knew that the boy wasn't going to let Oikawa get away with not seeing his lover one last time. If he had anything to do about it, Oikawa would be there and would have a private moment.

When Oikawa had said that, it had started to bring Suga's rage back and he was about to have words with Mrs. Iwaizumi about all of this. Oikawa was going to get a moment with his lover, no matter what. "If she says anything at all, or does anything, I'll be here. Let me ask though... Did Hajime mention anything about me to his mother? Or does she have no clue who I am?" Suga asked softly.

The question struck a nerve with Oikawa, apparently. "I mean, you were new to both of us... so I doubt he even mentioned it or would have, but his family isn't exactly the most understanding and accepting, so I don't think he would have mentioned anything about you until he was sure that we were going to stay together..." It was a fair point and Suga should have thought about it a little more, but it was still disappointing to know that Suga wasn't known to the rest of Iwaizumi's family.

"Okay, so if she says anything at all to you, I'll come over and say something to her and have your back. I'll just be a friend, okay? So you don't have to explain the relationship at all, particularly to her..." Suga said softly and he looked back to the coffin. This was the moment of truth.

Very slowly, the two boys started to walk over. They were surprised to see Hanamaki and Matsukawa already in the room, but they had been tucked away into a corner. Suga was thankful to see them, even though he had only met them just recently. Suga was just glad to see a couple of familiar faces.

They stood in line, and the pair were standing there for a little while, but Suga was glad there was no one behind the two of them. "Do you... Want me to come up with you?" Suga asked with a whispered tone, not wanting anyone to overhear them. Oikawa had nodded to the request, but that was all he could do. Suga honestly didn't care if anyone saw them, but he reached out and he had held onto Oikawa's hand, squeezing it a bit before they approached the coffin.

The sight that they were met with was a very still, very pale, Iwaizumi Hajime. He was dressed in a red suit. Apparently, it had been one of his requests. When both boys had looked Hajime over, they started to tear up and Oikawa had put his hands on the edge of the coffin. "H-Hajime... if you c-come back, I will... be so much better to live with... I-I will be so easy and such a b-better boyfriend..." Oikawa said quietly, his voice shaky and croaked with emotion. It was such a sad thing to hear come from Oikawa's mouth, and it had hit Suga so very hard.

It was so hard to see Iwaizumi so lifeless and he looked so cold, so motionless, that Suga thought he was going to be sick. It really was a hard thing to see, but it was something that each of the boys had to suffer through, because they loved and cared for Hajime so much more than they could even express. "O-Oh god..." Oikawa had said, still looking down. "I miss you s-so much, Hajime... P-please... th-this has to be a dream..." Oikawa said, but Suga shook his head and wiped at his own tears. He reached an arm around Oikawa and rubbed his back.

For a moment, there was a bit of a tension in the air and Oikawa had froze, seeing someone across the room. She had a very tight face, her hair was pulled back into a bun and she was wearing a flower, as if she should stand out from everyone else. The two actually locked eyes and the woman was giving off a hateful vibe. All of this was beginning to tell Suga who this lady was, and he started to feel protective again. "Baby... it's okay, just... hey, look there? That bracelet, it's really nice..."

Doing his best to divert Oikawa's attention on Hajime and not his mother, Oikawa had looked down and took a shaky breath, nodding a bit. "I'm surprised she let him wear it... It was the bracelet I got him on our one year anniversary... I have one too, and... his has my initials on it, while mine has his initials on it..."

It was things like this that made Suga feel like he was invading in on the relationship, but he knew that it was all before Oikawa knew that he had been poly. He knew that it wasn't really fair to comment on parts of the relationship that they had, since he wasn't part of the relationship at that point. Hell, Suga wasn't sure he even knew either of them when all of this had happened. "That's really sweet. It's a nice bracelet..." Suga whispered as he smiled.

Nodding, Oikawa smiled a little. "A-and really, I'm glad he has it with him... B-before we met you and when I confessed that... th-that I'm the way I am for relationships, he loved that thing..." Tooru had whispered and he leaned into Suga, who had pulled him closer and supported him through all of this.

Shushing him gently, and rubbing his back, Suga wished he could crawl into the damned coffin with Iwaizumi and be with him forever. But at the same time, he wanted to be with Oikawa in the same sense. "It's okay... It's okay, Oikawa..." Suga whispered and he was glad when Matsukawa had come over to try to console the boy as well. He rubbed Oikawa's bad and he gave a watery smile to Suga, silently asking if he could hug Oikawa as well. Makki had joined in as well, but he was nice enough to include Suga into the hug.

It was clear that Mrs. Iwaizumi wasn't too thrilled with all of this, because she had walked up to the group of boys and she had cleared her throat. "Do you think we can move this somewhere else? Not in front of my son?" she said, her voice was as tight as her face.

Letting out a sigh and pulling away from the group, Suga murmured for them to hang on. "Ma'am... Mrs. Iwaizumi? Hi, I'm Sugawara Koushi, I was... a good friend of your son's, and... and you know something? I am sorry about your loss, and I am sorry to have lost such an amazing friend. But Oikawa here... Hajime was his boyfriend, and he loved Hajime more than anything in the world. I can't tell you just how much I've learned about Hajime from this boy, and they certainly cared for each other more than anyone could probably care for another person. So, please... I know you're grieving... We all are, that's why we are all here, isn't it? But... you can't ask Tooru to step away and take this somewhere else, because he needs to be with your son right now..."

Seeing the look on her face after Suga had said all of that, she just closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Fine, fine. But just know that if you boys hold up anyone else from seeing him, I'm going to have the funeral home workers remove you." After saying that, Mrs. Iwaizumi went back to the corner where she was, and Suga felt a hand on his side, rubbing at it gently.

"You really stood up to her... I wouldn't have been able to say any of that..." Oikawa said and he threw his arms around Suga, holding onto him tightly. Hanamaki and Matsukawa had stepped away, and Suga noticed that there was someone coming closer to the coffin. "B-but, like she said... we should step away so we don't get thrown out..."

Suga really didn't want to interrupt someone else from viewing Iwaizumi. But, Suga had one last thing to do. He went back up to the coffin and he took a bit of a breath. "This... This is goodbye, love... I-I know the funeral isn't until tomorrow, and we will see you one more time... but, this..." Suga felt the tears well up once more, and he couldn't stop himself from crying his eyes out. "Hajime, I love you... You were an amazing partner, and... and you will be the boyfriend I will never forget..."

It was hearing Suga say all of this that had Oikawa in tears again. "H-Hajime, Suga s-said it all... I could never forget you, I love you... I-I'll see you again someday..." After saying that, the two boys took in a large breath and they stepped away, going to sit with Matsukawa and Hanamaki.

As time had passed, the two couples had started to talk. Yahaba and Kyoutani had arrived as well, and they were emotional about all of it. Kyoutani was behaving himself and trying to remain calm, and Yahaba was trying to bring up memories of Iwaizumi. The six boys were all very happy to have known Iwaizumi, and they just shared memories.

After a long and painful evening, Suga and Oikawa had retired back to the apartment. They were both very tired, and they were both longing to go lay in bed. But when they had gone to sit on the couch to take off their shoes, that letter was glaring back at them. That letter was there to taunt them and they wanted more than anything to open the thing up and know what was inside.

"We can do this..." Oikawa said as he slowly reached for the letter. "I mean... I guess it makes sense that I open it, right? It does have my name on the front..." Oikawa was just trying to justify things, even though with the day they had been having, they really didn't have anything to justify.

Once the envelop was opened, Oikawa pulled out the note, and Suga was surprised that it seemed to be a long one. This was certainly going to be a longer night than either of them had wanted to go through. Oikawa pulled Suga in closer and he held the note in a way that they could each see what it had said.

_Tooru, baby_

_This is such a weird thing to be writing, and I really don't know what I'm feeling as I write this. But first thing is first, I want to tell you I love you and I want you to know how amazing you are._

_I guess that part of the reason I am writing this letter is because I'm trying to prove something to myself, or I don't know. I want you to know that I care about you, no matter who you are or what you decide in your life._

_The other part of why I wanted to write this was because I wanted you to know that you don't have to hide yourself or who you want to be with me anymore. I know that you've confessed that you feel like you need more. I thought that at first, you meant that I wasn't enough. But now I know that you didn't mean that at all. I mean, granted, I can't be enough for you if you need more people to fill in the voids and gaps I leave. But now I know that you didn't mean that in a hurtful way. Now I know that you are polysexual and you just need more in general._

_This isn't me trying to make you feel bad, because I am so proud of you admitting to who you are and being brave enough to tell me about this. I love you so much and I want to support you. I want you to know that I am more than willing to try to have a poly relationship, as long as I am still part of the relationship with you. I don't know if you know this, but I have kind of noticed a shift in our relationship lately, so I was trying to make changes. But now that I know the truth, I will let you make the calls._

_You know, I've noticed that lately, you've been gravitating towards that boy, Sugawara Koushi. He's in my English class, and he is such a great guy. I don't know if that's the boy you are considering adding to us, but I want to say that I approve. He would be an appropriate person to add._

_I also just want you to know that I don't love you any less now, than when we started our relationship. It might be difficult for a little while, as I try to adjust to this new side of you, but as long as you are happy, I am happy._

_Finally, I want you to know how much I love you. If ever anything happens to me, I want you to remember that I do love you so much. Never forget that. Even if we break up, or have an awful fight, or just anything, really, I want you to know that I love you, babe._

_Love, Hajime, your goofy boy_

It took Oikawa and Suga a bit to read the entire letter, but when Suga had pulled his face away and turned to look at Oikawa, the boy was crying and he couldn't hold onto the letter anymore. "H-Hajime... I, oh... I love you t-too..." Oikawa whispered and Suga took the letter, setting it down on the coffee table and pulling Oikawa into him.

They laid on the couch for a little while and just cried together. It was definitely a nice thing to know that Iwaizumi had accepted Oikawa, but reading that last part of the letter was the most difficult thing to read. Hajime couldn't have known something was going to happen, but he just wanted Oikawa to know that he accepted him regardless.

The boys couldn't manage a conversation about the note for the rest of the night, so they did finally retire to their room and fall asleep. "I love you, Tooru..." Suga said quietly. Oikawa didn't respond, but Suga knew that it had been an emotional day for the two of them. Far too emotional, if he was being completely honest. It was only going to be more emotional the following day, so the boys would have to prepare themselves for the funeral.


	14. Stage Four - Depression (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give credit where credit is due, here. I was struggling hardcore with a way to introduce the depression stage. A friend of mine, [SHSLshortie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHSLshortie), wrote the beginning part of the chapter for me. I just tweaked it and made it sound a little more like me, but she was the mastermind behind writing that intro. So thank you, Electra, for your help with this chapter. I am forever grateful.

Depression, to simply put it, hurts. When someone is depressed, they feel alone, they can be scared and sad, and it's like they are stuck in the dark.

Grief, however, is _crushing_. A better way to explain grief would be to say that it's lonely, with a sense of emptiness. When depression comes from grief, those scared and dark feelings are multiplied a few thousand times. But still, not even then are the feelings even remotely comparable to one another. It is as if a piece has been ripped out of a still beating heart — the wound gushing and bleeding — but a person is still expected to go about their daily life like nothing ever happened. Depression and grief is numbing. Even if, or really, _when_ it hurts, the pain still doesn't feel real. 

When tears run tracts drawn deep across grieving cheeks, it is sometimes impossible to figure out what the cause of those tears even was. The tears ceaselessly flow with no signs of stopping, and no recollection of when they even began — or why. The words, "I'm fine" are heard in an unending chorus; an automatic response from a bitter lie held in every tear. Generally, these lies aren't questioned by others, even when the lies are more than transparent. The negative emotions emanating from the one saying such things just keeps everyone out.

But if "I'm fine" isn't the truth, then what is? Depression? In all likelihood, yes, but those feelings are so much more than just being simply depressed. And yet, it simultaneously feels like so much less because of an inherent guilt and inadequacy. It can feel like those feelings that come with depression - the sadness, the helplessness, the loneliness - aren't valid, or shouldn't be felt.

The reason for all this pain and suffering, and all of these other cold feelings, is because someone has died. The pain is born from someone else's death and suffering, so why should these feelings of grief be valid? Without that person, the guilt accumulates and piles and overflows because these feelings are meaningless without their life.

Loss can create a literal depression in someone's soul — a hole that will never be whole again. The soul can feel empty, as if there is nothing there but a void and dark space. A void that will never be filled again, because the space created by that one someone's absence is too large.

It is a dull ache, an empty feeling, and creates a mental fog around daily life as if the only outlook on life was to gradually go blind. The problem is, if someone begins to lose their vision, no onlookers would be ever the wiser if they kept it a secret — and that is real depression. This grief is like going blind — no glasses, no contacts, not even surgery could ever make the vision clear again. Instead, life keeps hurdling further and further into the darkness. It creates a longing for sight and for the light that once emanated from that person brought into life. But that light is now forever lost. What's left if the light is gone?  
\----------  
_...Can you turn off the light please? It's too bright... Oh, it's not on, it's the sun. I need thicker shades then... You know, I think I've accepted my fate. At least this bed is kind of comfortable. I'm likely going to die here, so I've picked a decently comfortable place to do it. Don't tell anyone I feel this way, but what's the point of life anymore? Am I really even living life? Can someone tell me why I'm still here, when the one thing that mattered in my life isn't here anymore? The one thing that mattered was always there for me... The one person that I always turned to for anything just isn't there. But he's really not here anymore, which makes me feel bad for feeling bad for myself... So I'm good. I'm fine. I... am okay, I guess._  
\----------  
The morning came with a haze, and it was such a thick, suffocating haze, that it was nearly impossible to move about. At the very least, the haze had cast a fear that if movement happened, things would crumble and crack more than they had been. But unfortunately, movement did have to happen. There was just no way that the day could happen without movement occurring.

Letting out a yawn and very slowly, very carefully sitting up, Sugawara rubbed at his face and he had to remember what the day was. It was such a confusion at the moment, and Suga had really let his emotions run wild yesterday. They had reached such peaks and valleys, but that was what happened when calling hours for a funeral happened.

_'Oh, shit. The funeral.'_ Suga had finally realized what day it was. He hadn't set his alarm, he completely forgot last night when he had fallen into bed with Oikawa. Looking at his clock in a frenzy, and with a very hopeful face, Suga had to know. He had to know whether or not they were going to be running late to the funeral.

It was nearly eight, which meant they really didn't have a lot of time to get ready. Not if they both wanted to shower and get decent seats at the funeral home. Swiveling back around and reaching a hand out to Oikawa's side so he could wake him, his hand fell on an empty mattress, with the covers all tangled and an awkward sight to see. "Oikawa...?" Suga said softly as he stood from the bed and stretched his body a bit.

As Suga looked around and went towards the bathroom, he could hear the water running and the sounds of a body moving about the tub. It was such a relief to know that Oikawa had taken it upon himself to get a shower. Truly, they would be so much better off now. The thought had hit Suga as he went out to the kitchen though. Why didn't Oikawa wake? Maybe the boy just hadn't thought of him, or maybe he wanted to shower and would wake Suga after. It was a sad thought for Suga to have, but he really wasn't going to put too much thought into it right now.

After making some coffee, Suga had groaned a bit and he shook his head at the thought of making breakfast. He really didn't know if it was a good idea, simply because he wasn't sure his stomach would be able to handle it while they were at the funeral. What happened if he vomited and Suga had made a scene at Hajime's funeral? He would never forgive himself if that occurred.

So maybe, they could skip lunch and go straight to lunch after? Suga didn't have any qualms with that, so hopefully Oikawa would agree with that. It was lucky that Oikawa seemed to be getting out of the shower, so Suga went to go ask. "Hey, dear? We don't have much time, and I'm honestly wondering if we even need to do breakfast, since we're going to the lunch after. Think we can skip break-" the bedroom door had slammed and a shiver was sent down Suga's spine. That didn't go as planned.

Once the door didn't seem to be opening, Suga decided he would take this as a sign of Oikawa needing time to himself. He wasn't going to bother the boy any longer, because he didn't need to feel the anxiety of this situation more than he already was. If Oikawa didn't want to talk, Suga wasn't going to try. That was as simple as it got, and how it was going to go from now on. If it had been any other day, things would have gone differently and Suga would have tried. But it wasn't a different day.

It didn't take Suga long to get showered, but he wondered if Oikawa was done in the bedroom yet. They were going to have to see each other at some point, so Suga figured that it really didn't matter, or wouldn't matter if he had let himself into the bedroom. As Suga moved to get out and wrapped a towel around himself, he saw that the bedroom was still shut. Well, since Suga had to get changed, he wasn't going to let that barrier stop him from getting to his closet.

Taking a breath, Suga walked into the bedroom to see that Oikawa had been dressed, but laying in bed, curled on his side. It was a sad sight to see, but Suga wasn't going to let that bother him at the moment. He knew that Oikawa probably needed him, but with the way Oikawa had treated him just moments ago, it told Suga that Oikawa really didn't want to be bothered. He just wanted to be alone, Suga figured.

Finally, Suga had finished getting himself dressed. The deep breath that was inhaled hadn't come from Suga, so it caused Suga to look behind himself to make sure that Oikawa was okay. It seemed like a wheeze-infused breath of air, which made Suga believe Oikawa had been going through emotions. "Are we going to bring the cupcakes to the funeral home? Or should we stop at the hotel first...?" Oikawa asked, slowly sitting himself up.

If it was up to Suga, they would stop at the hotel first. But they were pushing being on time to the funeral as it was. "We should bring them with us to the funeral home. I know it's not very professional or considerate, but... We don't have time to stop at the hotel if we want to be on time," Suga said as adjusted his shirt. The look on Oikawa's face tugged at Suga's heartstrings, and it made a small pout cross Suga's lips. "Baby..." Suga whispered, slowly coming closer.

That was when Oikawa's face changed, and he plastered a smile onto his face that Suga knew was anything but real. It was faked, it was a smile to make Suga believe that nothing was wrong. "I'm good. We should get going then, so we're not late and so Makki won't kill me."

Thinking for a moment, Suga wanted to say to Oikawa that Makki wouldn't kill him, especially on a day like today. But maybe it was humor that the two boys really needed. Taking a seat on the bed, Suga made a face, tilting his head at Oikawa. "Well, then why are we still sitting here? We don't want to face Makki's wrath, do we?"

It was small, it was hardly more than a tiny huff, but it was there. Oikawa's face had faltered the tiniest bit, before the reality of the day was settled back on his mind. "No, we don't want to do that. We should probably get going," Oikawa said as he stood up, and Suga followed his lead.

When Oikawa had shoved his feet into shoes and Suga was watching him do so, Suga wrapped his arms around Oikawa's stomach and hugged him from behind, just because it was something he felt like he needed to do in his subconscious mind. Oikawa needed to know that someone was there, and Suga needed to feel that Oikawa was still there himself, to hold the boy and let him know that Suga wasn't going to let him fall. At least, he wasn't going to let Oikawa fall alone. "We can do this..." Suga whispered. There was a sudden sag in Oikawa's shoulders and the boy let out a nearly silent breath, shaking his head.

"But what if I don't want to...?" Oikawa asked quietly as Suga held onto him. Arms were placed over top of Suga's own, and he felt Oikawa lean back into his touch. Suga thought for a moment, and he had to shake away his own thoughts of feeling abandoned by Oikawa at the moment. His mind was playing cruel, devious games on him at the moment.

Suga knew that Oikawa really didn't mean it, though, so he shook his head and pressed his face between Oikawa's shoulder blades. He needed to tell Oikawa that they didn't have a choice. He needed to tell Oikawa that he would be there with him. But that wasn't what came out, not at all. "I don't want to either... This is hard. It's going to be extremely hard..." Suga said. It was the truth. It wasn't the comfort that Tooru was searching for.

They stood like that, with Suga holding onto the taller boy, for another minute or so as Oikawa pulled himself together enough to  
finally get a move on. They walked out together, hand in hand, each carrying a container of cupcakes, as they started their trip to the funeral home.

Arriving at the funeral home, the boys had looked around for more familiar faces to sit with, but it seemed as if it was really just Iwaizumi's family. Hanamaki and Matsukawa weren't even there, or at least, they didn't see them if they were. The crowd was much smaller though, so it seemed to be the case. Maybe they weren't invited to the funeral?

As Oikawa and Suga took a seat, hands apart at the door, they settled their cupcakes down below their feet and they looked ahead to the closed casket. There was a picture on the top, and Sugawara recognized the photo from Oikawa's phone. It was his background picture of Iwaizumi. Oikawa seemed to sink further into the chair as he looked over the casket. It seemed like the boy was going to start releasing the sadness he had been feeling inside. It was definitely a good enough guess, because Oikawa had stood up and gone to the side table where there were tissues.

If Oikawa hadn't gone to go get tissues, Suga would have thought that Oikawa was trying to push his emotions inside. But now that Oikawa was starting to struggle through his emotions and start to handle this situation, Suga was a little less worried and a little more worried at the same time. Part of him was relieved that Oikawa was beginning to pay attention to all of this and deal with it. The other part of Suga was telling him that Oikawa was going to be in pain, and Suga would have to hold him up. But if he were being completely honest, Suga didn't know that he could support the weight of Oikawa's grieving all on his own. He had been handling it up until this point, but the emotions Oikawa had been going through weren't as heavy as the one that he figured Oikawa was feeling right now.

When the boy came back, holding a pack of tissues and sitting back down, he looked over to Suga and his face looked ready to crack. But Oikawa was holding it all in, it seemed, because Suga didn't see the boy let go just yet. "I wonder why Makki and Mattsun aren't here... his parents liked them more than they liked me, so I can't imagine that they weren't invited..." Oikawa said. It was clear to Suga that Oikawa was trying to distract himself from what was happening, or about to happen anyway, but Suga honestly couldn't blame the boy.

It was the exact moment that Suga was about to reply that there was a voice that cleared at the front of the room, and the man was standing behind a podium. Apparently, it was time to start. "Welcome, everyone. Thank you for all being here." Suga had no idea who the man was, although, he did share a very strong resemblance to Hajime, so maybe it was his father? "This isn't a pleasant time in any of our lives, but as unfortunate as this tragic accident was, Hajime..." the man had to stop. He looked over to the casket, which was closed and would remain that way, and he stepped down from the podium to go to the back of the room and excuse himself. It seemed that the man was in a lot of pain, so that told Suga that it was definitely one of Iwaizumi's family members.

Another man stood up at the podium, and he started to speak as well. He didn't look anything like Hajime, so maybe he had just been a family friend, or someone who worked at the funeral home. Suga just wasn't sure. "As Mr. Iwaizumi was trying to say, Hajime is no longer with us. But I believe every one of us would agree that Hajime wouldn't want us to be sad over his death. He would want us to celebrate his life. He would want us to be happy. He would want us to not think of any of the bad moments, and simply think about the good ones. We have a few people that are going to speak, and then we will move this gathering to the burial site. Could we bow our heads in silence for Hajime, though? Let's remember him as he would want us to remember him."

This was going to be a very hard day. This day was going to be miserable to go through, especially knowing that Oikawa was getting to the point where he suffering more than usual. But Suga felt Oikawa's hand touch his own, and honestly, Suga didn't see the issue of anyone seeing that they were holding hands. It was a damned funeral, so everyone was holding hands or touching someone to reach out for support.

So Suga grasped onto his hand and Oikawa squeezed back, a little harder than Suga was expecting. It didn't hurt, but apparently his boy really needed this at the moment. But then again, Suga was grateful for the touch as well, as just that little action took a tiny bit of weight off of his own shoulders. They were there to support one another, so maybe they could make it through this.

After the man started to speak again, he introduced the next person to the stand. Suga recognized it to be Hajime's mother, and she also looked sad. Suga honestly didn't know if anyone could possibly be happy on a day like today. Especially if the person knew Hajime. She cleared her throat, blinking a bit. "Again, thank you all for being here. I'm going to... we have a theme to this funeral, so I'm going to tell a story. The theme here, even though I wasn't going to give the theme, is a momentous moment in Hajime's life. He has so many of them, as he was a hard working boy, and... and he would want us to remember all of the achievements he's made in his life and remember how good they are."

The tears started to form in everyone's eyes, as well as Oikawa's and Suga's. Mrs. Iwaizumi was tearing up as well, and she took a moment to wipe her eyes with a cloth. "I'm sorry I'm crying Hajime, but... we are all really sad that you're gone. I know you didn't want this day to be sad, but there's no way it can't be a little sad..." She said as she had turned her head to look at the coffin, rubbing at her eyes once more.

It didn't take long at all, but Suga had to bow his head and hide his face. Oikawa had different plans though, and he pulled Suga against his side in a hug. It was very appreciated, and Suga sunk into the boy's touch. "So, I'm going to start... I have stories about Hajime that will hopefully get our spirits up. But the two I'm going to tell... align very well with Hajime as a person and just what he enjoyed most out of life. The first one when he was only seven years old... Imagine, seven year old Hajime. He was as independent back then as he was up until the accident. Well, he became a little more depend-"

"Not true. He was even independent when we were dating," Oikawa called out in cracking, unnatural voice. Suga was still against him when everyone turned to look at him, so Suga pulled away gently, trying not to draw attention to himself.

Hajime's mother cleared her throat and shook her head a bit, taking a breath. "Okay, so I guess he was even independent then, when he was in a relationship. Anyway, back to little seven year old Hajime. He had walked into the kitchen, he had just started pulling pans and pots out, without asking for help or without knowing what each was used for. Well... When I came in and asked him what he was doing, he just kept on doing what he was doing, looking so concentrated. When Hajime had started to pull out food from the fridge, he looked up at me and said 'Mom, I'm going to be a chef.' He had absolutely no idea how to cook, and I don't know that he had even watched me in the kitchen before. So I offered to help him, but Hajime didn't want to admit defeat by asking for my help, so he sighed and shrugged. That was when Hajime had decided he was going to be a chef. He was quite the baker too, which had only started when he had gone into high school. But he always loved to cook."

As she wiped her eyes once more with her cloth, Suga looked back to Oikawa and rubbed his own eyes, seeing how Oikawa's eyes seemed to be dry now. He knew for a fact that Oikawa was tearing up earlier, so where did the tears go to? Suga didn't realize just how much Oikawa hated Mrs. Iwaizumi, but it was clear as Oikawa was watching her. Suga had noticed a very slight vibration to hearing her speaking to the group. "You're okay..." Suga whispered and Oikawa shook his head. Suga reached for Oikawa's hand again. When Oikawa had allowed it, Suga noticed there was something different about holding his hand this time around. It was as if there was no energy in the hand, as if the hand was just being held and wasn't holding back.

The crowd spoke quietly for a moment until Mrs. Iwaizumi started to speak again. "The second moment I'm going to tell you about is when Hajime had come out to his father and myself. Again, he had been such an independent boy. Now, his father and I have no problems with Hajime being gay and we were glad that he had come to that conclusion on his own. Like I've said, independent kid. Well, he sat us down and he stood there, just tall and without much care. He didn't seem very frightened or bothered by what he wanted to talk to us about. So... he had said 'mom, dad, I want you to know that I've been thinking, and... I don't like girls. I like boys. So if you don't accept that, I am sorry, but I am interested in boys.' and his father and I... we shared a look. We told him that we didn't care who he liked, as long as he was happy."

That comment from Mrs. Iwaizumi had made Oikawa laugh out loud in a very cruel and unforgiving way. Everyone turned to Oikawa again, wondering just what it was that Oikawa would have to say this time around. "As long as he was happy? Well, apparently you two changed your mind on that..." Oikawa said with a bit of a scoff. If Suga had been thinking properly, he would have tried to get Oikawa to stop. There was no reason for the rest of the funeral group to hear about their personal problems. There was no reason for the funeral to hear about any of this.

If Oikawa had been getting mad or frustrated, Mrs. Iwaizumi was only making Oikawa even angrier. She shot him a teary look, her face turning to something that resembled anger, but it wasn't quite there. Suga had figured that she was just far too emotional to form something as heavy as anger right now. "You know what, Oikawa? I don't have to take this from you. You know very well how my husband and I feel about you, but why don't you come tell us all how you felt about my son and just ruin the whole funeral? That's what your plan was, wasn't it? Kind of like how your plan for grocery shopping got our Hajime _killed_."

The entire group started to gasp and murmur and it seemed like a very bad idea. Suga looked at Oikawa and shook his head very quickly and pulled on Oikawa's hand, doing his very best to keep Oikawa sitting. "Tooru... Oikawa, no, please... Don't go up there..." It was a plea, it was a cry for peace, but Suga was desperate to stop this.

That didn't seem to stop Oikawa, though, who had pulled away his hand and he stood up. "I will!" There was a chill of cool air that passed up Suga's spine as Oikawa pulled away and stepped out towards the podium to go give his speech. It was completely unplanned, and it was something that Suga wished he could have stopped. This was not going to be pretty.

Looking to Oikawa and sitting on the edge of his seat, Suga watched as Oikawa turned and faced the audience. He had a very sad smile on his face and he turned to look at the coffin with Hajime in it, which had remained closed. "I love you, babe," Suga watched Oikawa mouth, before Oikawa turned to face the group and he looked straight at Suga. He was going to be Oikawa's anchor, no matter what had happened with this. "So... Momentous moments is the theme, huh...?" 

The crowd seemed to let out a quiet response and agreement to what Oikawa had asked, which was when Oikawa had nodded and closed his eyes. It seemed as if Oikawa was thinking for a moment. All Suga could think of was that Oikawa needed to keep certain things quiet, such as the firsts in their life. Nothing would be worse than Oikawa telling the first time they had sex, or even the first time they kissed. "Okay, so what about this? Hajime was always independent, but... he was also very understanding and he was open to the idea of new and different things. I'm not talking about trying a new recipe or a new book..."

If this was going where Suga thought it was going to go, he felt the blood rush to his cheeks quickly. This was far too dangerous to bring up. "What I'm talking about is... being open to the idea of people being different."

Suga stood up and Oikawa looked at him. They shared a staring moment and they hadn't broke eye contact for probably thirty seconds before Suga had started to walk to the back of the funeral home, leaving the cupcakes under the seats. "And while I know that a lot of you don't care for me because of what his parents have said about me, most of which isn't true, I want to tell about something that... that I personally found to be a big moment in Hajime's life..."

When Oikawa said the words, Suga was going to walk. He was going to leave to go clear his head, just because he couldn't take the idea of Oikawa outing himself and Iwaizumi. He couldn't take the thought of any of this anymore, if he was being honest. But Oikawa was going on and Suga was standing by the door, just waiting for Oikawa to say it. "I know that this might not be the biggest moment, or the most important moment of Hajime's life. But... it was something I found to be a good one. So while we were in high school together, Hajime had been a very outgoing and friendly person. He was never rude, he was never... quiet or in a corner, unless he needed alone time, because like it's been stated, he was independent. He was always known as the popular kid in school. Or at least, he was friendly to nearly everyone in the school."

Thinking about this slowly, Suga started to think that maybe Oikawa wasn't going to out them at all, and he had gotten scared for nearly no reason. But regardless, Suga was going to continue to stand in the back and not interrupt the funeral anymore.

Hearing a bit of a croak come from Oikawa, Suga's heart twisted a bit. "Well... th-then there was a new girl that had transferred to our school, and she had a very heavy accent, and a very obvious twitch. I don't think it was voluntary, anyway. Anyway, everyone had started to tease her, they were giving her such unfair treatment. I'm not going to lie, I laughed along to some of the jokes too. I never made any, but I never stopped any of them. Hajime, though, being as good of a person he was... one day, while we were all eating lunch and studying for our next quiz, he got up and went to the back of the class to sit next to her..."

The look on Oikawa's face told the entire audience that this was starting to get to him, and it told them all that Oikawa was having a hard time telling this story. "I had... I watched Iwa-chan just completely ignore all of us and the c-comments we had about the girl... I watched him get up and go s-sit next to her... He didn't laugh, he was actually disgusted by the things that had been said... S-so when class started, he had to go back to his seat and clean up his desk before taking the quiz. He looked at me and he h-had... s-such a b-b-brill-brilliant smile on his face, too... And he s-said... 'her name is Maggie. She is going to audition for the orchestra because she plays cello. Her twitch doesn't seem to bother it, which is awesome for her, and I've asked to hear her play sometime. Maybe you can come with me?' Hearing all of that was really... The fact that he had gone t-to talk to her... the fact that he was s-so open to her being different... It was just such a great thing to see."

While telling the entire story, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Honestly, Suga could completely see Hajime doing something like that. It wasn't out of character at all. Not that he would know if it was true or not, but Suga wasn't inclined to think Oikawa was lying about this. Suga glanced to the other side of the room where Mrs. Iwaizumi was standing, just to be sure that the story was touching enough. Sure enough, she was there, using her cloth to wipe her eyes and being held by Mr. Iwaizumi. "I don't... want to take up too much time, but... I ju-just want to extend a thanks to H-Hajime... He was an amazing friend, a-and more than that, he was s-someone I could look up to and love and cherish... W-we send you off with a testament of your life a-and we couldn't be more thank-kful to you..."

It wasn't something that Suga wanted to see again, but Oikawa was holding onto the podium rather tightly, as if he were holding on, just to keep himself standing. That was when Suga had slowly made his way to the podium and he reached his arms out to hold onto Oikawa. There were tears still streaming down both the boys faces, and everyone else in the room still seemed to be letting out their emotions. "W-we should sit down... come on..." Suga whispered as Oikawa had nodded and the two boys went back to go sit down.

Honestly, Suga had still wanted to know if Oikawa was going to bring up the polysexual relationship they were trying to have, but he knew this wasn't the time to bring it up. They were in the room for another hour, listening to other family members and family friends tell stories about Hajime. It was an hour of torture, because both boys had been crying through the whole thing, holding onto one another. Neither of Hajime's parents had gone up to the podium again, just letting the rest of the group control it all.

The funeral home director sent them all off with a prayer and asked them all to head over to the graveyard, where Hajime would be buried. As Oikawa reached under his seat for the cupcakes, Suga leaned down and honestly, he really didn't care right now. He knew that people could see them, he knew that they might get questioned, but Suga was prepared for anything at the moment. Leaning down and pressing a kiss to Oikawa's temple, Suga held Oikawa's cheeks and he had Oikawa looking at him. "Your story... it was beautiful..." Suga said quietly, and he smiled a very small, sad smile to Oikawa. It wasn't forced, it was just very sad.

When Oikawa gently pulled away, he sniffled and shrugged. "You know, I was going to bring up our relationship, but then... th-then you stopped me, so..." Oikawa said as he stood up, holding both containers of cupcakes and pulling Suga to stand.

It was right then that Mrs. Iwaizumi approached the pair and the two boys felt stiff. That feeling was likely not going to go away. "Tooru, and... I forget your name, dear. Could you-"

"Sugawara Koushi," Suga cut her off and smiled softly before looking at Oikawa. He wondered just what she had come over to talk about.

Nodding to what Suga had said, she hummed for a moment. "Thank you. Anyway, Tooru, I know we haven't gotten alone in the past, and I know that this is something that will haunt our lives together for the rest of our existence. But I want you to know that... I have a confession to make, Oikawa. It wasn't that I didn't like you and Hajime dating... It wasn't that I didn't want the two of you to be together, it was the fact you kind of... took over for me. I know that he was always independent, but I was always there to watch over him and make sure he didn't... to make sure no harm came his way. I know that now, you have been very good to my son, and I'm still not sure what the two of you were doing out grocery shopping that late, but I want you to know that I do not blame you for this. I was mean, I was hurtful, and I am sorry..."

No longer was Sugawara listening. When Mrs. Iwaizumi had brought up the fact that the pair were out grocery shopping, Suga's mind went back to that night. It went back to the night that the couple had been knocking on his door, that they had been trying to get in to see Suga, and it took him back to all of the haunting and harmful memories he had. _'If I had just let you in...'_ Suga's mind was being overwhelmed at the moment and he had to step away. He felt like he could no longer breathe.

So this was what it felt like to drown, Suga thought. This was what Suga thought it felt like to be suffocated and it felt like the weight of the entire universe was on him right now. That was what brought Suga to Hajime's coffin and he looked at the picture. It was of Hajime smiling, with his fingers up in a peace sign, and he looked absolutely happy out in the sun. "H-Hajime... baby... I am s-so sorry..." Suga whispered as he put his hand on the picture of Iwaizumi, rubbing his thumb over his face.

It wasn't long before Suga felt a pair of arms around his waist, and he felt his back being pressed up against another's chest. "This is not your fault... H-he told us that..." Oikawa whispered, holding onto Suga. It was fear that started to course through his body, it was the way that Oikawa was still holding onto him that made him fear that people would start to question. "Oh... uh, I know you didn't want me to, but... wh-when his mom asked about me, I told her that... th-that we were dating too... And she understood... She's a more understanding woman than I realized..." Oikawa murmured.

There was no reason to hide this anymore, then, and Suga felt himself melting into Oikawa's touch. He wanted to turn around and he wanted to be held by his boyfriend and get told that everything was okay. But wasn't that was Suga was supposed to be doing to Oikawa right now?

"Good..." Suga whispered. He pulled away and the boy had finally noticed that everyone else seemed to be headed out, and it was just Hajime's parents in the room now. He guessed that the couple really should have left by now. 

Oikawa and Suga looked down to the coffin and the two boys were in tears. "You can almost rest now, babe..." Oikawa whispered. Suga sniffled and nodded in agreement, but he couldn't think of anything to say. The pair decided to head out and they would go to the burial.

Picking up the cupcakes on the way out, Oikawa wrapped his arm into Suga's and they were offered a ride by one of Iwaizumi's uncles, which was a blessing in disguise. The pair sat in the back and they leaned against one another, doing their best to stay positive the entire way. It wasn't possible, as they were both in tears by the time they reached the tent where the burial was taking place.

Twenty minutes or so had passed with Oikawa and Suga holding one another, waiting for this all to happen. When the immediate family was invited to say their last goodbyes, Mr. Iwaizumi waved the two boys over and he asked them to be with the family. It was a very gracious move, and both boys were appreciative. "A-are you ready...?" Suga asked quietly as they walked over. Oikawa shook his head, and he reached for Suga's hand once more, holding onto it as tightly as he could. This time, it did hurt a little, but Suga didn't mind.

The family all said soft and sweet words to Hajime as a last goodbye. After the parents went, Oikawa stepped up to the coffin, and now, the lid was open for everyone to see. "My love... M-my everything... Y-you didn't deserve this... But we love you a-and... O-oh..." Oikawa had to put an arm around his stomach, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Suga could feel all of the emotions that Oikawa had felt right there, and it went through him, making him Suga feel so bad for all of the emotions that were being experienced right now. If that wasn't bad enough, everyone around them was sobbing as well. Finally looking into the coffin, Suga swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "And-d know that we w-wish you well in the after life... You've always deserved g-great things, and... We hope you'll find greatness wherever you are..." Suga wasn't sure how he had gotten through saying all of that, but he had managed, and he pressed fingers to his lips, blowing the imaginary kiss to Hajime, as one final goodbye.

It was that motion that caused Oikawa to flinch, and Suga could tell that Oikawa wasn't feeling this whole thing anymore. He had to step away and he leaned himself against a tree, holding up his weight. Suga had followed him, doing his best to support Oikawa. The crying that Oikawa was doing wasn't just sobbing, it wasn't just tears and weeping, but it was a cry that Suga felt pain for, just from hearing it. It sounded like Oikawa was going to vomit afterwards.

Rubbing small circles into Oikawa's back, Suga sniffled and started to cry with him, but it was much softer, and the choking for breath wasn't nearly as bad. "Shh... shh... baby... oh, baby... I know..." Suga whispered, trying to soothe the boy who was going to make himself pass out if he wasn't careful. It didn't take long for Oikawa to throw his arms around Suga and for Suga to be supporting nearly all of Oikawa's weight as he held the boy.

Hands grasped onto fabric, tears started to drench Suga's collar, and the awful sounds of wails had filled the air. No one else seemed to be crying this badly, not even Mrs. Iwaizumi seemed to be this bad off. But the thing was, Oikawa was in so much pain at the moment, though, and Suga really wasn't sure how to handle this. It was a type of cry that Suga wasn't sure how to calm just yet. He would have to figure it out soon, simply because he didn't want Oikawa to pass out.

Very slowly, the wheezing started to stop and Oikawa was crying softer and softer. The tears were still falling, and Oikawa hadn't let go yet. But the feeling was starting to numb up, and Oikawa was starting to relax a bit. Suga rocked with him as he watched other family members leave, giving Suga and Oikawa a look of pity. But Suga was just glad that none of them had approached the boys. They needed space.

The emotion and feeling in the air was sickness. Suga and Oikawa were feeling the emotion and they weren't sure that they wanted to go to the lunch anymore. Especially after they watched Hajime's final descent into the ground. There would be people there to finish the job of repacking the ground and they would make sure that the burial had been completed, but Oikawa and Suga didn't need to stick around for that.

They decided that all the work they put into the cupcakes deserved to be recognized, so Suga asked the Iwaizumis to take the cupcakes to the lunch, apologizing that they weren't feeling well enough to attend.

As they started to walk to the street, they stumbled a long a bit, but Oikawa was holding onto Suga still, afraid to let go. "P-please don't leave me... please stay with me, Suga..." Oikawa murmured, the sound of his voice was wrecked and it was very heartbreaking to hear still.

If it weren't for Hajime's family, they would have spent all afternoon walking, because a cousin of Hajime had offered them a ride to Suga's apartment. After Suga gave her directions, Suga curled up with Oikawa in the back seat of the car and he pressed his palms to Oikawa's cheeks. "I will not leave you. I will do my best to stay by your side at all times," Suga said. His voice was also wrecked from crying and he was just grateful that they didn't have to walk back to the apartment at this point.

Thanking Hajime's cousin, Suga helped Oikawa out of the car and the pair went inside the building, making it very slowly up the stairs to get to the apartment. When Suga opened the door, the pair had the same thought, and without saying anything, they went to the bedroom and laid down together.

It was only an afterthought, but Suga took off his shoes. Realizing that Oikawa was just too far gone, he started to take his shoes off for Oikawa. "H-Hajime... I need to know what to d-do now... You're gone, a-and I don't know what I'm supposed to do..." Oikawa murmured. Suga wasn't going to respond to that, just because he wasn't sure that Oikawa was actually looking for a response. "N-no... Nope... I'm fine..." Oikawa had muttered, but those words felt so faked to Koushi. He just hoped that eventually, Oikawa really would be fine, that he really would be okay.

What a day it had been. Each boy had gone through so many emotions that day, and really, the day wasn't over. It was only half way done. The one emotion that they could agree on that was mutual for the two of them, was sadness. This day had been sad.

They would forever be missing a piece to them. They would forever be missing the piece that held it all together. So they were going to have to learn how to manage without that piece to hold them together. They would have to learn to see their lives without that piece in it, and cope without the piece now. It looked like a dim future ahead of them, without the said piece.

Nobody said it would be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone again for being patient with me, reposting this fic. I am going to make a promise, and I want everyone here to hold me accountable, but I am going to update this fic within two weeks from October 24th. 
> 
> **Update**: (November 12th 2018)   
> Welp. So much for that right there. I’ve been very distracted and have been having a difficult time with any of my writing, so I apologize for the wait for the next chapter. Hopefully it will be done within a few days though. I don’t want anyone to have to wait for it again. **END UPDATE**
> 
> I also want to inform everyone that I am going to be removing myself as an author of the old fic location, just because I don't need to see it in my works every time I go to update something. There's a lot of personal reasons for doing this. Thank you for understanding.


	15. Stage Four - Depression (Part B)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I just want to stress that this is completely canon-divergent and not to look too far into the references I've made towards the canon parts I've made. Please enjoy!

Slowly, but surely, Suga had climbed into the bed next to Oikawa, and he just continued to sit next to him, not too sure exactly if they were going to lay down. But since they came into the bedroom, and they were on the bed after the miserably long morning and afternoon, didn't the boys really have to lay down? Get some rest after everything they had experienced? It was definitely deserved.

Once their eyes met, Oikawa's lip started to quiver, and Suga couldn't hold back the pout that was coming to his lips. He knew that this was hard, because he could feel it just as strongly as Oikawa was feeling it right now. At least, as strong as he possibly could at the moment. It was definitely hard to go through, so Sugawara understood the feelings that were plaguing his lover right about now. Slipping his hands and arms around Oikawa, he pulled the boy in for a hug. Oikawa was really just dead weight right then, since there really was no attempt to move into the hug or try to pull away. He was just letting Suga hold him there, without making a sound or moving.

Finally, Suga pulled back and adjusted the blankets before getting comfortable against the bed. "We deserve to sleep... It's been a long day already," Suga said, his voice only just barely above a whisper. He really wasn't too sure just how much Oikawa could tolerate at the moment, but he didn't know that he could tolerate much himself after the day they'd had. An easy night would have to be what they had.

Once Suga had realized he was still in his dress pants, he sighed and started to stand up, going to go grab his sleep pants before looking at Oikawa, who was just sitting there, watching Suga change, and didn't bother with his own pants. Suga, really didn't want to have to feel Oikawa in his dress pants while he was sleeping the afternoon away. So, he went to Oikawa and struggled for a few moments, before he finally got Oikawa's pants off and just let him sleep in his boxers. It's not like it really mattered.

It was another after thought, and Suga was really just tempted and say 'fuck it' to everything that made sense right now, but the two boys probably needed to have dinner at some point. So that was when he decided that he would worry about that later. He would figure something out, or let someone figure something out. There was absolutely no way that he'd be able to get the two of them dinner. He needed to clear his mind at least a little bit to be able to function as a normal human being. Without any care in the world, Suga just decided to lay down in bed, and he let out a bit of a sigh.

A lifetime had passed it seemed before Oikawa had moved to lay down on the bed himself. He rolled onto his side, looking at Suga, and it seemed like he was trying to just simply hold himself together at the moment. It seemed like there was really nothing that couldn't break the boy, as he really just looked that fragile to Sugawara and he was just a small push away from falling apart. That was the way that Suga felt at the moment, because it was difficult to try to keep himself together while holding Oikawa together at the same time. But wasn't it something that had to be done?

Shifting quietly, Sugawara moved a little closer to Oikawa, who moved towards Suga as well and moved to put his head against Suga's chest, which was a welcomed sensation and such a relief. Suga had a crazy notion that Oikawa was going to be done with him after the funeral, or just push him away and make it impossible to console. It might not have been too crazy, but it was an idea that kept Suga a little more closed off and kept to himself. He just didn't want to break Oikawa more than he already was. Even though Oikawa had it so much worse than Suga did, Suga was struggling to watch Oikawa fall apart the way he was. He wasn't nearly as close to Hajime as Tooru was, but he was still affected by all of this.

"I love you, you know that?" Suga said quietly, bringing his hand up to the back of Oikawa's head, which was resting on Suga's chest. His hands were clenched into the fabric of Suga's shirt, and is wasn't a very tight grip, but it was enough to tell Suga that this wasn't completely hopeless yet. This action was just far enough at the moment that it was keeping Suga together.

Taking a breath, Oikawa nodded his head. "Y-yeah, I know... I love you too," Oikawa said, his voice was still wrecked from all of the crying he had done about an hour or so ago. Suga really couldn't place blame on him for that, as Suga knew that crying the way that Oikawa had cried was very harsh on the throat. So it made sense that Oikawa's voice wasn't back to normal yet.

Holding Oikawa just a little closer, Suga closed his eyes and he felt the tears start to prick into his eyes. That was when he realized that he would never get to feel Hajime holding him to fall asleep, and there were so many other things he would never get to have with the boy that he would forever miss out on. He wondered if there were things like this that Oikawa was thinking about. He knew that Oikawa had to miss things like this, really, but it was different for each of them. Oikawa would miss the memory of actually having said things, while Suga would miss the idea of never having these things at all.

It took a little while longer, but the boys passed out and Suga only woke up when he felt Oikawa nudging his shoulder, clearly trying to wake the boy. "Huh? Oh... Hey babe," Suga said as he blinked himself awake. He wondered what time it was, and why he had to go to the bathroom so badly. Had he really slept that long?

Forcing himself up, he looked at Oikawa. "You were talking in your sleep..." Oikawa said, rubbing the tears out of his eyes. Suga wanted to know what that was all about, but he went to the restroom instead and figured he could ask about the tears when he got back.

After he finished up, Suga washed and dried his hands, taking a quick glance in the mirror and wincing to himself just a bit when he saw the way his eyes were red. Had he really been crying in his sleep? He knew it was something that was possible, but he just didn't realize that it was possible to make his eyes red the way that they were currently. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair as he went back to the bedroom.

Climbing back into the bed, he looked at Oikawa, who had rolled onto his other side and seemed to want to pull away from Suga when he tried to get back into a similar position he was the first time they were asleep that afternoon. Honestly, though, maybe the two boys would be better not to go back to sleep. "So, what... was I talking about? In my sleep? And what's got your eyes so worked up there, baby?" Suga asked, trying to get Oikawa to talk to him. He really was curious to know why Oikawa was crying.

But shoulders were shrugged, and Oikawa pulled the blanket up closer to his neck, pulling it fully around his shoulders. Suga knew that trying to get an answer out of Oikawa probably wasn't the best way to approach this at the moment, but how were they going to be there for each other and help each other through this if they didn't talk to one another? "Please tell me? I want to know so I can try to fix it... It clearly upset you..." Sugawara said.

Shoulders shrugged again, and Sugawara sighed as he pushed himself off the bed and he stood up. "Okay. Get more rest if you wa-"

"Wait, no, don't leave..." Oikawa said, suddenly sitting up and having such a look of pure depression on face right in that moment. It was a very sad sight to look upon, and Suga wasn't too sure that he had it in him right now to fight against a face like that.

Taking a breath and looking back at Oikawa, what else was there really to do other than resign himself in defeat against a sad, nearly pouting Oikawa? He looked like he was going to break if Suga didn't stay, which was kind of fair at the time. "Okay..." Suga said as he looked Oikawa over. "I want my laptop though, so I can maybe keep in better contact with our teachers and let them know about what's going on... Our advisors need to know what's going on too, just because if we miss too much, they might drop us from the classes... Or we'll fail this semester, which I don't want..."

There was no telling why Suga was focusing on school right now of all things, but he really needed something to focus on other than the events from earlier that week. School was the only thing he could really think about right then and there. So maybe it wasn't a bad thing that he was focusing on school, because it was a distraction from all of the bad things in that moment.

Another sound had left Oikawa's lips, and he seemed to look away in defeat for some odd reason. Suga was going to come right back right after he grabbed his laptop, so he really had no idea what Oikawa was getting upset over at the moment. "Oikawa... I need my laptop, so I'll be right back... I just don't want our lives to stay on hold forever, we have to... move on at some point."

That was definitely the worst thing Suga could have said. It felt wrong, and it also felt more than harsh. The boy wanted to take it back the very moment the words left his lips, and he let his eyes go wide. "W-wait... wait, no, that's not... I didn't mean it like that..."

Seconds had passed. The room had frozen. Nothing was moving.

It was right then that Oikawa seemed to crumble into himself and the boy had went back to laying on the bed, rolling onto his stomach and crushing his face into the pillow. That was when Suga started to hear the wails that were escaping Oikawa's lungs. Suga had screwed up and he knew it, and he wished more than anything right then that he could just take it all back. He wished he could just erase memories and change every single stupid thing he had ever said in his life, like this, and like "I need some time alone" to Hajime through a text message. Those words right there were definitely some of the worst he could ever write to someone he was trying to be in a relationship. Those words were haunting Suga, because now Suga never wished he would have alone time from Hajime again.

Going back to the bed and just sitting on the edge, Suga felt the tears start to prick in the corners of his eyes and he had to close his eyelids to stop himself from feeling this way. It likely wasn't going to stop though, because Oikawa was really crying hard again, and the sounds were only muffled because of the way that Oikawa's face was pressed into the pillow. "B-baby... I'm so sorry, really... I didn't mean it like that, I just... I meant that we need to start thinking about our future and at some point, this is going to get easier... N-not now, but..." Suga couldn't hold back his own wail coming out of his mouth, and he covered his lips to try to hold back the cries that were escaping. This was becoming very miserable at the moment. How was this possibly going to get better? Why was everything coming out of his mouth coming out in such a screwed up fashion?

Leaning down to press his face into Oikawa's spine, he felt how Oikawa was still breathing, and he listened to how the boy was just wheezing and letting out harsh and scratchy cries again. The fact that Suga was able to distract himself from the pain of all of this told him that he really was better off that Oikawa in a way. But right now, he didn't feel like he was better off because of the way Oikawa was crying, and just how much struggling the boy was going through.

It didn't take much time at all for Suga to be laying on top of Oikawa in that moment of time. Suga was really just hoping that the pressure of having someone against him, and just feeling that someone was there, would help Oikawa to calm down a bit. This was also for Suga, too, because he just needed to feel that Oikawa was still under him and not going to leave him for such a stupid comment. Suga really couldn't blame Oikawa if he did, because it really was a stupid comment, but he really just didn't mean it.

This was going to be miserable for a while, and Suga figured that he really wasn't too equipped to be sending out emails to his professors right then. Maybe he was a moment ago, but now he just wasn't. So Suga decided that moving off of Oikawa in that moment wasn't going to happen.

Feeling Oikawa's head shift a bit and seeing the way the boy's face appeared from the pillow, Suga was just hoping to see that the boy was okay. "Y-you were saying his name..." Oikawa murmured. Suga made a face of confusion. Whose name was he saying? What was going on? But then it hit Suga. "I-in your sleep... you were say-aying Iwa's name... and you were... y-yelling at him a-and me... Telling us to stop..."

That was odd, as Suga couldn't remember having nightmares of any kind before he had woken up this time around, but that didn't mean that he hadn't actually had a dream about what Oikawa was talking about. Not that he had a clue of what kind of dream could have made him say such things, but anything was possible he supposed. "Oh... Well, I... I don't know what I was dreaming about, but maybe I was saying for you to stop because I wanted to stop the accident... even though I wasn't there..." Suga said, using his hand to wipe away at the tears that were magically working their way down his cheeks. He really didn't want these tears to stick around any longer, and he knew that for a fact. But really, he had a feeling that the tears were going to stay for quite some time. He had a feeling that he wasn't likely to get rid of all of them.

There wasn't so much as an agreement from Oikawa, which told Suga that Oikawa probably had different thoughts about what Suga was dreaming about. Suga was really just very confused about the dream that he didn't remember having, so it was hard to apologize for something that he had no recollection of.

Slowly moving to get off of Oikawa, Suga rubbed at Oikawa's tense back and shoulders, feeling just how damp he had gotten Oikawa's shirt. He wondered if Oikawa was going to want to change. He was sure that feeling something wet on his back was not enjoyable, so Suga had to say something, right? "Hey, uh... so want me to grab you a different shirt? I got it a bit wet by sobbing..." Suga said. He couldn't quite laugh about it, but he smiled a little, hoping that Oikawa would take the offered help.

Getting up, Oikawa rubbed his face and Suga looked at just how messed up his hair was at the moment. He reached a hand out to try to fix it, running his hand over the fuzzy, brunet hair, to try to control it just a bit more than it was. "Yeah, whatever you grab me is fine. Thanks, babe," Oikawa said as he scratched his neck and let out a bit of a yelp when he felt Suga's fingers catch in his hair a bit. "I... should probably brush my hair I guess..." Oikawa said as he looked down.

Moving to kiss Oikawa's head and pressing his lips to Oikawa's temple, Suga pulled back with a smile. "It looks cute like this. Just rolled out of bed, messy-haired Oikawa. It's... attractive," Suga said with a smile. He had no idea where any of that came from and he just hoped that Oikawa wouldn't take it the wrong way, if it could be taken wrong at all. 

At the moment though, Suga thought that in his mind, maybe he was trying to push getting through all of this too fast. Maybe Suga was trying to force the grieving to happen quickly so they could go back to being happy. He wanted to go back to being happy, but there was a process to this while grieving thing, so Suga needed to let it happen.

The way Oikawa reacted to what Suga had said wasn't exactly the way Suga had wanted him to react, but it wasn't a bad one either. "You like this look? What's wrong with you?" Oikawa asked as he smiled to Suga, who had scoffed a bit.

Right then and there, the way Oikawa had made a sarcastic, joking comment, and Suga's scoffing response, was one of the few moments the two boys could look back on and see that they weren't completely gone and destroyed from Iwaizumi's loss. They could heal from all of this, and they could definitely make it out alive. But it was a very short lived moment, and the boys let their smiles fade and fall off their faces, sadly enough.

They did get up to leave the bed, though, going to go see what Suga had available to cook. He really wasn't in too much of a cooking mood at the moment, so he just sighed as he leaned against the counter and he watched as Oikawa kept looking through the fridge. "Do you want to just order pizza or something? Or would you just... we can snack too, if you'd rather," Sugawara said. He really just was not in the mood to be at all productive right now. It was just the sad, unfortunate truth. He couldn't make himself want to do any of this, not after today.

Letting out a sigh, Oikawa nodded. "We can just... do a small pizza, though. I'm really not too hungry. Not after, you know..." Oikawa said, his eyes starting to shine with wetness once more. It was likely not something that either boy was going to get rid of for a while, as they were probably going to continue to be upset about all of this for longer than they really wanted to be. But how could they want it to be over faster, when it meant that they were truly and completely letting go of Hajime? Sure, they had buried him today, and they said their goodbyes, but they weren't ready to just let go. It just wasn't a lifestyle that either boy needed to stay in for much longer. Grieving wasn't fun.

As the two boys went out to the living room, they looked at the coffee table to see that the box of things Iwaizumi had left as a keepsake for himself was still on the table. The two boys had the same idea and Oikawa reached for it to put everything back inside. He picked up the box, squeezing his eyes tightly before saying anything at all. "Can we put this somewhere...?" Oikawa asked, sniffling a bit and slowly opening his eyes, letting tears slide down his cheeks.

Nodding, Suga had to think for a moment. "If... we don't want to see it, we can put it under the bed..." Sugawara had said, sniffling just a little and rubbing at his own eyes. He reached up to Oikawa's face, trying to get rid of Oikawa's tears as well. Luckily, Suga was able to do so without Oikawa pulling away. How much more miserable could any of this get? Honestly, Sugawara wasn't too sure. All he knew right then was that it was pretty miserable at the moment.

If either of them were thinking, they would know that this was only natural. If they were outsiders looking in, they would realize that all of this was just a symptom of something completely normal. They were going through a tragedy, and it was very difficult to wrap their heads around it all. The two were just doing the best they could. They've already gone through three of the phases, so this was the fourth one, and hopefully it was the worst of it.

As Oikawa went back to the bedroom, Suga took a breath and went to go order a pizza from his phone, trying to find the best option for pizza. Suga didn't think he would eat much either, so a small pizza and a few drinks, as well as an order of bread sticks, would definitely be more than enough for the two boys. That would definitely be more than enough. The two boys probably really needed more than that, and they hadn't really had anything substantial to eat that morning or in the afternoon, but they would get better fed at some point soon. They knew that they couldn't just survive like this, so there was no way they were going to try to live like this for much longer without eating properly.

When Oikawa came back, Suga had sent the order, and he was rather surprised to feel Oikawa's arms around him. It wasn't that he was trying to comfort Suga, but Suga was starting to think that Oikawa just needed the support right then and there. "He would want us to be happy, right...?" Tooru asked, his cheek resting against Suga's temple right then.

It took Suga a moment, but that was when he nodded. He knew that Iwaizumi would want the boys to be happy. There was absolutely no disputing that fact, and Suga wouldn't let anyone tell him otherwise. "Yeah... Yeah, he would... He was a really good man, and... He would want us happy..." Suga had said.

The two boys stood there like that, just holding one another for a moment, before Oikawa took a breath. "M-maybe you uh... Maybe we can email our teachers and... I think you're right. I know that... You didn't mean what you said earlier, but... we can't live like this forever... I know the funeral was today, but... We have to at least try. Maybe we don't have to do it tonight... But at some point, yeah?" Oikawa said with a soft voice. Suga didn't think Oikawa was crying, and his breathing did seem to be settled a bit more, rather than rough and ragged, like the way it had been the other two times he had been crying. It was a very grown and strong statement for Oikawa to say. Maybe he was healing.

Right then though, it was Suga's turn to break down. He had been holding everything in for far too long. Sure, he had cried, and sure, he had let himself get emotional, but he hadn't let himself completely go. He just thought that it wasn't fair of himself to let himself get too upset about this when Oikawa had been the one that was worse off in this situation. Suga really just didn't know how much attention he could take from Oikawa's grieving with his own, which was why Suga wouldn't allow himself to grieve in the ways that Oikawa had been.

But now was the time for Oikawa to let Suga break. Now was the time for Oikawa to take care of Suga, who was sobbing into Oikawa's chest and gripping onto his shirt so tightly, nearly pulling it and stretching it. Oikawa was going to try his best to let Suga bring them back into reality, get them back to their normal lives. It might have to be gradual, and it might be slower than they wanted it to be, but could the school really blame them for taking this time to focus on their loss? Would they really be so cruel and not understand the boys for needing more time and force them to come back to class?

Honestly, Suga wasn't too sure. He also wasn't too sure when Oikawa had taken them to the couch and had sat them down, allowing Suga to curl into his lap. But this wasn't unwelcomed at all, and Suga was just grateful that he had Oikawa there as a support right now. Suga enjoyed and appreciated being taken care of, and he was glad that Oikawa could be there for him. "Maybe... M-maybe we can email them next week sometime, yeah? We don't have to email them right now... They will definitely understand with what we've been through..."

Humming a bit, Oikawa nodded, pressing a kiss to Suga's shoulder. It was a very subconscious thought that Suga had been having, but the two boys really did seem to be doing more things on an intimate level right at the moment, and they were really starting to get closer it seemed. But Suga wasn't actively thinking about that, and he wasn't sure that it would be good to say anything anyway, as he knew that Oikawa was struggling more than enough right now. So bringing their relationship into question may not have been the best option.

Apparently, it had been a full half hour since the boys had been standing there in the living room and gone to sitting down, because there was a knock at the door. "Oh, pizza. Okay... Yeah," Suga had said as he slowly pushed himself up to stand and Oikawa stood as well, pressing a kiss to Suga's cheek in the process.

The two boys went to the door, Suga signed his name on the slip, as he had paid for the pizza online, and they then took the pizza back to the couch and smiled at the fresh smell of the freshly baked pizza that was in their possession. They knew they would probably eat all of the small pizza and the bread sticks, but at least it would be some form of nutrition.

As the pizza was devoured, and the boys sat on the couch in silence, the lack of noise made the two of them rather uncomfortable. "That was something he was good at..." Oikawa murmured after another few moments of silence, and Suga looked over to Oikawa, who was just looking at his fingers. "He always knew what to say to fill the silence. I never had to worry about it being awkward between the two of us, because he always had something to say when it got quiet..."

That was actually something that Suga had to think about, and he made a face. Wasn't it Oikawa who was good at filling the silence? This made Suga hum, tilting his head in thought. "I mean, I know that I was always talking. But whenever it got quiet, he would just... _say_ something. It always made sense in the moment too. Or, it would just make me feel good. Like... whenever I got too focused on my phone, Iwa would say that he loved me, and it would get us talking. O-or whenever we finished watching something, and it went quiet..." Oikawa had to stop himself, and Suga didn't blame him.

It was too much at the moment. Hajime was plaguing each of their minds, and they needed to focus elsewhere right now. "Hey, why don't we... uh... Well, maybe we can play a game?" Suga offered, looking up to Oikawa. Their matching tearful eyes had met, and they didn't break eye contact for a moment.

Finally, Oikawa looked down and he licked his lips, reaching for Suga's hand. "S-sure... Uh, why don't we.... play a card game? Something easy on our minds?" Oikawa had suggested, and Suga nodded.

After going to get the cards and setting up a game of war, the two of them took a shaky breath as they started to play the game. It started to become rather silent in the room once again, and eventually, Oikawa stopped turning over cards to play the game. He pushed his stack of cards away with a sigh, leaning back into the couch.

Suga wasn't entirely sure what to do. "Is this just dumb? We can do something else, like watch a movie, or we can..." Suga wasn't exactly sure what they could do at the moment. "We could invite your friends over?" Suga offered up.

Taking a breath, Oikawa shook his head. "It's just too quiet. It's not your fault, I just can't do this right now... I think I'm going to head to bed, if that's okay with you. I just... I need to sleep this off. Not that sleep will really help or get rid of the problem, but... it's something."

That was when Suga started to worry just a little more. Suga was doing his best to take care of Oikawa, he was trying to be strong for the boy. Sure, Suga had his moment just a few moments ago, but he was doing his best other than that. But when Oikawa pushed him away like this and when he didn't want to do anything, what was Suga supposed to do? "I love you..." Suga had murmured, reaching to pick up and take care of the rest of the cards. "I'm going to email our professors and... let them know the progress of everything, and I'm going to email our advisors, too. Just to have something to do I guess... Get some rest..." Suga had said. It was hardly late enough to go to bed, but if that was what Oikawa was set on for the night, Suga would have to let him do so.

As the night continued onward, Suga had composed emails for each of his teachers, each of Oikawa's teachers, and both of their advisors individually. It took a while, and by the time Suga was done, he looked at the time and decided it was a good enough to go to bed. He wasn't nearly tired enough, with all of the sleeping they had done that afternoon, but he was certain that he would get tired enough soon.

Once he opened up the bedroom door, Suga looked inside to see that the light was on and he was a bit confused. He was also surprised to see that Oikawa was sitting up, cross legged, and his back was to the door. The only thing different was that Oikawa wasn't wearing pants anymore, just his boxers. He was also missing his shirt. "Babe...? You okay...?" Suga asked quietly, starting to approach the bed. Oikawa didn't lift his head, nor did he acknowledge that Suga had spoke to him.

It wasn't until Suga had come closer and moved around the bed to try to see Oikawa's face that Oikawa had looked up in surprise.

His cheeks were blotchy and red. His eyes were tearing up, with the warm liquid already running down his cheeks. There was a bit of a tremble to his shoulders, and a quiver to his lips. This was definitely not an enjoyable thing to see. "T-take it away..." Oikawa had rasped out, croaking a bit.

When Suga made a face, he only had to look down to where Oikawa was slowly lifting up his hands, revealing a rather sharp blade pressed between his fingers to figure out what he was talking about. Gasping very quietly, Suga swallowed and started to hold out his hand, hoping that Oikawa would just hand the blade to him. It didn't look like Oikawa was going to willingly hand over the sharp razor blade, so Sugawara had to climb onto the bed and he had to reach a hand to Oikawa's face. "Tell me you d-didn't, please... Tell me you're okay..." Suga had whispered as he started to look over Oikawa. When Suga didn't see any marks or blood, he was fairly certain that Oikawa hadn't done anything. It was confirmed when Oikawa had shook his head, to signal that he hadn't done anything.

Tears had started to form in Suga's eyes. "Baby... I'm right here, okay? Y-you can give me the blade..." Suga said, holding his other hand up while still keeping a hand against Oikawa's cheek. This was a very scary moment for Sugawara, as he didn't want Oikawa to injure himself, nor did he want anything bad to happen. He wouldn't survive this world without Oikawa in it at the moment, so there was no way that he could lose the boy to something as evil as this. Truthfully, Suga hadn't gone through anything like this before, so it was very new.

Very slowly, Oikawa had started to press the metal into Suga's hand, flat against his skin, before his head dropped and he started to sob. "S-Suga... I just miss him..." Oikawa whispered, and he was trying to lift his head up. "I th-thought I could be with him... but I can't leave you..." Very carefully reaching to put the blade onto his nightstand, Suga looked back after and he watched as Oikawa reached out and nearly fell against Suga, starting to cry again.

None of this was easy in the slightest, and the two boys probably would have been better to go stay with someone else. They probably would have been better to let one of their friends take care of them, though they didn't really have friends in common at the moment. "I miss him too... b-but just think... he's watching f-from the afterlife, and if he saw that... What do you think he would s-say? You kn-know that he wouldn't want you to... to join him this way..." Suga said, starting to crack a bit and wondering just how long Oikawa had been feeling this way. It wasn't a very good feeling in the slightest, and Suga was beginning to grow in his worries about the boy. Was there something more serious going on? Had Oikawa developed clinical depression too? Or was this just the grief talking?

Neither of them really had much else to say, but the two boys had fallen onto the bed and fell asleep with the light still on. Suga only noticed a few hours later, and he got up to turn the light off.

No matter how much they were there for one another, there would still be the tension and the want for Iwaizumi above all else. They were just struggling. Oikawa hadn't done anything nearly as desperate as he had the night he attempted to cut himself, but he was still just as sad.

It was a godsend when two days later, Hinata had messaged Suga and asked if he wanted to come to the gymnasium to play a friendly volleyball match. It was the nostalgia of the whole thing that got Suga excited, as he could just remember the days he spent in high school, practicing and playing matches that were more than fun. Maybe this would get him out of whatever this funk was? 

The two boys had done nothing but sit in silence with the television on for those two days, so they needed something to distract them and get them out of the apartment. When Suga asked Oikawa about the game, he seemed to shrug at first. Suga didn't even know if Oikawa knew how to play the game. But after a few moments, Oikawa had asked if he could invite Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Suga had asked if they all knew how to play, and Oikawa nodded firmly, so that was a good thing.

Once he got the okay from Hinata to invite all of them to play too, they were off.

It was when they were all at the gym with Hinata and Kageyama that Suga reached over to Oikawa and pulled him in for a tight embrace. "You didn't have to come, you know. I actually didn't know you knew how to play volleyball before this. Thank you for being here," Suga said as he pressed his lips to Oikawa's cheek.

Letting out a bit a sigh, Oikawa shrugged as he hugged Suga back. "Yeah, Iwa and I played for a while. We uh... we played on the college team for a while, but we met on the team when we played for middle school. That's actually where I met Mattsun and Makki, on our high school team. But studies were getting to be too much for all of us, so we had to drop out in college. I want to get back into it though..." Oikawa said as he looked over to Kageyama. There seemed to be random tension between the two of them for no reason, and Suga pulled back from Oikawa for a moment. "He's the kid that took my setter spot on the team the season I had to drop out. I'm surprised you're friends with such an arrogant brat..."

Hearing Oikawa call Kageyama such a name made Suga flinch just a bit. "I mean, I guess he can be full of himself with volleyball... but he's really not that bad otherwise. He's actually kind of... shy and reserved," Suga said as he looked up to Oikawa, who made a face.

"Yeah, yeah... Whatever. The orange over there too, he joined the year we had to drop, and he just... well, he's good, but he has so much energy. A little too much." That was definitely a truth that Oikawa had said, as Hinata really did have a lot of energy.

Humming and nodding, Suga watched as everyone else started to gather around. "Oh, look, there's your side hoe," Oikawa said with a look that could only be described as a soft glare. When Suga looked over to the gymnasium doors, he flinched to see that Daichi was walking in with Asahi, and that was clearly who Oikawa was referring to.

Taking a moment, Suga sighed himself. "Are you sure you want to be here right now? We don't have to be, you know... I'm sure Kageyama and Hinata will understand..." Suga had said. This subject really couldn't be avoided forever, so Oikawa would have to learn to tolerate Daichi at some point.

Shaking his head, Oikawa started to walk away, towards Makki and Mattsun. Suga let out a bit of a quiet whine, but turned back to see Daichi and Asahi walking towards him. "He is so miserable at the moment... I don't know how to help him..." Suga said as he held his head and tried his absolute best to rid himself of all of this stress. "I'm going insane trying to be there for him... I just don't know what else do to... And it was a terrible idea for him to come to this, because he and _Hajime_ used to play on the college team! They've both been playing for years! I didn't know that..." Letting out a groan and looking to Daichi, who had held out his arms to offer a hug to Suga.

It was usually a reflex for Suga to go to Daichi's arms when he offered a hug, but after what Oikawa had just called Daichi when he saw the pair of boys walking in, Suga put his hand up to Daichi. "Daichi, I usually would, but... Not today. Not right now... Oikawa is in such a mood and I can't risk him looking over and seeing us hugging..."

Daichi let his arms fall with a confused look, shooting a look towards Oikawa. "Okay, I guess that's valid. I mean... I guess I can see why he dislikes me so much, but... I don't know, I'm still your friend. He needs to understand that..." Daichi said, and Asahi bit at his lip. It seemed like he agreed with Daichi. Hell, Suga agreed with Daichi.

But Suga didn't want to push Oikawa any further than he needed to be right now. "I know... I know, and someday soon, I will make sure he is good with you. But just right now... I can't force him to be accepting of my relationship with you. He just... Well, you know the funeral was a couple days ago, right? So... w-we both said our final goodb-..." Suga had to stop himself and he pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling again. There was way too much emotion in the air right now. It was starting to get a bit suffocating, and Suga wasn't sure that he would be okay to stand on his own in a moment or two.

This was why he was such good friends with Daichi and Asahi. Daichi had wrapped his arms around Suga without worrying about Oikawa seeing, and Asahi had started to rub at Suga's shoulders. "I don't care what he says right now... You are hurting. So I'm going to be here for my best friend, and he can deal with seeing me..." Daichi murmured, holding Suga against his chest in a very tight manner.

"Yeah, I mean... we do have to consider his feelings, but we also have to consider your feelings... you're our friend..." Asahi said, and Daichi nodded in agreement. Suga could only feel the nod, as he was still sobbing away and he was trying to keep himself together right then and there. This was why these two were his best friends.

After another moment or so, there was a call from the other side of the court, and Suga pulled away gently from Daichi to see what the call was all about. "Okay, so if we are all here, lets get this started, yeah?" Hinata had called out. He was standing on a bench to make himself taller, and Suga had actually laughed a bit at that. "Do we have two liberos? I saw Noya..." Hinata said.

There was a sound of protest from someone in the gym. Suga looked over to see another male standing there, who seemed rather offended. "I know I'm short, but so are you, Hinata," he said.

The gym had filled up with laughter, and Suga let out his own soft laugh. He didn't know who that had been, but it was kind of comical with the comment he had made. "Oh, Komi! I'm sorry. Okay, so yeah. We have two liberos. Now... So let me count. We have.... three... six... eight... ten. Okay! We can make that work. We can divide up the teams and then we can start, yeah?" Hinata said.

Suga looked over to see Oikawa, who was holding onto a random volleyball right now. The two boys had locked eyes, and Suga had given Oikawa a smile. It was only half returned, but he then looked back to Hinata and Kageyama, who were discussing things. "Oh, so I guess we have three setters. Oikawa and Suga... which one of you is going to back down? We already have Kageyama too."

Going back to looking at one another, Suga put his hand up and looked back at Hinata. "I will, don't worry. Oikawa can set," Suga said as he swallowed a bit, letting his hand fall in the process. Suga didn't know that Oikawa was a setter, but he was learning new things about the boy every day.

Sighing, Oikawa shook his head, but decided not to argue. That was probably a good thing, as Suga really wasn't too sure where Oikawa's skill set was. He knew now that Oikawa had played volleyball, and he had only learned just a moment before that he was a setter too. There was no use fighting this. If they had more than one setter on their side, maybe things would be interesting.

Once the teams were divided up and they had decided on who was where, Suga stood next to Oikawa, as they were on the same team. "You ready?" Suga had asked, tilting his head a bit to look towards Oikawa.

As he bounced the volleyball and caught it, he shook his head. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I guess. Without my ace, I don't know how well I'm going to perform. But it's whatever," Oikawa had said.

That comment was a little lost on Suga at the moment, but when Oikawa had walked away, Mattsun had stepped a bit closer to Suga. "I see you're confused, and I can explain... Iwa was the ace on the team, if you didn't know..." he said. Suga was very grateful that Mattsun had been listening in on that conversation right then, and Suga felt a stinging sensation in his heart at the moment.

If Iwaizumi was the ace and Oikawa was the setter, the bond between the two of them had to be very strong on the court. It probably helped that they were so friendly off the court as well, but now knowing that Oikawa and Iwaizumi had even that relationship with one another made much more sense. Suga could feel his chest start to tighten a little, and he stood on the court, just looking down at his shoes.

As the game began, Suga started to wonder why Oikawa and Suga were on the same side of the court at the moment, as Hinata and Kageyama had to know that they would be such a disadvantage to the other three standing with them. It was definitely not a very fair match. Hinata and Kageyama had to have known Iwaizumi, and they had to know about his passing. What a disadvantage they were at.

Surprisingly though, they won the second set, and Suga and Oikawa rushed to one another, hugging and letting out a bit of a laugh. The two boys stood there for a moment, just holding one another without a care in the world. "Thanks for saving me," Oikawa said quietly.

Taking a moment to process what Oikawa had said, Suga pulled back and smiled to the boy softly. "Saving you? Your set was nearly perfect there... I was the dumbass that jumped too far," Suga said with a laugh.

"No, thank you for saving me..." Oikawa said again, his voice softer and the two boys locked glances.

It was a very serious comment Suga had realized, and the two boys were nearly ready to break again. They were just standing there, holding onto each other's sides. "Tooru... Whenever I can, I will always try to save you..." Suga had said.

The two boys went back to hugging, holding onto each other very tightly. They didn't care if they held up the game or if everyone else started to get frustrated. The two boys needed this right now. With all of the struggling, all of the hardship, they needed to lean on one another. If not, they weren't likely to make it out of this hell alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so sorry that I've made everyone wait this long for a chapter of this. I had personal struggles with this fic though, so that's why it took me as long as it did.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed the fic thus far though!


	16. Stage Four - Depression (Part C)

It had been an enjoyable night for everyone all around. At least, it had been enjoyable in the gym and on the court for all of the volleyball players. No one cared if anyone in the outside world really had a good night. The boys in the gymnasium were all that mattered at the moment. They were all enjoying their time, and it was definitely a good distraction for both Oikawa and Sugawara, who had only been hanging on by threads before any of this happened. If it had gone any longer and the two boys were alone in Suga's apartment for much more time, they might have snapped. Who knows what would have happened at that point?

When Suga and Oikawa went to go grab their bag, Oikawa seemed to be coming down from the high of the night. They had played two full matches. They only won the second one, but the lead from the second match was a larger lead than the first match, so Suga and Oikawa were very pleased with that. Hinata and Kageyama were arguing about it on the other side of the gym still.

Standing up, Suga looked to his boyfriend with a smile. "Think they'll ever get over losing?" Suga asked as he motioned over to the pair of boys who were arguing still.

Glancing over, Oikawa shrugged a bit. "I don't care if they argue all night about it," he said, and it caused Suga to laugh a little. That was when Oikawa cleared his throat a little and he bit his lip. "Uh... Do you think that... I don't care if it happens tonight, maybe tomorrow it can. But could we invite Makki and Mattsun over to your apartment...? And you can invite Daichi and Asahi if you want to too, but... I want to have a get together where we can just play some games and get drunk off our asses," Oikawa said. There was hope in his eyes and he had seemed to hold his breath as he waited for Suga's response.

Humming a bit, Suga licked his lips and he smiled. "Yeah, I think that'll be a good thing. Maybe we can just do it tonight, yeah? Let me ask Daichi and Asahi, and you can go ask your friends?" Suga said as he bumped his hip into Oikawa in a cheeky fashion before he glanced over to Daichi and Asahi, who were getting ready to leave themselves. There really couldn't be too much harm in this, could there?

Nodding, Oikawa went back to Makki and Mattsun as Suga made his way over to Daichi and Asahi. The pair just seemed to be discussing everything right then, since Asahi was on the other team and he seemed to be frustrated with what Hinata and Kageyama had been barking at him the entire time. Suga took a breath and he looked at the pair when they looked towards him, and he was smiling just a little bit to them. "Hey, so Oikawa wants to get together for some reason, and he said I could invite you two. What do you say? Want to come over to my apartment for a game night and we can get drunk?" Suga asked with a bit of a laugh.

The two boys hummed and licked their lips. Asahi wasn't nearly as against any of these activities now that he was actually old enough to legally drink, and Noya had definitely done something about making him lighten up over the alcohol piece. "I would love to, sure. As long as Oikawa knows you're inviting me," Daichi said as he looked over to where Oikawa was standing with Makki and Mattsun. They seemed to be laughing about something, but Suga would just ask him about it later if he remembered. He wasn't likely to remember anyway. But Oikawa had to be okay with all of this, since he was the one to ask about inviting Daichi in first place.

Asahi was playing with his fingers as he looked behind him for Noya, who was busy talking to the others before they left. "Uh... I mean, can you ask him if it's okay that you invite Noya too...? Or are you okay with inviting him as well? And Daichi, maybe you can invite-"

When Daichi elbowed Asahi and got him to shut up, Suga rose an eyebrow and he wondered just what that was all about. "Invite _who_ , Daichi?" Suga asked as he watched Daichi's face go through more than just one emotion while they were standing there. It wasn't like Daichi to keep secrets from him, or it wasn't like Daichi to not have told him anything yet. Especially when it was this personal. Sure, Suga wasn't the most approachable person in the world at the moment, but having normal moments was something that Sugawara was in need of.

Taking a breath, Daichi shook his head. "No one, really. Asahi doesn't know what he's talking about," Daichi said with a bit of a laugh, though it was definitely forced and awkward.

Letting out a bit of a whine, Asahi rubbed at his side. "You know who I'm talking about, Daichi. Have you even told Suga that you've come out to your parents and they finally support you?" Asahi asked as he stepped away from Daichi, who looked like he was ready to pounce on Asahi at this rate. It was smart for Asahi to step away with the look that Daichi was sporting.

"You told your parents that... you like guys? That's awesome, Daichi! I'm proud of you!" Suga was actually proud of the man, and he was smiling so brightly to Daichi right then. It was an honest smile, but Daichi let out a bit of a sigh. Suga had a feeling that he knew what that sigh was from and he really didn't need Daichi feeling bad about any of this right now. "Hey, hey, it's awesome that you've come out to them. I'm just glad that they are going to support you. Now, who is this person that Asahi wants you to invite tonight? Hmm?" Suga asked in a bit of a tease. The smirk that crossed Suga's lips was very playful at the moment.

The sigh that Daichi let out was probably a sigh of regret and he probably just felt bad for not coming out to his parents sooner, as he and Suga had tried dating while Daichi was still in the closet. Suga didn't regret any of this, and he was just glad that Daichi's parents were accepting of him right now. He definitely deserved the acceptance. "He's just a friend. Kuroo is _just a friend_ , Asahi. You remember Kuroo, right Suga? Well, he and I have just been talking a lot and we're becoming better friends. That's it!" Daichi said in such a defensive way.

A smirk worked its way onto Suga's cheeks as he looked at Asahi. "Oh, I'm sure the two of you are only friends. You don't stay up super late to flirt, don't go out of the way to see one another, and I'm _sure_ he doesn't meet you at the end of your work shifts," Suga said in a teasing voice and it caused Daichi's face to start to heat up and he hid his face behind his hands. Asahi started to laugh and he nodded to Suga.

With a groan, Daichi shook his head. "That was only once when my car was having problems and he offered to give me a ride, okay?" Daichi defended. There was a hiding blush on his cheeks still, but Suga could see how it was working its way out of Daichi. "I hate you guys so much..." Daichi murmured as he walked away.

That caused Suga and Asahi to break out into a loud laughter, and Suga had to hold his stomach after how he had been laughing. It felt good to laugh again. "I didn't know any of that, but you just confirmed all of it," Suga called out to Daichi as he continued to laugh and he held onto Asahi's arm, just doing his best to stay standing after all of the laughter. This was exactly what he needed. "So are you going to invite him?" Suga asked as he made his way over to Daichi, who was leaning against the wall.

Letting out a sigh, Daichi shrugged a bit. "I guess I can. I mean, maybe it would make Oikawa feel a little better about having me around, if he knew that... If he knew that I had more than just you as a friend," Daichi said as he narrowed his eyes to Suga and Asahi as they continued to snicker. "Fuck both of you. We are just friends!"

"Sure, sure. Okay, I'll go tell Oikawa about the new additions. Noya and... _Kuroo_ , who is only a friend, should be able to come, no problem. I'll text you both about the plans with it? Oikawa said it might not happen tonight, but either tonight or tomorrow it will. Are you both free tomorrow?"

Both of the boys nodded. It was a relief that they were both free to hang out tomorrow night as well, so there was no pressure of anything having to happen tonight. Suga smiled to both of them before he excused himself to go talk to Oikawa about the new changes and the plans that were all unfolding.

There was something exciting about being able to do all of this right now, and Suga just wasn't able to see where any of this could go wrong at the moment. He was sure that it was possible that something could go wrong. He was positive that it wasn't likely to stay like this for too much longer, but for right now, he was just glad that he could't feel any of the negative emotions that surrounded most of their days lately.

Once going over to Oikawa, who was just talking with Mattsun, while Makki was on the phone, Oikawa turned to Suga and gave him a half smile. "So can they come over? I want to invite Kyoutani and Yahaba too, if that's okay. But Makki is too tired tonight, so maybe tomorrow?" Oikawa suggested.

Mattsun winced a little and he shrugged as he looked at Makki, who was yawning while on the phone.

Leaning against Oikawa and wrapping an arm around his waist, Suga nodded. "Yeah, that's okay. Both Daichi and Asahi can come. Asahi wants to invite his boyfriend Noya, and Daichi wants to invite another friend. You cool with that?" Suga asked as he looked up to meet Oikawa's eyes, ones that were on him already. They seemed to be looking the male over for some reason, and there was something about his face that told Suga that Oikawa was searching for something.

Nodding slowly, Oikawa kept his lips together and he slowly looked away from Sugawara. If Oikawa kept doing this, Suga might break again. What was wrong this time? "Yeah, that's okay I guess. So Daichi has more than one side lover, huh?" Oikawa asked as he pulled away from Suga and started to walk towards their bag. He scooped it up before he walked towards the exit of the gym.

None of this was a very pleasant experience for Suga and Oikawa to be having. It still kind of hurt that Oikawa was calling Daichi such names, because he was still friends with Daichi, and he would like to stay as friends with the boy for as long as he could. Oikawa was important to him, but this wasn't going to work if he kept saying things like he just had about Daichi, or any of his other friends. "Oikawa, wait..." Suga said with a sigh as he went after Oikawa. Oikawa didn't stop walking as he got out of the gym, but he did slow down enough for Suga to step in front of him and put his hands on Oikawa's chest to get him to halt. "Can you... would you please stop calling Daichi those things? I would really appreciate it if you would stop that, because Daichi is a friend of mine."

Humming a bit, Oikawa sighed and looked away from Suga in that moment. "Yeah, I guess I can. He just... I know it's not fair how I've been treating him. I'll try to calm it down. It wasn't his fault that Iwa di-..." Oikawa pressed his fingers to his lips after a gasp. Suga also gasped in response to what Oikawa had said, and he very quickly wrapped his arms around the taller man, pulling him in closely.

They were trying their best. Both boys were doing everything they could to hold themselves together while they suffered through all of this. But there were still moments that the two boys fell apart. "H-hey... It's okay, babe... It's okay, Tooru..." Sugawara said as he rubbed Oikawa's back.

Once Oikawa put his arms around Suga, he started to cry a bit. It wasn't a heavy cry, but it was just soft whimpers to tell Suga that saying such a thing still wasn't okay. He did it to himself this time, but it was a surprise that he had said it and Oikawa clearly wasn't ready to say such things at the moment. Nothing would be okay anytime soon, Suga had to figure. They were still healing. They were still trying their best to make it through all of this together, and they weren't going to force anything they weren't ready for yet. Oikawa had just learned that he still wasn't okay with verbalizing that Iwaizumi was dead yet, which was more than acceptable in Suga's eyes.

After Oikawa had pulled away and wiped at his eyes, Suga reached up to cup Oikawa's face and he smiled a very sad smile to him. "Let's get home and we can eat and maybe we can watch something, yeah? It's been a long day, and we both deserve some relaxing time," Suga said as he met Oikawa's eyes finally.

It didn't take long for Oikawa to nod at Suga's suggestion. It seemed like a nice proposition at the time, and Oikawa was ready to just get home and he wanted to relax a bit after all of the highs and crashing he had experienced today. "Yeah... Eating and sleeping sound good," Oikawa said as he looked back towards the street that they were meant to be traveling down.

After a breath was exhaled, the two boys were off. They didn't get very far before someone had pulled up beside them in a vehicle. "Hey, want a lift?" the person had said from the car. Looking down, Suga realized it was Daichi's car, and he was offering them a ride back home.

This may not have been the best thing. Suga was worried that Oikawa would freak out about Daichi in the moment, as they were both high strung on emotions. "Oh, uh-" Suga was cut off by Suga.

"Sure, Daichi. Thanks for the offer. We're both pretty tired," Oikawa had said softly. As Suga whipped his head to look at Oikawa, he could see the smile on his face. He was trying to make this all work and Suga couldn't have been more surprised or appreciative at the moment. Oikawa was really trying to make this all work, and Suga was just impressed at Oikawa's attempt to be friendly with Daichi right now.

Taking a moment, Suga held onto Oikawa's elbow. "Are you sure? I don't want you to be upset over this, because it is Daichi..." Suga murmured to Oikawa, who had been reaching for the door handle at the time.

The male simply nodded, pushing his hair out of his face just a little bit. "Yeah. He's your friend and I'll trust anyone you trust. I'm... trying to be more fair to him and give him more of a chance," Oikawa said as he pulled away from Suga and opened up the rear door, sliding all the way in for Suga to get in next to him.

Looking back at Daichi, the two males smiled at each other. "Thank you," Suga mouthed to Daichi as they both climbed into Daichi's car. Daichi simply nodded before he got into the car himself.

Once Suga climbed into the back of the car, Oikawa looked at Suga and rose and eyebrow. "So, Daichi-San, I hear you're able to come tomorrow night... Who is this friend you want to invite?" Oikawa asked as Daichi started to pull out onto the road.

The look on Daichi's face through the rear view mirror was absolutely priceless at that given moment, and Suga smirked, trying to hide the snickers. "You told him, Suga? Is there anyone I can trust right now?" Daichi whined out.

When hearing that, Oikawa made a face. "Told me what? All Koushi said was that you wanted to invite a friend for tomorrow..." Oikawa said, looking back to Suga, who was laughing at the moment. "I don't get what's going on." Suga really hadn't told Oikawa anything, so all of this was Daichi's fault.

A groan escaped Daichi's lips. "Suga, he's only a friend! Maybe neither of us will want to come over now," Daichi had said with the signature pout and tight knot of a pair of lips on his face right then. This was telling Suga that maybe they were going just a little too far, and Suga would have to stop this. He didn't want to push Daichi too far and actually get him angry.

Oikawa shrugged just a bit before looking back at Suga. "No, Daichi, please come over tomorrow night! You can bring your friend too, I want to meet him," Oikawa said with a wide-eyed look right then, one that screamed that he was kind of desperate for this to happen. He looked into the mirror, and met Daichi's eyes for a moment before Daichi turned his eyes on the road once more.

There was no way that Daichi would fight against a look like that, or at least that was what Suga thought. "Okay, alright. I'll still come over. Just have Suga text me when, and I'll let you know if Kuroo can-"

"Wait, Kuroo Tetsurou?" Oikawa asked, his eyes going wider, but with more surprise than sadness.

Clearing his throat, Daichi nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's him. Why? Do you know him?"

The only thing Oikawa did right then was blink as he turned his eyes to Suga. "He knows that Kuroo is probably trying to get into his pants, right?" Oikawa tried to whisper, but he was clearly trying to make the whisper loud enough for Daichi to hear.

"Oh my god, both of you!" Daichi said in a whine of a voice. Suga met Oikawa's eyes, and Oikawa smiled back to him. Suga really couldn't remember the man, so it was becoming quite the charade to watch as Daichi got so flustered over a man that Suga couldn't remember.

When Daichi's whining fit was done, Oikawa let out a soft laugh. "He's a good guy, really. I'm glad you've made friends with him," Oikawa said as he reached for Suga's hand and gave it a squeeze. They sat in silence for a few moments before Oikawa's face changed a bit. "Hey, Daichi...?" That was when Oikawa's face had changed a bit, leaving Suga to wonder just what the boy was going to say.

Daichi hummed in response before Oikawa continued. "I kind of feel like I owe you an apology. I haven't really been treating you fairly and I know that you are important to Koushi, so... I'm sorry. I'll try better to make an effort to include you in our life and not be so hard on you. I mean... None of this was your fault. The accident, I mean, and I shouldn't be as rude to you as I have been. So... I'm sorry," Oikawa said as he bit his lip and looked out the window, only so Suga couldn't see his face.

There was a tension in the air and everything stilled in the car for a moment. That was very unexpected for Oikawa to say, and the other two boys were just surprised that it had happened. "Hey, you know what? You are going through something very hard, something that I hope I will never have to understand and experience for myself. So I don't blame you for taking it out on anyone or everyone that you can. Thank you for saying that, though. I appreciate the effort, and I forgive you," Daichi said softly as he smiled through the mirror.

Silence once again filled the car, but it wasn't much longer before the car had pulled up in front of Suga's apartment building. "Thanks for the ride, Daichi," Suga had said as he opened the door and started to climb out. Oikawa did the same, but he waited at Daichi's door. "Tooru?" Suga asked questioningly as he looked to see just what Oikawa was doing.

It was then that Daichi had gotten out of the car and he had gave Oikawa a questioning look. But it was only a few seconds before Oikawa had thrown his arms around Daichi, hugging him tightly. Daichi stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, but he finally wrapped his arms around Oikawa and he closed his eyes. "Hey... it's okay..." Daichi said quietly as he tightened his arms a bit.

This was something that Suga wasn't exactly prepared to see. His best friend and boyfriend were hugging in the middle of the street, and it wasn't at all forced. "I-I'm so sorry..." Oikawa choked out. Suga felt the tears start to come to his eyes as he watched Oikawa start to fall apart in Daichi's arms, and Daichi was giving him one of his signature hugs, one that could make just about anyone feel better. It was causing Suga's chest to tighten as he watched.

Taking a few more moments, Oikawa had finally pulled away from Daichi, and he was smiling. It was an honest, pure smile. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you have other friends, but I'll be here whenever I can if you need me too, okay? You're important to Suga, so you're a friend too," Daichi said.

All of this was making the entire night much more emotional than it needed to be. It was just such a surprise that maybe, _just maybe_ , things were starting to look up. Things were very slowly starting to get better. The two boys pulled away and Daichi climbed back into his car. "I'll see you both tomorrow night. I'll text Suga to let you guys know if _my friend_ Kuroo is coming. Have a good night, guys," Daichi said through his window before he rolled it back up.

When Oikawa came back over to Suga, Suga threw his arms around Oikawa as well. It was just an appreciation embrace. "Suga, what...?" Oikawa asked, wondering what this was all about. It wasn't that Oikawa was opposed to getting a hug from Suga at any given time, but it was just random and surprised him. Suga wasn't terribly sure that Oikawa had wanted to go through more tears.

This hug was meant as a thank you. It was so very appreciated that Oikawa was trying a little more with Daichi, and Suga just felt overwhelmed with gratitude right then. "He really does mean a lot to me... So thank you for... for trying with him," Suga whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Oikawa's cheek and pulling back to look at him. "I know he was nervous being around you for the first little bit, so I know that having you do this probably means the world to him right now. It means the world to me, too," Sugawara said.

A smile crossed Oikawa's face. "I just haven't been myself. But that's definitely going to change. And you know, you could have told me how good his hugs were. I would have forgiven him much sooner and apologized a lot faster if I knew just how great that hug was going to be," Oikawa said as he smiled a little bigger, but it was a tad bit awkward this time around.

Once a laugh left Suga's lips, he started to pull Oikawa towards the apartment. "Yeah, he does give really good hugs. But only to people that mean something to him, so I guess you must mean something to him if you got one of those hugs out of him," Suga said quietly.

The two boys made it to their apartment, or that was what Suga was referring to it as now, and they started to get comfortable. Suga made dinner and they flipped on a television program. Suga had fallen asleep in Oikawa's arms on the couch, and he was surprised to wake up in bed with Oikawa. That told Suga that Oikawa must have carried Suga to bed, which really wasn't a surprise that he hadn't known about it. After a night like the night they had gone through, Suga was just dead to the world and wasn't likely to wake to a smoke alarm going off.

Oikawa was awake next to Suga, and he had a laptop on his lap. When Suga had shifted to put his head on Oikawa's chest, he hummed to see what Oikawa was doing currently. "Did you say that you actually... emailed all of our professors? Or not?" Oikawa asked, licking his lips a bit. He leaned down to press his lips to Suga's temple, and Suga had closed his eyes with a smile at the sensation. It was nice to feel Oikawa being affectionate at a time like this.

Taking a breath and snuggling his face against Oikawa's chest a bit, he hummed. "Yeah, I did. Your professors told me they would email you, and my professors are working on sending over the work I missed. They're going to let me come in during office hours for them and they will work on me with things I've got questions on," Suga said quietly. He really wanted to hope that Oikawa's professors would do the same with him, but he could only hope and pray that they were going to treat Oikawa the same way that Suga's professors were treating him.

Taking a breath, Oikawa nodded as he closed a screen on his laptop and he took a breath. "I emailed back the ones that sent me messages, but there's two that still haven't emailed me, so I should probably email them, yeah?" Oikawa said in a questioning voice.

Nodding and turning his head to look up at Oikawa, Suga smiled just a little bit as he started to move his hand to settle on Oikawa's stomach. "Yeah, probably. But we don't have to do that right now, do we?" Suga asked and he pressed a kiss to Oikawa's chin, just being cute at the moment. He wasn't sure where the mood came from, but it was better than feeling down and solemn about everything. He wasn't going to question this mood.

The kiss had actually brought a smile to Oikawa's face, and he leaned down a little to press his forehead to Suga's right then. "No, but I should probably do it soon," Oikawa said softly, right before he pressed a kiss to Suga's lips.

Once the kiss was over, the two boys pulled away and they started to smile at one another, just happy to be in one another's company right now. "Tooru, you're beautiful," Suga said after another few moments, and he slowly tried to pull away. But Oikawa's arm had moved to be around Suga's back, so he couldn't pull away very easily at the given moment.

Keeping Suga close, Oikawa smiled and shook his head. "You're also beautiful, you know that? Iwa and I were lucky to have found you..." Oikawa said. It was right when Oikawa had mentioned Iwaizumi's name that the mood had slowly flipped and the boys had started to let their smiles face. That was when Suga realized that maybe saying Iwaizumi's name in regards to anything would have to be avoided for a while.

It didn't take much longer for the two boys to fall away from one another and they slowly climbed out of bed, going to get changed and working through their emotions to try not to make one another break. They were walking on eggshells with each other. When was it going to get easier? When was the pain and pure agony of all of this going to stop and when were the tears going to cease to fall? Neither of them knew, but they were desperate for the answer.

The two boys sat at the table and had breakfast together, keeping pretty quiet and just sulking on their own. "Hey... So, about the game night tonight. When should everyone show up? I just want to let Daichi and Asahi know, so they can let their guests know too," Suga had asked as he looked up to Oikawa, once he finished up his breakfast.

Picking at the bagel he had, Oikawa had taken a breath and he shrugged a bit. "I mean... we can go for after lunch, and just go until everyone gets tired and wants to leave?" Oikawa suggested. 

That idea didn't seem to be too bad right at that moment, so Suga was sure that they could figure it all out. "Yeah, so uh... Maybe I can tell Daichi and Asahi three then? So we can have time to eat our lunch, get all set up, and nap if we need to?" Sugawara suggested.

"Yeah, that works I guess. I just... You know, I really only suggested this whole game night thing because I want to try to do normal things again, and I know... I know Iwa-Chan wouldn't want me to just be sad for the rest of my life and keep to myself through all of this when I need people. Not that you're not a person... But uh... He would want me to keep on living and he wants me to be happy, and he wants you to be happy too, so we should try to do things that normal people do..." Oikawa said quietly.

All of this had to be exactly what Iwaizumi wanted. He would want both Oikawa and Sugawara to do their best to live as full of lives and as happily as they possibly could. It would definitely be a struggle, but the two boys would get through it as well as they possibly could. 

With a nod and being unable to really respond to Oikawa right then, Suga stood up to take care of his dish. But Oikawa had grabbed his wrist when Suga was walking by and he stopped Suga, pulling him down for a gentle kiss. When they broke the kiss, Oikawa took a breath and he looked over Suga's face for a moment. "I love you..." Oikawa murmured before letting Suga's wrist go.

That was when Suga had put his hand on Oikawa's cheek and he had smiled to the boy. "I love you too," he whispered before he pressed another gentle kiss to Oikawa's lips. It felt good that Oikawa was saying these things to him now. He could remember when Oikawa struggled to get the words out, to say specific pet names with him, or just couldn't get over anything due to the accident. But now they were in a much better place, and Suga was smiling as he looked over Oikawa's face in joy.

They broke apart and the boys just went through their day as normally as they could. They had lunch, and it was finally time to get set up for the game night. It was a good thing that Suga had said that they should have everyone come over at three, because Oikawa went to go lay down for a nap. Apparently he had gotten up a little too early to look at his email and try to get his school stuff sorted.

Suga sat with him for a while, just making sure that Oikawa was going to be okay to lay on his own, simply because he didn't need a repeat from a few nights ago. He would kick himself if Oikawa developed a self-harm habit and Suga could have been there to stop it. Suga would have took a nap with him, but he just wasn't tired enough.

Once Suga had gotten Oikawa to sleep, he left the room and he started to set up for the party. It was a lot of work to dig out all of the games he had, and he took a trip out of the apartment before he came back and continued to set up. Finally, Sugawara went back to the bedroom to wake Oikawa, right around 2:40, just so he could have a little time to wake up and he wouldn't be as groggy as he could be. "Hey babe, it's time for game night," Sugawara said quietly, and he straightened up after the kiss he pressed to Oikawa's temple.

It was a groggy Oikawa that had responded to Suga. It was hardly audible, and Suga was left wondering just what Oikawa had said. Suga really didn't catch it, but he had known that Oikawa was probably just far too tired at the moment. Maybe this game night wasn't the best thing for them at the moment, or maybe it would turn out to be really good. Either way, there wasn't any chance that Suga could change it now, and people were going to be showing up shortly. "Come on, babe. Or I'll let Hanamaki come in here and mess up your hair," Suga said as he poked at Oikawa's side.

The look on Oikawa's face told Suga that he had finally understood. "No... No, I don't want that..." Oikawa said with a whine as he sat up and he frowned. "Even Iwa would let those two gang up on me! Jeez, I don't have the nicest boyfriends in the world..." Oikawa said as he crossed his arms over his chest. He felt Suga press a kiss to his cheek before Suga stood up and just smiled.

"Then you'd better get out here," Suga said as he wiggled his finger towards Oikawa. This was just typical of Oikawa, Suga figured. But it was still a fun game to play with the man to try to get him out of bed. Suga was enjoying the little banter and taunting they had going on.

After Suga had gone back out to the living room, Oikawa came out as well and scratched at his shirtless chest, yawning as he did so. "Oh, hey, where'd all the snacks come from?" Oikawa asked as he looked over the chips and cookies and other dips that were sitting around. Suga was organizing it all and he was going through the games at the moment.

Looking up to Oikawa, Suga shrugged a bit. "I went down to the convenient store to get some things. I just figured everyone would be in a snacking mood," Suga said before he looked back at his games. "I hope that's okay. Did you want something in particular?"

Oikawa sighed and Suga frowned a bit, wondering what was wrong with the snacks he had set out on the coffee table. "I forgot to tell you, but I asked Mattsun to prepare his famous chicken dip, and Hanamaki is going to bring drinks over. But... I guess since more people are coming now, that's okay. If we have leftovers, we have leftovers," Oikawa said as he looked towards the door, and then went back towards the bedroom. Hopefully, it was only to grab a shirt.

As Oikawa had gone to the bedroom, there was a knock at the door and Suga stood up to go answer it. The door revealed Hanamaki and Matsukawa. They were both carrying stuff, and Suga offered to take some of the wine bottles from Makki. He was also carrying a couple of other bottles of harder alcohols and Matsukawa was carrying a few mixers, as well as another bag of what Suga had presumed to be the dip that Oikawa was talking about. "Come on in, Oikawa is just-"

"Coming out to follow my nose, because I could smell that dip from the bedroom. But hi guys," Oikawa said as he came over with a shirt on finally. For the first time that Suga had seen, Oikawa had initiated a hug without real context between them, and Makki stood there for a moment before he hugged Oikawa back, wondering just what all of this was really about. Then Mattsun was next, but Oikawa pulled away with a smile after the hug. Maybe he was just in a hugging mood? Whatever it was, Suga didn't want to break this mood.

The door opened randomly and Yahaba and Kyoutani had just walked in without knocking. It wasn't as if Suga really cared all that much, but he would have appreciated a little bit of a warning before they walked in. "Hey, why weren't we invited to the match yesterday? We could have filled out your teams!" Kyoutani said.

Tension filled the room as Oikawa hugged Kyoutani, and the boy just stood there, completely dumbfounded for a minute and didn't move to hug Oikawa back. When Oikawa pulled away, he had a bit of a frown on his face. "Maybe you weren't invited because you treat me like shit," Oikawa muttered before he went to hug Yahaba, who actually hugged Oikawa back, though he was still confused.

Looking at Suga, Kyoutani was sporting a very questioning look at the moment. This was a mood that Suga was really, very desperately, trying to figure out. He didn't know where it came from, he didn't know what the mood meant, and he really wasn't too thrilled with the prospect of having further surprises down the road. "Here's a friend who knows how to treat me nicely," Oikawa said as he looked back to Kyoutani.

A sigh had left Suga's lips. He just hoped that Oikawa was really okay at the moment. "Now we're just waiting on Suga's friends. His friends seem to know how to show up on time, though, because you are all at least ten minutes early," Oikawa said as he rose an eyebrow at all of them. As Oikawa went to go sit down on the floor and he leaned back, Suga took a seat next to him.

As he reached for Oikawa's hand, Suga looked over Oikawa's face. He seemed to be trying too hard to pretend to be okay at the moment. It wasn't that Suga didn't want this mood to disappear, but he didn't want Oikawa to push anything too far, or hold back emotions if he had them. "Are you okay?" Suga asked quietly as the other four boys stared to talk.

Nodding to Sugawara, he looked to his love and he wrapped Suga up in a hug too. "I can't let myself think about Iwaizumi right now, so I'm trying to distract myself. That's all this is with all of the hugs," Oikawa said. "Oh, guys!" Oikawa said suddenly, getting Suga to flinch a bit.

"What is it?" Makki asked as he took a seat on the couch and reached down to ruffle Oikawa's hair just a bit.

Oikawa swatted at Makki's hand and scowled at the boy. Taking a breath, Oikawa looked towards the door. "We're going to try to get one of Suga's friends together with the guest he is bringing. Daichi is Suga's friend's name, and he is so, so smitten over this guy he is bringing. Makki, do you remember Kuroo Tetsurou?" he asked with a smirk, and that was when Makki nodded slowly.

Makki looked at Suga with wider eyes. "Your friend is bringing Kuroo to the game night? Oh, this should be fun," Makki said with a bit of a smirk. Suga was wondering why everyone else knew who this man was, but Suga didn't. Daichi did probably tell Suga about him, but Suga's memory was failing him. It made him sigh, but that was when another thought hit him.

"Tooru... Babe, I don't know if that's the best idea. You know, just because Daichi keeps saying that Kuroo is just a friend... I don't want to ruin things between them," Suga said as he looked over to Oikawa with a bit of a frown. It wasn't that Suga wanted to spoil all of the fun, but he really didn't want to upset Daichi any more than necessary. "Only if... if you and everyone else is really subtle about it, but not if they are too... obvious. I just... I don't want to piss Daichi off. He gets kind of scary when he's angry," Suga said as he shuttered a bit.

Oikawa pouted a bit, but he just shrugged. "Okay, we won't be too obvious about it. Kyoutani, play dumb about it all because I don't want you to ruin anything," Oikawa had said.

Right then, there was a knock at the door before the door had opened up. "Hey hey hey!" a voice had said, and everyone looked towards the door to see that it was Kuroo and Daichi. Suga had to pretend that he didn't see the way Daichi and Kuroo were holding hands and Daichi had pulled his hand away a few seconds too late before they got inside. Asahi and Noya were following right behind the pair, and they showed up with only two minutes before three.

"See, this is when people are supposed to show up when they are invited over, nearly on time is better than fifteen minutes early," Oikawa said as he rose an eyebrow to his friends. "But anyway, it's nice to see you guys. And Kuroo, it's been a while. How's life?" Oikawa asked with a smile.

This right here was a little bit weird for Sugawara to be experiencing right then, because Oikawa was just being friendly and he was trying too hard to act normally, which was causing the boy to behave just a little on the abnormal side. "It's going well enough, Oikawa. By the way, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Yours too, Suga it is?" Kuroo had looked right at Suga, and Suga had to give Daichi a look. How was it that Kuroo knew who he was?

"We're managing, but thank you, Kuroo." Oikawa had taken a breath after he spoke and everyone started to converse quietly. Something about the way that Oikawa was looking at everyone told Suga that Oikawa really wasn't holding together very well.

It took a moment for everyone to settle down, but once they were all seated and just chatting, Oikawa spoke up again. "Hey guys, I was... I know we are all excited to get this game night started, but I was... I was thinking that maybe... we could just..." Oikawa had to stop to take a breath. Suga wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled the man a little closer. "I thought that we could have a little moment... and I don't expect all of you to say anything, but we could just... say things we remembered about Iwa that are nice before we get started, maybe?" Oikawa asked the group as he looked around at everyone.

The room had quieted up, and Suga was wondering where that random flip of moods had come from. Oikawa didn't want to think about Iwaizumi before, but now he wanted to talk about him. It was dizzying to try to keep up with.

That was when someone had spoken up though, and the room flipped their eyes to Noya in the middle of the room. "Okay, so... I'll start. I had only really known Iwaizumi through friends, and from everything I had heard, he seemed to be like a really good guy. I mean, I remember some of my friends saying things that made him come across as a little stubborn and maybe a bit hotheaded? But Iwaizumi always seemed to come around or learn from his experiences. He was a good guy, so maybe that stubbornness was a good thing," Noya had said.

That was a complete surprise, simply because Suga wasn't aware that Noya even knew of Iwaizumi. He had thought that the smaller man would just shrink away from the conversation completely. That was when Oikawa smiled a watery smile to Noya and he nodded though. "Yeah, he was hotheaded, but... god he was a good man."

"He really was, when he wasn't obsessing over his food recipes. I mean, he wasn't even going to a culinary school, so why was he so wrapped up in cooking anyway? But you know what that told me? Iwaizumi was really passionate about things, and he was just super into it all. It didn't seem to matter what it was, either. He could get passionate about... a pair of socks. I actually remember him getting worked up over a pair of your shoes, Tooru. It was that pair of new volleyball shoes you got, and he was just super into shoes for a week," Hanamaki had said and the group had laughed over that bit for a little while.

When there was a quiet moment, Daichi had chosen to speak up a bit. "I really didn't know him either, but I do have to say that he... and you too, Oikawa, but he had to be a good man if you two managed to get Sugawara to commit to you. Not that Suga wouldn't commit, but Suga wouldn't let himself get involved with someone that wasn't a good person, so he had to be a good person. Kind, and thoughtful... Those are all the things that Suga needs in a person, so you both had to have that if you managed to get Suga," Daichi said and Kuroo nodded. Daichi was slowly leaning a little against Kuroo, and it made Suga smile to see the interactions between the two boys. He just hoped Kuroo was good for Daichi.

Kyoutani spoke up next and he said something about he was a hard worker, even if he didn't want to work hard. All Asahi had to say was that he had to be a good lover for Suga to care that he was gone. Mattsun spoke up for another moment, and he spoke about the love that he had for Suga and Oikawa in that moment. Suga and Oikawa were just lucky to have had him in their life.

It had been another hour before the room had gone quiet, and before Suga had turned to look at Oikawa. He didn't care what anyone had to say about too much affection right then, but he just needed this right now. He leaned in to kiss Tooru, and he held his face between his palms, just soaking up the all love while he had the chance. When he pulled away, Suga sniffled a bit. "All of my fond memories of Iwa had you in them too, so you know about all of them... But I loved both of you equally... Are you doing okay?" Suga had asked.

Sniffling, Oikawa shrugged for a moment. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm good. But uh... I'm sorry, I just... Fuck, I miss him..." Oikawa said as he leaned his head against Suga for a moment.

While Suga held onto Oikawa, he could see how all of the couples had been either embracing in a kiss, or just holding onto one another. It looked like Daichi wasn't going to need and encouragement to get together with Kuroo right then, because the two boys were holding onto one another, clearly feeling moved from the conversation in the room. It seemed like this whole thing had set the entire group into a bit of a mood. But in all honesty, now that this was over with, the games could actually begin.

The games had started, and while they started out rather quiet and glum, the mood had slowly started to turn around and became more enjoyable as they laughed through things. Oikawa struggled through the whole thing and Suga wished there was something he could do to change the mood just a little, but this was going to be their life for a little while longer.

The depression had continued on for quiet some time, even after the game night had ended and Oikawa and Suga sent everyone home. They didn't really have to send people home, but the time of night had told everyone they needed to go once they were sober enough to drive safely. Suga wouldn't let anyone drive if they were still feeling the alcohol. Daichi was definitely feeling the alcohol and Kuroo laughed, saying he would get Daichi home because he was such a lightweight.

Once everyone left, Suga and Oikawa started to look back into their college things. They were trying their best, but nothing really seemed to be right. There was always that looming cloud over their heads that told them that not everything was okay, and it kept on reminding them that something was wrong. The sun had never been out fully in their minds. It would take another month or two for the depression to start to fade, but each boy was just doing their best to work through what they could remember to be normal. They would eventually go back to school, and they would eventually have to start to conform back into the world.

It would definitely be hard, but the boys would eventually have to move on from the depression and go on to live their lives. They couldn't continue to live their lives in sadness anymore. They couldn't continue to be sad about this loss for the rest of their lives.

When the time came, each boy knew that they would have to start to make changes. It was difficult, but it was something they each had to do. They would make it out of this alive, no matter how little they actually wanted to without Iwaizumi.


	17. Stage Five - Acceptance (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the wait on this! I was working on a fluff week event for a different ship and my regular chapter fics didn't get any love while I was working on those one shots. But now I am back to my regular writing!
> 
> Just a warning, I also may not update as quickly coming soon once again, as I am going back to college. So please do not anticipate a new chapter in two weeks like normal. I am sorry about that. I hope you enjoy this chapter though! The end is in sight.

In certain situations and particular instances, sometimes things may need to be perceived as a large picture, or things may need to be looked at in different ways and from different angles to be understood. Sometimes, things need to be considered at whole to be deemed as decent or to be good enough. While sometimes, things do need to be picked through and examined at a molecular level and sometimes things need to be finely considered, not everything needs to be looked at in such a deep fashion.

When it comes to grief and when it comes to losing a loved one, the person who lost said loved one wants to look at the situation they are in with a magnifying glass, and they want to get answers to all of the questions they have about why this happened, about why their loved one isn't with them anymore, and so on. Wouldn't anyone want answers to why it all happened and why their loved one had been ripped away from them at that point? Doesn't the person grieving deserve answers to any of their questions after losing a significant part of their life?

After consideration and after said person has determined that looking at the situation they are in so closely isn't going to change anything at all and they will no longer get any type of satisfaction for continuously thinking about the situation at hand, they go through something that is called acceptance.

People know what acceptance means. By definition, it means that someone has acknowledged a situation or event, and they have deemed said event or situation's outcome to be a suitable or adequate outcome. It could be the acceptance into a group or to go to a party, or it could be the acceptance of something new happening in someone's life that isn't always a good thing, such as accepting that a favorite sweater has been lost or a treasured music album has been damaged. 

While at most situations, acceptance is perceived as a good thing, this is not always the case. Sometimes acceptance can happen in terrible situations, not just superficial. Someone may have to accept that they have cancer and they want to fight the cancer. Someone else may have to accept that their dog has run away from home and has gone missing.

Acceptance in the situation of grieving after losing a loved one is almost always a negative thing. It just simply means that they have deemed the situation outcome of losing their loved one to be suitable or adequate, so they can continue to live their life. It definitely doesn't have to be something they've acknowledged as good, but they've simply accepted it to be a fact.

Grieving is never a good thing, and it never has to be looked at as such. But there comes a time when the grief has to stop. There comes a time when the pain and suffering has to come to an end so life can continue to happen and new events can take place.

Life was always moving forward, it just takes the acceptance to realize that it has been continuing all along.

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_Wow. It's been a long few weeks, hasn't it? I don't think I've experienced a longer span of time than this right here. It's possible that I have, but in my memory, I can't quite see where I have gone through something more difficult. Iwa-Chan, have I-... Oh, that's right. He's not here. Suga-Chan, have I-... wait. Sorry Suga, you wouldn't know. I know you want to know about these things, but you just haven't been in my life long enough to know it all. It's just something I'll have to get through, I guess. I don't like it. I don't have to like it. But life has to go on at some point. I'm done with being sad all the time. I'm done with feeling depression and anger and I am definitely done saying that he's not gone. I know he's gone. I know the truth of the matter. I have moved on and I want to live my life, whether he is here or not. Or well... maybe I haven't moved on completely, but I want to. I was sad for long enough, so it's time to go back to not being sad. It's time to continue moving forward._

\----------

The apartment was very quiet at the given moment. Though, if someone were to walk into the apartment and knew the situation at hand, they wouldn't say the apartment was quiet at all. They would say the apartment was very loud, even though there was no sound going on.

That was all Oikawa's doing. He was sitting in the apartment, staring ahead at his computer screen, and there were tears running down his cheeks. Suga wasn't there at the moment, or Suga would be there to help Oikawa with the emotions he was feeling.

Oikawa was all alone.

Breaking the silence in the room, Oikawa let out a groan of frustration as he threw his head back against the couch cushion. He then looked back at the computer screen and he blinked at it, wiping the tears away from his eyes and shaking his head.

When the door to the apartment opened up, Oikawa didn't bother to look up. He knew that it was Suga, so what was the point at looking up at him? He just continued to look at his computer screen and he started to scroll down on the screen, adjusting the page. "Hey, what's up?" Suga asked as he shrugged off his jacket and set down his bag, coming over to Oikawa and taking a seat on the couch.

In that moment, the two boys shared a gentle, brief kiss before Suga pulled back and looked at Oikawa in the eyes, furrowing his brow. "You've been crying. What's up?" Suga asked, biting on his lip gently and reaching for Oikawa's hand to pull onto his lap.

Taking a breath, Oikawa shook his head in attempt to collect his thoughts. "Oh, just... you know, I can't seem to catch a break with these online classes. I got my last grade back for the essay I submitted and it wasn't the best grade. I got a B on it..." Oikawa said as he looked back at the computer screen and started to scroll through his grades a little more. "They just don't get how hard it is for me..."

Letting out a sigh, Suga reached to push the laptop screen down. "Well, that's not a terrible grade. They do get it. They understand. You just have to ask them for help or to cut you a break," Suga said as he got Oikawa to look back at him. "It was also a very rough decision you made to start taking online courses instead of being on campus. Maybe for next semester, you might want to look back at taking classes on campus? I know how you feel about that, but I can help you through, babe," Suga said quietly.

"But it's just the idea of being around somewhere that..." Oikawa stopped himself and he took a breath. "You know what? Maybe I should. We've gone back to that grocery store, we've visited his grave... so it should be okay for me to go back on campus." With a huff and finally a smile, he reached to put his laptop on the coffee table and he then reached to pull Suga against him in a quick matter.

With a bit of a squeal, Suga started to laugh at Oikawa. "What was that for?" he asked as he looked up at Oikawa, leaned against Oikawa's side. That was when the brunet slid down on the couch and pulled Suga down with him, so Suga was laying down against his chest and on top of him. They would have had to situate their legs if they really wanted to be comfortable like this.

A hum left Oikawa's lips and the two boys looked at one another. "I don't know. You just look extra cute today with your tan sweater and your jeans. I didn't think you'd ever wear those," Oikawa said with a grin. The two boys stared into one another's eyes and they smiled at one another before they connected their lips again. This time, the kiss lingered and was more than a greeting kiss. They continued their lip-locking motion for quite a while, and the boys finally pulled back for some air. "How was class today?" Oikawa asked when they had regained their breaths.

Shrugging, Suga started to trace his finger across Oikawa's clothed chest and he finally met Oikawa's eyes. "It was okay. No tests or anything, just had to hand in my homework and the lectures were normal. Nothing exciting happened," Sugawara said.

Eventually, the two boys pulled apart and Suga had sat up. Oikawa followed him and that was when Suga noticed a change in the atmospheric mood. "I was... wondering," Oikawa started, not looking up at Suga and keeping his gaze down. "Do you think we can go visit his grave today...? It's been two months now today, and... I'd like to go say 'hello' and everything," Oikawa said as he looked back up to meet Suga's eyes.

They were staring into each other's eyes and they were both searching for something from the other. What they were searching for, neither of them knew. But they were searching nonetheless. After a moment, Suga smiled a sad smile and he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, I don't have to get my homework done until tomorrow night anyway, and I have off tonight. So... that might be a good idea. We can definitely go visit him," Suga said with a breath.

It had been two months since the death. Only a month and a half since the funeral had happened, but they owed it to Hajime to go visit him. Granted, Hajime would be mad at both of them for not just living their lives and he would be upset that they were still thinking about him. But Hajime would just have to roll in his grave then, as the two boys wanted to go visit his stone. "We should pick up some flowers," Oikawa suggested, taking a bit of a breath.

Agreeing to the statement, Suga nodded and thought it would be a great idea to go pick up some flowers. "We can go print out that picture we took last weekend too and we can put it with the flowers. He would like that, don't you think?" Suga asked.

Nodding in return, the two boys started to go get ready for their trip to go visit Iwaizumi.

This wouldn't be the first time that the two boys had visited Iwaizumi's grave. The first month, the two boys were a mess and wanted to go see his stone every single day. They started to relax after a while and they hadn't been to visit his stone in nearly three weeks. So it was starting to get better for the two boys, definitely. They were a long way away from being perfectly okay with everything, but they were definitely managing.

After a while, the two boys had finally gotten ready. They had printed up the picture they wanted to bring with them, and they went down to a floral shop to pick flowers to place on the grave. While neither of the boys could remember exact meanings behind the flowers they chose with the help of the shop owner, they knew that it would still be a very nice gesture. They picked a few roses to symbolize their love for Hajime, as well as a few forget-me-nots to represent the positive memories they had with him. They had many other flowers in the wreath they had decided to pick up, and they took both a wreath and a bouquet with them to take to his grave. They put the picture inside the bouquet and Suga had thought enough to bring a picture with him of the three boys. It was one of three pictures they had of all three of them, and while it might not be the best picture, it was still a picture of all three of them. It was the thought that counted for this.

As they approached the graveyard, the two boys took a breath to steady their collective emotions, and they found the tree that was in the yard and where Hajime's stone was close to. Apparently, some others had been by to visit the stone lately, as the bed where he was buried had more flowers and other things laying on top. Neither Suga nor Oikawa remembered there being this much at his grave, but they certainly thought he deserved it.

Finally, the two boys were ready with their wreath and their bouquet, and they stood there with one another, just staring down at the grave. "Hey, Iwa-Chan..." Oikawa murmured quietly as he stepped forward, letting go of Suga's hand as he moved forward and he set down the bouquet of flowers before he approached the stone slowly and hesitantly. "I miss you, babe. I miss you a lot. I know I tell you that every time I come to visit, but it's true..." Oikawa said. Suga followed slowly after him, but he let Oikawa have his space with Iwaizumi. He knew the boy needed it. 

"So I want to tell you that I'm doing okay. Well, as okay as I can be doing while you're not here. I know this wasn't your choice, and I know you want to be here right now, but really... I'm doing okay. Suga helps so much and he's wonderful. You're missing out. You've missed a lot. I'm back at school finally and the second semester has started for the year. I'm doing online classes, which was a big mistake because I just can't focus all of my energy on school this way. I should have tried to go back to campus. Suga tried to tell me, and you would have known..."

It was very difficult for Suga to hear all the things that Oikawa was saying, as it was difficult to know that Iwaizumi, their lover and their boy, would never be back with them again. Their man was watching over them, and would always be with them in spirit, but he would never be physically with them again. All they had left was his memory. "You didn't know you wouldn't be able to do it this way. You're being too hard on yourself," Suga said gently as he moved closer to his boyfriend, putting his arm around Oikawa's waist. He took in a shaky breath, trying his best not to get too emotional about all of this right now. It wasn't likely to work, but he was going to try regardless.

It seemed that Oikawa was doing his best to do the same and not become too emotional. It wasn't working too well, but he had definitely made great strides in the time that he had spent. "I know... He would have known I couldn't do it, but he wasn't here to tell me. I should just start asking myself 'what would Iwa-Chan do?' before I do anything. Except for kissing you, because I already know he'd be okay with me kissing you. Or I should just listen to you," Oikawa said.

Right then, Oikawa leaned down and connected his lips to Suga's lips and they shared a loving kiss. It wasn't exactly hesitant, but Oikawa wasn't putting his usual amount of effort into it. It was just a stressful moment for the two boys as they were standing in front of Hajime's headstone. 

When Oikawa pulled back, the two boys stood with one another for a moment and Oikawa continued to hold Sugawara close to him. Suga stayed in his embrace and he took a deep breath in, smelling Oikawa's body spray and his cologne. It was very nice, and he found himself getting entranced by it. But Oikawa was just standing there with him, until he took his own breath and made a sound. "Think he liked watching that? Think he liked seeing us kissing and holding each other?" Oikawa asked in a teasing voice. There was still a little emotion behind his voice still that Suga had a difficult time placing, but Oikawa was doing his best to find the good in this moment.

Taking a moment, Suga looked at the headstone. "I don't know, did you like that Hajime?" Suga asked, speaking towards the headstone as if Hajime were actually there right then.

It seemed that Hajime was listening, because it was right then that a gust of wind seemed to brush around the boys. The two boys were pushed together in order to keep warm and they were holding each other closer. "Okay, okay! We get it, you liked it," Oikawa said to the headstone. As though it was magic in the air around the two boys, the wind stopped. While it was probably just a coincidence, the two boys still laughed at the fact that they were talking to the headstone right when the wind started to blow. "I love you, Suga. I really, truly do. I also love you, Hajime," Oikawa said to the headstone. Suga let out a bit of a giggling laugh, nodding in agreement.

They looked at one another and their eyes locked onto each other's. They were sharing a conversation, and while it was not verbalized, they both knew what they were saying while sharing that look. Each boy was making sure the other was okay, and making sure that they could handle being there for a little while longer. "I love you too. And... you know, it's okay if you get emotional. It's okay to... to not be okay, especially for this. It's not like it's been _that_ long," Suga said quietly, rubbing his hands over Oikawa's sides.

Shaking his head, Oikawa let out a sigh. "I am okay. It's... it's not okay that he's gone, but... I know that he's not coming back anymore. I know that... I can't just throw away my own life. I have so much to live for. I have _you_ to live for. And you're always here for me when I'm not okay, so... I'm okay. I have more than enough support and I can continue living," Oikawa said. His eyes were watery and they were screaming that he wasn't actually okay, but he was trying his best to be, so Suga was going to support him through all of this.

Nodding slowly, Suga smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. But Oikawa had different thoughts in mind and he connected their lips together instead. They shared another kiss and while they were kissing, the wind began to blow again, keeping the two boys together to stay warm once more. They smiled and laughed a bit, but the wind did finally stop blowing when they stopped kissing and pulled back a little. Their hands were connected, and they looked back down at the headstone one more time.

The wreath and the flowers did not go unforgotten. Suga reached for the wreath he placed down by the headstone and he mounted it on the stone, while Oikawa took the bouquet of flowers and took a breath. "I love you so much, Hajime. You are always going to be missed," Suga said quietly as Oikawa placed the bouquet down by their feet, close to the stone.

Stepping back, the two boys looked over the stone and nodded, confirming that they were ready to leave, but then Suga took a moment and he looked over at Oikawa for a brief minute before he started to crouch down. He was apparently in a very particular mood and he wasn't actually ready to leave just yet, but it just felt right at the given moment. He bowed his head and he folded his hands. He was praying at the time and Oikawa noted this.

Not wanting to interrupt him, Oikawa slowly crouched down next to Sugawara as well, joining him in praying. It wasn't something that Oikawa would have normally done, but he did it out of respect for both Suga and for Iwaizumi. He also felt a bit more connected to Suga at that moment, so that was definitely a good thing that they had stayed to do this.

After a few minutes, Suga had lifted his head and looked forward to the stone with tears streaming down his face, dampening his cheeks. "Okay, I feel better now... We don't have to stay for much longer..." Suga murmured quietly. "I don't know why I wanted to do that, but... I was in a mood apparently."

As he looked over at Oikawa, he realized that Oikawa still had his head bowed. He gasped internally and he let Oikawa finish up his own praying and quiet moment for Iwaizumi, because Oikawa had done the same for him. It only took a minute or so more, but Oikawa finally looked up to Sugawara with damp cheeks and a halfhearted smile. "I feel better too. But we can definitely go back home," Oikawa whispered.

Helping one another stand up, the two boys started to leave. Each of them had looked back at the stone while they walked, but they couldn't turn around now. They couldn't go back and they certainly weren't going to stay there longer and dwell on the things they couldn't have anymore or what wasn't going to change.

"You know, I'm starting to realize something," Oikawa said quietly as they started to walk back to the train station and towards the platform.

With very curious eyes and becoming interested in what his boy had to say, Suga tilted his head as they waited for the train. "What are you realizing?" Sugawara asked quietly, pulling Oikawa's hand up and pressing a kiss to the back of his knuckles before letting it drop.

When Oikawa didn't respond right away, Suga started to examine and study Oikawa's face. It seemed as though whatever it was that Oikawa was going to bring up wasn't exactly a happy thing to be bringing up. "As much... a-as much as I love Iwa-Chan... And fuck, I'd hate for him to hear this if he's listening from wherever he is... But as much as I love him... I think... Fuck, I don't want you to take this the wrong way either... Shit, never mind," Oikawa murmured as he looked down to their connected hands.

This seemed to be a very emotional thing for Oikawa to have brought up. It was definitely not easy for him, since he couldn't even continue saying what it was that he wanted to say and he couldn't keep looking at Suga. "You don't have to talk about whatever it was you wanted to tell me, but just know that I am always going to be here, so you can always tell me anything," Suga said. Their hands were still connected together and the two boys were just holding the other's hand, but Oikawa had started to fiddle with Suga's fingers.

With a nod, Oikawa acknowledged what Suga had said. "I feel comfortable talking to you about anything, really, but... I don't know if this is how I really feel, or if I'm just emotional from today..." Oikawa murmured. He brought his eyes up to meet Suga's eyes and he swallowed a bit. That told Suga that Oikawa was really unsure about a lot of things in this situation, so he was definitely not going to push Oikawa to talk about this.

"That's okay. You don't have to know how you feel. You don't have to understand it, but just know I'm here whenever you want to talk about it or whenever you feel like you can't handle any more of what this is. Okay?" Suga said.

Suga had taken Oikawa's admission to be very brave, and he wasn't going to discourage any of the emotions that Oikawa was feeling. That was when Oikawa nodded his head once again and the two boys came to an understanding. "Wh-what I was going to say... Hajime was enough for me, but I am a very... I just need so much out of a relationship. I need more than what Hajime was giving me, and you... you kind of filled those holes. He was brilliant and absolutely amazing for me, but... but you filled the things that he couldn't give to me..." Oikawa murmured as their train started to pull into the station.

The two boys started to walk to where their train was going stop and they waited for it to empty before they boarded the train, standing by one of the windows and Suga held onto one of the poles while he held onto Oikawa's hand as well. "I get that. Not that I'd be okay with adding someone else to our relationship right at this very moment, but... when you start to feel like you need more just like you felt you needed more with Hajime, so you wanted to add me, just tell me and we can start to look together for someone else to add," Sugawara murmured.

Shaking his head, Oikawa took a deep breath. "No, no, I don't think that's what I really need. I think all I need... Is you, actually..." Oikawa murmured but he kept his eyes away from Suga. They didn't lock glances at all at the time. "I don't think that I can handle having someone else there anymore... One, it... It was too much to have to go through losing one of you. Even if I don't lose someone else if we were to add someone else, I just don't think I could handle more of that. And two... I don't know that I was actually poly from the beginning. I think that... even though Hajime and myself were really good together, I just didn't quite feel right with him. I loved him, and he was doing as much as he could, but I just... I don't think he could be everything I needed."

When Oikawa said that, Suga took a breath and he shook his head a bit. He was trying his best not to think about the situation he was in with Oikawa right now and he was doing his best not to think that Oikawa was just going to drop him. But it was hard. If Hajime wasn't enough, there was no way that Suga was enough. Was there? "Okay," Suga murmured softly as he kept his own eyes away from Oikawa and focused towards the ground.

Hearing the tone in Suga's voice, Oikawa gasped and he used his other hand to try to reach for Suga's face and tilt it up. Suga did eventually look up. "Babe, babe no... Suga, I love you so fucking much. I'm not saying that you're not going to be enough for me. What I'm saying is... I'm screwed up, and I really just need a lot from my relationships. But you provide... you give me more than enough, and I am so thankful to have you here for that exact reason."

There was a sound of doubt that left Suga's lips, but he finally looked at Oikawa and have him a confused look with tears pricked in the corners of his eyes. "I can't imagine that I am even close to being enough if Hajime wasn't enough, but okay..." Suga murmured quietly, and he felt his own inadequacies start to haunt him. He honestly just didn't feel like he could possibly be enough for what Oikawa was looking for.

With a sigh, Oikawa broke his gaze with Suga and he let out his own gentle sigh. "This is why I wasn't going to say anything. I really just don't know how I feel about all of this..." he mumbled and he went back to looking out the train window.

Others were talking around them, but it was silent between the two boys for the rest of the ride. They exited the train and they started to walk their way towards the apartment. Neither of them had really been saying anything, and neither of them were emotionally stable at the moment to hold a conversation. They both just needed a good cry and eventually, all of this would be over with. But for right now, the mutual feeling between the two boys was just good enough to sit in silence and mull in their own emotions.

Sitting in the bedroom so Oikawa could have the living room, Suga started on his homework, trying to focus on something other than the emotions he had felt from the rest of the day. "Suga...?" Oikawa spoke from the bedroom door after a couple of hours. There were unspoken words happening between the two right then. They could see each other's face, body language they were each displaying, and they were both radiating emotions.

Walking into the room and settling onto the bed, Oikawa took a breath and he looked at Suga's face, searching for something. Suga wasn't sure what Oikawa was looking for, but he could tell that Oikawa was upset. It definitely had to do with whatever it was that Oikawa was feeling earlier, though. At the very least, Suga was assuming that it had to do with their earlier discussion on the train. "Yeah, babe?"

With a deep breath, Oikawa shook his head a little. "Listen, I don't... I really don't understand what I'm feeling. I don't get why I'm going through all of this and I just want to get back to feeling okay again... I love you so much, and I really don't want to lose you. And you know... You honestly, truly are... you're more than enough. I can't see myself with anyone else. The only person I could see other than you being here is Hajime, and... Well, that's not going to happen because he's... Fuck, he's gone..." Oikawa said with a squeak of Hajime being gone.

Tears were streaming down Oikawa's face once again. Suga felt his chest tighten at seeing Oikawa getting so emotional here. Taking his words to heart, Suga thought about it for a moment and he realized just how terrible he had been to Oikawa, and this wasn't going to solve anything at all. Fighting over if Oikawa really loved him enough or whether or not he was actually enough for him was only going to cause more stress between the two boys. "I think I get it, Oikawa... I'm... sorry that I didn't believe you before and just assumed I wasn't enough, but I think I really have a lot to work on mentally," Suga said with a breath. "I've accepted that he's gone, I've accepted that we have so much to think about between the two of us. But... you know what? I just think I need more time to get fully over all of this. I think I really just... need a little more time to be completely okay. Sure, it happened, and sure, I've made peace with the fact that he's not coming back. But... I just need more time."

The two boys looked at one another and they sighed gently before they leaned in closer. "I can give you more time. I think I need more time too... I need to really figure out exactly what I need and when I figure that out, I will tell you," Oikawa murmured. "I really, really love you though. You are definitely more than enough..." Oikawa met Suga's eyes and they leaned in for a kiss after they felt enough time had passed while looking at one another.

Kissing Oikawa was definitely what Suga had needed. He could feel the way Oikawa was drawing him in for the kiss, and Suga could tell that Oikawa really did love him. Suga loved Oikawa too, and honestly he didn't know what he would do without Oikawa at the time. He certainly did need Oikawa in his life and he didn't want to lose him at any time. "I love you too," Suga said after their kiss when they pulled back for air. The two boy smiled at one another, even though they were still emotional. They knew that they couldn't live life without one another, no matter what they faced.

As they started to go about their own business again, Oikawa brought his laptop into the bedroom and started to work on his own school work, sitting next to his lovely boyfriend. Right after Oikawa had gotten settled into bed and started to work, the two boys felt a buzzing, so they looked down at the mattress between them and looked to see which phone it was that was ringing. It was Suga's phone, so he reached down for it to see who had been calling.

"Daichi? What's up?" Suga asked into his phone when he answered it. Usually, Daichi didn't call Suga unless something was wrong, or if he had asked Suga in a text if he could call first. "You're on speaker," Suga said after he had put Daichi on speaker. "Oikawa can hear you, I hope that's okay," Suga said as he held out the phone from his mouth.

A groan was produced from Suga's phone speaker from Daichi, and Suga winced a bit. "That's fine, I just... Sorry I called you out of the blue, but I just... I'm worried about Tetsu. He's just... Fuck, he's been gone all day and he isn't answering his phone. He was supposed to be home by now..." Suga looked at Oikawa with a raised eyebrow and Oikawa looked at Suga's phone, focusing on Daichi at the moment.

That was when Oikawa took a breath. "What was he doing today? Was he at work? Is it possible he got caught up at work?" Oikawa asked into the phone. It was honestly a relief to Suga that Oikawa had been talking to Daichi without having any kind of issues with the man. He had certainly made a lot of progress over the last couple of months. Now, it seemed like Oikawa was willing to help Daichi through things, rather than dismiss his issues as being something that Suga could deal with.

Not that Daichi ever really had a lot of problems, but the relationship between Oikawa and Daichi had definitely grown stronger and healthier. "He has a really strict schedule where they won't let him stay late or let him come in early for extra pay, so if he stayed, he's not getting paid for it..." Daichi said with a sigh.

Honestly, this was a really something that Oikawa and Suga needed at the moment. They needed something else to focus on so they could relax a bit and be distracted. "Is it possible his phone is dead? Or maybe he left it at work?" Suga asked as he bit his lips. Oikawa moved closer to Suga and leaned his head against Suga's shoulder, looking at the phone, even though they couldn't actually see Daichi.

"I mean, I guess he could have left it at work. But even if he did, he should have been home by now and he is-... I think I just heard his beat up car pull up in the driveway, hold on," Daichi said.

Rolling his eyes and snickering a bit, Oikawa looked up to Suga after lifting his head and smiled to the boy. "I have something to tell you," Oikawa whispered.

Suga gave Oikawa a confused look, and he rose an eyebrow, but he would wait until he was off the phone with Daichi to figure out what had actually happened. "Yeah, that's him. I'm going to kill him when he gets inside. Sorry for worrying you," Daichi said. "Talk to you later guys, bye," Daichi murmured.

After the line disconnected, Oikawa and Suga laughed just a little bit. "Poor Daichi. But I don't blame him for worrying," Suga said as he pulled Oikawa a little closer to him, flush against him so the two boys were touching at more than just their shoulders. "What did you have to tell me?"

With a bit of a hum, Oikawa looked up to Suga and smirked a bit. "I know why Kuroo was late. I also know they haven't been officially in a relationship for even three months yet, but Kuroo is going to propose to Daichi tonight," he said as he licked his lips.

A wide-eyed stare sat on Suga's face. His mouth hung open with a gaping jaw as he eyed Oikawa. "You're kidding..." Suga said with a bit of a disbelieving laugh. "There's no way Kuroo is proposing to Daichi already. You're just making me freak out for no reason," Suga said as he nudged Oikawa a bit, letting out another laugh. But when Oikawa shrugged his shoulders and his smile faded a bit, Suga went back to staring at his boyfriend in confusion. "You have to be kidding..." Suga said in a squeak.

Another shrug happened and Oikawa looked at Suga. "Kuroo told me he was going to propose as soon as he picked up the ring from the jewelers. He had it all picked out, so I don't think that he was lying about proposing. He told me that he might phrase it more as a promise to Daichi, but... he was certainly thinking about it. So it could just turn into a promise ring. But... your best friend might be getting married soon," Oikawa said with a smile.

This entire thing was moving way too fast for Suga and he shook his head out of pure disbelief. Oikawa let out a laugh. "Give it an hour. I'm sure you're one of the first few people that Daichi will call," Oikawa said quietly as he sat up and pulled his laptop back on his lap so he could work on his school assignments.

That was when Suga had scoffed and he shook his head. "There's no way Kuroo is proposing yet. It seriously hasn't been long enough. They just moved in together a few weeks ago... They only had sex a month ago for the first time, and..." Suga was trying to make justification for Kuroo not proposing to Daichi just yet. He was running out of ideas and out of things to make excuses for him, but he just didn't want to believe that Daichi was going to be getting married this soon.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with Kuroo. Hell, Kuroo was one of the best boyfriends that Daichi had ever had. But it was still a bit of a blow crusher for Sugawara, as he was one of the boyfriends that Daichi had hidden from his parents when he still hadn't come out to his parents when they were in a relationship. Now that Daichi had come out to them, and now that he was with Kuroo though, it made Suga wonder about the past.

Though, he wouldn't want to change anything about the past the more he thought about it. If he changed anything at all, it would be when he told Oikawa and Iwaizumi that they couldn't come into his apartment that night. He would let them come in, so Iwaizumi would still be alive. He would have made that change. But he wouldn't change anything about his past with Daichi, as it was long gone now.

While he was happy for Daichi and he enjoyed their time together, Suga was just glad to have Daichi in his life as a friend. He was glad that Daichi stuck around in his life for that exact reason. When Suga went back to working on his assignment, Oikawa worked on his own. They helped each other with their assignments and they made cute comments to one another, kissing each other occasionally on the cheek to give reminders of them still being there.

As Suga finished up his assignment, he took a breath. "We should go have dinner. And it's been an hour and a half. I haven't heard anything from Daichi. You were just pulling my chain," Suga said as he climbed out of bet.

Letting out a bit of a laugh, Oikawa followed after him. "Or maybe they are in bed, celebrating their engagement," he said. While Oikawa did have a good point, Suga didn't want to believe that his best friend was about to get engaged. He really just didn't want to believe it. Even though it was a very happy moment and he was happy for his best friend, Oikawa was known to play jokes on Suga like this and get him riled up for no reason at all.

"Yeah, I think you're just joking." Suga kept his phone with him as he went to the kitchen and pulled out a few of the containers they had from left overs in the fridge. He had to focus on something else so he didn't hit Oikawa for lying to him. "We have the chicken stir fry that we should eat up before it goes bad. Or we have the ribs... We also have the pasta... I don't want to make anything new when we have so many leftovers."

Agreeing, Oikawa took the stir fry and opened the container. He sniffed it and he made a bit of a face before he shook his head. "The stir fry is bad. We can do the ribs and pasta though," Oikawa said as he went to the garbage to dump the food out that had gone bad in their fridge. 

As Suga focused on dinner and reheating their food so they could eat, his phone started to buzz from his pocket. Oikawa smirked when he turned around to face Suga and Suga blinked as he looked at his phone. "Shit... It's Daichi. You weren't fucking kidding?" Suga asked before he answered his phone. "Was it him?" Suga asked into the phone as he continued to mess with the microwave.

Freezing, Suga stood with another wide-eyed look and his jaw gaped once again after listening to Daichi through his phone speaker. "Are... holy shit, Dai! You're... Actually getting married?" Suga asked into the phone as he turned to Oikawa with such a confused look. Oikawa motioned to turn on the speaker so he could hear. "You're going on speaker so Oikawa can hear. But how did he do it?"

Taking a breath, Daichi seemed like he was winded already. "That's the funny part! I was giving him shit for being late and not answering his phone. I was still making passive comments about it when I was serving dinner and he just... he sighed and he was like 'do you really want to know why I was late?' and I nodded but I didn't look at him. And... Fuck, when I finally turned to look at him, because he wasn't speaking, I realized he had gotten down on one knee..." Daichi said.

The emotions were very obvious in his voice, and Suga squeaked a bit. "So he made you mad and he proposed to you that way? What a fucking shit!" Suga said as he rolled his eyes, but he had a smile on his face. "I'm going to want to see this ring. You'll both have to come over to celebrate soon," Suga said. Oikawa nodded in agreement. He would want the two to come over too.

A smile crossed Oikawa's face too. "Congratulations, Daichi. I'm happy the two of you are making this decision for your life. You two will be happy together," Oikawa said as he winked to Suga.

His boyfriend was such a shit, Suga was thinking. "Oh, and thank you for keeping it a secret, Oikawa," Kuroo said through the line. "Daichi put you guys on speaker," he said and there was a collective laugh from Suga and Daichi. They both wanted to share the conversation with their boys, because there was no secret between any of them. Or at the very least, there shouldn't be any secrets. "I asked Oikawa what kind of ring he would get you, Suga, because I wanted an opinion over what kind of ring to get Daichi."

Tensing up, Oikawa gave an awkward smile to Suga as he let out a laugh. "I'm glad I could help. You do like the ring, right Dai?" Oikawa asked curiously, fidgeting a bit with the plates he had in his hand.

There was a bit of whispering happening through the phone and Suga was getting very suspicious here. What was happening? "Yes, I do like the ring. It looks very nice. And no, Suga. You don't have to worry. Oikawa's not going to propose. At least not that we know of, and not right this very second we are hoping," Daichi said through the line.

It was as if Daichi knew what Suga was going to be worried about. It was as if Daichi knew that Suga was worried about Oikawa proposing to him out of the excitement of Kuroo proposing to Daichi. "What made you decide to propose, Kuroo?" Suga asked quietly and the two boys went to go sit at the table, not worried about dinner at the given moment. They could worry about dinner soon. There was just too much excitement happening to worry about eating.

With a breath, Kuroo made a sound that neither boy could decipher as being good or bad. "Well, it just... feels right. I couldn't see myself being without him, and I really love him. I know it hasn't been long, but we're getting older and I feel like when you know it's right, you kind of know and you just have to make a move before someone else does," Kuroo said.

That was true, Suga figured. They weren't that old, but they certainly weren't that young either. They were young adults, none of them had reached their thirties yet, but time wasn't just going to freeze. "Yeah, I get it. You two really are good together. I'm glad you've found each other," Suga said.

When a silence fell over the boys, Daichi let out a sigh. "I just wanted to tell you the news. I'm sure we will keep you updated on the wedding and all of that, too. Have a nice night, guys," Daichi said.

The line disconnected and Suga looked at Oikawa with a smile. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I guess I'll just have to believe you a little more often. But that doesn't mean you can play more tricks on me," Suga warned as he stood up.

This was exactly what the two boys needed from one another. While they were starting to come to terms with everything that happened and life was starting to move forward, they would just have to believe one another and trust each other. It was only the beginning of the end though. It might never come to a true end, but they could certainly hope.


	18. Stage Five - Acceptance (Part B)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I am so sorry about the wait for this update. I just started school up again this spring semester, and it has been crazy hectic. I do not have nearly as much time to focus on writing as I used to with school, but I am hoping that I can get a new chapter up of this fic by my second break. This fic is almost done, too! I can feel the ending coming along. Don't hold me to it, but I am anticipating only two to three more chapters of this. Probably only two. Three would be pushing it.
> 
> Again, I am so so sorry for the wait on this! I just really have to focus on school. But thank you so much for your patience! I will see you at the ending!

When Suga had moved to stand to go continue making dinner after the conversation with Daichi and Kuroo, he stood by the counter to start preparing things to go into the microwave when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him and hold him tight. "I love you, Suga," Oikawa said quietly. He then pressed a kiss to Suga's jaw and just continued to stand there. It was things like this that caused Suga's heart to pound in his chest and created a longing inside of him. He wanted Oikawa in any way possible, and just having him like this is what told Suga that he was a lucky man. 

Taking a breath and putting his arms over Oikawa's arms, Suga leaned back into the strong chest of his boyfriend's and he smiled. "I love you, too," Suga said quietly in return. He truly did love Oikawa, more than he thought was possible if he were being honest. "So, tell me, what kind of ring did you tell Kuroo that I would like?" Suga asked as he slowly turned around in Oikawa's arms, smiling up to his boy.

That was when Oikawa chuckled a bit and he shrugged. "Well, honestly... I kind of just made something up. Even though I have a feeling I might know the type of ring to get you, I was just talking out of my ass. I haven't really thought about it too much. As much as I love you, I don't want to put pressure on our relationship by throwing a ring into the equation," Oikawa said with a bit of a wincing expression on his face.

If Suga were being honest, he felt that Oikawa wanting to take things slow was a very mature and appropriate way to look at their relationship at the given moment. If Oikawa were to propose right then, he would probably have to turn Oikawa down. It wasn't that Suga didn't want to marry Oikawa, he just didn't think it was the right time. Maybe in a few months or so, it would be the right time. It was nothing that Suga had to worry about, since Oikawa didn't think it was the right time either.

With a breath, Suga nodded at Oikawa's comment. "Who knows? Maybe I'll be the one to propose to you. Not that I'm going to do it super soon, because I don't want to make things too uncomfortable. But it doesn't have to be you that proposes," Suga said with a grin and he leaned in to press his lips to Oikawa's lips, kissing his man very sweetly.

As the two boys parted, Oikawa reached for a container to put in the microwave. "It does have to be me, but thanks for the sentiment," Oikawa said with a bit of a laugh.

"What? No it doesn't! I could just as easily propose to you," Suga said with a bit of a huff.

Oikawa let out a laugh and he shook his head, as if he were disagreeing with Suga completely. "Yeah, sure babe. You can propose to me," he said in a light and sarcastic tone. He hummed gently as he turned on the microwave, turning back to look at Suga.

There was a bit of a scowl on Suga's face at the given time, but he let it go and he stood back, letting Oikawa take over with reheating their dinner. Maybe Oikawa was right though. Maybe it really would be better if Oikawa were to propose to Suga. There was no way that Suga was going to put that kind of pressure on Oikawa. It's not like they had been dating _that long_ either.

After dinner was done cooking, they sat and ate, had a bit of a laugh as they ate, and the two boys were off to go watch a movie. They weren't worried about school work and they certainly weren't going to just go to bed. They had to do something for themselves, just so they didn't get completely overwhelmed with school.

Once their movie was over, Suga grumbled as he pushed himself off of Oikawa's chest and slowly stood up. "Let's go to bed. I'm tired," Suga said in a whisper of a voice, hoarse with sleepiness.

When the two boys went to bed, they had stripped down to their boxers and climbed in next to each other and holding onto one another as they slept. It was a very common way for the two boys to sleep. It was on the rare side for the two of them to want to sleep away from one another. The two boys were very cuddly and were in need for touch on a very consistent basis. Sure, there were nights when they thought they needed to be apart and they thought they needed space, but when the other held them close, that thought dissipated and they went back to needing the other boy.

The following morning when Suga had woken up to his alarm, he shut it off quickly and made sure that Oikawa hadn't stirred from his rest before he went to go get ready for the day. Since Oikawa was only in online classes, he didn't have to get up nearly as early. Suga wanted to make sure his boy got enough sleep. Usually though, Suga did like to make sure Oikawa was awake before he left for his day.

As Suga got ready for his day, he looked at his phone and he saw that he had a message from Daichi. It was a strange one. The message also seemed rather important though, so it caused Suga to call Daichi. He knew the boy was already awake, so that was why he wasn't worried about calling him.

"Hey, what's up Daichi?" Suga asked quietly, as he moved as far away from the bedroom as he could to not disturb Oikawa. "What do we have to talk about?" Suga asked quietly. The message had read 'I need to talk to you. Call me whenever you can, please?'

That was when Daichi took a breath and it sounded to Suga that he was rather stressed. What was going on? Was he regretting his response to Kuroo's proposal? Was he getting nervous? That was to be expected from Daichi, but there was no way that Suga was going to let Daichi just back out of this so simply. "I need to meet up with you to ask you this officially, and Tetsu will kill me for doing this over the phone. But uh... unofficially, I wanted to ask you. Would you be my best man?" Daichi asked with a squeak.

So many things were going through Suga's mind. His mind was going in so many different directions and he honestly didn't know how to react in a proper way. What was the proper response to a question like this in the situation that Suga was in with Daichi? Sure, he was really happy for Daichi. He was glad that Daichi had found someone as great as Kuroo. But the questions of _what if_ still filled Suga's mind. He wondered what would have happened if they would have stayed together. He wondered what would have happened had Daichi proposed to Suga instead. He wondered what might have happened had Daichi never broken up with him.

This was a very hard question for Suga to answer and it was a bit of an unfair role for Daichi to expect Suga to fill. He wasn't so sure that he wanted to watch Daichi get married to another man. Sure, he was going to be at the wedding regardless, but to be expected to stand next to Daichi and expected to look happy about the whole situation? That wasn't something that Suga was sure he could do.

With his own breath, Suga gasped a bit when he felt a pair of arms around him. "Who's that?" Oikawa asked in a sleepy voice. Wincing a bit, Suga bit his lip and closed his eyes when he felt the warm air of Oikawa's breath on his neck.

"I accept, Daichi. I will be your best man. But yes, make Kuroo happy and do it officially by taking me to dinner first or something," Suga said with a bit of a laugh. That was the funny thing. The laugh wasn't fake, and there was no tension in his voice right then. He meant what he said, and he absolutely wanted to be Daichi's best man.

In that moment of doubt with Daichi, Suga had forgotten about the best thing he had been given in his life. Suga had forgotten about Oikawa. The 'what if's didn't matter anymore. The past was that past and Suga had more to focus on now. Suga was now happier than ever and didn't need to wonder about if he had stayed with Daichi. Now he had been given something far too great and his past wasn't a concern.

That was when a sound of relief left Daichi's lips and he chuckled a bit. "Yeah, okay, I'll probably take you to dinner sometime this weekend. Is that alright? Maybe we can make it a whole thing, too. We'll bring our boyfrie-... Oh, right, Tetsu's more than that now. He's my fiancé... That's going to take some getting used to. Wow..." Daichi said.

Suga let out a bit of a laugh and he leaned back into Oikawa's chest. "Just text me the details about dinner and we will meet up, okay? Have a good day, Daichi," Suga said before he hung up the phone and he put his phone back in his pocket.

As he looked up and turned his head to Oikawa, he smiled as he leaned into the boy a little more. He wasn't really looking at him, as his back was still to Oikawa's chest. "Why are you awake? Was I being too loud?" Suga asked quietly. He let out a bit of a squeak when Oikawa kissed his neck and it caused Suga to close his eyes slowly once more, as he wanted to just relax in this feeling. He knew it wasn't going to last long, so he wanted to draw it out as long as he could.

That was when Oikawa shook his head. "Nah, the bed was just getting cold, so I woke up and wondered if you were still here. I'm glad you are," Oikawa said. He pulled away from Suga and stretched upward. It was right then that Suga turned around and grinned, going to tickle at Oikawa's sides, where he knew Oikawa was the most ticklish. Oikawa wasn't the most ticklish person out there, but when his defenses were down and when it was early morning or whenever Oikawa was tired, that was when he was the most sensitive.

Squealing, Oikawa swatted at Suga's hands and tried to pull away. "No! N-Now I'm not h-happy you're still he-... Suga!" Suga hadn't stopped tickling Oikawa and he smirked gently as he continued to chase after Oikawa.

When they ended up on the couch with Suga straddling Oikawa's lap, the two boys were laughing and smiling at one another. "I love you," Oikawa said to Suga and Suga replied to Oikawa by kissing him. Once he pulled back, he slowly stood up and went towards his bag. "Go work hard today. I'll see you later," Oikawa said with a grin.

"I'll do my best, babe. I love you too," Suga said as he left the apartment.

That day went about the same as any other day for the two boys. They were fine as their days went on with school work. Suga got back to the apartment, and the day seemed to be as normal as it possibly could be. Their night went smoothly too, and the two boys just continued to fall into their normal routine. It lasted until they went to bed, and the whole routine repeated for the next two days.

Finally, the weekend fell upon the two boys and they had a dinner date to keep with Daichi and Kuroo.

Once more, things were going so much more smoothly for Suga and Oikawa. While things weren't at one hundred percent just yet in their lives and probably never would be, they were coming to terms with the fact that this was their life now. They were going to be happy and they were going to celebrate the relationship of Kuroo and Daichi. It was also no longer very awkward for Suga, even though the momentarily glitch in his memory wanted it to be awkward. But how could it be when he had Oikawa there to remind him that things were great as they were?

As their night continued, Daichi cleared his throat and he hummed to Suga and Oikawa. "So, Suga, now that you've seen the ring and you approve, I have an important question to ask you. Will you do me the honor of being my best man?" Daichi asked as though he hadn't unofficially asked the question a few days ago.

The restaurant the four boys were sitting in was just a common, local restaurant. There was nothing too special about the atmosphere or environment, but the four boys were having a blast. Well, Oikawa did seem to be having a blast at times. But he also kept looking around the restaurant, as though he were expecting something to happen.

Taking a breath, Suga smiled to Daichi. "I would love to be your best man. I mean, I am the best man you have in your life next to Tetsurou anyway, right?" Suga asked with a wink. The three boys laughed and Suga stopped when he realized Oikawa wasn't laughing. He reached for Oikawa's hand and held onto it, wondering just what it was that was causing Oikawa to be so tense and where his mind was right now.

When the waitress came back to the table, she smiled to the four boys. "So your food won't be much longer. I have to go on break now, but I leave you in the very capable hands of my coworker, Zhou, and he will be over to greet you shortly. But please, enjoy your meal and I should be back before you are all ready to leave, okay?" she said before she excused herself.

They all nodded to what she had said and just continued their conversation. Suga kept glancing at Oikawa, seeing the look on his face. "Babe? Are you alright?" Suga asked softly as he squeezed Oikawa's hand. Nothing more than a shrug came from Oikawa as he looked out towards the rest of the restaurant.

This was becoming quite concerning for Suga, but he just continued to hold Oikawa's hand and he turned his attention back to Kuroo and Daichi. They started to laugh once more and that was when the waiter who was taking over for their waitress came over with their food. "Hello guys, I'm taking over for-... Oh, Tooru. I didn't realize you'd be here. It's really good to see you! But uh... Hey, I'm so sorry for your loss. It was a loss to all of us," the man said.

It seemed as though Zhou knew Oikawa well enough to call him by his first name and he knew about Iwaizumi. That caused Suga to tense up a bit, but Oikawa just took a breath and smiled to Zhou. "It was a surprise. But thank you, Zhou. I'm sorry I haven't been by too often. It hasn't been the easiest," Oikawa said with a sad smile. "I still love it here, it just doesn't feel the same," he said as he dropped his gaze.

Zhou nodded and took a breath. "Just let me know if you guys need anything else. More drinks or anything, okay?" he said before he excused himself.

When Suga squeezed Oikawa's hand, Oikawa glanced back at Suga and Suga gave Oikawa a confused look. "Who was he? What's going on?" Suga asked quietly. He knew they were obviously talking about Iwa, but who was he that he knew about the situation anyway?

Tetsurou and Daichi stayed quiet, as they didn't want to intrude on anything. "That was Zhou, he's been working here for probably four years now," Oikawa said with a shrug.

That didn't clear anything up, and Suga was still very confused. "But why did he seem to know about... Iwa? Who is he that he knows?" Suga asked softly, still holding onto Oikawa's hand to give him some form of comfort.

A snort left Oikawa and he shook his head before his face went to one of surprise and his eyes dropped to his plate. It seemed to turn into an awkward situation. "Oh. Oh you don't... Oh, because you didn't know him long... shit. Okay, uh... well... The reason Zhou knew about Iwa is because Zhou is one of Iwa's... or was one of Iwa's coworkers," Oikawa said and he took a breath.

Raising an eyebrow, Daichi and Tetsurou shared a look. Suga was still very confused, and it wasn't quite clicking in his mind just yet. "A coworker... didn't Hajime work as a cook in a kitchen? Wasn't he-... Oh. _Oh_... Oikawa, why did you let us come here?" Suga said as he brought his free hand up to his mouth to cover his gaping jaw.

It had finally clicked. The reason Oikawa was looking around and seemed so tense was because the restaurant they were in was the one that Iwaizumi had worked at. Oikawa obviously knew most of the staff, although he figured that he didn't know their waitress, since she had started off their meal by saying she was new and to forgive her for any mistakes.

Shrugging, Oikawa looked back at Suga with another sad smile. "I wanted to prove that I could come here again and things would be okay. It seems okay, and even though it might be a little difficult, well... It's still fine, it's just going to take some getting used to again. But I can't just not come here because he used to cook here. I used to love this restaurant before we even started dating," Oikawa said as he looked back down to his food. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want you to change your mind about coming here because of me," Oikawa said.

That was when Suga sighed. Now he personally felt a bit tense about the restaurant, but he was sure that he would get over it. Honestly, it was Oikawa that the three boys were worried about. "We're sorry we picked here to eat, Oikawa. We didn't realize when we picked the restaurant. But... you want to finish your meal, yes?" Tetsurou asked as he gave an awkward smile to Oikawa and he held onto Daichi's hand.

"Don't throw me under the bus. You're the one that picked to eat here," Daichi said with a scowl upon his face. "But really, do you want to stay? Or should we go? I'd hate if we made this more uncomfortable for you," Daichi said. Tetsurou seemed to roll his eyes and shake his head when Daichi told them all that Kuroo had picked the restaurant.

Shaking his head, Oikawa smiled across the table. Daichi and Kuroo probably couldn't notice, but Suga could. It was a faked smile, and Suga would have to make sure that Oikawa was okay when they got home that night. "We can stay. I honestly don't mind. I wanted to prove that I could do this. Well, we're here, and what better way to prove that I can do it than to keep eating and not leave early?" Oikawa asked.

The boys seemed to agree with that sentiment and they just continued their meals. Oikawa was still a little on edge, but he was more involved in the conversation now. He was less focused on his surroundings and he smiled when some of Iwaizumi's coworkers came over to express their apologies to him. He thanked them and it wasn't as bad as Suga thought the night could have gone. It really could have gone poorly, but this was a great step for Oikawa to have made. They were doing things and going to places that reminded Oikawa of Iwaizumi, and he was doing his absolute best to get through it all. He was accepting the fact that Iwaizumi was no longer around and life would just have to go on without him.

When the night came to a close and Oikawa and Suga went back to Suga's apartment, Suga went to wrap Oikawa up in a hug just moments after they stepped into the apartment and he held onto the boy closely and tightly. "I love you, you know that? You're incredible, baby," Suga said sweetly and with a smile. He didn't know where any of this was coming from currently, but he knew it was true. He knew that he loved Oikawa dearly and he it seemed that Oikawa was in a much better place emotionally right now.

He wasn't sure if Oikawa was actually in a better place emotionally, but that was what was on display for the world. It did seem as though he was doing his best to hold himself together, and he was doing a very grand job of it at the moment. "Nah, I'm just doing my best to stay alive right now, really," Oikawa said and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he fixed his arms around Suga, puling him in a bit closer. They were inseparable at the given moment and they wouldn't have it any other way.

Suga shook his head. "You're doing much better than just surviving, if you ask me. You're doing incredible, babe. You're giving people advice, you're managing to get through school, you are making it through so much and you've been so strong. I love you so much, you know that?" Suga asked as he pulled back just enough to look at Oikawa in the eyes, to see his reaction.

The thing was, Suga was saying all of the right things at the moment and it was getting Oikawa to tear up insanely, so Suga was momentarily concerned. But that was when Oikawa had let himself smile a very small smile, and it caused Suga to smile back. "I love you too, Suga. More than anything. More than... I would have ever imagined. I knew I was going to love you, but I also didn't know just how much I possibly could," Oikawa said as he used his sleeve to wipe at his eyes.

Leaning in, Suga tilted his head up and attached his lips to Oikawa's to give him a very soft and loving kiss. They pulled back and looked at one another before they pulled apart completely and decided to go to bed early that night. They had the day off tomorrow, but they were still exhausted after having dinner with Kuroo and Daichi. They loved the two boys, but it was a bit exhausting to go to dinner with them and listen to them bicker sometimes. Sure, the bickering was all out of fun, and they truly did love each other, but it was still an exhausting charade to watch too often.

Though, it seemed that the moment they climbed into bed, Oikawa's phone started to ring off the hook and he groaned as he reached for it. "Why can't people leave us alone? I just want to get some sleep damn it..." Oikawa murmured as he looked at the mass group of text messages coming in on his phone.

That was when Suga sat up and looked to see Oikawa texting. "Who is it, baby?" Suga asked and he leaned in to try to read over Oikawa's shoulder and see what he was saying. He did give Oikawa his privacy sometimes, especially when it was appropriate or when Oikawa had asked for it. But right now, he wanted to know who was disturbing their attempt at sleeping and needed Oikawa's attention so badly that Oikawa had to answer it and couldn't just ignore the messages.

"It's Makki. He's been panicking about his new job and he needs someone to come with him tomorrow so he is sure he's in the right place. I don't know why Mattsun can't do it, but he asked me to do it instead," Suga murmured as he sighed and shook his head. This was beginning to become a bit more of a headache than necessary, and Suga wasn't sure that he wanted Oikawa to keep talking to Makki.

With a sigh, Suga licked his lips. "So are you going to do it? Or are you going to tell him to make someone else do it?" Suga asked. It wouldn't be much of a surprise if Oikawa told him to find someone else in his own very sassy way. But right now, it also wouldn't be much of a surprise if Oikawa agreed to help Makki and went with him to his new job. "You're going to do it, aren't you?" Suga said, certain that Oikawa wasn't going to turn down his friend when he was in need.

With a bit of a sigh, Oikawa nodded gently. "Yeah. I mean, I don't know that he would do it for me if I was in the same situation, but he's been there for me and I really can't find the heart to turn him down. He's going to buy me some meat buns afterwards too, said he would either take me before or after work," Oikawa said as he grinned to Sugawara. "But yeah, I'm definitely going to help him out," Oikawa said as he set his phone back down and he hummed gently to his boyfriend, looking up to him. It wasn't a surprise that Oikawa was going to help Makki because he seemed to give more attention to his friends now that Hajime was gone. "I could probably get him to buy you a few too, he's that much of a push over when he's stressed," Oikawa said with a bit of a laugh.

Suga rolled his eyes and he smiled as he laid himself back down onto Oikawa's chest and he settled onto him. "No, don't stress him out even more. Just get him there and get back so you can spend the day with me, yeah?" Suga said as he got comfortable.

Beginning to rub at Oikawa's sides, Suga started to feel the soothing sensation of being lulled to rest with Oikawa underneath him. "Yeah, sounds good. Goodnight, babe. I have to be up in a few hours to get Makki to his job, so I'll try not to wake you," Oikawa said.

The two boys drifted off to sleep and Oikawa woke up when his alarm went off. He snuck out of the room and got ready to go help Makki without waking Suga, and he managed to get back just as Suga was waking up from his slumber.

It seemed like life was nearly back to normal and things were just about where they were before Iwaizumi died. There was still a bit of tension, it still hurt to think about certain things, and certain things couldn't be touched with a ten foot stick when it came to Iwaizumi, but it was accepted that those were the things that needed to be avoided. Those were the things that would forever be hard to think about, and there was no sense in trying to make those things any better at all.

Their days seemed to mesh together after that, which was kind of boring, but at the same time, it was rather safe. If they had no one causing things to be tense or dangerous in their life, or to cause more pain than what they have already gone through, then things were definitely okay with them. It may be boring for a little while and they may want something to spice things up, but they were comfortable with boring. They didn't need anything more than that, which was nice.

Another month had gone by and Suga had started to help with the wedding planning, and he had Oikawa help him plan a bachelor party for Daichi. It caused Suga to wonder who was planning Kuroo's bachelor party, but that wasn't his concern. Things were also a little different from a typical wedding, as there were two grooms. But that didn't matter to Suga, because he was determined to throw Daichi a wonderful bachelor party regardless.

Oikawa had other ideas for the party, but Suga was not going to take any of his suggestions, as most of his suggestions were based on there being strippers and illegal substances at the party. He wasn't going to get a stripper for Daichi, and he wasn't going to bring drugs to the party, with Daichi being an EMT. It was going to be all very pg-13 fun, which he was sure Daichi would appreciate and all of their other friends and Daichi's other two groomsmen would appreciate too.

Through the planning, Suga had been trying to settle on food for that night of Daichi's bachelor shower when Oikawa had come inside with a huff. To be completely honest, Suga hadn't noticed that Oikawa had walked out of the apartment. He had said something before he left, but Suga was too focused on planning the bachelor party to remember what he said. "Hey babe," Suga said as he stood from the couch and set his notepad down. Oikawa had two different bags in his hands and he nodded to Suga, humming to the boy. "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention when you left... Where did you go?" Suga asked as he came closer to Oikawa.

That was when the smell hit Suga and he hummed. There was very clearly some food in the bag and Suga licked his lips out of anticipation. "I went to get food, and then... well, I stopped somewhere else. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, because I also stopped to go see Hajime. I needed to see him..." Oikawa said with a sigh.

Passing the bag of food to Suga, Suga took the bag but very quickly set it down so he could wrap Oikawa up in a hug. "I didn't realize you needed to see him. I'm sorry, I could have come with you..." Suga murmured as he held Oikawa closely.

Oikawa shook his head at what Suga had said. "No, no, it was better I went by myself. It was... I needed to talk to him about something private," Oikawa murmured and he pulled back from Suga. "But we should eat, yeah? Get you a break from planning the bachelor party?" Oikawa said quietly as he reached around to the coffee table to grab the food.

Nodding, Suga went back to the couch and took a seat, pushing his note pad aside for a moment so he could focus on eating and he could focus on Oikawa. "You can always share those private things with me, if you ever feel the need to. Okay, Tooru?" Suga said quietly and he smiled when Oikawa handed him a container and a pair of chopsticks.

"Oh, I will soon. Just... not this second. I want to tell you what I went to talk to him about, but I just need a little more time," Oikawa said as he took another container out of the bag and he swallowed a bit. "So, how's the planning going? Have you decided on the final game yet? Are you going to make _anything at all_ dirty?" Oikawa asked. A bit of a chuckle left Oikawa's lips and Suga sighed, shrugging a bit.

As he ate, he smiled at the taste of the food and he closed his eyes. "I thought of maybe playing a dirty game, but I'm just not sure how Daichi would feel about the game. It _is_ his party, so I have to think of things that Daichi would like to play and would like to have at the party. I already have a lot of games involving alcohol, so that will probably be more than enough fun to handle. But I'm not sure we will have to add in something dirty too. It might be too much," Suga said with a shrug.

Then Oikawa nodded as he started to get into his own food container and started to eat. He leaned back on the couch and he shrugged a bit. "So Daichi isn't the type to get too much joy from dirty things, I take it? You've turned down all of my dirty ideas so far, so that's why I'm asking," Oikawa said.

Another shrug from Suga had gotten Oikawa to sigh. "He's no fun. He's a good friend, but he is certainly no fun, Suga. You have to get better friends to have fun with. I'm glad my friends like you," Oikawa said with a sigh.

That actually kind of offended Suga. "There is nothing wrong with Daichi! He is plenty of fun, he just... doesn't find it funny when there are strippers or doesn't find it fun when we talk about other guys' body parts. I don't know, he just isn't like that. And there is nothing wrong with that!" Suga let out a huff as he turned his eyes back to his food and he started to eat more. He wanted to get back to the planning so he could have the whole plan set before tomorrow night, which was when Daichi wanted to have the plans all set by. The party wasn't until the following weekend, but Daichi liked to be prepared.

"Alright, there's nothing wrong with him and you don't need to get better friends. Daichi is a great friend. I'm sorry, Suga," Oikawa said with sad eyes and a pouting lip. As Oikawa continued to pout, he set his food down and went to go towards the bedroom slowly.

Raising an eyebrow, Suga watched as Oikawa wiped away fake tears and walked slowly to the bedroom. What in the world was Oikawa playing at? Suga would have loved to know. So he let out a sigh himself and he stood up. "Oikawa, no, wait... Maybe we can find something dirty to appeal to everyone else too. Daichi is happiest when everyone else is happy..." Suga said as he walked towards the bedroom.

When Suga turned the corner to see into the bedroom, he blinked a bit and he looked at the trail of flower pedals around the room. There were no lights on, but there were a few dozen jars of fireflies in the room. When in the world did all of this happen? How did all of this get into the room? "Oikawa?" Suga asked questioningly, but that was when his eyes landed on Oikawa in the center of the room. He was just standing there, his back to Suga.

"I guess it has to be today, since I already had all the fireflies here..." Oikawa murmured to himself before he slowly turned around to face Suga, a smile spreading on his cheeks.

A breath was needed, so Suga took in air slowly and focused on Oikawa. He watched as his skin flickered with all of the fireflies lighting up at different times and he watched as Oikawa took a step forward. "Hey, come in... Close the door," Oikawa said quietly as he reached for Suga's hand and he pulled Suga in a little closer. He reached behind Suga to shut the door, and the room became just a little darker. The fireflies were really only doing so much.

Suga was very confused and he bit his lip in confusion, wondering just were to go from this. "Oikawa... what is all this?" he asked as he looked around a bit. Why in the world would Oikawa want to stand in the dark with fireflies? Sure, they were gorgeous and they made the room light up in very magical ways. The scent of the flower pedals started to hit Suga and he couldn't help but smile at the smell.

"What better way to tell you I love you than to surprise you like this?" Oikawa asked, pulling Suga a little closer and smiling wider to the boy. This was starting to get more than concerning to Suga, even though there seemed to be no ill intent here.

This was mind blowing, and Suga honestly couldn't remember when Oikawa had snuck in here to do all of this, and he should have noticed it if he were being completely honest. "I don't know, babe. I know you love me... you tell me all the time," Suga said with a smile, his eyes starting to water. But there was still something a bit fishy about the situation. It was slowly starting to click in Suga's mind when he watched Oikawa reach for something in his pocket. "Oh..." he whispered, his hand slowly coming to his jaw.

Oikawa took a breath and he slowly leaned down to get on his knees. Then, the boy lifted one of his knees and he reached into his pocket to pull at something. "This isn't what you think it is, but... close," Oikawa said softly as he held onto a small case in his hand. "I love you so much, Koushi. You are absolutely incredible and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without you in it. It's been such a ride and... and it's a ride I am glad I was taking with you, or you were taking with me. Either way, I'm glad you've been here. Things would definitely not be the same if you weren't here and they wouldn't be the same if... well, there are many ways to change this situation. But I am just glad you have been here for it. Now... Koushi..."

When Oikawa opened the small container, it didn't reveal a ring like Suga had been anticipating through all of this. It was a very simple bracelet, and there was a charm attached to the chain. "Like I said, this isn't what you're expecting probably. You were probably expecting a ring. Well, it's not... It's a promise bracelet. I thought about doing the promise ring route, but after Kuroo had tried that, I decided it wasn't worth it. So... Koushi, I have a proposition for you," Oikawa murmured softly.

There was no stopping the tears that were going down Suga's cheeks, escaping from the corners of his eyes. He was still holding onto Oikawa's hand and his other hand was still covering his gaping jaw. "Wh-what is it?" Suga asked quietly and muffled through his fingers. He really wanted to know what all of this was, if it wasn't a proposal.

"You know that I love you. You know that I couldn't imagine my life without you. I wouldn't want to, either. But... anyway, this here...? This bracelet is meant to signal that I am promising myself to you. I have one for myself too, but... Well, I want you to know that even though I haven't proposed to you yet, that I want to. I'm just not quite ready at the moment, and I want to be really ready for it. I know I want to marry you, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know now that there is no one better for me. There are some things I still have to come to terms with and there are still a few things that I need to realize about myself still before I can propose to you, but... When I am ready, I want to be ready for you," Oikawa said softly.

What in the world was this? Why was Oikawa being so sweet? Why in the world was any of this happening? Did he want to give Suga a heart attack? Slowly and surely dropping the hand from his jaw and using his hand to rub his eyes clear of the tears. "O-Oikawa... o-of course I will wait however long it takes for you to be ready... Well, I will wait for a few years, but after that..." Suga let out an awkward chuckle.

Thankfully, Oikawa seemed to agree that it was comical and laughed along with Suga. "I hope it doesn't take that long to get myself sorted out, but I am grateful that you are willing to stand by me to wait for this. I'm just... not ready yet to take that step to start planning a wedding. I see how much work it is for you to even plan this bachelor party for Daichi, and I just can't imagine how much work it would be to plan an actual wedding. It would be too much right now, but just know that... right now, I absolutely do want to marry you."

Letting out a hum and watching as Oikawa fastened the bracelet around Suga's wrist, it made Suga smile at the feeling of it and at the thought of what it represented. He was thrilled to know that the bracelet was a beautiful make and Oikawa seemed to know just what he was looking for, if he were to be looking for a bracelet anyway. Normally, he wouldn't be. But this was a very special situation to be in.

Once Oikawa had finished putting the bracelet around Suga's wrist, he pulled Oikawa up to stand and he crashed his lips into the brunet's lips, savoring the flavor and the feel of his skin against his lover's skin. It was a wonderful feeling and it was a feeling that Suga was loving.

The two boys continued to kiss for what felt like an hour. They were so wrapped up in the kissing that they forgot about the dinner they were eating just moments ago. But that didn't matter right now, not when they had something they needed to celebrate. They weren't sure how they were going to celebrate, but with the kissing, it seemed that they wanted to celebrate by loving on one another.

Neither boy was particularly opposed to sleeping with one another. They've done it more than a handful of times since their first time more than two months ago, which is part of the reason they knew they were so compatible. There were other reasons too, but this was a big one.

Afterwards, the two boys had decided to go back to eating their meals and they took a moment to clean up the bedroom before they went back to the living room. Oikawa released the fireflies out of the window before he came to settle besides Suga to continue eating. Suga had taken it upon himself to heat the food back up, and he did the same for Oikawa's meal.

As they sat together, Suga smiled a smile that had so much emotion behind it when he looked back up to Oikawa. "So you really want to marry me?" Suga asked.

With another smile, Oikawa nodded and he leaned down to press a kiss to Suga's temple. "I really do want to marry you. I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too."


	19. Stage Five - Acceptance (Part C)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you for waiting for so long. I am so sorry this has taken so long, but I can assure you that the next chapter will not take a month for me to post.
> 
> The next chapter may be the last chapter of this fic, or I may have two chapters left. I'm not sure yet, but you will find out by the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and please, leave me all the comments and kudos. This was a difficult chapter to write, due to the lack of angst and the amount of fluff. Anyway, please do enjoy! Thank you one again!

Taking a big yawn and letting out a breath after, Suga shook his head as he watched Daichi get dressed for his big day. He was doing his best to just stay awake today, as he had been up and awake for a full twenty-seven hours already. He only had to get through another six hours, and then he could go to bed. Sure, it was exhausting and Suga wasn't sure he had wanted to stay awake for another six hours. It was something that he was going to do for Daichi, though. What were best men and best friends for if they couldn't handle all the little things?

"Suga, the ceremony isn't for another hour. Maybe you should lie down until then," Daichi said when he turned around as he was adjusting his tie.

It was exactly for this reason that Suga could not just go to lie down. While Daichi was fantastic and Suga would fight anyone who told him otherwise, Daichi was also a little scatter-brained at the moment, due to the fact that he was _getting married today_. There was no way that Suga could go rest his head right now, not while Daichi could possible set the building on fire. "Daichi, look at yourself," Suga said as he reached for Daichi's tie and straightened it, adjusted it to the perfect length before tying it for him. Daichi blinked at Suga and he looked back down to his tie. "I can't go lie down because you might put your suit jacket on backwards," Suga said softly, smiling to his best friend. It was a tease, but it was a serious tease.

With a sigh, Daichi let out an awkward laugh before he turned back to the full length mirror. "Maybe we can just ask Asahi to come in and take over," Daichi said as he looked over his shoulder, "because how are you going to manage to stay awake?"

With a shake of his head, Suga rolled his eyes. "You'd end up calming _him_ down through all of this. He is the worst person to have when you have your inevitable freak out. It's going to come, just you wait. I can make it, I've stayed awake longer," Suga said.

A huff left Daichi's lips. "The wedding is in an hour. If I haven't had my freak out yet, it's not going to happen," Daichi murmured sweetly as he tilted his head to Suga.

There was no way that Suga was going to believe that, just because he was tired and he wanted to go sleep more than anything. He could last and manage for another hour. Once the wedding was started, he wouldn't want to sleep anyway. He would be too excited watching his two friends get married to want a way out of the wedding. "It will happen. You're going to panic. You're going to get stressed. Just you wait," Suga said.

It seemed to not register to Suga that the dressing room had opened up. There was suddenly a pair of arms around Suga and a chest leaning against his back. If Suga didn't know who it was instantly, he would have panicked. Oikawa was definitely not sneaky about this. "Babe, you're going to fall asleep standing up there. You need rest," Oikawa had said as he pressed a kiss to Suga's jaw. "You look dashing, Daichi."

"Thanks, Oikawa. Suga, if I have a freak out now, will you calm me down and then go get some rest?" Daichi asked as he turned around and adjusted his jacket, buttoning the dark burgundy suit and pulling his vermilion tie down underneath it.

Laughing in an angry fashion, Suga shook his head. "Not now that you've told me about it, because I know it won't be real," Suga said as he eyed Daichi and just stood there, watching him. "If you would have kept your mouth shut, maybe I would have. But you just have problems with keeping your mouth shut, don't you?"

Little did Daichi know, he was starting to fidget, and Suga had to stop him from nearly breaking one of the buttons off of his jacket sleeve because he was still playing it. "I'm starting to get worried that you aren't going to stay awake through the ce-"

"Oh my god, will you stop worrying about me? I will be fine! I have managed to stay awake through much more exhausting tasks, okay?" Suga said as he held onto Daichi's hand. "Now, tell me. Do you want to go through your vows with me? Are you going to make a giant fool out of yourself up at the altar and stutter through your words?" Suga asked as he let go of Daichi's hand. There was a bit of a smirking smile on Suga's lips as he teased Daichi.

There was a look on Daichi's face and Daichi closed his eyes. "My vows... Oh god... He's not going to have anything real to say when we get to that part. He didn't realize it was traditional to make vows to the other person and... I mean, I obviously don't know what he's going to say, but what if he doesn't say anything at all?" Daichi asked as he turned back around to the mirror, readjusting his already straight outfit.

A smirk made its way across Suga's face. "Here it comes," Suga whispered to Oikawa as he came closer to Daichi. "He'll say something, okay? He loves you, so he will probably promise you something cheesy, like the world," Suga tried to joke as he put his hand on Daichi's back and he gave him a bit of a pat.

Daichi flinched for a moment and he shook his head. "But... He's... Suga, He can't make me a cheesy promise because he won't keep that promise and he knows that he can't, and what if... fuck! What if he doesn't say anything at all?" Daichi asked as he put his hands up and let them drop afterward.

Finally, Daichi was reaching his freak out. "Hey... listen. You know that regardless of those fake promises, Kuroo is going to do whatever it takes to keep you happy. He's just that much of a sap and he loves you. So you don't have to worry about his vows to you. What matters it that you know that he won't try to break free from those vows, and he will just keep on trying to keep you happy through it all. Isn't that what's most important?" Suga asked as he started to reach for Daichi's face to turn it towards him. He needed Daichi to be looking at him so he knew that Daichi was paying attention.

The tears had started to collect in Daichi's eyes. "Hey, you are going to get through this. Once the ceremony is over, you will be thankful that you made it through today and you will be happy with whatever vows he made to you," Suga said as he hummed gently to Daichi and let his hand drop. "Dai, listen. He loves you more than anything. He loves you and do you really think he will let you down?" Suga asked and he bumped Daichi's shoulder.

With a slow shake of his head, Daichi had decided to look down and he managed to let out his breath that he had no idea that he had been holding onto. "He... I mean, he has never really let me down. And whenever he does, he always makes up for it..." Daichi murmured. He was still kicking his foot a little. "But maybe this will be the day that he messes up. Maybe this will be the day that he doesn't impress me. It is possible," Daichi groaned as he threw his head back.

There was no way that Suga was going to get away with not fixing Daichi's hair at least three more times before they went to stand up at the altar. Daichi had messed it up once again by throwing his head back and he ran his hand over his head too. "You just want to see the fault in all of this. Daichi... you know that he is going to impress you. You know that he won't let you down." Suga had reached for a comb on the counter they had been using and he forced Daichi to look at him, reaching up to adjust the hair that was severely out of place now. It spiked like he normally wore it, but Suga had spiked it in a very specific way.

Grunting when Suga ran the comb through his hair, Daichi sighed. "I can't imagine Kuroo is going to do anything special to his hair, and you know how much of a mess that thing can be," he mumbled. But he just let Suga fix his hair to whichever way he saw as fit enough for the wedding.

As Suga finished, he nodded and set the comb down. "You never know. Maybe Bokuto held him down while Kenma climbed on him and forced some gel in that rat nest," Suga had murmured as he used his hand to adjust Daichi's hair one more time before nodding that it was finished.

"That just wouldn't look right, and you know it..." Daichi tried to joke, but he was struggling and Suga wanted Daichi to work through his emotions.

Silence seemed to follow, and Daichi looked at himself in the mirror before he closed his eyes. "Thank you, by the way. He... Tetsu won't let me down. He could never let me down..." Daichi turned, and Suga wrapped his arms gently around the man. Daichi had a soft smile across his features, and it was clear that he had been thinking about Kuroo right then. He was definitely a sweet man.

His own brighter red suit jacket had bunched up a bit, so he pulled it down once he let go of the hug. He was wearing a peach-orange tie. Of course, the grooms were wearing different colors than the grooms' men, who were wearing brighter red and brighter orange, while their colors were darker and more serious. Neither of them cared, but once they got the suggestion, Bokuto seemed to love the idea far too much and he wouldn't let Kuroo say 'no' to it, even if he wanted to. Although, neither Daichi or Kuroo seemed to care what everyone was wearing.

Sugawara pulled back from Daichi and he smiled to him. "You're going to do okay. This is meant to be the best day of your life, so start acting like it."

Cringing for a moment, Daichi shook his head. "If I let myself start acting like it's supposed to be the best day, I won't ever get through it. It adds too much pressure. I really will have a melt down and you'll have to carry me up there. You don't want that," Daichi said.

That caused Suga to laugh a bit. "You've got this. Alright, now I'm going to go lay down like you've asked. I'm going to ask Oikawa to watch you though, because I don't trust Asahi to watch you, and as much as I love him, he can't be the one to calm you down if you have another freak out. Oikawa will come get me if you have another panic attack, okay? But... I am going to lay down for a half hour." Suga hadn't even asked Oikawa, but he knew that Oikawa would agree to it, because Oikawa knew how much Daichi meant to Suga.

Daichi nodded and he let Suga leave the dressing room with a simple "thank you, Suga."

As Suga reached a separate room to find a place to lie down in, he walked inside and he found Oikawa there, sitting on the bed and looking at this phone. Suga hadn't even realized that Oikawa had snuck out of Daichi's dressing room. But Suga figured that Oikawa wanted to give Daichi and Suga space.

There was tension in Oikawa's shoulders, which Suga could see just from standing in the doorway before he shut it and walked in. "He... would have wanted a wedding like this," Oikawa murmured and he kept his gaze down. "He knew I would want to make it bigger and more extravagant, but... this is the perfect combination of both... So he would have..." Oikawa seemed to let out a bit of a whine and Suga sat next to him, reaching up to his cheeks.

"Hey, listen... It's okay. He'd be happy to know that you and I are still together and we can live out his dreams. If he wanted a wedding, we will just... when the time is right, we will have to give that to him," Suga said. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Oikawa's lips and kissed the boy gently.

Taking a moment, Oikawa started to finally kiss back and he sniffled right after Suga pulled away. He had started to nod and he pressed himself against Suga, wrapping his arms around him slowly. "I know he's... gone, I know that he... wants me to be happy, and I want to be happy too. Is it really possible to be happy without him here?" Oikawa asked. Two seconds later, his eyes widened and he gasped a bit. "Fuck, no... I know it's possible to be because of you... I'm sorry, shit..."

That was when Suga let out a bit of a giggling, but overall, a sad laugh. "Of course, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it that way. And hey, we are going to make the best out of us, because you and I are awesome together and this is how he would want it to be." Slumping against Oikawa, Suga closed his eyes. He really was truly exhausted and he did want to get at least a little bit of sleep before the ceremony. "Hey, so... I don't want to risk Daichi having another break down. Asahi can't be trusted to watch him because of his anxiety, so... could you watch him to make sure he doesn't have another freak out? And come get me when he starts panicking?" Suga asked as he lifted his head to Oikawa.

Humming and wiping the tears from his eyes, Oikawa nodded gently. "Yeah. You just need to worry about getting as much rest as you possibly can. You are so fucking tired. Come on... lay down..." Oikawa murmured as he pulled back from Suga and he started to lean into the bed they were sitting on and he let Suga lay down with him.

This wasn't the way Suga had wanted this to go. He really didn't want Oikawa to lay down with him because he didn't want Daichi to have another freak out without someone being there. But as Suga snuggled up to Oikawa's chest and pressed his face gently against it, his breathing started to settle and he started to pass out slowly, letting his mind carry him to the sweet and unconscious land of sleep.

If he were being honest, he probably needed at least twelve hours after the last week had happened with all of the stress of planning Daichi's wedding with him. But a half hour was better than nothing currently, so he would take what he could get.

That was when he was woken with a start and he jumped out of his skin when he was woken up. "Who's dying? Who is..." Suga asked as he looked up and he saw Oikawa's face. It was smiling and it was very soft. God, Suga had such a beautiful boyfriend. He didn't know how he had gotten so lucky. "Is Daichi okay?" Suga asked as he slowly sat up, realizing right then where he was.

Oikawa nodded and he pulled Suga into a brief hug before letting go. "He's fine. I was going to let you keep sleeping, but he's starting to do his muttering thing and whispering under his breath when he's nervous. I don't blame him for being nervous, but he may just need someone to talk to him. The wedding starts in about fifteen minutes. You slept for about a half hour, so I figured it was time to get you up."

Blinking just a bit, Suga thought for a moment. He really did feel a lot more rested right now. "Okay, I am actually feeling a lot better, so thank you Oikawa. I can go talk to him. Will you... help me fix my hair? I don't want to go up there looking like Kuroo," Suga said with a bit of a tired laugh.

Nodding, Oikawa ran his fingers through Suga's hair and he tugged out the very few tangles, very gently. "Okay, you look great now. You're always beautiful, but now your hair is great. I'll see you up there. I'm going to go sit now," Oikawa said before he pressed a kiss to Suga's lips gently and he pulled away.

Suga really didn't know what he would do without Oikawa. He honestly thinks he might have lost himself a year ago if he didn't have Oikawa with him. As Suga adjusted his jacket and pants, he took a breath before going out of the room to go talk to Daichi.

Oikawa was right. Daichi was starting to get nervous. When he looked up and saw Suga, he seemed to relax for a moment before he went right back to mumbling. Suga rose an eyebrow and he shook his head. "Hey, stop that. This is happening. Everything is going to go great," Suga said as he put his hands on Daichi's elbows.

"You don't know that though. Something could go wrong and... and we could... What if he doesn't say 'I do'?" Daichi asked in his emotionally-laced voice. "Oh god... what if... what if he doesn't even show up? Did anyone even check that he was he-"

"He's here, Daichi. I saw him going into his dressing room earlier. Just take a breath. This is all going to go just fine. You're psyching yourself out for absolutely no reason," Suga said as he pulled away from Daichi. "Now come on. We have to go stand by the right wing entrance. Wait... where's your flower? Your boutonniere?" Suga asked.

Blinking for a minute, Daichi groaned. "Shit... It's... Oh! I brought it with me. It's right here," Daichi said as he reached down to a bench before he handed it to Suga with shaky hands. There was no way that Daichi could be trusted to pin it to his jacket right now, simply because he didn't want to scratch himself in the slightest. So Suga took over and pinned the yellow boutonniere to the left panel of his jacket. "Thank you. Alright... Everything is in place. Everything... is going to be okay?" Daichi asked. His face was screaming with worry and anxiety. Honestly, Suga wouldn't have expected less from him right now. Suga would be panicking too. But Daichi needed to calm down, and Suga needed to get him there.

That was when Suga took a breath. "Yes, Daichi. Everything is going to be more than okay. It almost doesn't matter what happens, because you are marrying Tetsurou. It doesn't matter what happens after this. Even if the ceiling falls, the two of you are getting married," Suga said.

It was right then that Asahi had made an appearance. That told the two of them that things were about to start. "Alright. Daichi, are you all ready?" Asahi asked, adjusting his red jacket and the cuff links underneath it.

Looking to Suga with worry in his eyes, Daichi nodded after Suga had given him a rather threatening look. Daichi was ready for this. He could do anything. "Yeah, I'm ready. Let's get this show on the road," Daichi said.

The three boys let themselves go stand by the right wing entrance after their little gathering in the hall by Daichi's dressing room. Tetsurou was going to come through the left wing entrance with Kenma and Bokuto, and everything after that was going to be a breeze.

Finally, the wedding had started and they all made their entrance when their wedding song had started to play. Daichi looked ready to cry when he saw that Tetsurou was actually there with hair that didn't look half bad. Suga wouldn't have guessed that someone could manage to get him to make an attempt at his hair. It was nice to see that someone had convinced him to try though. Reaching for his hand, Daichi smiled gently to Kuroo and he worried his lip in between his teeth for a moment. "You look great," Daichi whispered and Suga smiled when he heard that.

"So do you," Kuroo whispered back. "I'm a lucky man."

Suga looked out to the crowd and he smiled to Oikawa when he saw him. He wanted to wave to him, but it wouldn't have been very professional to do so. So he just smiled before he turned his eyes back to the officiant that was going to marry Kuroo to Daichi.

A few times, Suga had turned his eyes to Oikawa. A few times, Suga had noted that Oikawa was wiping his tears away. This couldn't be a good thing, could it? If Oikawa was wiping tears away, what could it possibly mean?" As Suga focused on the wedding happening in front of him, he took a breath and he licked his lips, just hoping that Oikawa was going to be okay. Suga reminded himself that Oikawa could make it through anything and he was a strong man. He also reminded himself that his bracelet that sat underneath his suit jacket signified just he much Oikawa had truly loved him.

It got to the vows of the wedding, and Kuroo started with his. "So I... Ah, I'm sorry. The more I look at you, the more emotional you make me. Sure, I look at you all the time and I don't always want to cry, but... I do always want to smile when I see you. That's just what you do to me," Kuroo had said into the microphone and he squeezed Daichi's hand before he looked out to the audience, who had been cooing and cheering at that comment.

"I'm going to be completely honest here, when Dai had told me that I had to make these vows and when he explained it was typical to do, I didn't know what I was doing. And if I'm being even more honest, I still don't know what I'm doing," Kuroo said when he looked at Daichi finally. There were tears in Kuroo's eyes, and Daichi sniffled a bit. Suga couldn't see Daichi's face, but he knew that Daichi was likely all tears right now. "But whenever I look at you, I see light. I see hope... I see love and trust and... I see just how lucky I truly am. You are the best man I have ever known. I wouldn't trade you for the world. So... my promise to you is going to be one very simple task. I promise to do whatever it takes to keep you smiling, whatever it takes to make you happy, or what I think will make you happy. I love you, and I always want to make you smile." Tetsurou had said gently and he took a breath. The tears were slowly streaming down his cheeks before he handed the microphone back to the officiant.

There were a few more words from the officiant before he handed the microphone to Daichi. Suga could see shaky hands, for a moment before Daichi reached into his jacket to pull out his vows to Tetsurou. "Tetsu... Wow, I'm s-sorry. I can do this..." he said softly. It was more to himself than it was to Tetsurou, but the whole wedding had heard what he had said, since he was speaking into the mic still. They had chuckled at Daichi's comment, but they quieted down the moment Daichi looked up to Tetsurou.

With a breath, Daichi started to speak. "When we went out to c-coffee that first time and we joked the entire afternoon, when... we parted and I was sad to watch you go... that was when I realized that you were going to be an important part of my life. I didn't know then that you would be this important to me right then, but I knew you would be important. I knew... that I would want you around more and more. Every time I look at you, I feel my heart start to beat faster and faster. There are times that I swear it's beating six hundred times a minute, because that's just... th-that's how you make me feel, Tetsu. You are always there for me, you find endless ways to surprise me, and I am such a lucky man to have you in my life," Daichi said. The wedding crowd seemed to be cooing to that comment too, and Daichi was thankful that they all seemed to think it was a sweet thing to say.

Daichi had taken a pause for a moment before he continued. "I never want that to stop, a-and I never want to go a day without seeing you in my life. So I... I promise to love and support you through everything, and I will cherish and hold onto you for as long as you will let me. I vow to be the best man I can be for you, and I vow... to keep trusting you with all of my heart, to keep me happy and feeling loved, because you can do those things. I vow my entire life to you, because you are... a-all I need..." 

After Daichi had multiple voice cracks through his vows, it came to the end of the ceremony. The two boys each said 'I do' to the officiant, and the man had said 'Tetsurou, you may kiss your groom.' Right as the two of them were kissing and the crowd was cheering, the man had also said 'I now pronounce you husband and husband. Congratulations.'

All of the grooms' men followed after the two grooms to go form the greeting line. When Oikawa came to Suga, he leaned in and kissed Suga, pulling back slowly as he smiled. There were girls that gasped when the two of them kissed, and the pair had laughed. They walked away from the line, muttering that they didn't think Suga was gay. After giggling for a moment, Oikawa turned to look at Suga. "I love you. You did great today," Oikawa said before he moved so the line could continue for Suga to greet the other people that had come to Daichi's and Kuroo's wedding.

After all the greeting was done, it was time for the wedding photos and the wedding party all stood by the altar and let the photographer take as many photos as possible. There were serious ones, but neither Daichi or Kuroo wanted them to all be serious. So of course, they had to make certain poses and put on silly hats. 

Oikawa had slipped into the room and watched, smiling up to watch his boyfriend with the rest of the wedding party. Suga knew he was probably antsy to let the reception start so he could spend time with Suga, but Suga was sure that he could manage for a little while longer.

"Oikawa, you have to come up here to get your picture with Suga! Noya got his picture with Asahi, Kenma and Hinata took a picture, and Bokuto took a picture with Akaashi. So now it's your turn," Tetsurou said. He then turned around and leaned in to whisper something in Daichi's ear. Daichi gasped, turning to look at his new husband with wide eyes.

Suga honestly had no clue what was being whispered, and he looked at the happy couple to make sure that they had really wanted this, for Oikawa to come up to take a picture with him. But they nodded when he looked their way and Suga motioned for Oikawa to come up to join them.

It was right then that Daichi whispered something into Kuroo's ear and he also gasped and said "no!" aloud. Daichi nodded and he let out a laugh, leaning against his new husband. Something was going on, but nobody knew what it was. But whatever it was, Suga was just glad that the two grooms were happy.

As Oikawa came up to stand with Suga, he reached out to hold him and he smiled to him. The photographer tried to wave them to stand in certain ways, but Oikawa held up his hand to signal that he needed a moment. "Oikawa, what..." Suga asked with a curious look on his face. They needed to get this over with so they could finish up with the pictures and get to the reception. Daichi and Kuroo were both giggling off to the side and Bokuto and Noya were trying to figure out why they were laughing. Suga really wanted to know too, though.

But the most important thing right now was the fact that his lover was standing in front of him and had a look of such love in his eyes right then. If he were being honest, nobody else mattered right then. It was only himself and Oikawa. 

Right then, Oikawa cleared his throat and he started to speak. "Koushi, babe... I love you so much. So much more than anything. You have become such an amazing aspect of my life, and there are days that I don't know what I would do without you in it. There... is so much more I want to experience in life, and I want you to be there with me to experience it. Now... I know I said I wasn't ready before, and I know I said I had to figure things out about myself before I would dare do this... but, I realized that those things I needed to figure out had nothing to do with you, and it means that you shouldn't have to suffer through any more of this. It means... you shouldn't have to wait any longer for me to figure out things about myself, because I want you to be there with me to figure these things out. I know that I would want approval from Iwaizumi for this, but I have been to his grave many times and... I believe he approves... So..."

The look on Oikawa's face told Suga that things were planned out like this from the beginning. The giggling and the feeling of anticipation that had come from behind him told Suga that the two who were giggling had already known this was going to happen. Suga was stuck in a moment of panic. What was going on? What was Tooru doing right now? And why in the world were tears building up in his eyes? There was no way that could be good. Sure, they could be good and happy tears, but Suga wasn't so sure that they were.

But he was still smiling. If Suga had to make a guess, he would say that the tears were happy tears. What was Oikawa so happy about that he had to cry?

That was when Suga start to think about what Oikawa said. He had said he wasn't ready for something before? He went to talk to Iwaizumi? What was it he needed to figure out again?

It only took a moment, but Oikawa very slowly had gotten down onto one knee. He kept his eyes down and he stayed there for a moment. But it was that action that told Suga just why everyone was giggling behind him, and he would have to kill every single one of them after this moment. This action had told Suga all of the answers to his questions. "N-... Tooru..." Suga whispered as he brought his hand up to cover his gaping mouth. "Oh my god..." he said behind his hand, which was muffling the sound. If this was what he thought it was, he would be experiencing his own happy tears very soon.

Clearing his throat, Oikawa finally lifted his eyes. He reached into the pocket of his black pants and he pulled out an even smaller case than the case that held his promise bracelet, which Suga was currently wearing underneath his red suit jacket. Even if Daichi had asked him not to wear it, Suga would have just slid it in his pocket. Suga didn't even take it off to shower. That was how important it was to him.

Oikawa pulled open the small case and he had kept his eyes on Suga for a moment. But he wasn't making eye contact at that moment. Oikawa was searching for something. He was looking for the correct moment to speak again, and Suga wasn't sure that he could handle hearing what he was going to say, what he was bound to ask.

Inside the case was a gorgeous ring, one that Suga wasn't quite registering right at that moment. Everything was boiling up. Everything was about to explode. Suga wasn't sure he was ready for this.

The entire world stopped for a moment. It froze, and there was no one else in the room with them. Suga wasn't even sure he was breathing right now, because he wasn't sure that any of this was real. What he did know though was that he loved the man that was knelt down below him. He knew that he cared more than anything for the brunet that was holding up his promise inside of a small little case. Tooru had his heart on display, and Suga wasn't sure he wanted to let this moment pass. But he did want to know what was next.

Suga wanted Oikawa to speak.

"Koushi, my baby... will you-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read this chapter, this note is not meant for you.
> 
> I am aware that gay marriage is not yet legal in Japan, but the way I see it, whenever the year is for this fic is likely to be beyond the current time, so hopefully gay marriage will be legal in Japan soon for whenever the correct date for this fic is.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed!


	20. Stage Finale - Healing (Part A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am terrible for making you guys wait for this. I am so terribly sorry.
> 
> Also, I want to say I am sorry for the length. It's the ending though, so I feel like it's acceptable for it to be slightly shorter. Right? Oops...

The process of getting better is a grueling one. The process of getting over something so severely serious is a very tough one, but the process started the very moment that the event that caused disarray to happen, or caused injury. The process of getting better, or healing, started the very moment that it could.

Healing doesn't happen quickly. Healing doesn't mean that everything is back the way it was before it happened. What healing means is that things are sound, and things are healthy once again. One's body does not simply forget about being sick. Someone doesn't just simply erase a memory of a loved one to be healed. They remember it all. The body remembers being sick, and a loved one will never be forgotten. The cool thing happens to be that once these things happen though, and once the process of healing has gotten to the end, things will be sound and healthy once again.

This does not mean that things have been erased or forgotten. On the contrary; things will always be remembered, but one can learn how to move forward and they are in a better place after the tragedy. Being sick is a tragedy. Losing a loved one is so difficult. But being sick doesn't have to define someone for who they are, and losing a loved one doesn't have to be the end of the world. Why not live through the sickness and show that you are strong?

You too, can get through the loss of a loved one. Life will get better. Live moves forward. You just have to figure out how to make it that way. You just have to figure out how to heal to make that happen. Once it happens, life all seems to be okay once more. Maybe even better than just okay. Life can finally be good again.

\---

_Do you know like... when you get hurt for doing something stupid? But it was still fun and worth it? I kind of feel like that was what it was like with Iwa. It was never stupid to do him. It was never stupid to be with him, not even close. It was the best and my relationship was definitely fun with him. But I got hurt when I lost him. I was hurt when he left this world, and it still stings a little. But I look at that scar from when I got hurt, and it makes me smile. Because it was fun, because it was worth it. It was worth getting hurt. It was worth all the fun and good memories, and I don't regret it for a second. Am I still going to miss him? Yes. There's not a doubt in my mind that at some point, I will miss him. But I have Suga now, and Suga has been there with me through so much. I love him as much as I love Iwa, and even though I will miss Iwa, Suga will get me though anything. And I want him there to help me get through anything. It was really sad to lose Iwa, but I know that I can do anything with Suga at my side._

\---

_Flash back to the night of the party with Iwaizumi_

_Suga's mind was so hazy that night with alcohol and he knew for a fact that he was drunk. It didn't take Suga a lot to get drunk, so it was probably why he was just remembering all of this now. Yes, the night that he went to a party with Iwaizumi and Oikawa was the same night of their fight. It was the same night that Suga had asked for space from the two of them. But his mind had blocked out so many of the details of that night._

_The part he had blocked out had been difficult for him to even consider at the time, which was why he had blocked these parts out of his memory. The alcohol certainly helped, too._

_The things Suga had been remembering right at that current moment were the things that he had blacked out of his memory. He was being brought back..._

As Suga watched Iwaizumi lay Oikawa down on the couch, he reached for a blanket and looked over to Suga. "Even when he gets like this, I love him so much," Iwaizumi said.

With a hum, Suga smiled at the thought. Iwaizumi really was in love with Oikawa. So he would really do anything for him, but was this really what Iwaizumi wanted? "I'm glad you do. I have to ask tho. Iwa... You don't really seem as into this type of relationship, or at least... not as much as he is," Suga said as he shifted on his feet, watching the way Iwaizumi covered Oikawa up on the couch. If the boy wasn't asleep yet, he was certain Oikawa would be asleep soon. He had definitely had far too much to drink that night, so he would be out soon enough.

That was when Iwaizumi turned to Suga, and he gave him a look that gave Suga the answer he wanted to know. He wasn't as invested in this. "I'm not. I am doing this for him. But just so you know, even though I am doing it for him, I'm going to be here for you. I want to try this. I want to make things work with you too. I just... I love him so much, Suga..." Iwaizumi said before he turned his eyes back to look at Oikawa. "So much that I considered asking him to marry me," Iwaizumi said.

There was a pause. There was a slight tension in the air that Suga was feeling, and it screamed to Suga that he was definitely intruding in on their relationship. "But now that I've learned this about him, I've put that whole thing on hold. I still want to marry him, but... not if there isn't a way to marry you too," Iwaizumi looked back to Suga. "So I've put that thought on hold for now."

This was all a little much at the time. "Do you know if he wants to get married?" Suga asked as he took a step closer, looking back and forth between Oikawa and Iwaizumi, just trying to figure out if he really belonged or not. He didn't want to intrude if it was going to be too much of a hassle. "Because I can step back if... If you think I'm intruding," Suga said. He wasn't sure if anything was saying had been coming out correctly or not, if he were being completely honest. But he knew that he needed to try to get this across to Iwaizumi. If Iwaizumi wanted Oikawa to himself and thought that he could make Oikawa happier that way, Suga would step back.

"No. Suga, no, you're not intruding. We both asked you to be a part of this. Yes, Tooru wanted to bring you in initially, and I was skeptical at first, but now there is no doubt in my mind that I want you to stay in this with us. There is no doubt in my mind that I am falling for you too, and that I want you here too. He started this with you, and now it will break my heart if we were to ever lose you," Iwaizumi said as he came even closer to Suga. He put his hands on Suga's cheeks and smiled to him. "You are so drunk, aren't you?" Iwaizumi asked softly.

That was when Suga let out a bit of a huff. He was feeling the alcohol, but he wasn't so sure that he was actually drunk. Maybe, though. Maybe he was and he just didn't realize it. That was what alcohol did. Iwaizumi dropped his hands to Suga's sides and he started to rub his hips. "Suga, I need to ask you to make me a promise," Iwaizumi said as he tilted his head.

This conversation sounded to be a little too serious, if he was hearing things correctly. Suga wasn't completely sure that he wanted to hear this, but he also was confused. What was the promise that Iwaizumi wanted him to make? What was going on right now? He definitely remembered this part of their conversation from that night and he blocked out the way that Iwaizumi was making him feel, or the way Iwaizumi smiled at him. He tried to block out that Iwaizumi ever loved him, to make it easier when Iwaizumi passed.

But Iwaizumi did love him. Suga knew it. He just didn't want to admit it to himself, or have that looming over his head. Suga looked at Hajime and cleared his throat a bit, looking over the man with gorgeous features and an even more precious smile. Suga nodded a bit, and he just kept his eyes on his lover. "What is it?" Suga asked quietly before Iwaizumi started.

"I don't think anything is going to happen to me. Or, at least, nothing that I know of is going to happen, but I need you to promise me something very important," Iwaizumi said as he cupped Suga's cheek. Suga leaned his face into Iwaizumi's hand and he smiled back to the man. "Oikawa... is the light of my life and he means the world to me. You would probably cry if you knew half of what we have been through together, but we can tell you later once things start to get a little more serious. I need you to promise me... that if anything happens to me, you will take care of him. I could be dead tomorrow, I could have to move away, or Oikawa and I could break up. He is, and always has been, a lot to deal with, but I would hate myself more knowing that there was nobody there to take care of him if something did happen to me. So Suga, would you please take care of him? If something happens to me, will you take on that responsibility?"

This was the part of the night that Suga hadn't blocked out, and it was the part of the night that Suga knew that he would never forget, for the rest of his life. Even if things didn't work out between himself and Oikawa, he would be there for Oikawa. Regardless of if Oikawa wanted him to be there or not, Suga was going to be there. Sure, his drunk mind probably wanted to tell him to agree to this and the rational part of his brain was telling him to run, because he hadn't been in this for that long. But Oikawa was beginning to become important to him, and Iwaizumi was also important to him. So who was Suga to not make this promise? Who was Suga to throw this away?

What if this would end up being the best decision of his life? Sure, he knew that so many things could possibly go wrong from this, and he knew that things usually didn't work out for him the way he wanted it to, but he knew that he would never know if he didn't try. "When I started this... I knew that it was going to be a lot and I knew that I would never get away with just loving one of you. I would have to love the both of you, whether or not I wanted to. I knew what I was getting into... and I knew it would take a toll on me. Anyway, you probably didn't need that explanation," Suga said and he let out an awkward laugh as Hajime pulled him in a little closer.

Taking a moment, Suga looked into Hajime's eyes and he smiled softly. "I will take care of Oikawa and promise to be there for him, if anything happens to you." Suga nodded and licked his lips. It was at that time that Hajime couldn't pass up the chance to go for those lips, since they seemed to be nice and moist like they were.

The two boys kissed and that was when Suga knew he was way in over his head, but he also knew that he was making the right choice. This was also the part in Suga's mind that had been blocked out. He remembered parts of it, and he knew he would never forget it, but moments later, he would want to.

_It was this entire thing that Suga tried to block out, but he couldn't do anything to block it out completely. It was in this moment, in the moment of Oikawa standing in front of him, that Suga was glad that he hadn't blocked it out completely. He didn't want to forget Hajime like this. He didn't want to forget all of the good memories he had with the man. He couldn't allow himself to forget these things about Hajime. The man was definitely a good man, and Suga would never forget it._

_These memories were all being brought back right now. Sure, he hadn't forgotten about the fight that the two of them had that night, and he would never forget that it was potentially the thing that lead to the accident in the first place, but those thoughts were deep back in his mind right now. All of those thoughts were so far back right now..._

They were so far back as he stared at the man standing in front of him and listened to all of the sweet things that Tooru had been saying. He loved the man with his styled back, sandy-brown hair, his soft and so, so kissable skin, and a smile that he could kiss for weeks and not get tired for a moment. Suga was still trying to figure out what was going on, and his mind was plagued with all of the thoughts of the past. He honestly was beyond surprised right now.

Granted, his surprise may have had to do with the fact that he was exhausted and he was only living on a few hours of sleep at the moment. But that wasn't all his surprise was due to. His surprise had to do with the fact of Tooru saying all of these sweet and kind things, of Tooru getting down onto one knee, of Tooru pulling out a gorgeous ring that Suga hadn't even tried to pay attention to.

He knew where this was leading. He knew that this was leading to some form of serious question, that Suga didn't know he would be able to answer or not. He wasn't sure that he really wanted to hear any of this right now, but he also knew that Oikawa was here, he was asking this question, and this was really happening right now.

Looking down at Oikawa, Suga smiled underneath his hand, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks and dampen his fingers. He didn't know if he really deserved Tooru. He didn't know if he deserved someone as wonderful and loving as the man that was down on one knee in front of him.

Time seemed to move so slowly in that moment. There was no one else in the room at the moment and everything else had just faded into the background. It was just Oikawa there, smiling up to him with fear and wonder on his face and tears in his eyes. Tears that Suga wanted to wipe away.

Suga felt Oikawa squeeze his hand before he continued, and he nodded slowly.

"Koushi, my baby... will you marry me?"

The world stopped. Everything stilled. Nothing was moving, there were no sounds, just nothing at all. Suga wasn't sure he was breathing. He didn't know if he was still alive, and he didn't know if he could make himself answer.

There were gasps happening around the two boys, and the only talking was coming from Bokuto, who was chattering excitedly. But Kenma hit the boy in the background and forced Bokuto to shut up. This was the kind of thing that deserved complete silence, and it was the kind of thing that people didn't just talk through.

As Suga stared down to Oikawa, he dropped his other hand down to Oikawa's cheek, revealing his larger than life smile and he used his thumb to brush away the tears that were gathering on Oikawa's cheeks. The cheeks he knew oh so very well, the cheeks that he loved more than anything else in the world.

Those cheeks belonged to him. Those cheeks were Suga's cheeks, and they were the most precious cheeks of all.

Continuing to wipe the tears off of Tooru's cheeks, Suga took a deep breath and he willed himself to relax for just a moment, because he knew what he was about to do. He knew that he was about to reply to the question that was still hanging in the air.

This was it. This moment was about to end with a simple word. This was all going to come to an end and Suga wasn't sure if he was ready for it to come to an end.

But wasn't it the beginning of something new? Wasn't it the beginning of something that could potentially be beautiful and wonderful? Suga wanted things to become even more beautiful than they already were. Suga wanted things to be more magical, if that were even possible. Tooru already made things wonderful and so very joyous. How was it possible that things could become even more wonderful than they already were? Suga wanted to find out.

Although, now Suga's mind was starting to attack him in a different way. Now he was starting to think that this wasn't such a great idea. Was it really such a great idea for this to be happening? Would Tooru really be able to live through the fact that Koushi wasn't Hajime, and Hajime just wasn't there anymore? Would he really be able to forgive and forget? Suga wasn't completely sold on that fact just yet.

All of the bad times that Tooru and Koushi had gone through had started to flood in Suga's mind at that moment and he looked up, closed his eyes, and started to think. Sure, this was a beautiful moment for the two of them, but what about all of the little fights, what about the pressure of Suga not being Iwaizumi? Would they really be able to work through all of that?

Suga wasn't too sure that he was ready to live through the pressure, he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with the constant struggles of Oikawa fighting with him over what to eat. Was he really willing to go through the constant comparison Oikawa would do subconsciously of him to Iwaizumi?

That was when one of Suga's dreams had come back to him. It was a dream that left Suga silent the following morning and a dream that really got him thinking about things...

\----------

_Suga's mind flashed back to the dream, and it was a dream where he was just sitting with Oikawa. But Iwaizumi was there too. Though Suga knew that Oikawa couldn't see him, and Suga wasn't even meant to be seeing him, so he tried to ignore Iwaizumi for that moment. But Suga was drawn to Iwaizumi. He was glowing, and he was just standing behind Oikawa. He seemed to be watching over him. Even the pages of Oikawa's book, Iwaizumi was there to make sure that Oikawa didn't get a paper cut._

_The act caused Suga to smile a bit sadly. Of course Hajime would be there for Tooru. Of course, why would it be any different? There was no one there for Suga in a time such as this. But it didn't matter, did it?_

_It was right then that Iwaizumi looked straight at Sugawara and smiled to him. He nodded a bit to Suga, but he seemed to be looking behind him. This caused Suga to look behind himself, and he flinched at what he saw._

_"Surprised to see me, Suga?" another Iwaizumi had said, as he smiled down to Suga and put his hand on his shoulder. Suga looked between the two Iwaizumis for a few moments, before he just blinked. "Suga, I am always going to be here for the two of you. I am always watching over both of you, and I am here for both of you. Sure, I've loved Oikawa for longer, but that's only because I didn't know you when I met Oikawa," Iwaizumi said. It seemed that Oikawa and the other Iwaizumi had disappeared, and Suga was left with his Iwaizumi, the one standing behind him._

_Staring at Iwaizumi, Suga tilted his head a bit. "But you should be focusing on him," Suga said sadly, not wanting to admit that fact to himself, not wanting to think about it this way. But things were starting to get a bit too real for him and Suga really didn't want to be having such a deep dream at the moment. "I'm no one to be focusing on, I don't matter. He does though, and I care about him so much... So focus on him, please?"_

_With a sigh, Iwaizumi came to sit in front of Suga, and the boy reached for his hands. Suga gave them over slowly. "I will focus on both of you, because I love both of you. Remember our promise, though? Remember that you're supposed to be taking care of him? I am doing my best here, but there's only so much I can do. You have to do the rest."_

_"But... I'm not you. He can't love me the same as he loves you, Iwa..." Suga looked away and he blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I will never be you, as much as he wants me to be."_

_As Iwaizumi squeezed Suga's hands, he brought them up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Suga missed this about Iwaizumi. He was always so soft and intimate. Even though Suga didn't know him as a lover for too terribly long, Suga had a feeling that he was a romantic man and liked to be soft and sweet with his lovers. At least, Oikawa told stories of Iwaizumi being soft and sweet. "You don't have to be like me. You just have to love him and care for him. Be yourself, and he will love you back. Be yourself, and you will have nothing else to worry about._

_Taking a moment, Suga looked up and Iwaizumi was gone. He was replaced with a smiling Oikawa, and there was no spirit of Iwaizumi hovering behind him. "Hi. I love you," Oikawa said with a smile on his face..._

\----------

That was when Suga sniffled and looked down to Oikawa, the real Oikawa, who was down on one knee and was waiting for a response from Suga. A response that would change everything in their lives.

Taking another deep breath, things were starting to come back into focus. The things in the background were coming back to him, there were finally noises surrounding him, and everything was becoming very real. "He's not going to respond. This is bad. And it's a bad omen for Kuroo's and Daichi's marriage!" Suga heard Bokuto say.

He was then yelping and Kenma was busy sending him dagger eyes. Things were quieting down right then, and Suga could focus on the man who was still knelt down in front of him then. He could focus on the only thing that mattered right then.

Koushi could focus on Tooru.

"T-Tooru, oh my god..." he whispered and he had to take his hand away from Oikawa's cheek, which caused Oikawa to furrow his brow for a second before his face went back to the questioning look it had been. "I love you... so, _so fucking much_..."

"Suga..." Daichi murmured disapprovingly, but he was still smiling for the pair right then. There didn't seem to be a dry eye at the moment.

With another deep breath, Suga opened his mouth to reply finally. This was it. This would be the response to change everything.

"Tooru, my answer is-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can see, the next chapter will definitely be the end. Obviously, I couldn't leave it like that. I mean, Suga has to give an answer still, right?
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this story! I appreciate you guys so much!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER. IT IS FINALLY HERE. I LOVE ALL OF YOU. PLEASE ENJOY THIS.

"Tooru, my answer is... Oh my _God_ , yes!" Suga said as he reached down to pull his lovely boyfriend off of the ground, up to stand so the two boys could embrace.

Once off the ground, Oikawa didn't have to be convinced to lock lips with Suga, and the two boys wrapped up with each other, kissing with all of the love in the universe. The world faded out once again, and they were the only ones that were there, the only ones that either had to focus on. Sure, there was cheering right then and cooing from their friends, but neither Suga nor Oikawa cared at the moment.

As they pulled away, things started to come back into focus. Neither boy had looked away from one another, but they did started to move away from each other to look at one another more fully. Though, there was one order of business that needed to be taken care of, and neither boy had forgotten about it. They were just simply too ecstatic at the moment to break their focus of one another.

Oikawa had lifted the ring up from where it had been resting in his pocket, and he reached for Suga's hand. "If you don't like this one, the girl I bought it from said it would be easy enough to exchange and-"

"Are you serious? I'm not exchanging the ring. It's the one you picked out for me, of course I love it," Suga said as he finally glanced down to the ring, breaking his gaze from Oikawa.

In all seriousness, Suga did enjoy the look and style of the ring. It was a bronze color, and there were diamonds along the top of ring, right in the band, not sticking out like a typical engagement ring. That did make the band a bit thicker, but that didn't matter to Suga. It was a really nice ring. Sure, Suga would have preferred silver or white gold, but he wasn't going to be picky about any of this. He loved the ring that Oikawa had picked out. It was really nice.

Finally, Oikawa had slid the ring onto Suga's ring finger, and Suga smiled at how perfectly it fit on his finger. He wondered what Oikawa had to go through in order to figure out his ring size. But it was a perfect fit, and Suga couldn't help but lean up to kiss Oikawa's lips once more after that. It was a shorter kiss, but it was still sweet and loving. Suga was so in love, and his heart was filled with so much joy at the moment. It was such a beautiful thing. "What did you have to do to get the ring to fit like this? It's about perfect, really."

Taking a moment, Oikawa smiled to Suga and shrugged a bit. "Oh, you know, they gave me a piece of rope and they had me tie it around your finger to get them a measurement. It was pretty simple. I did it while you were sleeping. But if it's not quite right, we can go get it resized, okay?" Oikawa said as he took Suga's hand and held onto it, the one that wasn't wearing the ring to allow Suga to inspect the ring further.

Looking down at the ring and running his thumb over it, Suga smiled to think that Oikawa would go through all of this for him. He had a boyfriend, now fiancé, that cared so much. He felt very fortunate at the moment and he wanted to wrap up his wonderful boy in as much love as he could.

There was still a bit of a lingering sensation in Sugawara's chest that told him that there was still something missing, that something wasn't quite right. He chose to ignore it for the time being, because there was something else more important nagging at him right at that very moment that needed to be addressed. "Oh, oh! Thank you, for doing this _here_ , of all places, by the way. I would have been a real jerk if I had declined your proposal at a wedding of all places," Suga said as he let out a bit of a laugh and started to smirk.

It seemed that no one was really focused on them anymore and the photos continued, even though they were still standing in the way. The wedding group just moved to a different part of the room to take photos, which Oikawa and Suga were both very grateful for at the given time.

"Why do you think I did it here? I was trying to guarantee a yes out of this," Oikawa said with a bit of his own smirk, winking to Suga. "But I just thought it would be most romantic here."

With a scoff, Suga smacked Oikawa's arm, but he still had a smile on his lips. "You know, I hate you sometimes," Suga said as he leaned up to Oikawa's lips and he kissed the man, pulling him in and keeping their lips attached. "I'm just glad that my love for you outweighs any amount I hate you," Suga replied against Oikawa's lips, feeling Oikawa's hands go to Suga's suit jacket and pull it in towards his chest, just a little closer.

The two boys were pressed together relatively tight, just holding onto one another and unwilling to break apart their embrace. "I'm glad your love outweighs your hate for me, too. It would be really awkward if it didn't," he said as he knocked his forehead into Suga's, closing his eyes. "Really though, I love you. So, so very much."

As things started to wrap up with the photos, the photographer asked the two boys who had gotten engaged to pose and stand with one another. Suga posed with his ring hand and they took a kissing photo as well. They stood with both grooms and joined in with the rest of the wedding party for photos before they went to go take a car to the wedding reception.

That was when Suga's lingering feeling of being incomplete came back, and Suga had to think about what he was feeling, because he needed this sensation to go away. It had something to do with Hajime, he knew that now, but he just wasn't sure what it was right then. As he began to think about it a little bit more, he was jerked from his thoughts when he felt a hand go on his arm and he looked over to see his lover, smiling at him. "We're here," Tooru said before he opened up the door and got out of the car.

The two boys walked into the reception hall and the reception dinner started. They had dinner and it was all fine. Better than fine. Finally, the dancing started, so the two boys stood on the dance floor, slow dancing and holding each other. Then, when the time was right, when Suga looked up to Oikawa, he started to speak his mind about this whole thing. "So was this... what you went to his grave for? You went to go ask his permission to marry me?" Suga asked, pushing himself a little closer to his loving boy.

Nodding, Oikawa pressed his lips to the top of Suga's head and he hummed. "That's exactly what I went to go do. I know it's still just all coincidence, but it really felt like he was there with me, answering me and telling me that it was okay. I mean, the moment I tried to ask, the wind blew again. And when I told him I still wasn't sure, it was still. But then when I asked if he was okay with it, the wind blew again. Just like it did a while ago when we went to visit him."

This whole thing still surprised Suga a bit, and he wondered if Oikawa was going to need Iwaizumi's permission to do other things in life too. It wasn't like it was that important, and sure, it would be nice to get the confirmation, but there was no way they knew if they were actually talking to Iwaizumi and he was actually responding. It seemed to be something a bit too spiritual for the two of them.

But there was another lingering question inside of Suga at the time. "So... I know I haven't brought this up in a while, but now that we are getting married... _wow, we are getting married..._ But anyway, I feel this is an important question to ask. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but... Shit, I still need to know. Babe, do you still... or are you still... Are you still poly? I still think it's very valid, but... How would it work if we were married? How would we add people into our relationship at that point? I just... I want to know what I'm agreeing to, even though I've already agreed and I'm not going to take back my answer..."

There was so much worry running through Suga right now. Everything seemed to be coming out in a jumbled mess. He loved Oikawa, and he wanted to be everything for him, but Suga wasn't sure that he could do the same thing that Iwaizumi had done and allowed someone else into their relationship for him. Suga wasn't sure he was capable of going that far. He wasn't sure he would be able to take the jealousy of having to share, of not getting all of Oikawa's love. Sure, he could handle it with Iwaizumi and Oikawa, but that was because he was the one that was added into the relationship. He wasn't sure he could handle it if it was someone else being added in.

Maybe he wouldn't know until he met the person, but it was still a daunting idea.

With a breath, Oikawa shook his head. "I'll tell you the same thing I told you back then. I loved Iwaizumi. I loved him with all of my heart. Hajime meant everything to me. But, there were things missing. You filled those voids and you also fill the other parts he provided. Sure, there are some differences, and there are some things that could stand to be changed still, but you are everything to me, Suga. You are all I see. You... are all I want in life. I don't need and will never need anyone else," Oikawa said.

That was where the confusion lied for Suga, but he took a moment and he regained himself. He was still swaying with Oikawa to dance, feeling really comfortable between his arms at the moment. "So what does this mean about... about you being poly?"

A pause was in the air. The only sounds were soft chattering and the sound of the music around them. "Maybe I thought I was poly with Iwaizumi, and he is more than enough and was everything to me. But... I just don't think he was quite everything I needed. He loved me, and I know he did. But he just... didn't love me the ways I needed, and I don't know that I could ever be everything he needed either. You on the other hand... you are. So, even though I do still feel poly every once and a while, you are everything I need and I am more than comfortable with having just you. I'm still poly inside, but it's similar to... to how if a bisexual male ends up in a relationship with a female. That doesn't automatically make him straight. Maybe it's not exactly the same, but similar. Either way, if you marry me, I am going to be comfortable with monogamy. You mean the absolute world to me and I kind of don't want to share you with anyone," Oikawa said.

When Oikawa had said that, Suga smiled gently and he closed his eyes. "If you are absolutely sure, I am okay with this. I just don't want you to... hide parts of you, if you still feel you are poly, is all. So are you sure?"

"I am absolutely positive, babe. I don't want anyone else to have you and I don't want anyone else. You are it for me."

Something told Suga that this wasn't the actual truth, and that something was going to come back around and bite Suga, but he had to be hopeful that this was what it was. He had to hope that Oikawa wasn't going to hide anything from him anymore, that he was going to be as honest and as truthful as he could be. "As long as you know that if you do feel still poly, you can come talk to me about it and we will figure something out," Suga said. Oikawa nodded and hummed gently.

After a few moments, the music switched gears to a line dance, and the two boys removed themselves from the dance floor. They didn't want to get caught up in all of that. Even though it was always a crowd joy, neither of the boys were in the correct mood to take part in a line dance. It seemed that Daichi and Kuroo were enjoying themselves with it, which was really all that mattered.

As Oikawa and Suga took a seat back at their table, Suga leaned his head on Oikawa's shoulder. "Marry me?" Suga asked quietly, a smile on his cheeks.

"I don't think I can. There's a ring on your finger, I don't want your partner to get mad at me," Oikawa said and he nudged Suga's shoulder.

"Nah, he won't get mad. Though, he's really great. That's why he won't get mad though, because he's just that great,kind of like you," Suga murmured and he laced his fingers with his wonderful fiancé's fingers. They fit very snug together and they seemed to be a very nice fit.

The night continued on, and the two boys just sat with each other for a little while longer, because they were so in love and so happy with the events from the night. "Can we... stop by Iwaizumi's grave tonight? I want to make sure he's okay with me marrying you. I know you already asked, but I feel like I need my own confirmation. It's not that I don't trust your word on this, I just... think I need to-"

"Of course, dear. We can stop by. He was your boyfriend too, after all. I don't blame you for wanting to know if this is right. I feel it is, and I was sure when I went to go ask him about this that I wanted to ask you to marry me, but it's a nice feeling to know, either way," Oikawa said.

He was being very supportive at the given moment, and Suga felt his heart buzz and pound with the knowledge of Oikawa being there for him, of the man actually supporting him through all of this.

It had been such a long, twisting road anyway, and Suga knew that from the very beginning, it would be one filled with speed bumps and tough splits. He wasn't exactly prepared for one of the roads to be completely closed down, but it had happened, and Suga had made it through with Oikawa and they took a bumpy detour to get back on the right path. But they had made it.

There was a voice being cleared and both Oikawa and Suga turned to look behind them. Daichi was standing there, and he was sporting a smile. He looked a little drunk if Suga was being completely honest, but he didn't think that anyone cared if Daichi or Kuroo were drunk at the moment. "Can I steal my best man for a moment?" Daichi asked when he looked at Oikawa.

Nodding, Oikawa slipped out of his chair and he started to walk towards the dance floor, without asking why Daichi needed Suga, or without questioning what was going on. Daichi took a seat in Oikawa's chair and he clapped his hands on Suga's shoulders. "Suga! I'm married!" Daichi said in a cheerful tone.

Letting out a laugh, Suga nodded and he smiled to Daichi, wondering where this conversation was going to go next. "You are! Kuroo is a great man. He will treat you well," Suga said as he turned his eyes back to his drink and he picked up his glass of wine. "So what's up?" Suga asked, knowing that this couldn't have been the only thing that Daichi wanted to come talk about.

"Are you happy?" Daichi asked suddenly and rather bluntly. Suga rose an eyebrow and he turned his eyes back to his former lover's eyes, watching as a sad expression started to form on his face. What did Daichi mean? Of course Suga was happy.

Taking a breath, Suga put his hands on Daichi's hands and pulled them off of his shoulders. "Of course I am! Why do you ask?" Suga asked, wanting to know where all of this was coming from.

After a few moments, Daichi sighed and he looked down to his hands, which were still in Suga's hands. "Because... shouldn't we be together? Don't I belong with you?" Daichi asked in a haze.

This was going to be a more difficult conversation than Suga was anticipating, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to handle this version of sad Daichi right now. Suga bit his lip and he shook his head. "No, Dai. You don't belong with me. Sure, we are great friends and I won't ever let you go anywhere without making sure I'm still in your life, but you are happy with Kuroo. He is a great man for you and he is going to treat you so well, Daichi. I belong with Tooru. You belong with Tetsu," Suga said in as sure of a voice as he could make himself use. He knew it was the truth, but he just wasn't sure that he himself believed it.

Groaning, Daichi leaned back and threw his hands into the air. "How do you know, though! We haven't tried getting married or we never tried starting a real life together! How do you know you belong with Oikawa? How do you know I belong with Kuroo?"

Taking a moment, Suga closed his eyes and shook his head. How did he know? Honestly, Suga wasn't sure how he knew. He just did know.

"Because of the look on Kuroo's face when he looks at you," a voice said from their side. Suga looked up to see Oikawa standing there, and he was wearing a soft, genuine smile. "He looks at you like you are the only one he can see. He looks at you with love and care, and like he knows you are the one for him. He looks at you like he's in love. That's how _I_ know, anyway," Oikawa said.

It filled Suga's heart to know that Oikawa cared about Daichi that much to say something like that. It was a very sweet and caring thing for Oikawa to say, and Suga didn't realize that Oikawa had cared that much about Daichi, or that he had picked up on something like that. After what had happened between the two of them, Suga wasn't sure that the two of them were ever going to be able to fix their relationship. But this just proved that Oikawa was trying and wanted to fix their relationship.

That meant everything to Suga.

"And I know because of how you talk about him. I know because of the twinkle you get in your eye when someone brings him up. You play it cool, but the moment someone brings up Kuroo, you turn soft," Suga said when he turned his eyes away from Oikawa. He smiled to Daichi and squeezed his hands. "I belong with Tooru, and you belong with Kuroo. It makes sense, Dai."

Finally, Daichi's shoulders relaxed and sagged, and he was back to his smiling, happy self. "He is great, isn't he?" Daichi asked as he looked up to Suga once more, finally pulling his hands away from Suga. "Thanks, Suga, I needed to hear that. And thank you, Oikawa. I'm sorry that I tried to steal your man from you. You've got a good one here," Daichi said as he stood. "I'll let you have him back now while I go find my own man," Daichi said. "My _husband_."

Once Daichi disappeared, Oikawa took a seat once more and he pulled Suga closer and hugged him, holding him close. Suga sunk into his arms and he hummed gently. "Thank you for saying those things. He needed that. Are the two of you better?" Suga asked as he pulled away gently to look at Oikawa with an inquisitive look on his face.

Shrugging, Oikawa smiled to Suga and leaned in so he could capture Suga's lips with his own. They kissed sweetly and slowly, before Oikawa pulled away and opened his mouth to breathe and speak. "He's important to you, so I figured I had two choices. I could either continue to dismiss him, or I could try to put our differences aside and actually form some sort of relationship with him. I decided on that latter. It seems to be working," Oikawa said as he leaned into his chair.

Humming, Suga did the same and leaned back. "I love you so much," Suga said.

"I sure hope so. If not, the wedding is going to be really awkward," Oikawa joked as he turned his head back to Suga and grinned. "I love you, too. More than you know."

The reception only lasted for another hour or so, and the two boys started to get ready to leave. They did have to help clean up afterward, but after being shooed out of the reception hall and being told to go celebrate their engagement five or six times, they finally left the building.

Oikawa looked down to his boyfriend and he pulled him close. "Did you still want to go visit his grave?"

That was when the world stilled for a moment. Suga thought about it, and he bit on his lip. It wasn't that he didn't trust Oikawa. It wasn't that he needed to ask someone to know that he wanted to marry Oikawa. He just wanted to get some peace of mind, to feel in his own spirit that this was the right thing to do. "Are you awake enough to do it tonight? It doesn't have to happen tonight," Suga asked.

"I would much rather it happened tonight. I mean, we're not officially engaged yet, until you know for sure that you're okay with doing this," Oikawa said. "I want to say that we are, but I know that you need confirmation for yourself."

Eventually, Suga nodded and he took a bit of a breath. "Yeah, I think it would be best to do it tonight. If that is okay with you, anyway," Suga said with a bit of a hum.

The two boys got into the car that was meant to take them home, and they asked the driver to take them to the cemetery instead. There was just something they needed to do still, and the driver seemed to understand. They were going to do this, and they needed it to happen now. "Suga, do you want me to wait in the car? It's up to you, sweetheart," Oikawa said as he squeezed Suga's hand and they started to pull into the cemetery.

With a heavy breath, Suga nodded slowly. "As much as I want you to be anywhere I am with me, I think I might have to do this alone, if that's okay..." Suga said as he pulled his hand away from Oikawa's.

That was when Oikawa nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to Suga's cheek before allowing him to get out of the car. He was out of the car and he started to walk towards the gravestone of Hajime's.

The car had kept some distance, and Suga was thankful for that at the time. There was no chance of Oikawa knowing what he spoke to Hajime about now.

As he found the stone, Suga gave a smile and he gave a silent prayer before he knelt down. "Hi, Iwa... Hajime, babe. How are you?" Suga asked.

Silence filled the air, and Suga knew that Hajime was trying to let Suga speak. He was grateful for that. At least, that was what it felt like anyway. "I'm... I'm not so good. As you already know, Tooru... he proposed to me today. And I love that he did, I love that he wants to be with me forever and that... and that he loves me that much to even consider something like that. But Iwa... is it the right thing to do?"

There was silence once again, and Suga sighed, not knowing that that really meant. There was no wind, there were no sounds, nothing. It was pretty quiet tonight. "I just... Hajime, I don't know if it's the right move to make because... I don't know if you are okay with me marrying him. I want to, because I love him, but... you never got the chance to marry him. You didn't get the opportunity to have him the way you wanted to, and... I feel that if I were to marry him, I would just be trying to take your place. I could never take your place..."

Suga could feel tears start to prick in his eyes. "I need to know if you are okay with me marrying him. I love him so much and I want to. I want to do right by him. I want to love him for the rest of my life. But... I won't if you aren't okay with it. Iwa... are you okay w-"

It was right then that the largest gust of wind hit Suga, causing him to shiver and wrap his arms around himself. Tears were still falling, but Suga smiled. The wind stopped, and Suga shook his head. "So is that a yes? You want me to marry To-" the wind blew again before Suga could even finish Oikawa's name. It caused Suga to laugh and he reached out to touch Hajime's grave stone. "I miss you, I hope you realize that. But I am going to take care of him, just like I promised. You are so important to both of us. I love you," Suga said before standing up. He adjusted the flowers that had been laying in front of his stone. He noticed that they were wilting a bit, but they still looked nice. Oikawa or Suga would come put other flower in front of his stone on another day. Hajime deserved it.

With a bit of a sigh and a smile, Suga finally started to walk back to the car and he got back into the back seat. Oikawa looked at him with a curious look, and Suga knew he was going to ask what happened. It seemed silly that Suga looked for answers in a gravestone. It seemed silly that he would bother looking for answers in something he didn't fully understand. But as the two boys looked at each other, Suga reached for Oikawa's hand and pulled it to his lips to kiss it. "We're engaged. He wants me to marry you," Suga said with a smile on his face.

Oikawa didn't wait to show his excitement. He pulled Suga's head towards his own and gave the boy a kiss, showing his love right then and there. They kissed for quite some time, and Oikawa hummed a bit against Suga's lips. "I love you so much," Oikawa said when he pulled away.

"I love you too," Suga said. He really did. Suga really loved Oikawa. Oikawa really loved Suga. "Let's go home."

They really did love each other.

Things were healed as well as they could have been. Everything seemed right once more.

\----------

This ending isn't to say that every single story that involves death has a happy ending to accompany it. This story isn't to say healing will ever really happen. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things can be very difficult when it comes to the loss of a loved one.

But there is always hope. The end doesn't always have to be a miserable, bitter one. The ending can be happy. The ending can close on a cheerful, major note.

This story does certainly close on a happy note.

Maybe yours can end on a happy note, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be such an emotional goodbye. Wow. I don't really know what to say.
> 
> So I have been working on this very fic for more than a year now. It has been going on for that long. The idea spawned more than two years ago, actually. But the ending is finally here. I appreciate all of you for reading it, I appreciate all of you for sticking with it.
> 
> I would give shout outs, but there are so many to give. So the only one I am going to give is to you lovely readers. Thank you so much for standing by me with this fic. This has been a roller coaster. You all are the absolute best and you deserve everything. I hope you enjoyed that ending. Feel free to check out any of my other works, and I will be starting two more fics soon, now that this one is done.
> 
> Ginny out!


End file.
